Should we find a new nanny now?

ttag0511 · February 2014

Our current nanny works very part time, two days a week/ six hours a week. I think she is very content here as the position is very laid back and for the most part my 18 month old is napping at least one day a week while she is here. She is a sweet girl however there are a few qualities I do not like about her. She does not take the initiative to do anything on her own (aside from washing the dishes) without me asking when it comes to childcare.

I work from home so once she gets here I'm kind of prepping her for the afternoon and doing last minutes things before I go "into the office". I'll give you a few examples.. sometimes she is up to 5 mins late which isn't a huge deal but when she gets here and see's me rushing she doesn't say oh I'll change the poop diaper or oh I'll finish making his lunch.. she just sits on the couch and waits till I'm done. We live in an apartment so I can hear everything, all I hear is the tv mainly. I never hear her playing with my son, making him laugh, talking to him, etc. Actually as soon as she gets here and he's sees her he immediately falls to the ground crying. He has not warmed up to her at all and she has been working with us since late October or early November.

When she got hired we told her our expectations which were the babies laundry (she's done maybe twice), dishes and taking care of our son. We told her limited tv time, we want someone to get on the floor with him and interact with him, when it's nice out take him outside there has been really nice days this winter. She does not of what is expected literally besides the dishes and his very basic needs. There's been a few times I go to let her out the door and his diaper is soaked.

I think I've already made up my mind. She is very young (18) and we are expecting in early Sept I think she is too young and inexperienced to handle a toddler and infant so we were already planning to find another fit closer to #2's arrival. So I'm just wanting opinions on the situation I guess, because I would like someone that my son really loves and opens up to and I guess it would be nice to find that person right away.

How much notice should we give her?

82Sonia · February 2014

She doesn't sound like a nanny but like crappy babysitter. There should be no TV time unless your LO is sleeping. She should be on the floor playing with him. She should be performing other duties as assigned (the laundry). The soaking wet diaper would really upset me - she's only there 3 hours at a time, how quickly can he completely soak a diaper?

I would not give her notice, I would just tell her you don't need her anymore. You could tell her why but you probably should have told her you weren't happy with her performance a while ago.

glaw · February 2014

She sounds awful. I'm surprised you've kept her this long. Did u tell her your expectations once at the start or do you bring up your concerns more often and she ignores them? If you hear her watching TV have you told her not to? When she sits on the couch waiting for you to finish x, y, z do you ask her to come help you? I just don't understand. If there's no communication she probably thinks she's not doing anything wrong. And if you've told her repeatedly about things you want her to do and she's still not after 4-5 months then I don't know why you would keep her for another day let alone 6 months.

VOR · February 2014

The fact that she is like this when you are THERE concerns me! Hell.

Yes, she sounds young and inexperienced. But I do too wonder how much you communicate w/ her past your initial declaration of expectations.

And I will add- how much laundry is there for her to do when she's only there for a total of 6 hours? A full time nanny, I'd definitely ask that they do the kids laundry. But I actually wouldn't expect that of a 6 hour a week nanny.

Regardless - I would find a new nanny. Soon. Get a new nanny in and used to your toddler and routines, before the baby comes. As far as notice - there is nothing wrong w/ saying "today is your last day". At 6 hours a week, it doesn't seem to be her livelihood. BUT if you want to be nice, you could give her 2 weeks notice.

emberlee3 · February 2014

She sounds completely awful. No wonder your child starts crying when he sees her. Ditch her and find someone with experience.

Agree with PP about making a schedule for LO. I plan to do that when I hire a nanny for DD this summer. You can put specifics about housekeeping, TV, diaper changes, etc, in your contract. And definitely give feedback when you notice her doing something different from your expectations.

emberlee3 · February 2014

mal922 said:

Agree with PP about making a schedule for LO. I plan to do that when I hire a nanny for DD this summer. You can put specifics about housekeeping, TV, diaper changes, etc, in your contract. And definitely give feedback when you notice her doing something different from your expectations.

We did this (a schedule) when our nanny started. It was a good way to communicate what I had been doing with DS while on mat leave and that I was expecting to turn those duties over to the nanny. I did let her know that other than naps and feedings as needed, I didn't really care when she did all of the things on the schedule or in what order, so that she didn't feel like I was completely micromanaging her day. We did also list specific duties in her contract as well.

DD's and the nanny's day will be constrained by walking DS to school and picking him up, so her nap will always need to be at the same time. The schedule is kind of unavoidable. Plus, toddlers thrive on structure. I plan to micro-manage.

ttag0511 · February 2014

Thank you for all the opinions. I think you're all right! I think there is a lack of communication however I made my expectations pretty clear when we hired her. There isn't a butt load of toddler laundry to do so if she DID do it would only be maybe twice a month. However, she hasn't attempted to do his laundry in a while. I'm not sure why and I haven't confronted her over it which is my fault. I think it could because we moved and are still unpacking slowly and maybe she just doesn't know where things should go, etc. I'm just giving her the benefit of the doubt. She used to ask me if there's anything I needed her to do but not so much anymore. By the time she gets here he usually has a small amount of piss in his diaper, but the time she leaves it's full and it hasn't been changed which I can't understand why. I would say things like oh maybe you should take him outside today or maybe you should do xyz and yes she does what I ask of her. But she isn't a go-getter like I'd want. I've not had to repeatedly tell her things I want her to do and I'm not sure why I've kept her around this long to be quite honest. Like I said there is a lack of communication on my part because I expected her as a babysitter/nanny to know sitting in front of the tv all day is not what I am paying her to do. And I've not brought it to her attention so she probably doesn't think she is doing anything wrong. I'm going to let my SO read this and we are going to figure out if we are going to give her another chances with clearer expectations and even a schedule or just find someone completely new. Thanks again for all the input!

VOR · February 2014

Lack of communication or not- you brought up a good point. She'll do what you tell her to do - when you tell her. But there is NO pro-active thought processing on her end.

As she's 18, you could do her the favor of talking to her and when you discuss expectations again,also talk about the bigger picture of being a nanny. Clients are going to want her to be pro-active. When she shows up, immediately jump in and help. Take the baby from you, or offer to clean up, or.... whatever.

And it's not just you- OMST parents aren't going to want the TV on. They want their nanny playing w/ the baby, engaging the baby, taking the baby out, etc. YOU shouldn't have to tell her what to do at every step.

Some of it might be nerves - you're there. She knows that you can hear her, so she's afraid to be "silly" w/ your baby. Who knows.

But regardless if you keep her on fro awhile longer or not, like I said, MAYBE talk to her about "this is what ANY client is going to expect of you....".

laurakaz13 · February 2014

I would find someone else, but make sure to lay out exactly what you expect from the next one and be sure to compensate them accordingly. She doesn't sound horrible, but like a disinterested teenager with no experience. Just find someone new.

brachysira · February 2014

No nanny who is present for only 6 hours/week should use the TV. Sure, when you're home, you may use the TV, but she shouldn't be so tired or bored that she needs to use it when she's there so little. We have a 6 hour/week baby-sitter and my 13 month old is very excited to see her and laughs pretty much all the time she is here. When it is nice outside, I explicitly say "today is a good day to go to the park" and since she isn't around every day, I may need to tell her the most recent location of the stroller or her hat or something. I do not expect her to do any chores because I think it is just weird to ask someone who is pretty much a baby-sitter to clean up messes she didn't make/wasn't there for. She does come once during a nap and occasionally I will say, "if you don't mind, you could wash the bottles--I'm really behind." She isn't part of our day-to-day enough to even know where laundry goes, etc. When someone is only there a little bit, you may have to be explicit. I say, "I changed her diaper an hour ago, so she'll probably need a change in about an hour," etc. ` We have never set any rules about the TV, but turning it on while I am home would alone be enough for me to be sure a part-time baby-sitter would not be someone I would hire. I would find someone else and change your expectations about cleaning to zero and your expectations to interactions to 100%.

knottie99d9550b0a0a31af · February 2014

I just want to throw in that as someone who was a nanny for an 18 month old about a year and a half ago, I frequently had the tv on, but not for the point of 'watching tv'. I worked in an apartment and when it is just you and a child that doesn't talk back much, it is quiet. And I mean really quiet. The tv didn't mean he was sitting watching it, or I wasn't being attentive. We danced, sang, played, rolled around and were silly. I take my job very seriously, especially when it comes to proper development and learning. I just needed the background noise or I could hear what ever other person in the building was doing or saying.

I will add in I was also there for 10 hours a day as opposed to 6 hours a week. That might be the difference.

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