Daycare or nanny?

MickeyM04 · February 2014

In follow-up to yesterday's post about our nanny, I am curious why you chose the childcare you chose (nanny vs. daycare). We have now done both--daycare for about 5 months, and a nanny for about 14 months. I have personally experienced the pros and cons to both. Now I am sort of on the fence though as to which is better, because for us it looks like the price of daycare for two is going to be VERY similar to the price of a nanny for two (primarily because if we do daycare we also have to get a dog walker for our dog so that adds a few hundred bucks a month to the cost of doing daycare). So my question to you is, why did you choose a nanny over daycare, or daycare over a nanny?

I am sort of confused as to what to do because I could see where daycare might be better for a 2 year old (who I would likely have in some sort of preschool of some sort next year anyway), but I am not the hugest fan of daycare for a 12 week - one year old, just because I don't feel like they get as much out of it at that point. So I tend to lean towards a nanny being a better option for an infant but daycare being a better option for a toddler, but I am soon going to have one of each. So go ahead ladies, tell me your thought process. I like to hear lots of different points of view on things like this.

martinimomma · February 2014

When our nanny quit wihle I was on maternity leave, we thought long and hard about this. DS was 23 months when DD was born, and I was leaning heavily toward day care in part to get him around other kids and acclimated to a group type setting and a "classroom" routine of sorts. But, as you noted, I was not all that excited about having the baby there too. We also had trouble finding a place that had both an infant and toddler spot open and splitting them up between places was not feasible. We even toyed with trying to have my parents watch DD for a few months to see if DS did well in day care to put off a "final" decision for a while. But the logistics just got to be too complicated. With our work schedules, we needed someone who could be more flexible with hours if needed, than most day cares seemed to be (and who can handle the kids if one is sick at home rather than me or DH having to take a day off unless aboslutely necessary). All said, the finances for day care for 2 were still better than a nanny, if only by a small amount per month (we have the nanny on the books so there are additional costs there). We don't ask the nanny to walk the dog, and she is an old city girl who prefers walks to the back yard, so we have a dog walker anyway (meaning that cost was static). SO we are in it up to our eyeballs to pay for child care the for the near future. That means a lot of other cuts in other areas of our lives, but we know it is a choice we are lucky to be able to make.

As the differential was a small additional sacrifice per month, and we were pleased with the outcome of DS' infancy and early toddler-hood with a nanny in our home, we decided to go that route again for the next couple years. DS will start an early preschool program near the house this fall (M-F mornings for a couple hours - provided we get him potty trained in time!) and DD will get a little concentrated 1 on 1 time with the nanny when that happens, hopefully to the same result as DS had with the nanny early on. Once DD starts a similar program around the same age, we will have to re-evaluate since we would theoretically not need a nanny full time (and the cost of 2 preschool tuitions means we can't afford one anyway LOL).

Our nanny this time is much younger than last time (26 v. 58) and she appears to have far more energy than DH and I do...so we are hoping that translates out to more exercise and outdoor fun once the weather improves than DS might otherwise get in a group setting. We also live near a children's museum and botanic garden, both of which DS usually enjoys, so they can have lots of adventures there as well.

Good luck with your decision! I really think, at the end of the day, that kids can flourish in either type of setting. It is just a matter of what works best for you as a family and if you can find a place or person that "fits" with your needs and lifestyle.

Ladiebug710 · February 2014

For us it is really a cost issue, and daycare is a fraction of the price of a nanny where I live. I would love for LO to be able to have the one on one interaction with a caregiver that you get from a nanny, but on the other hand I really think daycare has pushed him along socially. Even with two this summer it will still be much less expensive to go the daycare route, and based on that alone DH isn't really willing to explore the nanny option right now.

Mmm79 · February 2014

I think there probably isn't a right decision.

We spent a lot of time weighing our options. Cost definitely played a role. Daycare centers where we live are 1.5 to 2 times more expensive than what we pay our in-home daycare provider. A nanny would be almost three times what we currently pay.

We specifically chose in home daycare for the first year. We looked at centers and saw some we liked, but decided at the end of the day that we wanted our baby in a home environment where he would be the only baby. Our daycare provider has five kids including DS- though two are only there part-time. All the other kids are 2-3 years old. The advice we got from an acquaintance who ran her own in-home daycare was to have DS be the only baby. On the pro side, DS really likes his daycare provider. She's sweet and I feel like he gets a good amount of attention- something I worried about for him as a baby in a center setting. I think his being around the other kids has been good, too. However, we are probably looking to switch him to a center in the spring/summer. This is mainly because I want him to have some more structured activity and time out doors. There are two daycare centers we are looking to and both provide these things and I think as he gets older, that becomes more important.

In addition to not really being able to swing the cost of a nanny, I want DS to have the interaction with other kids that he gets in a daycare setting. Since it's just him at home, I think it wouldn't be good for him to spend each day alone with an adult. Plus, I admit to being worried about any person being alone all day with my little guy. How would I know what they are doing? Is the person just parking DS in front of the television or not paying attention to him? In daycare, I feel like there is more accountability since there are other people around.

BootsOrHearts · February 2014

We only have one and we chose a nanny for a few reasons - I work from home so I didn't want to get up every day and drive to a daycare to drop off the baby only to come home, I liked the idea of him being just downstairs so I can check on him whenever I want. Daycares scare me a bit too, everyday there's something in the news about a daycare worker doing something wrong. And for a baby, I like the 1-1 attention he gets. We're also planning on another one sooner rather than later so like you said, the cost becomes almost the same for 2. That being said, when he gets to be a bit older, I want to make sure he is getting some interaction with other people and children, so I might consider daycare a few days a week, or have the nanny take him to some activities where he can meet other children and play - tumbling classes or even just the playground at the local park, that kind of thing.

adoxyinherear · February 2014

I don't know if it's helpful for this conversation, but we went with a family child care provider (somebody who cares for children in their home), which has been a really positive experience. DD has a few other children her age to play with, they go to the library, take walks, etc. and I feel like it's got the coziness and intimacy of being at home without the cost of a nanny. Family child care providers are also usually cheaper than child care centers and they're definitely cheaper than nannies, though they're regulated differently from state to state, so you'll want to be sure to check on how your state licenses them/inspects them. GL!

MickeyM04 · February 2014

Thanks everyone!

It's really hard because when the cost becomes almost a wash it's like what the F do you do? Because I note a lot of you said you went with one option over another because of cost, so when the cost is the same it's kind of hard!

We have done both daycare and a nanny now so I feel like I know too much. I know why daycare can suck and I know why a nanny can suck. And so I'm wondering which sucks less at this point.

I think the hard thing is I'm really jaded now. Our nanny's attendance has been so bad and then she's looking for a job behind our backs and I know there is nothing to prevent that from happening again. We could hire a nanny and she could quit a week later, or 6 months later. I like the idea of daycare because there's more stability. Daycare is open every day (mostly, obviously excluding holidays), your daycare can't quit on you last minute and leave you in the lurch, but on the other hand, there's no one on one interaction, you have to schlep your kids to and from daycare, the hours aren't flexible, etc. With a nanny, you are completely at her mercy...if she's sick, if her car breaks down, if she has a family emergency, you are SOL and you are SOL last minute too. However, you get the one on one time, your kid doesn't have to go anywhere, if you're home late it's not a big deal, etc. There are basically the same number of pros and cons for each.

I am basically just hoping at this point when I tour daycares and interview nannies that there is just ONE standout, either daycare or a nanny, and I just *know* what the right choice is. Right now it's all so fluid.

JulyMomma2U2 · February 2014

For us, it's two fold.. financial and routine.. To put 2 in a good daycare, it would cost me the same as what I'm paying a nanny.. because, I'm part time, and only need care 3 days a week so daycare is actually more expensive than breaking it down if I were full time, ya know? Also, when you factor in #3, it's significantly more.

Our routine and my desire to keep them in their home environment was the primary influencing factor, though. My boys thrive on schedule and consistency. When they aren't home, sleep goes out the window for both of them.. and, when there's been no naps they are both a nightmare.. I do worry about the interaction part, as that's definitely a "pro" to daycare.. but, there will be 3 close in age.. and, on the days that I'm home we do play dates with my friends' kids..

I'm sorry you're going though this right now.. such a tough spot to be in

Mom2anAngel2 · February 2014

We use DC because DHs schedule is constantly changing (he works 24's 6-8 times per month). I have never been a big fan of DC, but am very happy with our center and how much they have cared for DS.

My sister has had a nanny in the past but now has an au pair. It has worked out beautifully for her, especially with her 3 girls. The au pair even shuffles the girls to and from preschool and kindergarten. I would love to have an au pair, but I just don't have the need being that I cut back to PT after DS was born.

FmrAFBrat · February 2014

I'm an oddball here but it depends on your area. I would love a nanny but it's a lot more expensive and we don't have any services here that would include a background check. I am also weirded out with worries someone would go through our stuff-my MIL did that before she was fired from watching DS1.

I actually chose one of the daycares in the area that is affiliated with the local community colleges. They have background checks, have at least a 2 year degree, and certification. I also don't have to worry about my provider being sick or late. They have subs. The infant room is really small and my 2 year old gets to do a lot of activities with other kids. They have a Montessori preschool and kindergarten onsite too so we'll be doing that in a few years since DS1 barely misses the cut off for this upcoming year.

FmrAFBrat · February 2014

My daycare is also wonderful that they have kids with disabilities as well as normal kids mainstreamed together. So they have to keep it cleaner by law. They were also very helpful in getting DS1 into a speech program.

MickeyM04 · February 2014

I think an au pair lives with you but a nanny generally doesn't right? Our friends have suggested but we don't have the extra bedroom and also I think most au pairs can only work 9 hours a day or something like that, and we both commute so we are gone 11 hours a day--not even close. It also generally just does not appeal to me to have someone living in.

Right now I am pondering the idea of having a nanny for a year (if we can find one) and then switching to DC for socialization, education, etc. It is not feasible for us to have two pick ups and drop offs. Even with having a nanny, we leave at 7:15 and are home by 6. With one pick up/drop off we would probably be leaving at 6:50 and home by 6:30. With two we would probably be leaving at 6:30 and home by 7:00. Also time is an issue. Most daycares in our area are open until 6pm which requires me to leave my job by 4:45 as it is (a big no no as it is for me). I would probably have to leave half an hour earlier to pick up someone from a second location. If providers were next door that would be great though!!

FmrAFBrat · February 2014

When you do switch to a daycare look at your local college and universities for a list. None of the great daycares are advertised.

Mom2anAngel2 · February 2014

kklamb10 said:
@mom2anangel2 what's the difference between a nanny and an au pair? BIL and SIL have what I would call a nanny but they call her an au pair. I thought it was because SIL grew up in Europe but now I'm wondering if there is a difference.

@peanut2929 is correct. An au pair lives with you while a nanny goes home at night. They have each if their au pairs for a year (with the possibility of extending for another). Also, au pairs usually come through agencies that require them to take classes.

What is nice is that my sister can schedule her for any 40 hours throughout the week. So. If she will be home one day during the week, she can schedule the au pair for the weekend an get some errands done.

luvboston · February 2014

Plain and simple I don't want my kids exposed to being sick every single week. And I worked in an infant room at a dc in college and the babies are basically left to sit in a chair or crib because every other minute someone needs to be fed or changed.

4legsRbest · February 2014

My 2 cents - becuase ya' know I can't help it

It wasn't a financial reason for us at all. I chose a daycare for 2 reasons. #1 I don't trust anyone. Seriously, I have seen and heard about some stuff over the course of my life and while I think people are mostly "good" I would never trust anyone but a family member of mine to be home alone with my infant on a regular basis without any accountability. We waited about 10 months to get into the center H is at, it has the best reputation in town and the parents are all very close so the minute something happens, there is a whirlwind of emails going around. The teachers and directors know we are all very vigilant, so I think they are all generally on their best behavior. I have picked H up at random times and always peek in first and have never seen any signs of any kind of neglect or someon being ignored. Infants can only do so much, so sitting in a chair or crib while someone else is being attended to, doesn't bother me at all. That happens at my house and there are 2 of us and 1 of him. I can't hold him all day long and I don't expect for his care taker to either. So, accountability is most important to me because I think people (even those you think you can trust) can suck really bad. I also have too much going on to worry about managning someone on a regualr basis. You are going to be on maternity leave for 3 months anyway which leaves very little time left in the young infant stage. By 6 months they usually like the inteaction of others. Our center moves them to the infant 2 room at this age where they begin going outside, and really exploring the world and each other.

#2 - And this isn't necessarily true for the young infant stage, but speakes volumnes to me about toddlers. I have seen my 14 month old blossom into a very well-rounded kid in the time he has spent at his center. His days are very structured and he is constantly exposed to new things and new people. I think this is crucial for his development. Conversely, I have a friend who has her 18 month in in-home care with 2 other kids and she doesn't seem to be at all where H is. Everything we do when we get together seems new to her (coloring, dancing to hokey pokey, craft projects, puzzles). She is never engaged in anything but playing with toys. I personally feel that the right center/daycare teaches things to these kinds that may not necessarily be taught at home by a nanny. In the 3 year old room, the write their names, and know their ABCs, numbers, etc. I am not making this as a blanket statement at all, becuase I know many SAHMs that have a very good teaching environement and whose cihildren are taught well, but I don't trust a nanny will do what is in his best interest as far as learning goes. I don't want to have to babysit my nanny to make sure she is teaching him the things he needs to be learning. The state makes sure my center does this and I can attest to the fact that my child is exceling and really thriving at his center.

I know that the to and from with centers and work, and the flexibility you talk about are real issues that have to be taken into account, but I think you need to decide which is best for your children based on what experice you want them, and you and your DH, to have, not to make the choice based on convenience sake. Noting about having kids is convenient!

I hope you find either a center you love, or a nanny you can't live without, and soon! This stuff is stressful!!

chloebeth930 · February 2014

I have a Nanny now and DD goes to a drop in play group here on base (DH is a Marine) twice a week.

When we have kid #2 we will keep the Nanny full time (she also takes care of our pups during the day) and we will have DD in a toddler playgroup/preschool that runs from Mon/Wed/Fri 8:00 -Noon. I am fine with the older child being in a day care setting but the thought of my little baby in one just depresses me to no end. The Nanny will watch the baby full time and then pick up DD and have both of them when the playgroup isn't in session. For us though we don't have an issue with paying for a nanny full time and then also forking over the cost for the toddler playgroup/preschool. The siuation just works out for the best for the kids/dogs/our work schedules.

If I were in your situation I would keep the Nanny and then see if there are play groups/classes during the week for DS that your Nanny can take him to where he can get that interaction.

katharine25 · February 2014

We chose a nanny over daycare mainly because of the sickness factor. We also both have some flexibility in our schedules and work from home mainly (I'm away 2 days a week), and a part time nanny just worked better into our schedule and is not that much more expensive. We chose cost over experience, again because we are there too so we felt we didn't need all the bells and whistles of a highly experienced care taker since we can always help out if needed. She's sweet and capable and DS really likes her a lot!
The biggest drawback has been she can't always make it, which throws a big kink in our schedules. Either she's been sick, and more often recently, she can't physically get to our house because we live in the woods on a long private dirt road and it's been snowy every other flucking day. So that's taken a toll on my DH and my work schedule, but we knew that going into this (though never expected it to be as bad as it is...).
The perks is she does laundry and tidy's up a bit, and the flexibility is really really convenient for us.
I do think DS would benefit from the socialization factor of daycare, but I'm also happy to say we've made it through the Winter so far with nothing more than a runny nose. (Knock on wood)

ravenclaw1 · February 2014

A is in daycare & it mainly boiled down to the price. DC is about half what a nanny would be. That being said, we by no means chose the cheapest daycare available. It's pretty expensive, but I wasn't about to compromise.

She LOVES being there- she's always so happy when we drop off and pick up. They love her too. It's at a synogogue & I like that they have Shabbat services and do Jewish stuff with them, even at a very early age. They're really good with keeping records of everything they do and reporting to us on a daily basis. It's a small classroom with a good teacher to kid ratio. I've shown up multiple times both announced an unannounced and they're always doing the same thing.

Downside- she's been sick a couple times, which is rough. In the 2 months that she's been there, she's had to stay out sick two days.

MarieNV · February 2014

I say stick with the Nanny for this year. Then next year move your oldest to Daycare-Preschool where he will likely get much more interaction with others (something that 3 year olds need more thatn 2year olds).

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