So frustrated with childcare search

*sparky* · February 2014

I am due in April and admittedly waited a while to look for childcare. The main reason was because I had my heart set on having a nanny due ot the fact that we only need care three days/week and my DH is gone a lot so I am single mom those three days, with my dad's help getting my son from school a couple of those days. Well, DH panicked over the cost and so I started looking at DC's. I have narrowed it down to 2 centers that I would actually consider sending my child to. One is really expensive and has a wait list until January. The other is reasonable and has an opening in August, but will add about 20 minutes to my commute each way, which is already an hour. So when I am solo parenting, having a three hour a day commute is really not a good idea.

The DC with the wait list said there is a former teacher who started an in home DC and perhaps I could send the baby there while we wait for a spot. I reached out to her - she does not have an infant spot available for the next 2 years! I contacted another in-home and got a similar answer - they don't have a spot for an infant until summer 2015. Was I supposed to start planning for childcare before this baby was even conceived?

So now not only am I having to figure out how to swing drop off/pick up on my own, as my possibilities for childcare dwindle I am afraid I am going to end up having to leave my baby with someone I would normally never consider because I have no other options. I am seriously on the verge of tears.

jlaOK · February 2014

Ugh! I'm so sorry. I had the same trouble when I had DS. We literally couldn't get a spot anywhere and ended up paying a month advance for him to go to a place that we pulled him out of 2 months later. My only advice would be to really consider looking into more in-home places (especially since you only need someone 3 days a week). I have found that they are more likely to have infant spots. Also, don't be upset if you end up changing daycare's. DS went to 3 daycare's before he was 10 months old before we got a spot at our #1 choice. He did great with every transition and completely loves daycare. Good luck and keep searching!

*sparky* · February 2014

@jlaOK - Thank you! The woman who does not have a spot for 2 years said she could send me some recommendations so I will reach out to them once I get the information from her.

DiveFrog · February 2014

Is the cost of a PT nanny more than the center with a wait list? Is the center that adds to your commute SO much cheaper that it offsets having that kind of commute? Can you afford the Nanny your DH just isn't happy about it. What are his thoughts on what you should do?

Honestly, and this is my perspective not only based on this post of yours, but also a few others. Your DH is being rather inflexible and not understanding at all. He seems to think his responsibilities end at working, and that you should handle everything else. This is a much bigger issue than just childcare this is about how your kids are cared for, how your household is run and your marriage. God knows I would be SO angry if my DH thought that me being a working single parent 3 days a week juggling 2 kids (including an infant) and a 3 hr. commute daily was a good plan.

As for other ideas for childcare I second looking at other in home DC's, and also maybe looking for a nanny share with another family.

*sparky* · February 2014

@DiveFrog - I know. He is being a royal pain in the ass about a lot of things. He is stressed about his job, more than he has ever been, and it is impacting everything. He feels like he might lose his job or quit suddenly and so he is in a panic about money.

I am trying to work through all of this with him but it is a process. He has been picking up the slack at home so that has improved.

laurakaz13 · February 2014

I would absolutely try to convince DH a nanny is the best choice for now and put your name on the waiting list for the great daycare center with a waiting list until January. Do you think he would budge?

emberlee3 · February 2014

I'm sorry. It is so stressful. What about getting a nanny just until the DC spot opens up in January?

MH was not excited about the idea of a nanny for next year, until I pointed out that the cost of daycare + before/after care + school vacation/holiday/sick day care almost equals the cost of a nanny. The convenience factor sealed the deal.

tarynh75 · February 2014

I agree that I would get a nanny on a temp basis and see how it goes. Maybe you can even share a nanny. A 3hour commute with 2 kids is nuts- regardless of how expensive a nanny is.

*sparky* · February 2014

I am still trying to convince DH a nanny is the way to go and have not completely stopped searching for one. If the childcare search continues as it has been we may not have a choice anyway. We actually met with one this weekend who has tons of experience and my DS really liked her. But she was expensive and DH started stressing out about having to pay vacation, holidays, snow days, etc.,etc. so that was when he flipped to the DC side. He gets that me commuting three hours a day is not ideal (that is his commute if he drives back and forth from the project he's on and the reason he stays down there a lot) so he thinks my dad can help us. But I can't count on my dad 100%, nor do I want to.

Thanks for the suggestions and I will keep you guys posted. I just had no idea in-home day cares would have crazy waits like that!

Iblamethebeer · February 2014

I would suggest looking for a SAHM who is willing to bring her baby/toddler/preschooler to your house and get paid a little bit less than a traditional nanny. Might get your DH over the price hump.

cecilyandgautam · February 2014

I have a couple ideas: a nanny still sounds like one of the more reasonable options for you. To bring down the cost, if the nanny is just for your youngest & not the older kids, then a nanny share could work for you. Some families don't necessarily need/want a share everyday and I see families posting in situations like yours on my local listserve. Alternatively, you could post the nanny position on a local college board and try to find someone who's free those 3 days a week - I had a lot of evening classes as a student and I'm sure there are others in the same situation looking for a part time job. Or you could just make it a "bring your child to work" set up and pay a lower hourly rate in return.

Your state's or county's in-home licensing office should have a roster of all licensed providers. Ask for the most recent list and start calling. If some one says she has no openings, ask if any of her friends at starting in-homes and have openings; my provider funnels a lot of business to her friends who are just starting up their own in-homes. She may know some one who's pursuing her license but it will take another month or two to come through; in the meantime, she'd be happy to watch one kid which is fine without the license.

bcnoelle · February 2014

I agree with possibly looking into a nanny share. Or try to suck up the cost for a bit until the August spot opens and deal w the commute until the January spot for the closer one opens? If you're due in April, how long will you take maternity leave until? I'd probably go for the nanny until January and just try to budget for it. My son got so sick his first year in daycare, that we'vd decided we don't have the flexibility or heart to attempt an early daycare situation with our second. We actually wound up spending close to what a nanny would have been without daycare cause we had to pay a lot of back up nanny days and you don't get re-imbursed by a day care if your child is sick. That's another point you could bring up to DH.

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