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Stranger Anxiety, anyones kid????

Snugly AelSnugly Ael member
in Multiples
I'm having a hard time with my daughter, again... I hired a nanny thinking things would get better for me and the twins while my husband is away for work, but looks like they're getting worse. At my twins 6 months appointment we found out that she has stranger anxiety and separation anxiety. The moment she saw her pediatrician and nurse she started crying.

So far, I tried 3 different nannies and she got along well with just one, and to my luck I can't have that nanny as she lives very far from where I reside. Yesterday, when my current nanny was here, my daughter wasn't leaving me even for a second. If I put her down or in her bouncy chair she cried continuously, wouldn't take her paci and kept crying looking at the nanny. I felt miserable looking at my daughter in so much discomfort. I hired a nanny thinking I would get some sleep and get time to do some household chores, but looks like it gets worse with her around as I have to hold my daughter EVERY TIME.

When the nanny is home she takes care of my son, while my daughter is glued to me ALL THE TIME. I get to do things around the house only after I'm done putting her down for her nap. When the nanny is not to be seen around, my daughter would laugh and play all by herself, as soon as she sees her she starts crying continuously. She wouldn't calm down even for a second when the nanny holds her. I can't study or nap or do anything when she's with the nanny.

When I'm alone with my b/g twins my girl is a happy baby. She just becomes very moody and crabby when she sees a stranger and our nanny. Is this a signal I'm getting from her that we don't need a nanny and I can do things all by myself? The problem is I hardly get to sleep in the nights with the twins when my husband is away and the next day I'll be a mess. What should I do? I feel we're spending money on something which isn't helping us much... Is it a waste of money? I'm confused. Please advise!
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Re: Stranger Anxiety, anyones kid????

  • cadencaden member
    My kids both hated strangers and freaked out every time we left them with sitters. It's normal and it will get better once your kids become more social. In the meantime I think the key is making your nanny part of your routine so that your DD becomes comfortable with your nanny and figures out nanny =/= you leaving forever. I don't think changing nannies will help. There was no one (besides immediate family) my kids bonded to instantly. But the babysitter my kids preferred was soft-spoken, got down to their level (literally sat on the floor with them), and had that super happy personality. If you can find a nanny you think will do a good job then just go with it and I think eventually your DD will get used to it.
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  • dmurriedmurrie member
    My daughter gets real nervous sometimes, but we've noticed some patterns. She's much more clingy around men, especially clean-shaven men. (My DH and both her grandfathers have full beards.). If someone tries to touch her early in an encounter, she is also not a happy camper.

    She's better around women and better around people she's either seen a few times or who give her some warm up time before trying to touch her.

    Are there any patterns you can detect in when she is more or less upset? If so, that could help you out a bit (like for us, we prefer female doctors, etc, for DD, and we let people know she needs a bit of warm-up time before they come close or touch her. We let her cuddle for a few minutes and watch us talk to the new person before trying to push her into interacting with them, too. If she has a chance to see that we're definitely OK with the person, that helps her.)
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  • YlvelillYlvelill member
    I would keep the nanny unless there are other reasons to let her go.

    Play with your daughter and son with the nanny, let her be close but no too close. Show her that you like her and trust her and let your daughter see your son enjoying the nanny.

    It may take a while but I bet she will come around. The more exposure to positive new relationship the easier it will be for her to warm up.
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  • mamatotwins0812mamatotwins0812 member
    Ditto what @caden said. My kids still can't be left alone with anyone unless they really, really know them, bc its typically me and them all day every day. The sooner they get used to people the better. She will get there, it just takes time.
    Fraternal twin boys born at 33 weeks 4 days Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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