valentines :(

MyLilPeanut11 · February 2014

im 31 weeks pregnant, have a 2 yr old, and 2 dogs (one is a new puppy). We have several feet of snow and freezing temps so walking them is not only dangerous but tiring! This plus the housework and im exhausted by the end of the day. I tried to do something nice for my husband, i baked desserts, made a great "to go" lunch and then had a huge dinner prepared. He gets home at 6 and all i get is thanks and a mcdonalds shake (which i dont like and he knows). That was my valentines. He didnt even say Happy Vday. He didnt do anything for the weekend. He actually complained that the bedrooms werent vacuumed. They were btw

We've only been married 3 years...hes never been really romantic which is fine...but usually i would at least get flowers or a gift card. something? Wth husband. I know im being petty but seriously...???

RebeccaY1 · February 2014

Why not just be honest and up front with your husband? Say that you are disappointed and why. There might be a reason that he didn't do very much. I know it's not very romantic, but my DH and I talk about various holidays and how we will celebrate them. We decided no gifts, but we made reservations at a nice restaurant instead. We ended up having to reschedule since there was a snowstorm, but we'll be going next weekend.

erind0213 · February 2014

My Vday didn't go as planned either, but was more or less due to things beyond my control. Not sure where you live but perhaps getting flowers wasn't the easiest options based on availability due to the weather. Not sure why he was so critical of your cleaning... that is annoying.

For my DH he has my Bday the 13th and Vday the 14th and he does his best to keep the 2 separate. Unfortunately due to the weather flower deliveries got messed up, I wasn't able to get out and get a card or candy for him. Even being 34 weeks pregnant, I worked all day Friday, went to the food store, got filet and lobster tail, made a good dinner, His mom ended up in the hospital on my birthday and then had to be intubated on the 14th. So we ate and ran. We canceled my birthday dinner with family Saturday, due to his mom's condition and threat of more snow.

The only thing that went as it was supposed to was taking DD to the circus yesterday and that probably only happened cause because we per-purchased tickets.

mcgeeva · February 2014

I'm sorry that sucks. I would just talk to him. We personally don't celebrate vday so it has no meaning to me. But again everyone has different days they find important. We also only buy each other a gift once a year weather to be Xmas, bday or anniversary. Sounds crazy to some but we just don't see the point in needing gifts for every event especially now that we have ds. So if you all always celebrate and he failed big time let him know your not feeling appreciated. With the crummy weather it messed up a lot of people's plans. Def ask him to plan you a date night and as far as cleaning goes tell him to do it your worn out. My son is almost 2 and I feel like going to pop. I work full time but daycare is closed today so dh will be taking over so I can get a nice break when he gets home. Being pregnant with a toddler is rough!

rainydayluck · February 2014

Did you tell him what you wanted or expected for Valentine's Day?

SpinelliSmith · February 2014

Last year we were both going through a terrible time and were very much in "our dark place." My husband usually gives flowers but that year didn't. He was tired, worked all day and then had law school at night an hour away. I cried so hard because I didn't get my flowers. Unfortunately, the day had come and passed so there was nothing either of us could do about it. So the following week I decided to do something nice for him- I made margaritas and fajitas at home and even put on an old dress and heels and told him that we were having cocktail hour and a "fancy dinner." It really did help to take charge and call the shots and just do something. Granted, this was with no kids but still.

I would tell your husband what it means to you that you have a Valentine's Day- but in a non-confrontational way. I would say something like "We didn't really get to have Valentine's Day this year so I was thinking we could go ____ and/or do _____ and celebrate that way." This way he knows that he's "forgiven" but that it's still important to you. I know it sucks being the one to make the plans- sometimes it would be nice for our guys to do it!!! - but it's probably not on his radar and all you want to do is refocus his attention. My husband is a police officer so it's not uncommon for us to celebrate holidays or other celebration days after the actual fact. Plus, Valentine's Day is a super expensive day! Chances are it'll take the pressure off knowing that he didn't completely ruin the holiday forever so now he can't do anything to fix it.

Certainly not excusing his behavior but it's more important to work past that than focus your attention on the negative.

This year we are in a much better place and went back to our tradition of me making a ridiculous lasagna and bingeing on TV. With my pregnancy, his schedule and our finances there aren't a heck of a lot of options for us to do anything too extravagant anyway. I just got flowers for my birthday- not great flowers, but flowers- so I know my husband was at a loss for planning. His gift to me: Cable TV! Hahaha, we live so cheaply we don't get TV of any kind and it was a welcome gift- he even called the cable company himself and made all of the arrangements- that alone was a gift!!!

Grovecenter · February 2014

Def keep an open line of communication about it. This may sound silly, but he could just be a lil off or reacting funny w the baby almost here

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