Age gap advice from adult siblings...

Peppa54 · February 2014

Looking for experiences you had with the age gaps between you and your siblings when you were growing up and Did it impact on the wanted age gap between your kids.thanks

Monkeybabe · February 2014

We were all very close in age. When my brother, the youngest, was born, I was 18 months, my older sister was 3, and my oldest sister was 4.5. From this I learned my mom is both a saint, and insane, though we were unplanned. Basing off my relationship with my sister closest to me in age, if I were planning to have more children, I would do a similar age difference, of around 2 or 3 years. We sucked as children, and fought like crazy, but she and I talk on the phone almost every day now and are at similar places in our lives. We can talk about our marriages and our kids and I feel like we're at a really good place as siblings now, because of those things, even though we mostly tolerated each other as children.

Monkeybabe · February 2014

BunkinMama said:

I am the oldest of 5, years apart are as follows; 2, 5, 12, 15. Growing up we all had fun, and fought from time to time. It is really more about personalities than age differences.

The fighting in my family stemmed primarily from survival of the fittest, because the oldest of us is BSC and we all bent to her crazy, which created a tense living situation. I knew plenty of families that didn't brawl on a regular basis and seemed to really like each other, lol.

Giraffealaff · February 2014

My littlw brother is 9 years younger than me. It was hard growing up becausr when I wad a teen and wanted to go do teen things he was about elementary aged and wanted to go with me everywhere. We bonded a lot but I think that is because of our family dynamic more than age.

My sister is 15 years younger than me. Its really hard to bond with her and I wish we were closer in age.

I want my children 2 to 3 years apart. I feel like this will allow them the oppurtunity to be on the same page and have someone thwy can bond closely with. (Granted, I rwaluse that having a sibling close in age does not automatically equal BFFs)

Rach7170 · February 2014

My sister and I are 7 years apart am my brother is nine years younger than me. I really don't think that age gaps matter as much as how you are brought up and personality. We all are very close and do things together all the time. We did growing up too. We were brought up that blood is thicker than water and it always stuck. My brothe is still in highschool and we are closer than ever. He tells me things that he wouldn't even tell his friends.

In my opinion wait until you are ready and have the means for a child. If that means the age age is seven years, that's what it means.

LaurelBee · February 2014

LovelyRitaMeterMaid said:
We were all 2-5 years apart.

I personally don't see why it should factor into decisions about having another child. Have another kid bc you are able to take care of it and that's all.

I don't think it's weird to ask. But OP should know that every family is different. It more depends on the persons than the gap in age. Also, you can plan for your kids to be X amount of years apart, but that's not a given.
My sister and I are 2 years apart almost exactly. We are super close, but still fight. (Mostly bc my sister is a know it all and never is wrong. Ever.)

ShakeyJakey · February 2014

My brother and I are 3 1/2 years apart. We fought a little as kids but nothing terrible. By the time we were 12-15 we were best friends. We've gotten a long great since then. I'd like the same age gap, maybe closer to 3 years.

FalconCrest · February 2014

I have 2 brothers. One is 20 months older than me and the other is 8 years younger than me. I am actually closer to my younger brother. I think it has to do more with personality factors and family dynamics. That being said, my older two kids are 2 1/2 years apart and the baby is 3 years younger than the middle child.

Smootchy · February 2014

Youngest of 5 and only girl. My oldest brother is 10 years my senior. The age gap is about 2 years on all of us. We all get along pretty well but the brother closet in age to me was & will always be my BFF

theseaword · February 2014

I have a sister slightly over 2 yrs older. We were very close. I wanted my kids close for that reason. DH had 2 brothers, 1 just one year younger and the other 5 yrs younger. Growing up he was closer with the middle brother, but now as adults his closest with his youngest brother.

casholmes · February 2014

I'm the oldest of 4, 2 being half sibs. My next brother is 18 months younger, and we get along pretty well. My mom's son is 6 years younger and we also get along, but he's still in school and we don't have much in common.

My dad's daughter is 20 years younger than me, and only a year older than my DS. She's more like a niece or something since she's so young, but maybe we'll get along when I'm 40 and she's 20

ETA: to answer the question, I'd like them close enough to get along but far enough apart that the older can help me with the younger. Not 20 years for sure lol

RondackHiker · February 2014

My older sister and I are 18 months apart, my brother is almost exactly two years younger than me, and my little sister is five years younger than me.

I'm by far closest to my little sister, though we all played together a lot growing up. I think it's more personally than age that determines if you're close... And that can change with age.

jorkz821 · February 2014

My older brother and I are 15 months apart. I was an oops. My younger half brother is 17 years younger, we don't have much in common and he lives across the country.
Like others said, I think it comes down more to personalities than ages. My brother and I got along fine when we were younger but weren't ever really close. I see him a fair bit these days but that's mainly bc I like his wife.

angelashly · February 2014

I'm 6.5 years younger than my older sister and 7.5 years older than my younger sister. I'm close with both, but my older sister lives out of state. My younger sister is who I go to the mall/gym/dinner with, but she is also in her bar hopping stage and doesn't get why I don't do it anymore since I'm not old.

FrickandFrack · February 2014

My sis and I are 3.5 years apart and fought all of our lives. My bro is 10 years younger and we are very close.

minervacullen · February 2014

I'm the oldest, but I'm the only one my parents had together. My twin sisters are 5 years younger and I'm really close to them. I have a sister and brother who are 11 and 12 years younger. I used to be closer, but not much any more.
DH and his brother are 2 years to the day apart. They fought like mortal enemies until they were in their 20's. I think it was because mil is very obvious in her favoritism, it's really sad.
So DH didn't want close and I didn't. Mine are 6 years and it's nice.

Karadee1 · February 2014

My parents had 4 kids in 5 years. We were all very close growing up, and still are today. I don't know why they decided to have us so close together, I'm sure things had to be nuts in our home. I had a wonderful childhood and love having so many siblings.

I want to have my kids close together, but since my first pregnancy was rough, and then I had a c-section and an ovary removed, I'm going to wait at least another year before getting pregnant again. I want to give my body a break.

evaazalea · February 2014

My mom had 3u3, I was the oldest, we were each barely a year older than the other. We fought a lot as kids. As adults we all live far apart and don't talk much but when we are all together we get along very well. I would have liked my kids to have a 2 year gap but financially four was better and they absolutely adore one another.

skepticals · February 2014

I have 2 brothers, one is 2 years older and we fought like tigers all through childhood, and if we spend an extended amount of time together even now as adults we will still fight. My oldest brother is 10 years older than me and Ive always felt I have more in common with him. He always makes me laugh, and I think even in his bad moods he humors me because being mean to your littlest sister is like kicking a puppy. :P

ETA: It doesnt really effect potential children's age gaps because our circumstances dont really allow for large age gaps.

kcisthebombdotcom · February 2014

I'm an only so I have zero experience. However the one thing I can say is that the gap you choose for your children will impact the dynamic of your home while your children live there. My sil and I both have two children and our youngest children are the same age. Difference is my oldest is four and her oldest is eight. Life with kids spaced one year apart is a whole lot different than five years apart. It goes without saying both have their benefits and downfalls. My kids are closer and have more in common which helps with toys and traveling but she had the luxury of more one on one time with each child and the newborn phase was way easier with a five year old sibling vs a one year old one. If you're torn between a 2 and 3 year ago it isn't going to matter in the grand scheme of things but if you're choosing between a 2 year or 5 year spacing it is going to make a difference. I would choose whatever scenario you feel offers the most benefit for your family and make the decision based on that since spacing is going to have zero impact on their adult relationship--personality will. Good luck.

wiggyslilsis · February 2014

I think the relationships between siblings is based on the siblings and the family they are in rather than their ages.

DH is a little less than 3 years younger than his sister and they have no relationship.

I am 5 years younger than my older brother and 6 years older than my younger brother. All of us are really close.

colliebabe · February 2014

My sister and I are 5 years apart and really close now.

Spin313 · February 2014

My sister and I are eight years apart, and I definitely wanted my kids closer than that. There is a two and six year age gap between DH and his sibs.

Our kids are three years apart.

theimpossibleastronaut · February 2014

Nope. It doesn't affect my planning for the age gap at all.

My oldest brothers are 12 and 10 years older than me. I also have a twin brother. I'm pretty close with them all, obviously closer with my twin obviously.

Edited: if we decide to have another, we probably won't wait ten years to try though. My own experience just doesn't factor in too much I guess.

zmoss · February 2014

I am the middle child of 3. My eldest sister and I are 20 months apart and my youngest sister is 12 years younger.

I didn't have conflict with my older sister until HS then it was different crowds different personalities. Then we didn't get close until college.

My younger sister and I were very close, but then I moved away from home. I still try and be there but it is hard. She has her own life that I am kinda removed from.

LadyXaverian · February 2014

My younger sister and I are 2 years, 3 months apart. She was not planned (though a welcome surprise!) because my mom was told she couldn't have more children after a difficult situation with her IUD (maybe tmi, sorry).

My mother said that if she'd been planning it, she would've tried to space it so we were 3-3.5 years apart.

Anyway, we didn't have the best relationship as kids, but we get along much better as adults (who live 1000 miles apart lol).

I'm not sure that my sister's and my age difference and/or my mother's advice about spacing have influence me, but if I have my way, DD and a 2nd LO will be somewhere between 3.5-4 years apart in age.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

My siblings were 17, 15, and 6 when I was born. The sister who is 6 years older lived with her dad until she was 16. I wasn't an only child growing up, but I was the only kid. My siblings were late leaving home, however, so we were fairly close. Now that we're all pretty much in the same life stage, the age difference doesn't come up very much.

My experience does not change what I believe the ideal age gap to be. For H and me, 4-6 years is about right for our life. The variety of experiences siblings have with each other is not enough of a reason for me to plan my family a certain way, because it's a crap shoot any way you do it. Closeness in age doesn't guarantee closeness, and distance in age doesn't preclude it. In the long term, it's more about personality, IMO. My sister and I are close as adults because we have things in common, not because of our ages.

My mom has two sisters, one 7 years older and one less than 2 years older. She's far more close with her oldest sister, because their personalities and values are more similar.

NeneCakies · February 2014

My sister is 14 months younger. We fought constantly and our mother fanned the flames. We didn't resolve it until we were into our 30s.

This might be a reason I see beauty in our OAD situation.

LadyXaverian · February 2014

Moidonna said:

My sister and I are 4 years apart. We played together as children and are still close as adults. I wanted my kids to be 3-4 years apart and they ended up exactly 3. I didn't want the gap to be too much more than 4 years because I wasn't sure if they would still be able to play together. Wanting them to be at least 3 years apart had more to do with me not wanting to deal with a baby and a toddler at the same time than wanting them to have a certain relationship. .

My best friend's daughter is exactly 3.5 years older than DD, and her step brother is 4.5 years older. They both play really nicely with my daughter, and it's definitely made me think the 3-5 year age range isn't too wide. I suspect there will come a point as one enters their teens and the other is still a "kid" where the relationship changes a bit, though (between my daughter and my best friend's daughter and step-son).

azzyberry · February 2014

I'm the youngest. My brother is 10 years older and my sister is 13 years older. We are extremely close now but growing up it was pretty much like I was an only child because they were so much older. I always thought it would be nice to have a closer sibling to play with and grow up with so I wanted to have my kids closer in age.

LinnyAnne10 · February 2014

about my sisters and I the average is about 3 year difference.

C12H22O11 · February 2014

My sister and I are 3.25 years apart. We weren't exactly close growing up, nor are we now. It's not that we dislike each other, we're just totally different with very little in common and very different personalities.

DH is about 5 years older than his sister and same story. I'd actually go so far as to say they hated each other growing up and have only in the last 4 years or so been communicating on a regular basis.

Frankly, we don't expect DS and forthcoming DD to be best of friends, nor will we force them together. Our decision was actually based on not (theoretically) having 2 in college at the same time...

melody921 · February 2014

My brother is 5 years younger. We always got along well, but were not in the same circles growing up because of the gap. I knew I wanted mine closer together so they'd have more shared experiences as LOs and adults.

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Age gap advice from adult siblings...

Re: Age gap advice from adult siblings...

Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't denyThen there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of timeWithout you I'll never make it out aliveBut I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
Without you I'll never make it out alive
But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright