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July 2014 Moms
Pinksundrops
member
How do you deal with other peoples disappointment for you on something as stupid as boy or girl?
Pinksundrops
member
Put another way, how do you tell people what you're having, knowing they'll be disappointed, and refrain from b%#h slapping them across the face for being disappointed you're giving life to an amazing, healthy baby, regardless of whether THEY wanted boy or girl for you?
My really not important in the whole scheme of things but nonetheless super affecting me right now saga has been posted all over on different pertinent threads at this point, but thought I'd ask directly. We already have two DSs and EVERY SINGLE person has said they hope we have a girl, even to the point of saying it HAS to be a girl. Even my DH and two DS. Every time they've said so, I have replied, "What if it's a boy?" Having people say this over and over was kinda was already pissing me off but now we know we are having a BOY it's TOTALLY pissing me off, not so much with DH and DSs although that part has made me cry a few times today too thinking they won't love a boy as much, but mostly that I'm freaking filled with dread at telling other people.
I'm sure pregnancy hormones aren't helping my level of upsetedness with these people either, some of who are close friends. Took me 12 years to be ok having one or the other as I didn't want to have another and be wanting one thing and have them be another and do that to someone, and I've TOLD people that, along with the fact I'd be happy completing my army of men. As I summed it up in a reply to another thread, if it had been a girl it would have been exciting and different, and a boy is exciting and comforting.
Anybody find a good way to give people a wake up call to snap out of any sort of disappointment they might have? I'm even thinking of telling people, "Baby is alive, healthy, and kicking!" then explain I'd been worried since I hadn't felt much movement the past few days - turns out my placenta is in the front. I'm not one to lie or skirt the truth but I honestly don't know if I'll be able to keep myself from a b#@$ response if they show any level of disappointment. A few people have already gotten the brunt of my pregnancy bluntness when they've asked if this baby was a surprise with my reply of "Yes, we had sex and then THIS happened! We can't believe it!"
Sorry for my novel. Done a lot of processing today on how upset I am with people right now and thought it'd be wise to get some input before I put it all out there.
Biggest smile of the day was this picture DH pulled over to take the photo and send me while I was talking on the phone with him afterward worried he wasn't going to love a boy as much while he reassured me he would. Think I'll use this picture to text to friends when I DO decide to share the news to emphasize my excitement of my army of men.
My really not important in the whole scheme of things but nonetheless super affecting me right now saga has been posted all over on different pertinent threads at this point, but thought I'd ask directly. We already have two DSs and EVERY SINGLE person has said they hope we have a girl, even to the point of saying it HAS to be a girl. Even my DH and two DS. Every time they've said so, I have replied, "What if it's a boy?" Having people say this over and over was kinda was already pissing me off but now we know we are having a BOY it's TOTALLY pissing me off, not so much with DH and DSs although that part has made me cry a few times today too thinking they won't love a boy as much, but mostly that I'm freaking filled with dread at telling other people.
I'm sure pregnancy hormones aren't helping my level of upsetedness with these people either, some of who are close friends. Took me 12 years to be ok having one or the other as I didn't want to have another and be wanting one thing and have them be another and do that to someone, and I've TOLD people that, along with the fact I'd be happy completing my army of men. As I summed it up in a reply to another thread, if it had been a girl it would have been exciting and different, and a boy is exciting and comforting.
Anybody find a good way to give people a wake up call to snap out of any sort of disappointment they might have? I'm even thinking of telling people, "Baby is alive, healthy, and kicking!" then explain I'd been worried since I hadn't felt much movement the past few days - turns out my placenta is in the front. I'm not one to lie or skirt the truth but I honestly don't know if I'll be able to keep myself from a b#@$ response if they show any level of disappointment. A few people have already gotten the brunt of my pregnancy bluntness when they've asked if this baby was a surprise with my reply of "Yes, we had sex and then THIS happened! We can't believe it!"
Sorry for my novel. Done a lot of processing today on how upset I am with people right now and thought it'd be wise to get some input before I put it all out there.
Biggest smile of the day was this picture DH pulled over to take the photo and send me while I was talking on the phone with him afterward worried he wasn't going to love a boy as much while he reassured me he would. Think I'll use this picture to text to friends when I DO decide to share the news to emphasize my excitement of my army of men.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How do you deal with other peoples disappointment for you on something as stupid as boy or girl?
I'm not completely in your shoes, but we have had struggles with this issue in the past. DH's side of the family was pretty insistent DD would be a boy and when she wasn't, there was some seemingly-harmless teasing toward DH. I know it hurt his feelings, but he never said anything.
All good, until we announced we're expecting #2. It became pretty obvious that anything other than a boy would be a huge disappointment (to them, not us). After a few weeks of the constant "Do you think it's a boy? It had better be a boy? What if you only have girls? Seriously, it's got to be a boy," we finally had to say something to the effect of "If you don't stop the pressure for a specific sex, we're going to stop updating you on this pregnancy."
That pretty much did it and there's been hardly a peep since then. We did get a little bit of "teasing" again when we announced we were indeed having a son (didn't even dignify it with a response), but I'm really hoping we're done with that nonsense now.
I think your best approach might be to announce it in a way that doesn't leave room for the criticism/pressure. Like, "We're so excited to be having another healthy baby boy! Before long, we'll have a whole team!" I don't know if there's a perfect answer, as people can be pretty rude sometimes, but try to roll with it and know that this little guy is perfect for who he is! He's loved already! :x
Good luck!
I wouldn't hold back. If anyone so much as acts like they are slightly disappointed you are having another boy flat give em hell. If they want a girl so much they are free to have one, or at least a 50/50 shot at it anyway.
My family has made no bones about the fact that they want a boy. I've told them all to please keep it to themselves because it makes me worry they won't love this baby as much if it turns out to be a she. I know they will, but I think it's important that they know a) how they are making me feel and b) how they are perceived when they make those little comments. I would encourage you to do this same. This tactic has mostly shut them up.
Also my BFF has three boys and she loves it. She was terrified her 3rd was a girl; she kept telling me if it was a girl she was giving it to me to raise!
I am sorry you have to deal with such crap
I"m really happy to be having a second boy, logistically it works out so much better, and I'm a tom boy. But I have had a few comments on how the next will be a girl...to which I reply, no it won't, I'm done with this.
I'd totally be sassy. that's a stupid thing to say to any one, get over it!
I've decided to say, with the exception of a few close friends, "We've decided to wait." I can't lie so I won't say what we decided to wait for, which is to tell them, but will just leave my answer at that.
I will tell a few close friends who haven't emphasized the importance of having a girl, or if they have I've forgotten, and preface telling them with "We're super excited!" just in case, although even that sounds kinda fake cause we're super excited PERIOD, girl or boy!! Maybe I could say, "We're super excited we're having a baby! We're having a boy!" That sounds like the same thing, but really emphasizes we are excited to have baby, girl or boy.
I'll leave telling the rest of those we know for when I'm ready, like we did when we found out we were pregnant and wanted to be sure before we said anything. That worked pretty well, except for a family member who was mad we didn't tell them right away. Now I wish I hadn't told people we were finding out today! Crossing fingers they forget.
Oh, and if somebody catches me off guard or on an off day, hell might freeze over - I'm having fun thinking of responses to wake people up. Some of them are too harsh to type even here. Most of them include bluntly pointing out the fact they're not happy the baby is healthy and alive! And if I run out of ideas for those people I'll reference some of these.
Anyway, your friend is totally right, if you say something like, "I'm so happy that he's a boy!!" or "We're so excited!" when doing the announcement, most people won't rain on your parade. If someone does, go psycho pregnant lady on their ass.
In terms of other people, ughhh they say the stupidest things!! I can't even believe the shit that comes out of even perfect strangers mouths never mind by crazy sister or people at work. If been mastering the "crazy look response" where I basically say nothing but give a look that says "did u really just say that?"
Anyway I came across this article and I thought OP would appreciate it!!
https://www.scarymommy.com/the-10-best-things-about-having-all-boys/
Enjoy!
OMG, I totally love you. :x
Some jerks asked me if pregnancy #2 was a surprise. I said, "Not really. There's a shot I'll get pregnant every time we do the deed."
BFP#1: 08/30/12 EDD 04/30/12 m/c 09/04/12 6wks
BFP#2: 01/27/13 EDD 10/06/13 missed m/c 02/25/13 9wks
BFP#3: 10/30/13 EDD 07/05/14 Our little dude was born on 07/10/14 @ 2:19p
My MIL will probably be disappointed if this is a boy. DS is her only grandchild and, ever since we found out he was a boy, she's been hinting around at wanting a girl. She's the only one we have that would be disappointed. It's annoying, but I try not to let it get to me. It's her problem, not mine, and I know she will love this baby no matter what genitals are between its legs.
We are team green and get tremendous pressure to find out. Like, people saying they are going to call the doctors and pretend to be me to find out. I generally tell them to suck it, in nicer terms. And I express my feelings that, even if I were on the fence about finding out, the more people push me to find out, the more I dig my heels in the other way. I don't care what I'm having. I'm excited to find out, but I want to wait until the end. I don't really care about opinions other than my husband's about this.