Anyone else with outside babies not like to share?

mrsdahamm · February 2014

I genuinely do not like sharing my baby with people. I might have an attachment issue lol The first time people see him I'm fine, but then I'm like "nope you had your opportunity, now give him back" This includes everyone except my husband... grandparents are included.

Anyone else like this?

mfarmer0811 · February 2014

I'm a FTM and he's not here yet, but I really think I'm going to be like this! Anytime anyone other than DH or my parents talk about keeping/holding him, I get major anxiety!
Yesterday, my 10 year old niece was saying how she can't wait for him to be here, and they will be here all the time...I'm like NO! He's mine!!!!

twinlove314 · February 2014

I have a feeling I'll be the same way when I have mine. One of my friends said something about having two babies for her to snuggle, and I was thinking...um no, they're mine

mrsdahamm · February 2014

mselliott08 said:
I have a feeling I'll be the same way when I have mine. One of my friends said something about having two babies for her to snuggle, and I was thinking...um no, they're mine

You have an unfair advantage though. You can hand one off and keep the other. ;-)

SamanthaJoD · February 2014

I'm the same. It gives me joy to take my babies away from my MIL to nurse them, and I get anxious when people come over to "help" (really they just want to hold the babies).

sebullows · February 2014

I'm also a FTM that's not a mom yet and think I will be like this. I want him all to myself! And DH of course. Everyone else go away.

mevensen · February 2014

I was just telling DH that I wasn't ready to give her up. I was the only one that was able to hold her since June.

BabiesFTW · February 2014

I was like this with DD for at least the first year. I didnt even want someone else getting her out of the carseat. I wanted all the baby cuddles to myself. I don't regret it. She was my baby and time goes fast!

lb1117 · February 2014

I am definitely struggling a LOT with this. I don't mind giving people a turn, but sometimes I just feel like I want MY baby.

My ILs were staying with us. My MIL has NO concept of boundaries. She would just follow me everywhere. I wanted to give him a bath with my DH. I asked her to leave and she didn't...and my DH ended up not being there.

I am ready to be our little family of 3 (well, 4 with pup). We have haven't had any time alone and I feel like we're missing out. He's almost a week old and we have had non-stop company.

mrsdahamm · February 2014

@lb1117 I know what you mean. We had a similar situation with my mom. My husband and I both had to keep telling her we needed space with our LO because she wanted to be so hands on. She means well, but she about got punched a couple times in the hospital lol

Amydarg · February 2014

I was like this with my first i would take him and go in my bedroom and shut the door. My sons mother used to tell me there must be something wrong with me and that I was selfish....I still to this day think was I really out of order for wanting my baby to myself for a while I'm also wondering if ill be like it this time hmm

VineyardMel · February 2014

I felt like this with DD. Curious to see how it will be with this one.

CruiseGirl28 · February 2014

My nephew is almost 3 months and when I see him, I usually hold him for over an hour. Oops. But I guess if my brother/SIL had an issue, they would say something.

akb1125 · February 2014

I haven't had my baby yet but I already don't want to share him! Of course, i'll share him with my husband but I don't want to share him with anyone else! At least the breastfeeding will give me an excuse to take him back whenever I want. (Not that I need one since I'm his mom)

Ugh and my mil keeps talking about wanting to babysit the baby and I wanna punch her in the face. If I don't want ppl to even hold the baby while I'm there, I definitely don't want to leave him!

mrsdahamm · February 2014

Last weekend my mom watched DS so DH and I could go shopping (my first outing since he was born ~2w pp). This weekend we need to do some errands and DH's dad and nephew are here. I've already told him we're not leaving the baby, he'll just go with us and I'll wear him. Luckily he agreed so I'm not the asshole lol

PinupMomma08 · February 2014

I have a feeling DS2 will get handed off a lot. DS1 was mine!!!

matitice · February 2014

I don't have these feelings yet but I also haven't given birth yet either. I'm a STM but my first was 13 years ago. DH however is showing signs of being this way. Every time anyone talks about LO & refers to him as "my baby" like say my sisters or a close friend he gets agitated & asks me, "So & so does know it's not their baby right?"
Lol, yes dear they know. They're just excited for him to be here & can't wait to love him. He's also concerned about people coming over all the time to visit. He's a FTD though so he has no idea what to expect. I know it will all work out fine though.

CruiseGirl28 · February 2014

akb1125 said:
I haven't had my baby yet but I already don't want to share him! Of course, i'll share him with my husband but I don't want to share him with anyone else! At least the breastfeeding will give me an excuse to take him back whenever I want. (Not that I need one since I'm his mom)

Ugh and my mil keeps talking about wanting to babysit the baby and I wanna punch her in the face. If I don't want ppl to even hold the baby while I'm there, I definitely don't want to leave him!

My MIL keeps talking about babysitting too. I don't plan on leaving her unless I have to. I mentioned vacation once, and she was very excited that we would leave the baby with her. Uhm no, she'll come with us, thank you.

Zombielove126 · February 2014

Yup! She's most likely coming home tomorrow, and I don't want anyone near her. I'm a paranoid, nervous wreck, I hate what I've become and she's not even home yet. I feel like I got robbed in the bonding department, and I can't wait for her and I to get that together. Everyone else can back off!

jwls84 · February 2014

I was like this with B and honestly it's 2.5yrs later and I still hate sharing him sometimes! But it has gotten better. My MIL would snatch him the second she saw him and wouldn't allow me to touch him until we left or they left I hated it and it caused me so much anxiety! I am gonna stand up for myself more with this one.

ProudMommy030614 · February 2014

Ds1 was a premie and we didn't let anyone hold him except for my Dad. We got a lot of snarky remarks but oh well he is mine lol. Ds2 wouldn't go to anyone but H or myself and at 8 he is still that way! Idk how we will be when this LO gets here, we are very out of practice with having a baby!

mrsdahamm · February 2014

mrsdahamm said:
Last weekend my mom watched DS so DH and I could go shopping (my first outing since he was born ~2w pp). This weekend we need to do some errands and DH's dad and nephew are here. I've already told him we're not leaving the baby, he'll just go with us and I'll wear him. Luckily he agreed so I'm not the asshole lol

Scratch all of this. We literally just had that discussion like 2 maybe 3 hours ago. I just asked DH when he wanted to go, and he said "I'm just gonna go later, like this evening. You're not going? We aren't taking the baby."

So now I'm pissed. We got the all clear from the pedi at the beginning of the week, but he still refuses to take him out even though I plan on wearing him so he won't be fondled by strangers or anything. :-w In return I think I'll pout in the bedroom and he can entertain his family by his damn self

*Naea* · February 2014

That was actually my husband - he would run off with our son every chance he got and hover near any one holding him. It's pretty funny, really. I think I will need to fight him off for this one now that I can't BF - I won't be able to claim feeding time!

karacakes98 · February 2014

I've been like that every time.

memo9 · February 2014

I was like that with my first... not as bad with #2. It's ok to want to spend time with your baby!

ring_pop · February 2014

I definitely felt this with DS1 for a good 9 months at least.

bao bei · February 2014

mevensen said:

I was just telling DH that I wasn't ready to give her up. I was the only one that was able to hold her since June.

I don't have an outside baby yet, but this made me all humid! sniff...

Yenemous · February 2014

Ok well I guess I'm weird because I just had my first three days ago and I've let everyone hold him who wanted to. Don't get me wrong, I'm always soooooooo happy to get him back but I don't even mind when someone else has him. It has only been immediate family so far though so maybe that's why it doesn't bother me. MH on the other hand, HE'S the one who doesn't want to give him up!

pepperedmoth · February 2014

Yenemous said:
Ok well I guess I'm weird because I just had my first three days ago and I've let everyone hold him who wanted to. Don't get me wrong, I'm always soooooooo happy to get him back but I don't even mind when someone else has him. It has only been immediate family so far though so maybe that's why it doesn't bother me. MH on the other hand, HE'S the one who doesn't want to give him up!

I was just wondering if I was the only one! He's not here yet but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to feel this way. I've often wished someone else could hold him over these past eight months! I think I'll be excited for other people to get to know him better.

fish8412 · February 2014

I think I will be like this and I don't care! Like someone said, babies grow fast!

The instructor of the labor and delivery class made a good suggestion. If you have friends/family over for a visit, make a list of what they can do and what you will do. So if you don't want visitors taking away baby time, put on your list "take care of baby, hold baby, etc." and then on their list "unload dishwasher, take dog for a walk, etc."

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe · February 2014

I'm kind of thinking I will be this way to an extent. Especially at church. I really don't want her passed around like a little rag doll. Luckily my DH is in agreement so I will have him to back me up. I have a huge family (6 younger siblings still living at home, plus Mom + Dad) but they live 7 hours from me. They are coming down to Key West when I am in labor, and are going to stay a week (not with us lol but with my in-laws). My in-laws live down here, and they have two kids still at home. So I know especially in that first week, there will be tons of people wanting to hold her (between my siblings, his, and both sets of grandparents). I'm kind of curious to see how that goes lol. I think my biggest issue is going to be after my family has to leave. I plan to take her up to see them in Orlando at least once a month. But I already know that it's going to bother me when my baby girl starts getting attached to his family and doesn't even remember who mine is.

BrideNamedMeg · February 2014

I don't remember ever feeling like that with my kids. They both nursed and liked to cluster feed so I had tons of hands on time with them. Especially with DS there were 6 babies born in my family that year so there were a lot of them to go around

With DD she was 7 months younger than her closest cousins - sometimes I'd go to a family function, walk in the door, hand her off to my mom or one of my cousins and I literally wouldn't see her again until she was hungry, lol. Everyone wanted to hold her. I'm actually looking forward to this LO being the only baby so I get some baby-free time. Everyone in my family is really good with boundaries though and won't hog the baby if I want cuddle time.

cdnmomma · February 2014

My baby is still in my belly but I woke up this morning feeling like I'm not ready to let her go

I already miss her. I'm gonna have a hard time passing her to others I think. At least for a bit.

EmStyle180 · February 2014

With my DD I definitely had this issue. I'm fairly certain some of it had to do with having the "baby blues" because I acted very irrationally. We had all of my husband's family over when the baby was about a week old and I burst into tears and had to excuse myself bc my sister inlaw (who I genuinely like but she smokes and so smells like it..) was holding my perfect little baby and I could. not. deal. It was such an overwhelming feeling for me that I did not anticipate and for the first couple months if someone else was holding her I would just hover and reach for her at the slightest whimper. I genuinely hope I'm a little more relaxed with this one!

nblondheim · February 2014

That's totally me!!! I'm not good at sharing!

elliebean14 · February 2014

I'm not comfortable with sharing him but so far only his grandparents have visited since our hospital has strict visiting restrictions because of the bad flu season we're having. When my in-laws visited at the hospital for a four-hour stretch and held him the whole time I was pretty upset- I missed him! I didn't feel right speaking up since they are so excited about him and dropped everything to travel several hours to see him. He slept through a feeding that afternoon because he was so comfortable snuggling with them. We didn't know he was on the verge of high bilirubin levels at the time and his jaundice ended up getting much worse that evening. I beat myself up about not being protective enough- eating would have helped him flush his system faster- until we were discharged. Now I am going to be super protective and speak up when I am not comfortable.

lb1117 · February 2014

B2B.2010 said:

I am definitely struggling a LOT with this. I don't mind giving people a turn, but sometimes I just feel like I want MY baby.

My ILs were staying with us. My MIL has NO concept of boundaries. She would just follow me everywhere. I wanted to give him a bath with my DH. I asked her to leave and she didn't...and my DH ended up not being there.

I am ready to be our little family of 3 (well, 4 with pup). We have haven't had any time alone and I feel like we're missing out. He's almost a week old and we have had non-stop company.
This really stinks. How much longer are your ILs staying w you? I'd be pretty frustrated too if I were you.

We came home Monday. MIL/FIL stayed M-F. We had friends and my family there M, Thurs, F to meet him then a bigger family gathering with my granndparents Friday night. I was feeding him and my mom took him to let everyone have a turn. Basically from 7-midnight I didn't see him. Saturday my BIL/SIL came for the day. Sunday was church and my mom wanted to show him off. Then her and a friend came in the afternoon and took him out of my arms. By last night I was so emotionally drained that I sobbed for hours and couldn't enjoy him

mrsdahamm · February 2014

Oh I'm so sorry. That would be so frustrating

could DH start running interference for you when people try to take the baby? Otherwise, don't worry about coming off rude (my biggest worry with stuff like this), and just take LO back when you want/need to. I've had to do that a couple times during the first week. My mom and FIL would hold him while I tried to nap then wouldn't wake me when he started showing hunger cues, so i woke to him screaming with hunger and when I went out to get him FIL still didn't want to hand him over. I about drop kicked him

lb1117 · February 2014

Also, I know FFing was the right choice but it makes it a lot easier for others to do feedings. Sometimes this is good (like after a crazy induction and no sleep for 72 hours) but sometimes I want to do it to have the closeness with him. Everyone wanting to help by feeding him is sometimes not actually helpful.

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