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August 2014 Moms
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Being raised by a single parent

NSAbbyNSAbby member
in August 2014 Moms

I didn't want to go completely off topic in the other thread.

Has anyone else lost one or both parents?  (for whichever reason: death, divorce, etc)

Is anyone else missing a parent or close family member, going through this pregnancy?

 

My dad was widowed when we were still little.  It was one of those things that became our reality, and we just never really questioned it.

It wasn't until I started dating my now-husband, and getting engaged, and so on, that I started realizing how much I missed out on.

I was fortunate to have an awesome SIL to talk to, and plan things out with, as my MIL and I just don't jive well.

But in the category of having kids, it definitely feels like a more profound loss than before.

Not just for me, but for my dad, and the baby as well.

 

From all I've ever heard/know about my mom, she would be one of those crafty grandmothers, always making something fun, or baking something delicious.

I know my MIL will be good with our kids, I just know that there will be something missing.

 

 

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Baby Girl born 7/9/2014 at 34.5wks

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Re: Being raised by a single parent

  • NSAbbyNSAbby member

    Sorry, I get these "profound" thought-processes at the most random times.

     

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    Baby Girl born 7/9/2014 at 34.5wks

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  • chase16chase16 member
    Well, I have never lost a parent, but your question seems to be about grandparents and I fan relate, so I'll answer. My moms parents weren't local, so we only saw them once a year. My dad's family lived a few hours away, so we so them more often, but his parents weren't particularly warm grandparents. (They were more of the children should be seen and not heard variety). While I know that some people are very close to their extended families, I never was, and don't feel like I missed out. My family was very active in our church community, and I had plenty of adopted aunts and grandparents who loved me and treated me like their own. I think as long as you have community it will be ok. I'm sorry for your loss tho. I couldn't imagine how hard that was.
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  • NSAbbyNSAbby member
    noodles84 said:
    My mother was killed in a car accident when I was only 8 weeks pregnant with my daughter.  She would have been a fabulous grandmother and she would have been thrilled. My Dad is involved with my daughter. Her other grandparents live in another state. It can be kind of sad sometimes feeling like we don't have much of an extended family. My daughter doesn't know the difference though,

    Growing up, our extended family was old (70s+) and not very child-friendly because of various medical conditions, but we had road trips and met who we could; we had our aunt, and several others who we saw often.

    Now, our extended family consists of my brother and niece, my dad, my MIL, and two SILs.

    And everyone is within 2hrs of here.

     

    Its partly about LO not growing up around family, and partly me wishing we had more family for LO to meet and know.

    My "adoptive" family (all our coworkers and their families) are awesome, and can tell our kids all sorts of stories about us.  But who's going to be able to tell them about our lineage, aside from my dad?

    I feel like we lose part of our heritage with each passing generation, especially when our mother was an only child, and we don't have very many stories from her side.

     

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    Baby Girl born 7/9/2014 at 34.5wks

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  • rockyrollgirlrockyrollgirl member
    My situation is different. It is a long story so I will try to sum it up the best I can.

    Mom and Dad hated each other, but stayed together "for the kids".
    During that time life was hell.
    They finally split when I graduated high school. 
    He lives halfway across the country with another family.
    While sometimes it bothers me, I just remember that my ILs are amazing people. 
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  • NSAbbyNSAbby member
    Jentech84 said:
    I can't relate personally, but my SIL lost her mom a few years ago to cancer, just a few months shy of her wedding. She's three weeks further along than me right now. Our MIL is a useless drunk so my mom offered to help her out while pregnant if she needs a mom to talk to and to help at their place when baby comes. If our actual birthing dates are closer my mom will be with her & my dad with me.

    Your mom ROCKS!

    I love her already, lol!

     

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    Baby Girl born 7/9/2014 at 34.5wks

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  • happylady07happylady07 member
    Since you seem to be referring to the grandparent aspect I will chime in there. I had a very close relationship with my dad's parents, they were still in their early 50s when I was born (first grand kid on that side) and lived close to us, so were very active and involved in our lives. They were the ones who watched us when my parents went on a quick solo vacation, were at our sports games, graduations, we spent most Saturdays at their house growing up, and I still would visit them often in my late 20s and talk to them on the phone. They both recently passed away, and it has been a huge loss to my brother and I.

    My cousins who were born in my teens didn't have the same closeness to them, as they lived much further away and my grandparents didn't have the energy to be as active with them as kids as they were with us, since they were much older when they were born.

    As for my mom's parents, I have always known my grandma as she also lives relatively close, but I am one of nearly 20 cousins on that side so we aren't as close. My mom had no relationship with her father (who was divorced from her mom right around when I was born) and purposely didn't allow him to ever meet us, he passed away sometime in the past 7 years or so. It was never strange that I didn't have a grandpa on that side of the family, it was just the way it was, as a kid I never even thought about it, and didn't even get curious about him until I was an adult.
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  • PsyDr04PsyDr04 member
    My mom was a single parent. I never knew my dad (they were not married) and she never married after their relationship ended. From my understanding, he was pretty abusive toward her. I've never felt that my son (or the little one I'm pregnant with now) would miss out on having another grandpa. My son is very attached to his Papa (husband's dad). What I wish most of all is that my grandfather could have lived to meet his great-grandchildren. I loved him with all of my heart and he was my father figure growing up. He died 10 years ago and I regret that my children will never be able to meet him and truly know what a special, wonderful man he was. 
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  • mjmaine723mjmaine723 member
    My mother passed when my brother and I were teenagers. I have recently felt the loss harder, even though it's been 14+ years, knowing how excited she would be about a grandchild.

    Our family is very lucky that my dad has found a wonderful woman to be his partner in life now, and I know she will be an excellent step-grandparent (though we will refer to her as ya-ya as she requested, since there is no need to confuse the kid with the whole "step") thing. The child will be very loved no matter what. My family misses my mom, and we talk about her a lot at gatherings, so I know as LO grows up, s/he will learn about the grandma s/he'll never meet.

    It's awful that life can't be beautiful all the time, but I feel fortunate to have a loving family that will honor my mom's memory and love the baby. And I feel doubly fortunate that LO will have a ya-ya that will love him/her like it was her own grandchild.

    I hope you can embrace the happy and let go of the "missing" feeling. I don't know the answer to that as I'm still trying to find it myself.

    I don't know if I expressed myself very well, but that's all I can do right now without crying at work. Haha.
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  • HeatherHam10HeatherHam10 member
    My dad was never a part of my life so my mom raised my sister and I alone. She did the best she could which wasnt always easy but we managed to get by and didnt go without. As I have grown up and gotten married I have noticed the impact of not having a father has had on my life and the mistakes Ive made and I think it has allowed me to pick a man who will be an amazing father.

    So sorry for all of those who have lost parents or gone without. It isnt easy.
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    After 4+ years TTC

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  • schnookeeschnookee member
    My parents were divorced when I was very young. They were still around and I saw them a few times a year but my grandparents ended up raising me. Unfortunately they both passed before I had kids. They were amazing and I think about how wonderful it would have been for them and my kids to be a part of each others lives. My parents are still in the picture but they just don't compare to what my grandparents were, I just hope I can be for my grand kids what they were for me.
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