Doula - Questions, need reassurance

missmiss307 · February 2014

After a less-than-optimal birth experience last time, DH and I have decided to use a close friend of ours as our doula (she is DONA certified, so she's the real deal, and she is doing it for free). If you used a doula, can you share a little about your experience and the type of support she provided? What questions should I be asking her?

Even though she is a good friend (and maybe BECAUSE she is a good friend), I feel a little nervous about it, so any kind words or helpful advice is much appreciated. I will be having a hospital birth with a doctor (because of my state's backward views on homebirth and midwives).

margaritachikita · February 2014

I am a birth doula, and I want to say congratulations on your choice to hire a doula! It will make your birth experience much better, guaranteed. My recommendation would be just to be very upfront and honest with your doula about what your wishes and needs are. Her job is to be your advocate, to help you get the birth that YOU want. So think a lot about what you want your birth to look like, and then relay that information to her as openly as possible. She should never speak for you, but if she sees something happening that she knows you didn't want to happen, she can speak up and say "missmiss, it looks like they are about to do this...are you okay with that?" etc etc.

I have never had someone say they were sorry to have hired a doula, but feel free to ask around! Best of luck with your birth

margaritachikita · February 2014

I realized I also didn't really answer your questions. I had a doula at my birth, it is so so difficult to describe everything a doula does. She was my cheerleader, my support, she was there when my husband needed a break, she constantly reminded me that I was doing a great job, she reminded me to drink water and go to the bathroom regularly, helped me change positions often to keep labor moving along....and so much more...Doulas are completely invaluable!!

As for questions to ask, it really again depends on what you want from the birth. Do you want her to be more hands-on with massage and essential oils? Do you want her to lead you through breathing or visualizations? Do you want her to bring anything specific? Do you want to practice any certain positions before labor?

Hope this helps, best of luck!

missmiss307 · February 2014

@margaritachikita Thanks for your responses!

sheislisamarie · February 2014

I've yet to experience childbirth, but I did do some research and had a couple of interviews with doulas before choosing one. I think it's awesome that you're going to use a close friend because there's an even stronger bond there as your doula that will really help you feel supported. The questions I focused on when discussing labor with my doula were more about how she could help me get through the natural birth process, what her suggested labor-coping techniques were (hypnobirthing, distraction, etc), and how she could help get my partner involved as DH and I were struggling to figure that one out.

This is also a good resource if you want to explore a few more questions to ask - https://www.babycenter.com/0_doula-interview-sheet-questions-to-ask-a-potential-birth-dou_1458427.bc. Best of luck!

margaritachikita · February 2014

The partner question is always a big one - "won't my husband/partner feel left out?" The doula in no way replaces your partner - as a doula I think of myself as a choreographer, and the couple are the dancers. You made this baby, you will bring this baby into the world together; I am just there to help you do it in a peaceful and satisfactory way. Husbands often want to help but just don't know how, and can be frightened seeing their partner in so much discomfort. A doula is a reassuring presence to dad, she shows him that this is what labor looks like and this is normal, and can show him ways to help. Positions to try, massage/touch that might make mom feel good, etc. Again, I have NEVER met a dad that was sorry to have had a doula present; in fact it is usually quite the opposite!

aylafsu88 · February 2014

I had a doula and she was amazing. She was someone I did not know but when we meet we meshed well. Honestly, I wanted a doula for the just in case things. My H and I took the Bradley class so we felt like we were prepared but you never know what will happen in birth. We were so glad we had her. My LO was OP so she really kept me positive and got me into positions to help LO turn. I also felt the urge to push before I was fully dilated (at 8.5-9 cm). It was hell trying not to push and I was really freaked out. My doula helped talk me through contractions and fight the urge to push. I also freaked out while pushing. LO had a nuchal hand and I felt like I was being ripped open. I was freaked out. My H kind of zoned out but my doula calmed me back down and got me focused again. She was amazing.
Honestly, I was a bit worried about being naked in front of someone I did not know and them being all up in my junk. When I was in labor and laboring at home all of that went away. I was to focused on contractions to worry about what my doula saw or what she thought of my body/how I handled them. I also figured she had seen many laboring women so I was probably not the first one to moan, be naked or have a bloody show in front of her.

missmiss307 · February 2014

Thanks for the responses, ladies.

I am really torn now. My friend apparently just zoned out and forgot that she's going to be out of town Labor Day weekend, which is basically the day after my due date and the following two or three days. She said she will still be my doula if I want and that she could probably find somebody to be the backup. I just don't know that I'm comfortable with that idea, because part of the reason I want to use her is that I already know and trust her.

WWYD?

Wyn · February 2014

Hire another doula. Best money I ever spent!

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