Adoption
sabrina69barnes
member
I was adopted. Feel free to ask questions.
sabrina69barnes
member
in Adoption
I was adopted as an infant in a closed adoption. I found my birth family when I was 17. If anyone has any questions for me feel free to ask.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I was adopted. Feel free to ask questions.
Whoa...I have LOTS of questions but will limit them -
1) What would you say was your biggest challenge being an adopted child?
2) Did you wish it was an open adoption?
3) Do you currently keep in contact with bios?
4) Any advice for me as a fosterparent hoping to adopt? I have a newborn placement and have met the birthmom.
I have a few. Thanks!
1. When you were looking for your birth mom, did your parents support you? Do you think your parents felt weird about it?
2. Did you look like your parents? If not, did you find a lot of people asking you and how did that make you feel?
3. Did your parents have any other children (bio)? Did you feel like less part of the family if your parents had bio child?
Thank you. And if any of these questions are too personal, just ignore.
Baby #2: 12 cycles, 1 failed FET, natural miracle but m/c at 9 weeks then another natural miracle that stuck! 9-30-09
TTC #3 - 4 cycles - no BFP yet!
1) I would say the biggest challenge for me was feeling sad on my birthday. I used to think a lot about my BM on that day. People didn't understand why anyone would be sad on their birthday and so they weren't very supportive. It wasn't until I was older and did reaserch that I found out that I wasn't alone.
2) YES YES YES!!! I wish it would have been an open adoption. I always felt like something was missing in my life. I didn't even know my parent's first names. I was never treated differently by my family and strangers had no idea I was adopted but I noticed that I looked a little different. I always wondered who I looked like.
3) I have never talked to my BF. He denies that I am his. I did find his daughter, my sister, on myspace and we talk sometimes. I am very close with my BM. She lives a few states away. I have gone to visit her a few times, she came here for my son's birth, my wedding (she was a bride's maid), and will be here for the birth of my next baby. We talk on the phone several times a week.
4) I don't really know your situation so this may not be possible. Get as much information as you can about the BP. Even little things like favorite foods, types of music, hobbies. If you won't be keeping in contact with them you'll want answers to questions your child may ask later. It at all possible keep in contact with them. I always wished I could have talked to my BM while I was growing up. I used to write her letters but I didn't have anywhere to send them. I gave them to her when we finally met.
That is awesome... I love hearing adoptees' perspectives. I love my daughter so much, and I love her firstmom, too. We have an open adoption, but her other mom kind of comes and goes with contact. I know she will always be there for our DD though, so I'm really glad for that. I want her to be able to make her own choices as far as what sort of relationship she wants with her bio family, but of course I hope she loves them and includes them in her life, too.
The main question I can think of right now is how did your parents explain relinquishment/placement to you? Maybe since it was a closed adoption they didn't know very much, but of course ours is open so we know more details. I worry sometimes about how we'll explain everything to her, age-appropriately, so that she doesn't wonder and knows her whole story, and yet doesn't feel rejected, abandoned, unloved, etc. I know she's going to feel however she's going to feel about it, but as a mom, naturally I worry.
Thanks for sharing your story. It's great to hear from an adult's perspective. It makes me feel like maybe we're on the right track!
When my mother placed me she gave me a stuffed bear, my going home from the hospital outfit, and a letter. My bear was always in my room growing up. My parents called it my "birth mommy bear". They explained it was from my birth mother. When I was really little I didn't really think about what that ment. When I was older they got me this book called The Mauberry bird. It is a children's book about adoption and I would recomend it for any parent who wants to explain adoption to a small child. When I was around seven or eight my parents read to me the letter my mother had written me. It didn't have any identifying information but my mom did explain why she made the choice she made. Even though she wasn't there with my she helped explain things to me in her letter and that was really helpful for me. Maybe you and your daughter's other mom could find a way to explain things to your daughter together when she is old enough. For now, like I said, I think the book the mulberry bird would be a geat book for you to get. It was written by Anne Braff Brodzinsky.