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May 2014 Moms
mommar13
member
Help? Rant/vent/whine/whatever you want to call it
mommar13
member
So I've wanted to have a natural birth for as long as I can remember. I've said that from day one, but since I've been pregnant it seems like everyone is just now hearing me. And judging me. Loudly and repeatedly. My mother, father, sister, grandparents, inlaws, you name it. For the past 3 months I hear from someone on a daily basis about how I'm an idiot and won't be able to do it, so why try? Even my DH is being completely unsupportive. I've sat down and explained the medical reasons and my personal reasons for why I want to deliver naturally, and it hasn't helped anything. I've even finally just blown up at them and told them they get a say when they push out their kid. My kid, my body, my choice. I don't want to be alone when I have this little boy, but if everyone is going to be so openly rude about it I don't think I want them in there either. What would you ladies do? I've sat down with DH and told him that I understand he doesn't agree with me, but I need his support. He told me I was being an idiot and to just take the drugs. I was hoping as my EDD got closer we'd have this worked out, but now I've figured out it's not gonna get any better.
May siggy challenge - Parenting Fails
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Help? Rant/vent/whine/whatever you want to call it
It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s that I don’t know you. Stranger Danger.
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/46911d
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
Maybe try a different angle with him - that there will be pain (before you go to the hospital, assuming you want to labor at home for awhile, and before they could give you drugs if you wanted them), and you'd like him to learn how to help you work through the pain. There's a Bradley Method book you can buy without taking the classes that specifically addresses your birth partner & what they can do for you in labor. It's pretty dated & you have to take some of the medical advice with a grain of salt, but it might be something you could go through together. They have exercises you practice together, etc. It might empower him some to have ways to help you in labor. He might just be nervous about it himself.
Mommy to my sweet boy, JG, born May 15, 2014
Baby #2 due 4/26/16!
I would also join some supportive natural birth boards or groups. I know "ican" is great for vbacs...it really isn't as much for your situation, but a lot of people are pro-natural birth. Maybe take a natural birth class - bradley or hypnobabies, etc. You might meet some people there.
And I would just quit talking about it to everyone else. If they aren't going to be supportive, just don't talk to them about it. If they start in, just calmly say, "This is not open for discussion and your opinion isn't going to change my mind so there really isn't any point in discussing the matter further." Honestly, I would not worry about "convincing" anyone or even what they thought other than maybe your DH. I would sit down with him and explain how much you need his support and how you feel abandoned, but I really would just not worry about anyone else.
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
As for your DH, hopefully with some more information and explanation he can come around to supporting your decision. I have come to realize that our families influence our views on life. My MIL is all about natural birth, she's a doula and a midwife in training and so my DH was raised with the views that women can and should give birth naturally outside a hospital. It may take some time but if your DH doesn't come around, perhaps a Doula in training or a close friend who can support you will be your best ally in the delivery room.
OP-can you tell me where you are located? I may be able to find you a low cost doula/or free doula. Feel free to private message me.
Also-Batman and Robin totally think you are gonna rock that baby out au naturale---
I get the same reaction from a lot of people when they find out I'm going natural. I never have offered up my plans but have been asked flat out and so I answer honestly. Maybe there is my first mistake. Sometimes I wish I would answer (and I do now) with a vague "We'll see ...".
I don't understand how any woman's choice for labor and birth is anybody's business whether you want to go natural, get an epidural, use analgesics, or whatever. I certainly don't start hammering women (which is all of my friends and a lot of my family) with negative thoughts and questions who opted for an epidural because not only is it not my business, their decision is theirs alone and it has zero effect on my life.
That would be hard to have a DH who isn't supportive. Mine is really on board and, for me, I really need that. Can you talk to him again and let him know that any negative speak is really effecting you and that if he continues it, he can't be in the room? Maybe that will illustrate how serious you are about it.
Definitely look into hiring a doula and I wouldn't have anybody who is not supportive of you in that room. The last thing you'll want when you're going through labor is someone telling you to get the drugs. You need someone being positive to tell you you can do it! Your mind needs to be in the right place and negativity isn't going to help.
Good luck!