Do you find it easier to see rainbow babies? (Newborn mentioned)

stefuge · February 2014

So do you find it easier when you see a family with a new baby, and you know they have suffered a loss previously? I ask because last night we were at a little get together and there was a three week old baby there and at first I avoided them as much as possible but then, at one point, found myself in conversation with the father and he mentioned how their first son was in the NICU for five days before they had to let him go, and I instantly felt different about the baby. I felt like I could relate to them so much more and see the joy that this little baby was. Not that any baby isn't a joy or that all parents are grateful and love their baby, but it was different knowing they had suffered a loss. MH and I were talking about it after we left the party and we really couldn't describe why it changed things but we both felt it was easier some how. I was just wondering if it is just me or if anyone else has felt similarly?

shandorfml2 · February 2014

I find it easiet because the parents "get it" and are usually more sensitive. I also see the rainbow as such a blessing and know i will have mine one day

mmsweeney1 · February 2014

I haven't experienced this myself. We have pretty much avoided all our friends with babies, but I would feel differently if I knew it was their rainbow because to me it means they understand and don't just assume that a pregnancy leads to a healthy baby. I think too many people just think it is easy.

veetveet · February 2014

I used to think it was that easy. Until this hell was unleashed on us...until I stepped into a high risk pregnancy clinic, until I joined this group and until I terminated my pregnancy. This shit only happens to other people.

Now I know so different.

I'm not saddened by other babies- period. Everyone deserves a happy family. Regular or rainbow.

Maybe Joleisa · February 2014

While I would not wish loss on my worst enemy (this is hell!), I know where you are coming from and I felt the same way towards my friends who experienced increasing degrees of infertility treatments through the years. While I was happy for my friends who didn't have to struggle, I was over the moon ecstatic for the ones who fought for years to get their take home babies.

schulme2 · February 2014

Yes! I think knowing that they get it and can truly understand the miracle that that baby is. I think knowing that they will never take that baby for granted allows me to feel better about the situation!

kz's_girlygirl · February 2014

I think I'm in the minority here, but seeing a baby most always causes me at least a twinge of pain.

Before Jesse died, that twinge came from years of infertility treatments and constantly hearing people say that if it was meant to be it would, or to just relax and it will happen when the time is right, etc. Now that twinge comes from dealing with even more infertility treatments, and having a dead baby.

I know realistically, that there are people in the real world who get it, but none of them are in my circle. A family friend had a living baby last week, and she had an early miscarriage about a year ago, but seeing that baby still hurts

No one is ever guaranteed a happy ending, and having to work so hard to even get a chance at a healthy living baby when it is seemingly easy for others around me, is a hard pill to swallow.

Bayberry12 · February 2014

I haven't really seen any new babies in person since my loss. Two people I know have gone on to have a live birth after a stillbirth, and I don't feel that wave of anxiety or pain when think of them or see their pictures the way I do with non loss parents.

I just feel so much joy and happiness that they finally have a living baby in their arms. It is definitely different for me; loss family vs non-loss family.

ikrystal · February 2014

I think it is a little easier. I have an aunt and a very close friend who experienced losses - my aunt lost a baby at 23 weeks due to IC and my best friend had 3 miscarriages. When I see their living children, it is easier than when I see my friends who had babies easily or on "accident." But, by no means is it easy to see any children, especially babies. I had a friend today who said she hoped that her baby held a special place in my heart because she was on the "same timeline" as Conner and Benjamin. Um. NO. I told her that I loved her family but it makes it harder to even look at her baby. But she hasn't experienced a loss. Those that have, as other people have already said, are usually a bit more sensitive and don't shove their baby in your face the way other people might.

SchoolPsychSteph · February 2014

Don't judge me, but I get upset seeing these families with 3+ kids and I think really? You get 3 wonderful kids and perfect pregnancies and I'm working on 2.3 (second child, third try). I wouldn't wish this on anyone either, but I have nothing but to pray for our rainbow baby at this point. I thank God I have my live daughter, but that hole needs to be filled as soon as possible.

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Do you find it easier to see rainbow babies? (Newborn mentioned)

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