Spoiling your only

JackoftheBox · February 2014

Do you feel like you spoil your only?

I do. Just in the way of what i am willing to purchase for him. I know if we had more than one child his birthday gift and such would not be nearly what they are.

Tink112011 · February 2014

I am very much a minimalist, so we do not spoil DS with toys and "stuff". However, DS is still incredibly spoiled, especially with attention. On the weekends and in the evenings, we do everything together. He will also grow up very spoiled with experiences, such as vacations and day trips.

I do spoil him with clothes, but he doesn't care. I do that for myself!

JackoftheBox · February 2014

I know now we go on a lot of weekend trips and we can splurge while we are there. We also do A LOT for his birthday. Other holidays not as much, but I feel like that is his special day and I want to make them memorable!

I just wanted to make sure it wasn't just me

hopefulmom81 · February 2014

I don't know if we "spoil" her as much as because she is an only she gets all of our resources. We don't overload her with stuff and clothes, but if we are out, I will pick up a toy with her most times just because I can. If we had 2, I couldn't afford to do this.

My parents were really great at this, I think. If there was some larger item that I wanted, they would delay gratification. They wouldn't buy it right away, but I would 75% of the time receive it 2 weeks-a month later. They were also great at explaining that they spoiled me, but that wasn't how the real world worked.

JackoftheBox · February 2014

M&MHaveMyHeart said:

I don't think we spoil him.. we just get whatever WE want for him. Lol I think he's still too young to understand the concept & we don't plan on getting every single thing he wants at that given moment. I always say he's spoiled with hugs & kisses.

This happens all the time. It's mostly on me not DH

KatieB19 · February 2014

I don't think we spoil him. We do buy him toys from time to time for no reason except that I wanted to get them for him, but because of this he usually only gets one or two gifts from us on his bday and xmas. I also don't buy him many clothes, and when I do buy clothes, they are from consignment shops or heavily discounted. I guess the only way we spoil him is with our time. He has no one to compete with there.

michelle615 · February 2014

M&MHaveMyHeart said:

I don't think we spoil him.. we just get whatever WE want for him. Lol I think he's still too young to understand the concept & we don't plan on getting every single thing he wants at that given moment. I always say he's spoiled with hugs & kisses.

I think this is us too. If we had expenses for more than one child, we would be forced to think about how we were spending for the kids. And if hugs and kisses make him spoiled, I can think of worse things!

dulcemariamar1 · February 2014

New here! We spoil DD with our attention. She doesnt like to cuddle much but I love to give her hugs and kisses when she lets me. We dont really spoil her with material things. But she probably will be spoiled with trips and such since we love to travel.

Ago · February 2014

Hmmm. I don't think we spoil her too much. We don't go very big at all for birthdays (we actually didn't get her anything last year and she didn't notice), maybe a bit more for Christmas though I keep it reasonable. Clothes are another story. On the weekends we go out to eat a lot and that includes at times her favorite restaurants. I'd like to spoil her with travel, but that isn't happening too much yet, hopefully soon. My parents and my husband's parents spoil her a bit, since she is the only grandchild on both sides, so that is probably why I hold back.

Chapter79 · February 2014

I'm not as fond of the word "spoil" because I always associate that with a bad thing (like a bratty spoiled kid).. though I know that's not what you/everyone means. I do spoil her in the way you intended.. not in a bad way. She doesn't get everything she wants. I don't take her to a store and go down the toy aisle and let her get everything she asks for or anything.

But yes, she's spoiled. Because we can. And that's one of the reasons we decided to have one kid. We take her on several summer vacations, we spend quite a bit on her birthdays and parties, Christmas, randomly buy toys. We're able to do more because she's the only one we have to do it on.

harleygirl07 · February 2014

She definitely doesn't get everything she asks for, but we do splurge on her....usually clothes, movies, out to eat, summer trips. Birthday parties & Christmas are always big too

KL777 · February 2014

I'll put it this way, he doesn't want for much. I'm not about spoiling a child to where they turn into brats, but our lil' gentleman has plenty.

TiffanyBerry · February 2014

Sort of, but I don't think it'd really be a lot different for two. A lot of our "spoiling" is that we're willing to undertake big projects. Like, we're building her a playhouse - not buying one, but designing and building. We make lots of stuff, rather than buying, so we spoil in that way.

holleysgirl · February 2014

I'm not sure if it would be much different with another around toys, clothes etc. We are relatively modest, I do pick up a toy from Target now and again, but if I had another would just pick up two coloring books instead of one. No biggie. Where she is spoiled is around our attention. She gets it undivided and this can present an issue when she wants help with something and is asked to wait or at school when the teacher is preoccupied. Also she gets to go to private school. That would not happen with another. I don't consider that spoiling her though as much as the opportunity afforded her as a result of being a single kid.

this decaf life · February 2014

I don't think I spoil DD but a second LO would definitely get the short end of the stick because I would probably just regift DD's stuff.

kristennd · February 2014

I'm not even sure what qualifies as spoiling, when you stop to really think about it.

LO gets what we can afford. But so would a second child. What we could afford would then be less per kid, but that's sort of beside the point.

I guess buying a kid anything they ask for would be spoiling. It's a non-issue for us. One, we live paycheck to paycheck and everyone goes without. Two, he just doesn't ask for anything yet. Ignores the toy aisle at Target. I showed him catalogs at Christmas and he just didn't care. So we get to pick whatever the hot educational/developmental item is and call it good. That won't last...

He is probably over-indulged. Simply because DH and I are both deeply lazy people and it turns out that having a kid doesn't magically cure that. So he watches a lot of tv and eats a lot of junk food. Not because oh he's so adorable and deserves it but just because that's what I need to do to get anything else accomplished. On the other hand, we do not tolerate bad behavior.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

I think DS is a little spoiled with our attention, not really things. Some kids have a LOT more toys and cute clothes than DS. But he definitely gets a ton of focused attention from DH and I, which I do think sort of "spoils" him because he'll get into situations where the world doesn't revolve around him. I think it's an important aspect of an only child's life to keep in mind while we're parenting. By default siblings will have to share more attention than onlies, so we have to work to make sure we teach him patience, turn-taking, independent play, etc. more than we would if he had a sibling requiring our attention.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

p.s. But I think it's a good problem to have. Obviously he's fabulous and deserves all the things.

kbates85 · February 2014

I actually make an effort not to spoil him with "stuff" only love

. It's something that ways a little heavy on me because I wasn't raised like that and it made me who I am. I know that J won't ever struggle or have to just barely survive but I don't want him to be gift grabby or feel like he's entitled. I won't tolerate that behavior so I want to make sure I set a good example even though he's still very young.

Edit: I was just thinking about it and realizing that it's really all relative anyway. I mean, when I look around my house and really think about it I realize he's already spoiled with stuff, in my eyes, despite my efforts. I'm sure someone else would say he isn't at all. So, there's that.

gwendarling · February 2014

Tink112011 said:

I am very much a minimalist, so we do not spoil DS with toys and "stuff". However, DS is still incredibly spoiled, especially with attention. On the weekends and in the evenings, we do everything together. He will also grow up very spoiled with experiences, such as vacations and day trips.
I do spoil him with clothes, but he doesn't care. I do that for myself!

This is us word for word, except change DS to DD.

But I don't buy her toys and books at stores because I don't want her to understand this concept of shopping yet! As of now, when we go shopping for anything, I can easily tell her "sorry, we can't take this home, it's not ours! it's the store's." and she'll be okay with it. Once I actually give in and she witnesses this transaction, it will be SUPER hard and fights will happen so I just choose not to go down that path. Is that flame worthy?

kristennd · February 2014

gwendarling said:

But I don't buy her toys and books at stores because I don't want her to understand this concept of shopping yet! As of now, when we go shopping for anything, I can easily tell her "sorry, we can't take this home, it's not ours! it's the store's." and she'll be okay with it. Once I actually give in and she witnesses this transaction, it will be SUPER hard and fights will happen so I just choose not to go down that path. Is that flame worthy?

It's smart.

PB102012 · February 2014

I can't really spoil her yet, but when she gets older I plan to... As long as she realizes how fortunate she is.

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