So much can change in just one week.

greenbumbletea · February 2014

Hi everybody. I just wanted to share this because I felt that I needed to do this as part of my grieving process. I am sorry in advance if anything is tmi - I tried to make it as least descriptive as I could.

Wednesday - I had gotten my 2nd Beta confirming that I was pregnant and the nurse called me to congratulate me. I was feeling so happy and emotional at the same time. Three hours later, I started to bleed moderately and the OB asked me to come in right away. The OB asked me to go to the ER to rule out that it was not an ectopic pregnancy. At the ER, blood/urine testing was done as well as ultrasound/sonograms. The ER OB came in and told us that they suspected an ectopic pregnancy and that surgery was the best way to ensure my safety/treat it. At first, I thought that me being emotional after I had received the news had done it (which wasn't true). As the Doctor left the room, my Husband and I said "I'm sorry" to our baby that we had just started to have a connection with. I went into surgery a little past midnight, hoping for the best but being well aware of what could happen.

Thursday - I woke up after surgery around 1am coughing from the e-tube, and the ER OB came by my bedside. There wasn't an ectopic pregnancy, just the corpus luteum on my ovary. This was great news, because the Doctor thought that I could still be pregnant. I recovered in hospital overnight and by noon, I was discharged to go home. My Husband and my Dad came to visit and take me home. Getting home was tough because it was during a very large snowstorm and there was about 2 feet of snow on the ground which I had to walk through to get up my steps into my house. I was in a state of limbo and wasn't quite sure what to expect as to my pregnancy. The Doctor told me not to worry unless I saw heavy bleeding/severe cramping.

Friday - Terrible coughing from the e-tube and hoped it wasn't turning into an infection. Slight bleeding started but I hoped it was just residual from the surgery and nothing more.

Saturday - Increased frequency of light bleeding with small clots. My throat was gradually starting to feel better, though still coughing.

Sunday - Increased frequency of light to moderate bleeding. After dinner, I noticed a large clot and a large amount of blood. I immediately called the OB and the Dr-on-call called me back - she didn't say it directly but she alluded to what I thought was a miscarriage (i.e. "well shedding your uterine lining is normal and your hormone level is probably starting to drop.") The Doc told me there wasn't anything to do now and still recommended I come in for the next beta testing tomorrow. I called my supporting friends and prepared myself for the worst by reading the "What to Expect" book's "Coping with Miscarriage". Bleeding became more moderate to severe. I was still coughing from the e-tube irritation and I tried my best to stifle my coughs so not cause too much abdominal pressure.

Monday - Went in to the OB office to get my blood drawn. It was hard to see the other pregnant women in the same room, but I knew very well that each of them must have had their own trials and tribulations with pregnancy. The blood draw was the most painful one I had ever had. The bleeding was severe at this point and to avoid being tmi, the bathroom had become my friend from my frequent visits every 2 hours, and eventually every hour.

Today - About 30 hours after the onset, my bleeding has started to become less severe. In terms of normal life, I tried to resume my normal life routine (aside from work) as much as I could to keep my spirits up. I got a call from the OB office this morning and the nurse confirmed my that my beta levels were no longer rising and that I was miscarrying. I would have been 7 weeks today.

What really hit home was when she told me the options after the news - either D&C or continue beta testing for a while. I elected the beta testing (even though at this point I was sick and tired of becoming a pin cushion), because 1) I had just gone under anesthesia with the surgery, and 2) I had just recently had an episode of severe bleeding. Then she said just to warn me that, if the beta levels didn't come down quick enough, then I wouldn't have a choice and that I would have to go under for the D&C. I burst into tears, because I didn't know if emotionally I was ready to go under anesthesia again so quickly, and because I hadn't realized that so much was involved after the fact I found out I was miscarrying.

Since the beginning of this whole journey, I had gone through it believing strongly that "If it's meant to happen, it will. If it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be." I still believe this, but it's still hard knowing that I had sacrificed so much for this little being for it to end so quickly. I had changed my eating and drinking habits, my shampoos, lotions, and makeup, etc. I was also well aware of course that the first trimester meant that anything could happen, especially miscarriages, but to actually experience it in the flesh is so hard no matter how many books I read.

If there is anything I could take away from this experience, I know that it gave me real depth and insight as to how much Moms have to go through just in the first few weeks of pregnancy. When my Husband and I decide to try again sometime in the future, I know I would really be able to give myself credit for deciding to try again and for having the courage to move on.

Buttercup509 · February 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you find healing.

greenbumbletea · February 2014

Thank you so much, @Buttercup509. Thanks for witnessing/listening.

dawnstar898 · February 2014

I am so sorry about your loss, big hugs

greenbumbletea · February 2014

Thank you @dawnstar898. Hugs! It definitely seems to be getting better bit by bit with time.

dawnstar898 · February 2014

It does get better, and you will have bad days, but the best thing to do is to just try and stay positive and be good to yourself

greenbumbletea · February 2014

Thanks @Birch113.

@dawnstar898 It's been a tough run so far... I had to go to the OB's twice in one day today -once to get blood drawn (both inner elbows are bruised up from constant blood draws every 2-3 days) and once for excruciating pain in the evening. The Doc said that it was pain associated with a natural miscarriage - we're waiting on blood results that will come back tomorrow morning which will help decide if I need to go in for a D&C. Having to go back to the Doc's office so often is wearing down my will power, and I usually have a great supply of it!

dawnstar898 · February 2014

Ugh, I'm so sorry. I hope you won't have to have the D&C but if you do, I've had two and they weren't that bad. More emotional than physical, and recovery is quick. I'm sorry going to the doc so much is wearing on you. I know how you feel. Just remember what all this is for and, hopefully, someday it will all be worth it. Eye on the prize!

greenbumbletea · February 2014

Thanks @dawnstar898. I finally got some good news and the break I needed to move on today. I got my results and my levels have dropped significantly compared to Monday. The Doc's office said I won't need to do a D&C, and I won't have to get my blood drawn until a whole week later! (next Thursday) Thanks for witnessing me all this time

dawnstar898 · February 2014

Glad you got some good news amongst the bad!

Danib888 · February 2014

So sorry you're going through this!

greenbumbletea · February 2014

Thank you for listening @Danib888

Want a personalized experience?

So much can change in just one week.

Re: So much can change in just one week.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards