"Your grace abounds in deepest waters Your sovereign hand Will be my guide Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me You've never failed and You won't start now". --"Oceans" Hillsong United
I sometimes struggle with the last line above because a lot of times I do feel like He failed me.
Do you sometimes have feelings that God has failed you/your baby?
I know that God is always good and will work through the terrible circumstances that we are going through right now. It has only been 2 weeks since my son died and we have already seen what a tremendous impact his life has had on the people around us. He never took a breath and most people have never met him but his story is changing lives.
I love this song - I have been playing it on repeat in my car lately! So beautiful!
Do you sometimes have feelings that God has failed you/your baby?
Yes. One of the first weeks after our loss we were at church and a song came on about how our God can do anything, and as we drove home MH was very frustrated, because our God can do anything, so why didn't He? I've also really struggled with this lately, feeling like our prayers weren't answered. Why do other people get to have miracle babies and healthy pregnancies and we didn't? Colton could have lived - he was far enough along - and I hate that. I hate hearing moms talk about V Day like viability is some sort of guarantee or something. There is no guarantee. Why didn't God give us a miracle?
How do you get past this?
I have to believe that He has a plan and that there is a reason. I believe that Colton is in Heaven and safe, and loved, and was spared from ever feeling pain or fear. God gives me peace and comfort in a way I can't explain and I know it is from Him. He is my strength and I have to believe that He is working all things for good, even though I wish everyday that that had included Colton here, with us.
Any new struggles/revelations this week?
I think this is actually what I am struggling with most lately. Wanting to believe in miracles but hurting because God didn't intervene how I want.
Me: 32 DH: 33 High School Sweethearts Married 5/28/2005
DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16. Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
Your grace abounds in deepest waters Your sovereign hand Will be my guide Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me You've never failed and You won't start now". --"Oceans" Hillsong United
One of my very favorite songs...I play it when I'm alone .a reminder of how God continually guides me through all of my trials...
Do you sometimes have feelings that God has failed you/your baby? With my first loss yes,I was very angry and I couldn't understand why God would let that happen to me. When Emily died it brought me closer to Him. I feel like Emily was brought into my life to save me. I have become closer to God.when I'm having a bad day God brings me comfort.
How do you get past this? I Pray and ask God to help me.
Any new struggles/revelations this week?
I'm struggling with the fact that Emily isn't here..... edd is March 3' I usually deliver 2-3 weeks before edd... she should be here...
Do you sometimes have feelings that God has failed you/your baby? Yes sometimes. I feel like he put me through so many tests and trials to get Jack, why take him away?
How do you get past this? Two things that helped me this week. First, I read a blog post maybe Still Standing? I cant remember...anyways, basically it spoke to the hurt and anger we feel towards other women who have healthy babies and why cant I? To which God answers it doesn't matter what they have and what you don't to just trust and follow. It made me really think hard about things. I have friends who are having serious struggles in their marriage or going through divorce. Maybe they are frustrated with God because I'm in a loving marriage and they're not. Maybe someone who has been unemployed for years just wants a job and is frustrated that I'm working and I enjoy my job. This doesn't take the pain away, I'm still very hurt and upset but it put it in a new perspective. 2nd--- I saw a picture on FB that said "The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was the face of Jesus". This made me teary but in a good way
Any new struggles/revelations this week? Struggling with doctors not being able to tell us why Jack was taken from us. Struggling to find reassurance it wont happen again with his future brother or sister.
Me: 33, Endocrine issues & FVL DH: 32, Nothing
NTNP 2009-2012 TTC since 2012:
Clomid, 2 IUI cycles, and 5 IVF cycles = BFN
FET #1 August 2013 = BFP! EDD 5/11/14
Jack dx at 19w1d with Dandy Walker on 12/16/13
Severe Pre-e /HELLP set in Jack born sleeping at 20w1d on 12/23/13
Re: Faith Friday
Do you sometimes have feelings that God has failed you/your baby?
Yes. One of the first weeks after our loss we were at church and a song came on about how our God can do anything, and as we drove home MH was very frustrated, because our God can do anything, so why didn't He? I've also really struggled with this lately, feeling like our prayers weren't answered. Why do other people get to have miracle babies and healthy pregnancies and we didn't? Colton could have lived - he was far enough along - and I hate that. I hate hearing moms talk about V Day like viability is some sort of guarantee or something. There is no guarantee. Why didn't God give us a miracle?
How do you get past this?
I have to believe that He has a plan and that there is a reason. I believe that Colton is in Heaven and safe, and loved, and was spared from ever feeling pain or fear. God gives me peace and comfort in a way I can't explain and I know it is from Him. He is my strength and I have to believe that He is working all things for good, even though I wish everyday that that had included Colton here, with us.
Any new struggles/revelations this week?
I think this is actually what I am struggling with most lately. Wanting to believe in miracles but hurting because God didn't intervene how I want.
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now". --"Oceans" Hillsong United
One of my very favorite songs...I play it when I'm alone .a reminder of how God continually guides me through all of my trials...
Do you sometimes have feelings that God has failed you/your baby? With my first loss yes,I was very angry and I couldn't understand why God would let that happen to me. When Emily died it brought me closer to Him. I feel like Emily was brought into my life to save me. I have become closer to God.when I'm having a bad day God brings me comfort.
How do you get past this? I Pray and ask God to help me.
Any new struggles/revelations this week?
I'm struggling with the fact that Emily isn't here..... edd is March 3' I usually deliver 2-3 weeks before edd... she should be here...
NTNP 2009-2012 TTC since 2012:
Jack has handpicked his sibling up there
My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog