Community› The Bump Message Boards› Single Parents
Single Parents
New Discussion

latest on SOB BD

eg214eg214 member
in Single Parents
BD still hasn't seen LO. I have had an open door policy to see her since she's been born. He was supposed to come up this Thursday so I texted him to ask if he was coming. Naturally, he called me bc he wants to be a PITA but I was busy with LO and missed his call. Anyway, called him back and can anyone guess his first question...

SO WHATS GOING ON WITH THE CUSTODY/VISITATION THING?

Are you effing kidding me? I swear those are the only words in his dumbass dictionary. Anyway, after 25 minutes of arguing and me not taking his shit anymore...he isn't coming to see her "because of the weather" (ummm no storms in sight) & said if I am not going to agree with his proposal of her flying to Florida at one year + every 2 months for 2 weeks then he isn't going to be in our lives...that he will pay CS and I will get to be a "SM" ... his words/abbrev exactly. As if that's a threat. I'm already an "SM."

Part of me says GO FOR IT ASSHOLE. LEAVE US ALONE. But for my daughters sake I feel like she should have a relationship with her dad...BUT...then again...maybe it would be better for her NOT to have him around bc he's such a ridiculous selfish person. Hearing him say over and over I DONT WANT TO...ME....ME...ME...when it comes to visitation makes me sick. I keep saying to him its not about YOU its about what's best for HER. Literally dealing with this manchild is like talking to and trying to negotiate with a brick wall. If it isnt EXACTLY his way...he's done with you. Its like a sickness. Never seen anything like it.

Big man wanted to threaten me and get an atty and make me intimidated as soon as we broke up and now that he realizes an attorney COSTS MONEY and he will have to pay CS and a mortgage and a car payment and food...etc...money doesn't grow on trees and now that attorney big boy shit isn't such a good idea anymore bc if I disagree with him and we go to court...he will have to pay his atty big bucks. Maybe he shouldn't have rushed to get an atty the second I found out i was pregnant.

Just unreal. He is a real POS. "My way or I'm dipping out." What an asshole. And he has the audacity to tell me I will have to explain it to her...whatever.

PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
Report Reply to Post

Re: latest on SOB BD

  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Well hes right you will have to explain it to her because hes the douche bag who wont be there to explain it to her. But that also means youll be able to explain you wantes them to have a relationship, you wanted her to know her dad but he made the choice to be an absent parent.

    Im sorry you have had to deal with this. But maybe this is for the best. Hes been nothing but a pita this far and it would probably only get worse.

    Also remember it might be whats beat for your daughter if hes not there. Do you want your daughter to grow up wondering what she did wrong that daddy is never happy with her cause she didnt do it his way? Do you want her to wonder when the next time shell see him is?

    Dont forget to get a custody order to protect youamd your daughter
    image
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • Gamera3000Gamera3000 member
    Agree with MM and lurchbaby. It'd be one thing if his MY WAY made any sense at all, but in no universe would that work. Flying a one year old a few states away every month? Who does that? I feel like he's just throwing unreasonable things out there so he can say you won't consider his suggestions.

    And it's just a slap in the face that he's being possessive over her without bothering to SEE her. What a shithead.
    Report Reply
  • eg214eg214 member
    I have my legal aid appt on the 27th. Earliest I could get in since they wouldn't see me until she was born :-/ I think he just wanted me to go along with his wishes and not get professional advice. Now that I am seriously getting some...he's pissed.

    I don't think VA grants protective orders unless there's been violence or repeat violence recently. I will ask though.

    Yeah I try to keep everything by email and he reemed me out about that and said we need to talk on the phone and I had a meltdown bc it was like 48 hours after I had her and I had no time for anything let alone talking to him on the phone. BUT I'm done playing his games and abiding by his rules bc I'm fearful of what he might do. Ridic.

    PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
    Report Reply
  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    First things first im glad your not taking his shit. Second play it by your rules, dont take phone calls. Make sure he knows if hed like to speak with you he can do it via email or text message. And stick to it. Dont answer phone calls, dont return them.

    Im glad you have a meeting with legal aif comming up
    image
    Report Reply
  • tig594tig594 member
    Agree with the PPs.  Buh-bye, asswipe!
    Report Reply
  • Gamera3000Gamera3000 member
    @Eg214 VA will grant a protective order if there's been a threat. Unfortunately I know that because I had to get one against my crazy mom years ago.
    Report Reply
  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    I would also like to point out the difference between a dad and a father.  A father is the guy who's genetic material created the baby.  A dad is the MAN who raises the baby.  You should probably stop calling this asshole "dad".  But that's just my opinion, I guess.  This what what I plan on telling DD when she's old enough to know.

    Anyway, I agree with everyone about the phone calls/emails.  If he gets upset, let him leave a nasty voicemail.  Text can be misconstrued, you can't deny the words that are said in a threatening tone. Also, because people can put different meanings on text, choose your words carefully!! For example, I wrote an email to BD's mom thanking her for a humidifier she sent her sons to give me and then explained to her (politely) that BD is not allowed at my house unless my BF was over, then I thanked her again for the humidifier.  I had THREE people read/edit what I had to say to make sure that it was the most polite and appreciative email that could be written about the agreement that BD and I have.  She sent me an email back saying I berated her and that I was ungrateful.  I have three people that can back me up that the email wasn't berating at all.  Actually, that might be a good idea for you too... When you send an email, have it looked over by a couple of people and also include your BD's atty and your legal aid person (when you meet with them, ask them if that is ok with them).  That way, he can't edit it before showing his attorney either.  I know people that do that.
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • eg214eg214 member
    Thanks ladies. You are right @roxalot. I guess I'm still in disbelief he is doing this. He's always wanted daughters and was SO excited. Has a nursery set up for her and has for MONTHS. I didn't expect him to say my way or I'm not going to be in my daughter's life...esp after his dad hasn't been in his. I mean, I guess I should have known better since it's always his way or the highway. I'd love to call him a sperm donor, but I guess I can't go that far yet.

    PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
    Report Reply
  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    I call bd bentleys biological father. But bf is daddy. Its okay to refer to him as dad, but avoid daddy. Daddy is an earned thing.

    Bf telks everyone hes the father to one and daddy to two
    image
    Report Reply
  • UnknownUnknown
    This content has been removed.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"