Can I punch my mother?

BootsOrHearts · February 2014

She gave me a book about attachment parenting and said I should read it. It's my first week back at work. I don't want to work but financially we can't afford for me not to right now. I'm heartbroken about it. I told her 'what would you like me to do, telepathically bond with him?' and stormed out. This is especially ironic since for the first 5-6 years of my life, my parents both worked crazy hours so they left before I woke up and weren't home until after I went to bed and I had a very hard time with it. I remember crying myself to sleep most nights because I missed them so much. I swore I would never do that to my child!

Missa_g · February 2014

I'm so sorry. I think one thing to remember is that you can still be an AP parent and work. AP is not an all or nothing thing. It's not bed sharing, cloth diapering, breast feeding, or being with your baby 24/7. It's about listening to your child and meeting their needs when you are with them. It's about respecting them

martinimomma · February 2014

I'd like to "attach" a smack to her kisser on your behalf. I'm sure she thinks she's being helpful but the timing sucks. As a full time working momma now of 2 I can attest (and PPs did too) that working is not an impediment to bonding with your LO. ((Hugs))

ravenclaw1 · February 2014

Punch away. I'm sorry your mom is being sucky. But also, don't feel guilty for working to provide for your family.

KikiCohen · February 2014

ravenclaw1 said:

Punch away. I'm sorry your mom is being sucky. But also, don't feel guilty for working to provide for your family.

Absolutely this.

BootsOrHearts · February 2014

martinimomma said:

I'd like to "attach" a smack to her kisser on your behalf. I'm sure she thinks she's being helpful but the timing sucks. As a full time working momma now of 2 I can attest (and PPs did too) that working is not an impediment to bonding with your LO. ((Hugs))

I know in my heart this must be true because there are plenty of great mommas who work outside the home, I'm just struggling right now with how to make it work. I'm so afraid he'll forget who I am if I see him so infrequently. He goes to bed between 8 and 9 pm so there's so little time to spend with him and I don't want to keep him awake after the night feeding because he needs his sleep, as do I. Ugh.

martinimomma · February 2014

BootsOrHearts said:

martinimomma said:

I'd like to "attach" a smack to her kisser on your behalf. I'm sure she thinks she's being helpful but the timing sucks. As a full time working momma now of 2 I can attest (and PPs did too) that working is not an impediment to bonding with your LO. ((Hugs))
I know in my heart this must be true because there are plenty of great mommas who work outside the home, I'm just struggling right now with how to make it work. I'm so afraid he'll forget who I am if I see him so infrequently. He goes to bed between 8 and 9 pm so there's so little time to spend with him and I don't want to keep him awake after the night feeding because he needs his sleep, as do I. Ugh.

It is so tough. But rest assured your little guy knows his momma from all others. ((Hugs))

Mom2anAngel2 · February 2014

Punch away! She may have thought she was being helpful but her timing could not have been worse. I remember when I went back to work I was so worried about DS bonding with someone else and forgetting me. That never happened. The best part of my day was picking him up at DC and he would give me the biggest smiles when he saw me.

Use any spare moment you have to bond and I am sure he will remember it forever!

BootsOrHearts · February 2014

kklamb10 said:

Without even reading this my answer is yes! I really have no advice but I know you are doing your best for baby Boots. And haven't we already decided your mother is crazy?

Yes I'll just add this to the list of ridiculous things she's said, such as:

"You'll need a crib that you can lower the side on so when he's big enough to crawl out, he won't have so far to fall" and
"Put some honey on your nipples so he'll latch on" and my personal favorite
"Just feed him evaporated milk"

BootsOrHearts · February 2014

kklamb10 said:

Evaporated milk? What? :-?

She claims that's what I and my brother ate because we didn't like formula. She brags about how she breastfed both of us but then when you dig in, you find out she breasted us both for exactly 8 weeks which is how much time she took off work. As soon as she went back to work, it was onto evaporated milk. MOTY! 8-|

4legsRbest · February 2014

Missa_g said:

I'm so sorry. I think one thing to remember is that you can still be an AP parent and work. AP is not an all or nothing thing. It's not bed sharing, cloth diapering, breast feeding, or being with your baby 24/7. It's about listening to your child and meeting their needs when you are with them. It's about respecting them

Amen! Go ahead and smack her, Boots

BootsOrHearts · February 2014

milkergirl1 said:

BootsOrHearts said:

kklamb10 said:

Evaporated milk? What? :-?

She claims that's what I and my brother ate because we didn't like formula. She brags about how she breastfed both of us but then when you dig in, you find out she breasted us both for exactly 8 weeks which is how much time she took off work. As soon as she went back to work, it was onto evaporated milk. MOTY! 8-|

According to my GMIL, evaporated milk is what babies ate before formula. When she was raising her children, it was only poor families that BF.

Weird!

BootsOrHearts · February 2014

theresat858 said:

I am so confused by the implications in this post that a working mom can't also be an attachment parent....

Attachment parenting or no, I'm struggling personally with maintaining that close relationship with my son when I don't see him all day long. I'm sure it's something all working moms go through at first.

orangegoggles · February 2014

Yup, go for it!
((hugs))

katharine25 · February 2014

Horrible timing definitely, but agree that AP and being a working mom aren't mutually exclusive.
Going back to work is so so hard, but it does get easier. Really it does!

bethLenell · February 2014

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time. You are a great mom and doing a great job. I think it was poor timing on your mom's part for sure if not just flat out rude to give you that book. Keep your chin up and know that you are doing your best for your LO. I hope it gets easier for you soon!

adoxyinherear · February 2014

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this right now

big_noise · February 2014

milkergirl1 said:

I'm sorry she is being such a jerk. The first week is the hardest. It's about quality time not quantity, I think. But I feel I'm a better mom by working. I would go stir crazy at home, so by working I get the adult interaction I need, and spend quality time with DS. I've seen some great posts from working moms on the AP board and the Work Mom board has been helpful with tips on getting through the tough times. My son loves daycare and playing with other kids, but he's always happy to see me at the end of the day. Your DS will not forget who his mom is.

This. Big hugs, the transition back is hard. It does get easier. That was a tough thing to hear at that moment and it would have been much better left unsaid.

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