Late Term and Child Loss

i wish someone would have told me this...

jonahsmajonahsma member
edited February 2014 in Late Term and Child Loss
I wish someone would have told me what to expect after a loss, physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. This is just my point of view. 
1. That they dont give you a stillbirth certificate if youve had a d and e.
2. That they could give me the babys ashes if i wanted them.
3. That i could get a lock of hair or footprints.
4. That my body would react as if i had given birth to a live baby and that my milk would come in. (complete torture)
5. That my whole body would be in physical pain for weeks due to depression.
6, That i would feel my baby kicking even though my womb was empty.
7.. That i would feel as if i am going to die.
8.. That my heart would feel as if it were empty.
9. That I would fear leaving my home because i dont want to see any pregnant woman or newborn.
10. That i would lose my friends when i needed them the most.
11. That everyone else would move on a lot quicker than I would.
12. That my faith would be tested way beyond words.
13. the loss of a child will turn my life upside down more than I would have ever imagined..
again this is just my point of view.. my feelings

Re: i wish someone would have told me this...

  • ((hugs))   I feel the same about a lot of your points there.
    Me: 33, Endocrine issues & FVL       DH: 32, Nothing 
    NTNP 2009-2012         TTC since 2012:
    • Clomid, 2 IUI cycles, and 5 IVF cycles = BFN
    • FET #1   August 2013 = BFP!     EDD 5/11/14
    • Jack dx at 19w1d with Dandy Walker on 12/16/13
    • Severe Pre-e /HELLP set in Jack born sleeping at 20w1d on 12/23/13
    • FET #2 --July 2014  BFP!  ---  EDD  4/5/15

    Jack has handpicked his sibling up there :)

    My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog

            Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

                                                      

                                                                              Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


                  Anniversary





  • I have a lot of the same feelings.

    Right now I am so angry I physically feel the need to kick and punch things.

    And I hate almost everyone. Baby, or no baby.
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  • i have come to the conclusion that  GRIEF is unpredictable....
     
    I could say Im doing great one minute and the next im a hot mess

    I could wake up energetic one day and the next day struggle to get out of bed.

    Some how and some way we will get through this
  • jonahsma said:
    i have come to the conclusion that  GRIEF is unpredictable....
     
    I could say Im doing great one minute and the next im a hot mess

    I could wake up energetic one day and the next day struggle to get out of bed.

    Some how and some way we will get through this
    I agree.... I equated it to a ferris wheel. Around and around you go.
    Me: 33, Endocrine issues & FVL       DH: 32, Nothing 
    NTNP 2009-2012         TTC since 2012:
    • Clomid, 2 IUI cycles, and 5 IVF cycles = BFN
    • FET #1   August 2013 = BFP!     EDD 5/11/14
    • Jack dx at 19w1d with Dandy Walker on 12/16/13
    • Severe Pre-e /HELLP set in Jack born sleeping at 20w1d on 12/23/13
    • FET #2 --July 2014  BFP!  ---  EDD  4/5/15

    Jack has handpicked his sibling up there :)

    My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog

            Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

                                                      

                                                                              Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


                  Anniversary





  • VyD81VyD81 member
    edited February 2014
    Hugs, i can relate to how you feel.
    Ticker id: ra2f

    BFP #2, EDD 12/26/14, please be our rainbow.

  • I understand way too many of those points. ((Hugs))

    BFP #1 March 24, 2010; missed m/c May 26, 2010 @ 12w 4d; D&E May 28, 2010

    BFP #2 Oct 20, 2010; My little boy was born on July 5, 2011

    BFP #3 April 30, 2013; Chemical Pg May 5, 2013

    BFP #4 Aug 22, 2013; It's a boy.  Loss discovered at 24 weeks on Jan 15, 2014 (cause CMV virus)    

                                  <3 We love and miss you Timothy <3

    BFP #5 April 6, 2014; missed m/c May 15, 2014 @ 9 weeks; Misoprostol May 15, 2014; D&C May June 3, 2014

  • Everything you have said is so true.  It is so hard to describe to someone who hasn't been here.  You've been in my thoughts and prayers this week - I hope next week is better. ((hugs))
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
  • Yes. I have felt everything on your list. You are not alone.

    imageimage
    DD born on 11/10/2007
    TTC Sept-Nov 2012
    BFP on 10/25/2012 CP 11/1/2012
    Back on BCP
    BFP on 10/13/2013 EDD June 26, 2014 
    Little Girl went to Heaven on January 26, 2014 @ 18 weeks
    TTCAL March 2014-Present
    BFP on 6/20/2014 Blighted Ovum
    BFP on 8/31/2014 It's a GIRL!  EDD May 18, 2015
  • @stefuge I wanted to thank you for making your blog public.. I'm sure it will impact many women who have gone through a loss and thank you for praying for me. I admire your faith in God I draw strength in how strong you are. God is using you girly.. I will continue praying for you and your family... ((big hugs))
  • you're not alone. I could've written some of those points myself. 
  • Those are great points. I also wish someone would have told me about the fear in grief. (Fear that I will lose my husband next.)

    image
    TTC since 10/2010
    IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
    IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
    IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
    IVF # 3 (June 2013) = BFN 
    IVF # 4 (September 2013) = BFP Fraternal twin boys! (Loss at 21w6d due to IC on 1/26/14...devastated.)
    3/21/14--TAC (transabdominal cerclage) w/Dr. Davis in NJ
    IVF # 5 (May 2014) = BFN
    FET (August 2014) = BFN

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • So true! I think we have all felt most of these at some point.
  • Ah, thanks @jonahsma. ((Bug hugs)) to you too!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
  • Those are great points. I also wish someone would have told me about the fear in grief. (Fear that I will lose my husband next.)

    Yes, had this too.
  • I am so sorry. Just know you are not alone.
    I thought the very same thing when it began with me
  • veetveet said:
    I have a lot of the same feelings. Right now I am so angry I physically feel the need to kick and punch things. And I hate almost everyone. Baby, or no baby.
    Ditto this. I went through the whole crying every day stage and now I'm just pissed off. And I've felt and gone through every single one of those 13 points... sometimes all in one day, and sometimes in phases.  
  • It has been over 2 years for me and while all of those points were exactly how I felt for so very long. I promise you it does get  a little easier to just be. Now looking back I have no idea how I survived and how I could be almost 2 years and 5 months further away from when I held her. Hugs to all of you ladies!!!
    DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
  • Thinking and praying for all of you ladies tonight..((hugs))
  • jonahsma said:
     
    6, That i would feel my baby kicking even though my womb was empty.
     
    This broke my heart the most out of my experience.
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I have felt everything on your list. I'm so sorry you had to go through these

    Julius Justin - 11/07/2002 - 10 lbs 22 in 
    Isabella Genavieve - 02/03/05 - 7 lbs 11 oz 22 in 
    Arianna Kaitlynn - 04/10/2013 - 4 lbs 15 oz 15 in

    BFP 08/10/13 
    TWINS!!!! 09/01/13
    Miscarriage at 12 weeks lost baby B 
    Arianna diagnosed with an Ompalocele at 13 weeks
    Arianna our Angel on 04/10/13 
    BFP 07/20/13
    Our Rainbow due 03/18/14 


    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


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