When you get overwhelmed what do you do?

CaniacMom · February 2014

I am feeling overwhelmed & do not know how to handle it.

DH took a new job halfway across the country & left in mid-September. The company he worked for closed & the job market here sucks and we could not see going backwards in terms of career/pay. My company shut our facility down almost 3 years ago - there are about 30 of us that they kept on but I just feel that it will only be a matter of time until we are all told to move to another company facility or that we are out of a job. So we chose several places we wanted to live and he started looking for jobs.

We have two children a 3yo & a 17yo. Both kids are just being difficult - oldest is usually a good student & I got an email from English teacher and he has 56 average because he has not turned in 15 assignments. He acted like it was not big deal. Youngest throws terrible tantrums, wants me to stay with him all of the time, and tends to be high maintenance. Our house is on the market so I have to keep it clean (even though it has not been shown in 3 weeks). Money is of course a stressor since we are supporting two households. Then there is my job. I am finding myself making stupid mistakes & almost not even caring about it. Plus I do not think they are going to work with me on moving (not that they owe it to me) and that I feel is helping fuel my lack of caring. So I am also trying to conduct a job search. I just feel like I am teetering on the edge. My mother will be no help because she is pissed at us for moving and keeps trying to guilt me by twisting things my SIL said (SIL is expecting first child) - we have never been close so why would SIL be upset now that I am moving.

Things i need to straighten out:

1. Approach boss (soon) about my less than stellar performance and find ways to improve - even if company is not going to work with me. I just feel I need to do the right thing there. Any ideas on how to approach this without sounding like I am making a bunch of pitiful excuses. He is one to harp on a subject forever and tell you once again about his 40+ year career with the company.

2. Figure out how to juggle personal responsibilities - maybe use some vacation time while LO is at daycare to get a few hours of personal relaxation in.

Avion22 · February 2014

I'm so sorry you're overwhelmed. It sounds like a really difficult situation, but it also sounds like you've identified the different stressors and issues, and that's usually the hardest part.

As for your plan of action, I do think the "right thing" is to talk to work about your performance. I think those things will only sound like "excuses" if they have to approach YOU about your performance, not so much the other way around. I think it's fine to admit that you have been overwhelmed at home and have noticed that it has affected your work performance. The only other thing I can recommend is to have a few ideas to share with them about how you think you can improve (like by taking a few vacation days), or anything else that YOU plan to do to improve your performance. Then follow that up by asking if your supervisor has any other suggestions, or if there is anything that you can think of that your employer might be able to do to help you out.

bcnoelle · February 2014

I'm sorry things have gotten so rough. I know you feel like its the right thing to to speak with your boss, but I guess for me I would think just improving performance would be best...I'm torn cause it really seems like you could use personal time, but it doesn't sound like telling your boss you have ideas to improve performance, but then taking some personal days off right away will help the company. Especially if you plan on moving soon? I'm not sure the specifics of your job or relationship with your boss though. Do you have a time line in moving? Right after the house sells? Will your oldest finish high school or have 1 year left at a new school? I imagine that might be difficult for him and possibly driving down his own drive? This might be a terrible idea, but would the 17 year old want to possibly move to dad's location early? I'm sure your husband is super busy with his new job, but you sound spread thin. Your 17 year old may need a daily father figure at this point? A change of environment that is imminent might be best now if he is not thriving academically or taking you serious. As for your mother and SIL, I would try to ignore any unsupportuve comments. You might try to have a heart to heart with your mom letting her know just how difficult a time it is for you though. Best wishes!

tig594 · February 2014

I wouldn't approach the boss at all. If you've been at the same job for years you probably already know what you need to do to improve. If you're performance is that bad, he's already noticed. The important thing is that YOU know and you can take the bull by the horns and start improving right now.

mittensonkittens · February 2014

Sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. I would definitely take some personal time off work without kids to recharge. I've found that just leaving work 2 hours early and doing something for myself before getting the kids will have a huge impact on my mood and my ability to handle everything. If you can take off more time, that's even better.

CaniacMom · February 2014

Thanks for the advice everyone.

DS cannot move down to Texas with dad at this point. NC is on a block schedule so he finished on set of courses in mid-January and started new ones. Texas is on a year round schedule so the classes there are over half way done.

My current company has told me that I cannot do my current job from a remote location. Not so much the actual job or me but because it then opens the door for others in equivalent positions wanting to work from home. I understand. I am appreciative that they did not tell me to leave when I initially broached the subject. What is agitating me is the fact that several individuals in positions above me keep telling me that they are working on something. The salesman for tat region has been in territory with customers probably 10 hours since the first of the year. All other salesmen spend at least 3 weeks a month in territory. This salesman has a lot of other duties & I have worked with him the whole time I have been here (he hired me). We work well together and he would welcome my assistance. I know the customers, I know the product. I do not expect any relocation assistance since this was my families decision.

On a positive note - I applied with a company in my industry for an outside sales job & the manager called today to make sure he understood where I wanted to work & to set up a phone interview for next week.

Once we get past month end next week & a major trade show the week after I think I will schedule a few days off for myself. That should help me.

kelliskoviraWed244758 · February 2014

Avion22 said:
I'm so sorry you're overwhelmed. It sounds like a really difficult situation, but it also sounds like you've identified the different stressors and issues, and that's usually the hardest part.

As for your plan of action, I do think the "right thing" is to talk to work about your performance. I think those things will only sound like "excuses" if they have to approach YOU about your performance, not so much the other way around. I think it's fine to admit that you have been overwhelmed at home and have noticed that it has affected your work performance. The only other thing I can recommend is to have a few ideas to share with them about how you think you can improve (like by taking a few vacation days), or anything else that YOU plan to do to improve your performance. Then follow that up by asking if your supervisor has any other suggestions, or if there is anything that you can think of that your employer might be able to do to help you out.

Agree with the above... Approaching work and offering solutions, no matter how simple, will be looked upon more favorably than having them approach you. Good luck!

VegasGal1978 · February 2014

I'm new to the mommy thing and just started getting back into the work routine so I don't have much to offer in the way of wisdom. I just wanted to say I am sorry you have such a difficult situation at home. I know that sometimes you just need some time to clear your head. Maybe, like you said, use some time during school and daycare to take care of you. Hang in there.

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