WWYD - Feel so badly for best friend

RebeccaY1 · February 2014

I've known my best friend since pre-school. In the past two years her SIL has gotten married and had a baby. My friend hosted showers for both her wedding and her baby. They were really nice showers with 30-40 people, tons of food, and she paid for everything! I attended both showers since I know the family really well. I considered the SIL to be a good friend after getting to know her too. Last weekend the SIL threw a baby shower for my best friend. She was really insistent that she wanted to be the hostess. Two weeks ago she asked me to bring a cake and some sandwiches to the shower, which I did since it was for my friend. When I got to the shower it turned out the only food was the cake and sandwiches I brought, water (no other beverages), no decor, no games/prizes. She also only invited 10 people, and they were all people that she knew. The grandmothers to be were not invited, nor were any aunts or other family, even though she said that they were invited. She also spent the entire time showing pictures of her own child to everyone.

Now I'm not sure what to do. I'm 33 weeks, and my friend is 29 weeks. I had a nice shower that my friend helped with about a month ago. I was thinking of having an emergency party for her. It would just be an afternoon tea (or something small) with the family since they were excluded from this shower. I just know they are still waiting for their invitations to the other shower and have been asking me about it. I'm pretty confident that they would help me pay for it or help host it. Is this an appropriate thing to do, or am I doing something really over the line?

kelley72 · February 2014

It does sound over the top and sounds wonderful and like you must be a truly loving friend. Wow what a piece the sil must be... anyway if I were you and financially and physically able to host a tea or other small gathering I would certainly do so.

Mamamonzo · February 2014

I don't think it's a bad idea. I wouldn't call it an Emeregncy party her sister my feel like your trying to show her up (drama you don't need) but just throw a party in her honor for the people that should have been invited! That's sweet of you to be concerned. Especially being so far along yourself!

MamaBrunco · February 2014

I don't think that it's inappropriate at all! I am sure any pregnant woman would be so so grateful to have a friend who is willing to make such a great effort to make this amazing part of her life so important! I'm sure she wants to celebrate this new, unborn life with her friends and family! You are not crossing any lines, and this is obviously something that is weighing heavy on your heart, so to show your friend the love you have for her by preparing a baby shower is totally awesome!

MissBridg · February 2014

Was your friend super disappointed with the shower? Are there still a lot of things on her registry that she needs? These questions might help you consider what you should do. But I think it sounds like you want to throw her a party and really celebrate her- so you should go for it.

homediva · February 2014

Wow, what a disappointment! You are a great friend for stepping up and if I were in your shoes I would definitely be putting on my planning hat - maybe a potluck brunch?

Is it possible the SIL was going through something that you (and maybe your friend) don't even know about, such as a pregnancy loss or illness?

haziedaze · February 2014

Lots of people have more than one shower, so I think this makes a lot of sense. It won't be hard to go a little further than her SIL and make it special. A brunch or tea would be perfect! Hoping it's enjoyable for you both!

Erikahenderson1 · February 2014

I wish my best friend was as thoughtful as you

NJPita22 · February 2014

oh my. DEFINITELY! you are a great friend to do this for her if you plan something and i think you should. If it was me I would hope someone would throw me the shower i would prefer especially since family wasnt there. Thats so rude and she deserves to have what every woman has when shes expecting for the first time. Your friend is truly lucky to have you!

baileymama3 · February 2014

So sweet of you to swoop in like this!! Host a potluck brunch

Not too expensive (make a quiche, fruit salad, mini muffins)-- but everyone can wear cute dresses and drink faux-mosas

She will be SO appreciative too!

sugarrush · February 2014

ok that is just outright bizarre.... to have a baby shower and not even invite the mom-to-be's own mother??? that is so incredibly nice of you to step in, you got my vote.

Bees Everywhere · February 2014

I think a potluck brunch sounds wonderful and thoughtful esp if it's just her close family and friends and something to "honor the mother to be" or something and not "emergency shower" like others have said. I'd order a cake for her and have mimosas and juice and coffee and tea. If it's mostly family then they will probably already be comfortable hanging out together but maybe plan just a couple fun small activities. I'd have it be very low key.

I think it's a very sweet idea.

RebeccaY1 · February 2014

I hate all the drama that this situation has caused! It just seemed so selfish of the SIL to do this. My SIL was disappointed with the shower in that it didn't feel like a party for, her. I don't think she cares about the presents, just that she wanted to celebrate with her family and her friends, not SIL's friends.

I've talked to her mother about the situation and the family is just shocked that they weren't invited. They've decided to help me throw the shower. They are going to get some Italian pastries, little sandwiches, and tea. They're just excited to celebrate the upcoming birth and are trying to just ignore being excluded from the other shower.

Ashleypixie · February 2014

Poor girl got shafted! I always say, I always wanted a sister until I got a sister in law! She turned a thoughtful gesture into a big pain in the ass, didn't she? You are doing an awesome thing for stepping up in this situation, and I wouldn't give a shit if the SIL was offended.

ambarnett1 · February 2014

kelley72 said:
It does sound over the top and sounds wonderful and like you must be a truly loving friend. Wow what a piece the sil must be... anyway if I were you and financially and physically able to host a tea or other small gathering I would certainly do so.

I definitely agree with this!

loveyoga7 · February 2014

I would throw her another shower. I love the afternoon tea idea! You are so thoughtful. That's too bad that the SIL left out important family members at the last shower. If the SIL says anything I would just say "Since the shower you hosted was more of a "friends and acquaintances" group, I am hosting a small family shower that way everyone can celebrate and not feel excluded."

PaddysGirl8 · February 2014

How horrible for your friend. It's very sweet what you are doing for her.

Brigie029 · February 2014

Yes, very sweet!

thejewelster · February 2014

You are an amazing friend!! She's lucky to have someone who cares so much.

MadBloom · February 2014

Totally do it. If the SIL gets all huffy about it just explain that you were throwing a family one since the one and threw was for friends.
Your friend will probably be extremely grateful!

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