- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
July 2014 Moms
ichamommy
member
NBR- Calling All Divorcees!!! ~ichabody~
ichamommy
member
Happy Anniversary to me today! Yippee..... Not.
Today would be stbxh and my's second anniversary... I'm keeping it together very well today so far, although reminiscing about waking up on my wedding day was my first thought lying in bed this morning. Also, I have scheduled to see my counselor so as long as I can make it through the day at work I am free to bawl my eyes out in a healthy fashion tonight.
Let's celebrate it in healthy TB style!
1. What advice do you have from prior marriages and getting over them?
2. Where are you now that's better or worse then with your ex?
3. How long was it before you realized you were better off?
4. Any good crazy new girlfriend stories? (My mom is convinced the new gf is or will be madly jealous of me)
5. If you are married again did you have a big or small wedding the second (or third [or fourth!]) time?
This is just for fun... Something to help me not have to keep it all bottled in all day! TIA!
Today would be stbxh and my's second anniversary... I'm keeping it together very well today so far, although reminiscing about waking up on my wedding day was my first thought lying in bed this morning. Also, I have scheduled to see my counselor so as long as I can make it through the day at work I am free to bawl my eyes out in a healthy fashion tonight.
Let's celebrate it in healthy TB style!
1. What advice do you have from prior marriages and getting over them?
2. Where are you now that's better or worse then with your ex?
3. How long was it before you realized you were better off?
4. Any good crazy new girlfriend stories? (My mom is convinced the new gf is or will be madly jealous of me)
5. If you are married again did you have a big or small wedding the second (or third [or fourth!]) time?
This is just for fun... Something to help me not have to keep it all bottled in all day! TIA!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NBR- Calling All Divorcees!!! ~ichabody~
Try to remember that you did the best you could while you could. Sometimes the other person is just not ready to receive the love you have to offer. They have their own growing to do, and it just wasn't the right time. Letting go of the self blame is the hardest thing to do, but once you can do it, the freedom you feel from within will allow so much peace into your life as you move forward.
2. Where are you now that's better or worse then with your ex?
I am with a man that actually respects me, and we have a great partnership. My kids are healthier too for not having to witness the fighting, dysfunction, and abuse. We are all healing and learning from the divorce.
3. How long was it before you realized you were better off?
The night I spent sleeping in our camper after he called the police on me and tried to tell them I was suicidal -- then wouldn't let me out of the house and chased me down the street to make sure they would "catch me" to take me away.
4. Any good crazy new girlfriend stories? (My mom is convinced the new gf is or will be madly jealous of me)
No...he's inept socially. I do hope maybe he will find someone some day, but it doesn't seem like he is working on it right now.
5. If you are married again did you have a big or small wedding the second (or third [or fourth!]) time?
3. How long was it before you realized you were better off? Like I said in question 1, immediately.
4. Any good crazy new girlfriend stories? (My mom is convinced the new gf is or will be madly jealous of me) Actually I haven't seen him since we got divorced I don't know if he has a girlfriend or a wife or even maybe a boyfriend. I would prefer to keep that lack of contact.
5. If you are married again did you have a big or small wedding the second (or third [or fourth!]) time? I am married again, we had a pretty small ceremony. But we also had two. one in Idaho where I'm from and one in Ohio where he's from.
1. What advice do you have from prior marriages and getting over them?
Therapy (and medications) were an important tool. Talk therapy combined with some prescribed medications really kept me from becoming too depressed.
2. Where are you now that's better or worse then with your ex?
Financially, I'm worse. I'm thousands of dollars in debt because of my stbxh. But, time will make that go away. Mentally, I'm 1000x better.
3. How long was it before you realized you were better off?
I left him June 2012, and that day I left I knew I would eventually be better off. I've never had one urge to go back.
4. Any good crazy new girlfriend stories? (My mom is convinced the new gf is or will be madly jealous of me)
No, I can't imagine him having a GF. He's a miserable old ass.
5. If you are married again did you have a big or small wedding the second (or third [or fourth!]) time?
I love S/O dearly, but I don't think I ever want to get married again.
"Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."
TTC since March 2013. BFP 4/13/13, blighted ovum discovered 6/6/13, m/c 6/8/13.
BFP 11/10/13, EDD 7/25/13 - stick little owlet!
**hugs** for a bright day today.
1. What advice do you have from prior marriages and getting over them?
If you decide to some day marry again, don't settle . Also, pay attention to the warning signs. There were some before we got married & I didn't pay attention. I shouldn't have married him but "I loooooove hiiimmmm!" Ugh, my young self makes my 34 year old self sick. Lol. Just take your time. You don't NEED to be in a relationship. Just take a breath. Relax. Heal. Time will tell you when you're ready for something else. Relationships don't make you whole. You're already a whole person.
2. Where are you now that's better or worse then with your ex?
My worst days with DH is 100% better than my best days with ExH. I'm in a better place because I'm more sure of myself. I know more what I want. What I can live with & what I can't live with. The drama with ExH made me learn to speak my mind. I used to let him run over me.
3. How long was it before you realized you were better off?
Not very long. The emotions came & went. Some days were better than others. I can specifically remember the one time I thought to myself, "I'm happy." That was about 9 months after we separated/divorced. That was a defining moment.
4. Any good crazy new girlfriend stories? (My mom is convinced the new gf is or will be madly jealous of me)
He married who I suspect he was having an affair with about a month after our divorce was complete. She is wildly different than me. I mean...REALLY different. I've never met her. ExH & I had no kids together so there's no reason for us to meet. However, I'm not sure who I feel the worst for...her or him. Lol. I guess they deserve each other.
5. If you are married again did you have a big or small wedding the second (or third [or fourth!]) time?
I had a smaller wedding but it was still a shindig.
I bought a dress, he rented a tux, we had catered food, dancing. I felt like it was my second chance & marrying DH felt like my first real love. So we wanted to celebrate with our friends & family. We wouldn't change anything about our wedding.
ETA: I'm also financially much more stable. Even though I had to work my way out of some of the debt from our marriage, DH & I hope to be debt free except for our home this year. We both make average money so it's not like we're rolling in the dough or got a windfall. But we make much better choices than ExH did with money.
1. What advice do you have from prior marriages and getting over them?
Don't try to ignore your hurt- see a counselor and embrace all of it so you can eventually move past it.
In addition, you'll find that it'll take a lot of work when you enter into new relationships because you'll have a lot of hurt for them to climb over; however, it makes the two of you all the closer. Just be choosy, now's your time to take care of you and pick the man of your dreams
2. Where are you now that's better or worse then with your ex?
Everything is better, aside from the rare nightmare in which I'm still married to my ex.
It's hard to actually describe just how much "better" things really are. I don't have to worry anymore about my ex; I say what I'm feeling/thinking without fear; I have a real partner now; I don't have to be stressed in my own home; I can pursue things that make me happy and explore the world around me... So many things that make life worth living.
3. How long was it before you realized you were better off?
I knew instinctively I that I was better off the moment I left him, but it was a very confusing and painful time for me. I didn't really start healing until the divorce was actually finalized (about 7 months); that's when I realized that I was truly free and could start moving on.
4. Any good crazy new girlfriend stories? (My mom is convinced the new gf is or will be madly jealous of me)
No, I want nothing to do with my ex. People have tried to tell me stories, but he's from a chapter of my life that I no longer wish to visit. Plus why would I want to take time to focus on *anything* about him when my life is always evolving? He's simply not my problem nor concern.
5. If you are married again did you have a big or small wedding the second (or third [or fourth!]) time?
I got married again and the ceremony was perfect for us. We eloped to HI to get married on a secluded black sands beach. I wore a simple white wedding dress and had flowers in my hair. We also threw in some HI traditions and exchanged traditional Christian vows. There was only the minister, a photographer, and a guy playing the guitar.
My DH and I both were very teary eyed. I feel like my DH and I have both been hurt and yet found each other, and more importantly learned how to cleave together.
I know it's hard now, but the day will come when it'll be your wedding anniversary, and you wont even realize it. ***Big internet hugs***
1. What advice do you have from prior marriages and getting over them?
Ok well, often the choice to leave a marriage is very time consuming. It's not really a sporadic decision. Having said that for me I felt really relived when I made that decision for myself because I had been struggling wih what to do for a while. Seeing a therapist was also very important for me. The truth is when a marriage fails no matter the situation it really isn't one persons fault. Even in a situation where it seems as though your ex is completely at fault, at the end it was your decision to marry him. I saw a therapist because I needed to understand why I went into the type of marriage I did. I also thought I needed to understand myself better so I don't repeat the same mistakes. Women have a tendency to repeat relationship patterns and I didn't want that to happen to me.
2. Where are you now that's better or worse then with your ex?
Everything is better. I feel like myself, I can actually communicate with my DH. We genuinely enjoy spending time together and I am in such a good place mentally
3. How long was it before you realized you were better off?
I think I knew I'd be better off prior to filing for divorce
4. Any good crazy new girlfriend stories? (My mom is convinced the new gf is or will be madly jealous of me)
I don't know, I don't really care. I hope he finds happiness.
5. If you are married again did you have a big or small wedding the
second (or third [or fourth!]) time?
It was small, 25 people including us. On sanibel island on the beach. It was really lovely.
Don't feel pressured to "get over it." To be honest, I am not "over" my ex and it will probably always feel that way to a slight degree. I was with my ex husband on and off for over 15 years. He was my first love, I thought he was an awesome person until things went bad over the last 3 years, and I had so many great years with him. I was with him that long for a reason - I loved him a lot. For me, it is unrealistic to just erase any feelings I had for someone for that long.
That being said, even if I never am "over him", I definitely do whatever I can to make sure that he no longer impacts my day to day life, my self worth, my relationship with my DH, or my ability to be a good partner to DH.
In order to do this, I had to stop comparing. If DH did something jerky that my ex wouldn't have ever done, I didn't compare. If DH did something amazing that was much better than my ex would have ever done, that doesn't mean that DH is the best man in the universe, either. (This sounds harsh but I don't know how to explain it properly). They are two separate men and my DH deserves to have his own relationship without being compared to my previous marriage. Our marriage is ours and ours alone.
You can have a new life and a new relationship and be yourself without the cloud of your ex, but don't feel pressured to banish your old life into a faint memory and completely cut all thoughts or ties.
2. Where are you now that's better or worse then with your ex?
My temper and self control is much better now that I am with DH. After putting up with terrible things from my ex for years, I just started to lose it. I used to never get mad. But after being lied to for the 1,000th time, or being let down yet again, or being confronted with bad things yet again, I started to snap. I'd scream, I'd call my ex names, I'd just act in a way that I am now embarrassed about. I just couldn't take his crap any more.
Now I am back to my "normal" self and am so much happier. DH and I also go out with friends frequently, and with my ex I felt pressured to be more of a hermit and stay home. Friends say I look 10 years younger because I am no longer worried and stressed. DH is also extremely responsible from a financial standpoint and my ex was horrible. DH's family is supportive and positive and my ex's family was poison.
The biggest way that I'm better off, though, is that I know I have a good father for our child. I was afraid to have kids with my ex and now I am glad they will have a good man as their role model.
3. How long was it before you realized you were better off?
Immediately. I didn't leave my ex for a long time because I truly loved him, but if I was being honest with myself I knew I could have a better life elsewhere. I had hesitations before the wedding and I should not have gone through with it just based on love and loyalty. I should have been more practical and walked away. Hindsight is 20/20, of course.
4. Any good crazy new girlfriend stories? (My mom is convinced the new gf is or will be madly jealous of me)
I honestly don't think my ex is a good partner to anyone when times are tough for him. I think he is a great fair weather partner. So I do not think he should be with anyone. However, we're facebook friends and I see that he is engaged and getting married in June. I truly hope for her that they never encounter any hardships, because I do not think he will handle them well. I don't know her, so I can't comment on her personality or anything.
5. If you are married again did you have a big or small wedding the second (or third [or fourth!]) time?
We had a big wedding, because DH had never been married before and wanted a formal wedding. My family and friends were pretty understanding about a "second wedding" for me.