Defecting to Facebook

eyenigh · February 2014

This is probably a stupid question with a very simple answer that should be obvious, but what's the deal with a lot of BMBs moving right over to Facebook after nearly everyone has had their kids? Why does it seems to be a mass exodus ASAP? I assumed it was because most people use FB and it was easier to have everything in one place but the way that groups that like that work on FB seems to be a massive cluster**** and really hard to follow. Not to mention, sometimes it's nice to keep things separate for privacy reasons. There are a lot of wackos on here that I'd rather not have any info about me beyond TB. Am I missing something?

JackoftheBox · February 2014

Not in my eyes. I have heard of this but never participated.

KatieB19 · February 2014

I prefer facebook to thebump for groups. It's so much easier to navigate, imo. Yes, you give up your anonymity within the group, but most of the time the groups are closed or secret, so anything you post is private in the group -- whereas anything we post here is privy to really the whole world. Also, you don't have to be fb friends with anyone you are in a group with, so your own wall stays private it you want it to.

I hate how on here, there is a list of conversations and you have to click on each one to open and then back out. You only get notifications is someone posts on YOUR post or tags you; fb you get notifications if a post you are involved in gets new comments -- and if it gets annoying, you can turn it off.

Also, I don't know about you guys, but when I'm IN a post, my computer does not automatically refresh it as soon as someone posts, so it's a little more awkward to have a real time conversation. Not so on fb.

KatieB19 · February 2014

Plus, mobile fb is soooooo much nicer.

kristennd · February 2014

My BMB has been on FB for a couple years now. It was mainly because of mobile, as others have explained.

There are actually three or four groups now. There are dramatic schisms every six months or so. I'm guessing that's pretty standard.

Chapter79 · February 2014

MOBILE, baby.

I will always prefer FB groups. But I'm not crazy about people seeing my stuff. If you watch your privacy settings, people in the group won't see a ton. Your first and last name, but that's no biggie to me. FB seems more personal to me, and I like to mobile. I cannot mobile on TB, I haaaate it. I'm in a FB group with the old TB parenting group.. I much prefer it.

KatieB19 · February 2014

kristennd said:

My BMB has been on FB for a couple years now. It was mainly because of mobile, as others have explained. There are actually three or four groups now. There are dramatic schisms every six months or so. I'm guessing that's pretty standard.

Wait, so like people feud or whatever and then their possy breaks off and forms a new group??

Yeah, it's not like that in the groups I'm in. I'm in one mom's group that has like 11 people (it's new), another has 600+ members, and the third has 700+. In the larger two groups, there is an understanding that certain behaviors are not acceptable -- name calling, unnecessary drama, debates that get personal. If something does get out of hand, admins always step in, and if people don't back off the post gets deleted. There have been people who left (individual, not groups) and a few who have been kicked out. But in general, the groups I'm in operate a lot like this board.

Chapter79 · February 2014

There was a lot of drama in one of mine at one point and then the group split and broke off to form another. So yeah, that happens. But now it's a super calm group.

That can happen anywhere, though. That's just human nature- when you have 100+ women together.

KatieB19 · February 2014

This post makes me want to create an oad fb group. I'd probably be on a lot more, lol.

Arcadia1114 · February 2014

My BMB fb group never really caught steam and kind of faded after the babies were born. I'm on one from Parenting that I enjoy immensely. I am all for fb groups as they are much easier than TB.

PB102012 · February 2014

SOME of the ladies from my BMB are Facebook friends. It's fun now because my news feed is full of cute baby cheeks and statuses. That being said, all of our baby related conversations, and all other posts are on TB, not Facebook. We mostly comment "how cute!!" etc on pictures and statuses. I prefer TB over Facebook because although I have many more Mommy friends now on Facebook, all my non Mommy friends don't want to hear/don't care about teething, baby colds, Nose Fridas, and Saline Drops, etc.

KatieB19 · February 2014

@PB102012 but that's where a group comes in, as opposed to friending people. People who aren't in the group wouldn't see any posts, and you don't have to be fb friends with members.

PB102012 · February 2014

@KatieB19 Ahhh.... ok, I get it. Sorry I misunderstood. I am part of a group formed by my DH's friends, but I never post anything, I just accepted the invite. Makes sense!

Chapter79 · February 2014

KatieB19 said:
This post makes me want to create an oad fb group. I'd probably be on a lot more, lol.

I would join

as long as we stay active here, too. I don't want it to die down, especially if there's some who don't have FB or don't wanna join it.

eyenigh · February 2014

2013mommy said:

TarHeelMomToBe said:

I miss a bunch of the people who were on the bump during our pregnancy, but there were a few that I would be nervous about knowing my personal stuff. I also heard that the original group started kicking out people who weren't active enough. I've been out of high school too long to want to go back to that type of environment!

Definitely agree with the bold! I was surprised to see how many people were gone after I came back and a few ladies that I really liked seemed to have left over the last several months. I'm not super picky about what I share online but there are very few people I'd feel comfortable with knowing my full name which is why I've never moved over to a FB group. I considered it for awhile but also never joined in with the Instagram crowd from our BMB.

That was always my feeling, too. I did try it when my BMB first moved and there were some genuinely nice people but, ugh, the cattiness and just general bitchiness was absolutely overwhelming and unnecessary. I'm all for some snark and sarcasm but most of it was just people being nasty under the anonymity of the internet. I don't care for that. They also started kicking people off for not posting enough, too. On boards where there are a few nice people but a lot of drama, I prefer to lurk so I got booted but I didn't really care.

this decaf life · February 2014

I wouldn't move over to the FB group when a lot of my BMB left for privacy reasons.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

I like the semi-anonymity of TB over FB. I'm on FB too but only friends with or in groups with people I know IRL. That's why I never moved over to our BMB FB group. I do miss hearing from some of the old regs from our BMB, though, especially the ones that were on TTGP the same time I was. Oh well.

Helenahhandbasket · February 2014

I didn't open this for the longest because I was reading it as "defecating to FB" and I was like, gross, isn't anything sacred anymore????

I can't read today.

eyenigh · February 2014

Helenahhandbasket said:
I didn't open this for the longest because I was reading it as "defecating to FB" and I was like, gross, isn't anything sacred anymore????
I can't read today.

I wish.

hopefulmom81 · February 2014

I don't get it either. I don't even post pics of DD on here, so I don't understand joining a group with people that you don't know they are who they say they are and even if they can't see your full profile, they can see some pictures of you and your family. I don't like that.

Chapter79 · February 2014

hopefulmom81 said:

I don't get it either. I don't even post pics of DD on here, so I don't understand joining a group with people that you don't know they are who they say they are and even if they can't see your full profile, they can see some pictures of you and your family. I don't like that.

I guess it depends on your level of comfortableness on the internet. I don't care who sees my picture or my DD's, that's why my real photo is my avatar and my DD is my siggy. Stuff like that simply doesn't get to me, I've posted pics of me online since the late 90's. And I like to show off my kiddo!! Just doesn't get to me, so someone seeing my profile pic on FB wouldn't be a concern of mine at all.

hopefulmom81 · February 2014

Chapter79 said:

hopefulmom81 said:

I don't get it either. I don't even post pics of DD on here, so I don't understand joining a group with people that you don't know they are who they say they are and even if they can't see your full profile, they can see some pictures of you and your family. I don't like that.

I guess it depends on your level of comfortableness on the internet. I don't care who sees my picture or my DD's, that's why my real photo is my avatar and my DD is my siggy. Stuff like that simply doesn't get to me, I've posted pics of me online since the late 90's. And I like to show off my kiddo!! Just doesn't get to me, so someone seeing my profile pic on FB wouldn't be a concern of mine at all.

Yeah, that is a good point. I mean, I met a bumpie friend in real life, so I will warm up to people, but I guess I just think of all of the creepercakes perverts out there and figure if they wanted to see kids, wouldn't the bump be a great place to find images of children?

Chapter79 · February 2014

hopefulmom81 said:

Chapter79 said:

hopefulmom81 said:

I don't get it either. I don't even post pics of DD on here, so I don't understand joining a group with people that you don't know they are who they say they are and even if they can't see your full profile, they can see some pictures of you and your family. I don't like that.

I guess it depends on your level of comfortableness on the internet. I don't care who sees my picture or my DD's, that's why my real photo is my avatar and my DD is my siggy. Stuff like that simply doesn't get to me, I've posted pics of me online since the late 90's. And I like to show off my kiddo!! Just doesn't get to me, so someone seeing my profile pic on FB wouldn't be a concern of mine at all.

Yeah, that is a good point. I mean, I met a bumpie friend in real life, so I will warm up to people, but I guess I just think of all of the creepercakes perverts out there and figure if they wanted to see kids, wouldn't the bump be a great place to find images of children?

Eh. Google is a good place, too.
If someone wants to be that creepy, that's their issue. Personally, I'm more concerned about the real life people that find kids on playgrounds, walking down streets, in malls, etc. What are they gonna do with my kids picture, you know? That stuff doesn't cross my mind

hopefulmom81 · February 2014

Chapter79 said:

hopefulmom81 said:

Chapter79 said:

hopefulmom81 said:

I don't get it either. I don't even post pics of DD on here, so I don't understand joining a group with people that you don't know they are who they say they are and even if they can't see your full profile, they can see some pictures of you and your family. I don't like that.

I guess it depends on your level of comfortableness on the internet. I don't care who sees my picture or my DD's, that's why my real photo is my avatar and my DD is my siggy. Stuff like that simply doesn't get to me, I've posted pics of me online since the late 90's. And I like to show off my kiddo!! Just doesn't get to me, so someone seeing my profile pic on FB wouldn't be a concern of mine at all.

Yeah, that is a good point. I mean, I met a bumpie friend in real life, so I will warm up to people, but I guess I just think of all of the creepercakes perverts out there and figure if they wanted to see kids, wouldn't the bump be a great place to find images of children?

Eh. Google is a good place, too.
If someone wants to be that creepy, that's their issue. Personally, I'm more concerned about the real life people that find kids on playgrounds, walking down streets, in malls, etc. What are they gonna do with my kids picture, you know? That stuff doesn't cross my mind

Totally. I should have prefaced all of this with a confession of my well-documented anxiety issues LOL! I definitely get what you are saying.

Chapter79 · February 2014

hopefulmom81 said:

Chapter79 said:

hopefulmom81 said:

Chapter79 said:

hopefulmom81 said:

I don't get it either. I don't even post pics of DD on here, so I don't understand joining a group with people that you don't know they are who they say they are and even if they can't see your full profile, they can see some pictures of you and your family. I don't like that.

I guess it depends on your level of comfortableness on the internet. I don't care who sees my picture or my DD's, that's why my real photo is my avatar and my DD is my siggy. Stuff like that simply doesn't get to me, I've posted pics of me online since the late 90's. And I like to show off my kiddo!! Just doesn't get to me, so someone seeing my profile pic on FB wouldn't be a concern of mine at all.

Yeah, that is a good point. I mean, I met a bumpie friend in real life, so I will warm up to people, but I guess I just think of all of the creepercakes perverts out there and figure if they wanted to see kids, wouldn't the bump be a great place to find images of children?

Eh. Google is a good place, too.
If someone wants to be that creepy, that's their issue. Personally, I'm more concerned about the real life people that find kids on playgrounds, walking down streets, in malls, etc. What are they gonna do with my kids picture, you know? That stuff doesn't cross my mind

Totally. I should have prefaced all of this with a confession of my well-documented anxiety issues LOL! I definitely get what you are saying.

LOL! And I'm the opposite, not very anxious.
Buttttt I do get why some don't share pics or are more careful. It's not MY thing, but I get it. I probably share too much!

KatieB19 · February 2014

Well I mean, your profile and cover pics on fb are public. I guess the biggest change is that people you don't know would know your name and whatever other public info you have on fb.

But oddly enough I'm more fine with that than with posting my name in a completely open forum like this. I also really really like that I can post things in fb groups and know that only the members can see it. Not so on here at all.

And yes, I am slightly paranoid of the internet. There are very few pictures of ds on fb, and most were not posted by me but by friends. I don't post pictures here either, but I'm more likely to there, again, because it's not public.

gwendarling · February 2014

TarHeelMomToBe said:

2013mommy said:

I prefer TB to FB but I'm not in any FB groups so maybe I don't entirely understand the appeal. I took a bump break for the last 4 months of my pregnancy and the first month after DS was born and when I came back my BMB was totally different because there had been a mass exodus to FB.

Our BMB has actually had 2 mass exoduses to facebook -- the first was near due date and was huge. The second was not as pervasive...mostly newer people who wanted in the facebook group but were told they hadn't been around long enough, and they seemed to stick around the BMB in addition to being on facebook.

I miss a bunch of the people who were on the bump during our pregnancy, but there were a few that I would be nervous about knowing my personal stuff. I also heard that the original group started kicking out people who weren't active enough. I've been out of high school too long to want to go back to that type of environment!

For a second I was all "omg, she must be a September 2011 mama!" but saw your siggy and did the math. It's so funny seeing all these parallel universes of BMBs and the same drama that unfolds. I think we had three mass exoduses: the first was maybe around the 20 week mark of pregnancy, the second was around the time the babies were born (which is when I went over, since I wasn't very active on the board throughout my pregnancy) and the third was within the year after.

I personally like the privacy and the format of FB, but I have to say, TB interface on the iphone has gotten much better!

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