Phone call with EM

emca · February 2014

We are so excited that this week we were chosen by expectant parents!!! We have a phone call with the EM this week and then hopefully a visit with them in the next few weeks. I'm trying to put together a list of questions just so I'm prepared. I know I'm going to be a nervous wreck! Does anyone have suggestions about appropriate questions/ conversation topics for the first call? I don't want to be too scripted and want to be myself, but I'm so afraid I'm going to sound like an idiot since I'll be nervous! I just want to be somewhat prepared! Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.

sgb721 · February 2014

I don't have any suggestions but I have everything crossed that things go well!!!!

emca · February 2014

She is due in July, so we have lots of time. She has chosen us and wants to get to know us before we meet. The baby's father is involved, but I don't think he will be on the call. Thanks for the suggestions!!

MagickalNarwhal · February 2014

The only time things were awkward in our first meeting w our sons birth parents was when there was a lull in the conversation and we trotted out one of our pre-planned "safe" conversation topics, haha.

I would say: follow her lead, avoid talking in terms that carry assumptions with them (ie "when we bring the baby home" or "after you place"), avoid being the one to bring up loaded emotional topics that may make her feel defensive (ie wanting to know details on why she is placing, what the expectant dad has committed to, if she needs financial support), and be open to questions from her.

It will be awkward no matter what

but I hope it goes well!

emca · February 2014

Thanks so much for the great advice! I really appreciate it!

BabyFox25 · February 2014

I was so nervous for our first phone call but I remember feeling so relieved after the call. We were both nervous and for the most part I let her do most of the talking. And the topic of the baby I only let her bring up. The only thing I did bring up was how open she wanted the adoption to be. Just be yourself. Trust me she is just as nervous. She chose you for a reason so now she just wants to put a voice to the pictures she saw in your profile book. Good luck!

CarolinaGirl2014 · February 2014

I was matched with my daughter's parents when I was four months along. At the first meeting we talked a lot about the pregnancy. It's hard to go through a pregnancy planning adoption because you're so alone and have no one to share the joys and struggles with like a normal pregnancy. For me, it was nice when they asked how I was feeling, questions about the gender of the baby, if I had felt her move yet, etc. They also asked how open I wanted the adoption to be and how I would ideally like our relationship to be. Mostly, we just bonded over things we found we had in common during small talk. They also gave me the opportunity to ask my questions for them first, which took up a good bit of our conversation and affirmed that I had made the right decision.