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March 2014 Moms
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MIL RANT - How dare we? How dare she!

lopezalonsolopezalonso member
in March 2014 Moms
So quick backstory... DH and I moved on Saturday. Prior to that my mom, MIL, and I were cleaning the house for three days. Unfortunately my dad couldn't help out with the move on Saturday because he had to work so he volunteered to help out on Sunday. My FIL, BIL, MIL, mom, brother, and some friends helped us move on Saturday and my FIL ended up throwing out his back. My plan for Sunday was to start unpacking and building some of the baby stuff that had been in boxes for months.

Prior to the move, my MIL practically forced this 30 year old cradle that DH slept in for our baby to use. I thought it was a bit outdated but I respected her wishes to use the heirloom. She apparently told DH on Saturday night, "Don't you dare build the cradle without us." I was not a part of this conversation. Well... come Sunday, my father and brother helped DH build stuff and one of the things they built was the cradle. So MIL comes over to our house in the afternoon and I excitedly tell her how much progress we've made. She starts yelling in front of my family about how could we have built the cradle without them and isn't it funny how they are asked to be a part of the hard work but get left out of the "fun family things". Umm, as far as I'm concerned this new baby belongs to the family of DH, myself, and baby. I was SO angry. I thought it was so inappropriate for her to react that way, especially in front of my family and best friend. I felt so bad for DH because I thought she might have embarrassed him and made him feel bad -- he was just excited to put things together and had forgotten that she wanted him to do it with his dad. I even said to her, non-sarcastically, "we can take it apart" and her reply was "well that's just moronic." Apparently she thought I was teasing her but I was being serious. She then proceeded to drag this whole thing out for hours and hours and at one point began to cry in another room more and more loudly. I hid out. I was so uncomfortable. I was not in a place to provide comfort. I was offended. She even said, sarcastically, "Yeah, there will be many more opportunities to build once in a lifetime memories for the first grandchild." Umm, of course there will be! 

I think it's ok to be upset about whatever makes you upset but there are more appropriate ways of handling your emotions. First of all, don't have an outburst in front of my family, you can speak to your son in private. Second, you don't involve my family in a discussion of why you think it's wrong they helped to build things and you didn't. Third, if you can't control yourself and you're going to be upset for hours, go be upset in your own home. She ruined my evening with my family. Near the end of the night she cornered me in the laundry room to have a circular conversation about why she was upset. There was no escape so I told her exactly what I thought. We ended up hugging but I am still upset and it is bothering me a lot more than I thought it would. Ugh, I just want to hide out. I feel so angry and uncomfortable. 
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Re: MIL RANT - How dare we? How dare she!

  • lopezalonsolopezalonso member
    May I add that we were also berated for not attending church. Now that we moved we will go to the same church so that's how they know we weren't there... *SMH*  
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  • clo1982clo1982 member
    Wow that is quite an outburst over such a minor thing on her part! I guess if she isn't like this normally, and it was out of character, I'd just chalk it up to a bad day and move on. I think it's good that you told her how you actually felt instead of dancing around the fact that she made everyone uncomfortable over a very insignificant thing. It probably doesn't do any good to hold a grudge or even to bring it up again...what's done is done. If it's a normal occurence for her to behave like this, it may be worthwhile to have a sit down with her, FIL and DH about how you and DH will be making decisions, big and small for your family and while you are happy that she wants to be included, ultimately you don't expect a dramatic outburst everytime something doesn't go her way. She embarassed herself more than anything, so maybe just give the whole incident a slow head shake and move on with life!
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  • huskymomma94huskymomma94 member
    Yikes. I understand her being disappointed, but she definitely overreacted. 


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  • kmeyers0611kmeyers0611 member
    clo1982 said:
    Wow that is quite an outburst over such a minor thing on her part! I guess if she isn't like this normally, and it was out of character, I'd just chalk it up to a bad day and move on. I think it's good that you told her how you actually felt instead of dancing around the fact that she made everyone uncomfortable over a very insignificant thing. It probably doesn't do any good to hold a grudge or even to bring it up again...what's done is done. If it's a normal occurence for her to behave like this, it may be worthwhile to have a sit down with her, FIL and DH about how you and DH will be making decisions, big and small for your family and while you are happy that she wants to be included, ultimately you don't expect a dramatic outburst everytime something doesn't go her way. She embarassed herself more than anything, so maybe just give the whole incident a slow head shake and move on with life!
    All of this! Plus, with the church thing... doesn't your church offer services at different times? How would they know if you just aren't going to a different service than them? That would drive me nuts... I'm so glad we live 2+ hours from our families sometimes!


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  • kelley72kelley72 member
    uhm yes sorry she acted out, more sorry you allowed her to upset you!  Ughh it is sooo hard to be a comforter of other's when I am stressed out too!  Hope you are better today and let her be upset if she chooses but you don't have to!
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  • KTdid81KTdid81 member
    She definitely overreacted.  Sorry she made you feel uncomfortable.
    Married 4-26-2011  Me 31 DH 28  
    TTC since 12/2011  
    5/4/13-IUI #1=BFN,  6/3/13-IUI #2=BFN, 7/1/2013-IUI #3=BFP!!!
    Little Man arrived 3/28/14 at 10:32pm
    9 lb 1 oz & 21 3/4 inches



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  • teaforthreeteaforthree member
    Oh man, that's upsetting.  I don't blame you one bit for how you feel.  Your MIL's emotions and behavior were way out of line.  Since you already told her what you think, I guess there's nothing you can do but hope she will come to her senses and chill out.  If she's not normally like this, maybe you can give her the benefit of the doubt that your due date is close and her emotions are running high (esp if it's her first grandchild).  If this is her norm, perhaps try to figure out how to prevent her from having any outbursts like this at the hospital or in the early weeks while you and your H are adjusting to being a new family of three, so she doesn't ruin your memories. 
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  • lopezalonsolopezalonso member
    kmeyers0611 said:
    clo1982 said:
    Wow that is quite an outburst over such a minor thing on her part! I guess if she isn't like this normally, and it was out of character, I'd just chalk it up to a bad day and move on. I think it's good that you told her how you actually felt instead of dancing around the fact that she made everyone uncomfortable over a very insignificant thing. It probably doesn't do any good to hold a grudge or even to bring it up again...what's done is done. If it's a normal occurence for her to behave like this, it may be worthwhile to have a sit down with her, FIL and DH about how you and DH will be making decisions, big and small for your family and while you are happy that she wants to be included, ultimately you don't expect a dramatic outburst everytime something doesn't go her way. She embarassed herself more than anything, so maybe just give the whole incident a slow head shake and move on with life!
    All of this! Plus, with the church thing... doesn't your church offer services at different times? How would they know if you just aren't going to a different service than them? That would drive me nuts... I'm so glad we live 2+ hours from our families sometimes!
    Ha!! Because she is a church lady, my BIL sings in the choir, and FIL doesn't always attend the same mass as MIL and BIL. So between the three of them, they've got it covered. Crazy. I know.
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  • lopezalonsolopezalonso member
    edited February 2014
    Ugh, last night was just disgusting. @farmboyswife I'm surprised DH is able to be such a caring and loving husband after having to deal with these overdramatic and manipulative spectacles all his life. She's usually ok but when she loses it, she loses it for super minor things. She has adult tantrums that are meant to be manipulative whether she realizes it or not. Her behaviors are not getting her what she wants though so maybe she's just dysregulated. 

    I'm going to go get some pretty new bathroom rugs for my new bathroom and hope the shopping pushes this out of my memory.
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  • kstar83kstar83 member
    edited February 2014
    this is one of my biggest pet peeves in life. Yes people are allowed to get upset over things that may seem trivial to us. We don't know everything. HOWEVER, your (or in this case your MIL's) feelings are yours to deal with, not everyone elses'. Yes you are allowed to express them, but it is not my DUTY to make you feel better.

    My mom did this not too long ago, brought up all sorts of crap that i guess she had been holding on to from her and my father's divorce and put it on me like it was all my fault for not being appreciative enough of her at my baby shower. Made me feel like crap, and in reality it was her that needed to work through her feelings. Not me.

    Deal with your own issues people!! Do not expect other people to solve crap for you. We all have our own crap to wade through.

    I agree that at a certain point it is just manipulative and trying to make other people feel badly for what was n honest mistake. It was not done on purpose. But if You had thrown a fit like this, it would be all about how hormonal you are, blah blah blah...
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  • fish8412fish8412 member
    Your MIL is acting like my third grade students.  She should be embarrassed of her behavior.  If I were you, I would not have her over to your house between now and delivery.  You don't need any of that drama.  
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  • CurlieWhirlieCurlieWhirlie member
    You know, incidents like this should be good reminders to those of us who have sons — when it comes to feeling involved in pregnancy and birth of your son's children, it's a lot harder to be parents of the father (obviously — I don't mind support from my own mother, but birth is an intimate body thing, so it's a little weird if it's my MIL). So let's all remember that being crazy and emotional about it in a non-productive way is not going to actually help that relationship!
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  • coreyelizcoreyeliz member
    Sorry you had to deal with that.  That is rough!  My MIL does things that are meant to be manipulative too, and they backfire on her as well.  Why don't these ladies learn?  Honestly, I think it's because they know they won't get their way, so they try something underhanded.  Not impressive MILs.  Not impressive.
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  • sebullowssebullows member
    Freaking mother in laws. Ugh. Sorry you had to go through that.
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  • lopezalonsolopezalonso member
    CHalePhoto said:
    Sorry to sidetrack but @WisconsinCheese12 did I read that right?  Your MIL bought a video monitor and wants you to turn it on so SHE can view your LO with the monitor app?  Wow.  
    Yeah, can we have a side discussion about this? Because this is creepy.
    Have all the discussions about this 'wtf' moment you want, but for the love of god don't tell my MIL such a thing exists! I'm already paranoid about creepy spying and hidden cameras...
    I agree that this is creepy and I too would like my MIL to NEVER find out this exists... *shudder*
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