Family Visits (mostly in-laws)

karen_79 · February 2014

So we had it all worked out (or so I thought) IL's expressed a desire to be here when our baby was born. Fine come when I'm in labor, visit while I'm at the hospital and then go away for a while. (They live 4/5 hours away) My mom was coming for the same amount of time + 1 day to get me home and settled. (she's 6 hours away). Then no one for two weeks (the amount of time my husband is taking off to stay home) so we can get to know our baby and bond and get used to his needs/routines.

Then....mis communication with SIL leads to phone call about "what do you mean we can' come for two weeks" they though we were taking back the hospital part. No no, original plan still in place. IL's "okay just tell us what you want us to do"

Now as of last night (and two weeks before I"m due I might add) they no longer want to come at the birth time, they want to come on the following weekend. Which is exactly what I want to avoid,people being in our at home bonding time that I think is important for myself my husband and our baby. when we said no...a tantrum ensued. With me trying to guess what was being said on the other end of the phone call--it's now a big fat mess and i'm so sick of them I could scream. They are making the birth my my and my husbands baby all about them and I honestly hate them for it.

In all honesty (I am for real asking here) is it too much to just want two weeks before we are inundated with (typically dramatic) family members?

My husband thinks my wanting those two weeks is not reasonable, but I don't see the problem. Anyone?

fish8412 · February 2014

That sounds perfectly reasonable to me! You and your husband should enjoy time alone with your new baby. Do not be pressured into changing your plans for your family. I think it is ridiculous when anyone pushes an unwelcomed visit.

Lollirot · February 2014

I think it's a very reasonable request. It seems like people forget what it's like having a newborn. It's a learning process and you need that time to get into the swing of things and your ILs should respect that.

sebullows · February 2014

No way, take all the time you need. You'll never get that time back with your baby and having guests is hard work.

ring_pop · February 2014

Nope, not unreasonable. With DS1, I made the mistake of letting family members spend a LOT of time at our place in the very early days, and in hindsight it was a bit overwhelming. I was in a bathrobe the whole time, couldn't be a decent hostess, didn't have the energy or presence of mind to kick them out.

Take care of YOU first. They can wait.

Lollirot · February 2014

kirotea said:

wow. such a long post for a drive-by.

Whoa! I didn't even bother to look at the post count at first. So many new people have joined since I've been MIA, I just assumed OP was one of them.

Very sneaky, OP

myfriendscallmemeg · February 2014

I'd go stir crazy with just my husband and I and baby for two weeks. I'm alllll about people coming to visit, bring meals, load my dishwasher, etc etc. BUT! I realize to each their own. So it's kind of something you should probably work out with your husband.

Also, I'd rather have a drive by ask about issues with in-laws than have us question the state of their cervix.

karen_79 · February 2014

Fabulous...I found the ignore option on here. So I don't have to pay attention to the rude people. What a pleasant choice.

karen_79 · February 2014

I thought the point of these websites was to be helpful and supportive. I'm on here all the time. I've created a new profile due to a lose early on and I really just didn't want to go into all that when creating a new profile. Thanks for making me feel welcome, appreciate it.

Wont' be back, I prefer supportive environments with people who have better things to do with their times than be assholes on message boards.

Thanks and bye

ProudMommy030614 · February 2014

After baby visitors bring food and clean your house for free send them my way!!!

Eta: and overnight visitors help with night time crying babies

clo1982 · February 2014

I will say what I say on every single one of these types of posts...people can't make something about them unless you allow it. You and your DH are grown ups. If you made a decision and are comfortable with it, there does not need to be a discussion. I don't care if they rant and rave and drive by your house honking their car horns. A simple 'this is our decision and we expect everyone to respect our wishes' can pretty quickly end most discussions. If they push back, again 'we already shared our decision with you and we aren't interested in discussing it any further.' and repeat, repeat, repeat, as needed. Your in laws are adults...you are adults. You most likely wouldn't tolerate that type of behavior toward you and your new family from an acquaintance. To me, it's no different just because they are family. If they don't feel a need to provide a certain level of respect for you, then in my mind, you are under no obligation to provide any elevated level of respect for them. No need to be rude or fly off the handle, just calmly explain your position and leave it at that.

I just re-read and saw your husband and you aren't on the same page. Step one: get on the same page. Then go ahead and follow the instructions above!

kelley72 · February 2014

damn i was all.. and she was all.. what the hell just happened?

ProudMommy030614 · February 2014

WisconsinCheese12 said:

ProudMommy030614 said:
After baby visitors bring food and clean your house for free send them my way!!!

Eta: and overnight visitors help with night time crying babies
I would just feel weird with anyone else cleaning my house etc except my mom... Also she is the only one I would want helping at 2 am! I asked her how long she plans to stay she said "however long I'm needed" haha I don't think she was serious cuz I said oh ok "two months?" she has a job... And a household of her own to run... But worth a try

Well yeah my post was geared towards moms or MILs (not my mil though she's a monster!) but if someone wants to come over my house they usually call first since I live in bfe FL and I don't hesitate to give a take out order or whatever

rockopera · February 2014

karen_79 said:
I thought the point of these websites was to be helpful and supportive. I'm on here all the time. I've created a new profile due to a lose early on and I really just didn't want to go into all that when creating a new profile. Thanks for making me feel welcome, appreciate it.

Wont' be back, I prefer supportive environments with people who have better things to do with their times than be assholes on message boards.

Thanks and bye

Chill the eff out. Most people were supportive.

Now, I'm on mobile and can't see your post history. But let me ask you this...how supportive have you been to other people? When you say "I thought the point of these websites was to be helpful and supportive," do you just mean you deserve support, but haven't given any?

erind0213 · February 2014

I think two weeks is a long time to keep people out but that is just me.

I allowed family visitors at the hospital, and had an open door policy when we got home. I just asked that people let me know when they were coming so I had a heads up and if I wasn't feeling up to it I would ask them to come another time.

It was nice to have people around, and it seemed like most traffic was during the weekend vs. during the week when most people are at work so that allowed for plenty of time to bond.

But its a personal decision, and hopefully you and DH are on the same page, and those you inform of your decisions will respect it.

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Family Visits (mostly in-laws)

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