Bedtime issues with 18 month old

littlemurphy2912 · February 2014

My 18 month old has been having the worst time going to bed at night time the past month now. She has always been good at being laid down in her bed at night time and going to sleep on her own fine with a little bit of crying for a few seconds. Lately now when I lay her down in her bed at bed time she sits right up and starts crying immediately and my DH and I let her cry for a while but can't do it anymore because she has worked herself up so much that she will throw up and then we have to change her sheets and she's awake. My husband has lately been going in her room to rub her back and get her to go to sleep but it takes an hour for her to get to sleep. Any suggestions on what we can do to get her back to falling asleep on her own again or could this be a phase that she's going through? Thanks

littlemurphy2912 · February 2014

Around the time she started to not go to bed by herself was when she had an ear infection and since then has fought being sick and teething some too I think. The thought of pushing her bedtime back some just came into my head last night. We normally put her to bed between 8-9 maybe I should do 9-10 instead? Is that bad for a 18 month old though or does the bedtime change as they get older?

pb_bride · February 2014

probably being sick has a lot to do with it, hopefully she'll be back at her normal self once she's better. But you said it's been going on for a month? That seems to be a bit too long for being "just a phase."

9-10p for bedtime sounds late. What time does she wake up from her nap? Perhaps she's not tired enough?

littlemurphy2912 · February 2014

She sleeps usually 10 hours at night and while at daycare she averages an hour to two hours of a nap at one time. I'm not sure what it is. She's been on medication for being sick for over a week and she seems better. I don't know what it is. Whenever I lay her down at night, when she pops back up I tell her to lay down and she does and is expecting me to rub her back like my hubby does. I'm up for any suggestions.

Beth.1212 · February 2014

I've heard there's an 18 month sleep regression, so that could be it. (My LO is 14 months, so I can't speak from experience.) Whatever was the initial cause, she may have formed a new habit at this point, even if the original cause (ex. ear infection) is no longer an issue.

I would not move bedtime later than 9 pm. I agree with ClaryPax - it would be interesting to see what happens if you put her down earlier.

I've been doing the "walk in / walk out" method to help with problematic naps (well, I was until my LO got sick, and we'll pick up again once he's better). Here's a description from this site:

"Follow your bedtime routine being certain that your child has sufficiently wound down from the day. When wind down is completed, lay your child down, tuck them in and use a phrase they can associate with it's sleep time such as "time to go night-night you can find your blankie/pacifier/suck your thumb/etc. to help you fall asleep." Leave the room. Stand outside of your child's door and assess the situation. It's important to distinguish between different types of cries and identify when your child is truly upset and when they may be settling themselves. Remain outside the room if your child is making fussy-type cries or noises. If crying is starting then stopping, hang back and wait. If crying escalates go in to resettle your child. Repeat your phrase "time to go night-night you can find your blankie/pacifier/suck your thumb/etc. to help you fall asleep" and leave again. Comforting should be brief and you should avoid picking up your child. Upon leaving the room again, wait outside the door and reassess the situation. The amount of time you wait is determined by how your child is reacting inside. The key is to hang back enough to give your child space to fall asleep independently, but to respond to truly upset cries."

littlemurphy2912 · February 2014

Thanks for the great tips! I know that some people say or even some research has said to put LO down for bed early and then they will sleep in longer, well that doesn't work for my LO. She usually gets 10 hours of sleep in and if she goes to bed a bit later than usual she may sleep in a little bit later but not much. If she goes to be early, she wakes up much earlier. She usually doesn't get up in the middle of the night either unless something is bothering her or if she just happens to wake up and is up. Whenever we let her cry she will stop for very brief moments and then continue to cry or call out for us. When we go in her room and tell her to lay down she immediately stops crying and lays down but watches for what we are doing and if we turn towards the door and walk she asks for us and if we keep going she immediately starts to cry. Last night I put her to bed a little bit later than usual and I rocked her and she got comfy and fell asleep, I got up and swayed with her while holding her (her eyes were slightly open and looking at me) I laid her down and said night night, and walked out and she popped right up and started crying and then coughed a lot to where she almost made herself get sick and I kept going in there and she would immediately stop and lay down on her blanket and I would rub her back. Apparently she is wanting us to rub her back or pat her till she is asleep. I did that last night and this whole ordeal only lasted 15 minutes when it usually lasts an hour. So maybe she is changing her sleep routines and wanting us to rub/pat her back to help her go to sleep now? I don't know. My mom told me that my niece (that lives with her) had changed her routine of sleeping many times. I really shouldn't complain considering she usually sleeps all through the night and sleeps for 10 hours a time usually or more depending. My DH and I were just so used to how easy it was for me to lay her down after I rocked her and she wouldn't whine hardly and would roll around and talk herself to sleep and did that since before she was 12 months old.

pb_bride · February 2014

What you described last night - happens to DS sometimes, when he's going through a separation anxiety phase. He's not as bad though, and DH is the one who puts DS to bed at night, so it's usually not an issue at bedtime. It becomes an issue if he wakes up MOTN and can't calm himself down back to sleep. If I go in to soothe him, he'll do exactly what your DD does - stops crying when I'm in the room, but starts crying/screaming the second I leave. So what happens these days is that DH is the one who gets up MOTN to soothe DS (luckily it doesn't happen often).

Even so, there have been several times over the past month that DS continues to cry after DH has soothed him MOTN. Either DH or I ended up sleeping on the couch in DS's room for the rest of the night. Again, knock on wood, this only happened a handful of times (b/c DS was sick & teething). Now that he's better, he's STTN again.

Anyway, I hope this is just a phase, or you can try just having your DH put your LO to sleep at night and see if that helps?

littlemurphy2912 · February 2014

That's a good thought! For the past month DH has been going into DD's room to rub her back and relax her and when her eyes are closed he walks out and she will start crying but he will let her cry for a bit to see if she's just going to put herself to sleep from crying and this is what usually lasts for an hour but when I did it with her last night it only took 15 minutes and she was out but she also went to bed a bit later than usual so she may have been really worn out. She usually goes down for her naps at daycare after her lunch anytime between 1130 and 12 and will wake up between 1-2. Yesterday she napped from 11:50 to 2. I just want to make sure that we are consistent with her and not giving in always to her demands and confusing her with changing up things. We want her to know we are in control but will listen to her if she's trying to communicate with us. She's a HUGE mommy's girl and always has been but she does enjoy my DH and they have fun together but she prefers me if she had the choice.

littlemurphy2912 · February 2014

michyme123 said:

We went through that at around 17.5 months old. It lasted a month I think?? Maybe a little less. It was hard but it was just a phase. Hope it ends sooner rather than later for you!

Did you stick with your routine on how you put your LO to sleep or did you change it up to try and understand what your LO was wanting and to help calm your LO down? We want to let our DD cry it out some and have since after she was 12 months old but want to avoid washing and changing sheets at night because of how worked up she gets herself.

EandIMommy86 · February 2014

We are going through almost the same thing right now. Mine is also 18 months. She cries immediately when we put her down and it took her 45 minutes the other night to stop crying. Normally, we do not let her cry more than 10 minutes. After going in there with her twice to soothe her, she still cried. So, we just had to let her and she went to sleep. That was the worst night for that. Now, she cries about 15-20 minutes and is out. She will wake up in the middle of the night crying and she has not done that in a long time.

Children do best on routine, so I would not switch up your routine unless you have to. If she is to the point of throwing up, then you probably should not let her cry as long before trying to soothe her. As other posters have said it is a phase. I am going to attribute it to teething, ear infection, or not feeling well.

littlemurphy2912 · February 2014

I hope it is maybe teething because if she is at home with my DH and I or with us on the weekends when we put her down for a nap (we usually do it 3-4 hours after she woke up) she will fuss and whine for a several seconds and then talks herself to sleep and moves around. She did that before she started this whole thing of sitting up and crying so hard and wanting us and us having to rub/pat her back to get her to go to sleep. So I am not sure what it could be. I am hoping that if its just something she is going through that the day we try and lay her down and not pat/rub her back to go to sleep that she won't go through this and just tire herself out and put herself to sleep. Thanks for all of your advice and tips and helping me feel like I am not the only one dealing with this with my LO.

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