Multiples

Share you MoMs birth stories!!! Please :)

Hey all, there doesn't seem to be any good way to find birth stories specific for twins plus other than sifting through all the hundreds until you come upon them so sending out a request to our MoMs to share birth stories or links to! Hoping we can request this as a sticky so it can continue to grow!!

 POS+April 2009-M/c May 2009, POS+July 2009-M/c Aug 2009, POS+ Novemeber 2009 -Baby Boy Charlie DOB 07/06/2010, POS+July 2011-M/c and D&C Aug 2011, POS+Dec 2011 -Baby Boy Ethan DOB 07/27/2012, POS+Aug 2013-TWIN BOYS! Jack and Miles born March 23rd 2014!!

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Re: Share you MoMs birth stories!!! Please :)

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  • I had a pretty non-complicated pregnancy with my mo-di girls.  Except for some pain from SPD, I was very healthy until the end.  They were both head down so we planned an induction for 38 weeks.  My cervix was still closed and was not having any signs of labor, but my MFM didn't recommend going past 38 weeks due to potential problems with placental degradation past 38 weeks.  So, I went in at 38w for the induction but my cervix was still closed and pretty long.  They couldn't start the picotin until the cervix was opened a bit so they gave me some drug (not sure anymore the name) to open it.  The first drug they gave me caused very severe, very long and painful contractions and did not do anything to open the cervix.  Then they tried a different drug which was administered every 4 hours. On this drug (Cervidil maybe?) I had mostly painless contractions for 4 freakin' days and my cervix STILL wasn't opening. 

     

    Finally on that 4th day, it opened a tiny bit - like 1 cm and it was enough for the doctor to break my water which they hoped would speed things up a bit.  After that, I started having real contractions and cervix was opening a little bit, but very slowly.  After a few hours they gave me an epi and I continued to contract for a couple more hours but the cervix wasn't progressing very fast.  LO1's heartrate started dipping.  My cervix was still only at about 4 cm.  Doctor said if I was progressing faster and was at more like a 7 or 8, he'd let me continue but since I didn't seem to be getting any further, he recommended the csection.  After that, things moved along very fast.  They got me into the OR and took 'em out.

     

    The Csection was way more scary to me than I had anticipated.  Since I had planned on a vaginal delivery, I hadn't read up as much about what to expect with a Csection and it was all really scary for me.  From the time they administered the epi, I started shaking pretty violently.  By the time I got to the OR, I was shaking so violently, they had to restrain my arms and could not get an accurate blood pressure reading.   I was petrified  - it is so chaotic in there - so many people talking so fast and moving so fast and there are bright lights.  I had total faith in my medical team and knew that they knew what was going on and it probably doesn't seem chaotic to them, but from the bed, I was terrified.  Luckily, everything went smoothly and fast.  They brought LO1 right over to me so I could say hello and see her little face.  She heard my voice and stopped crying, it was so sweet. LOs were born at 5 lbs 8 ounces and 5 lbs, 11 ounces - nice healthy little girls.

     

    Recovery from the section was way harder than I anticipated.  The next day when they took out the catheter, I had a 'lazy bladder'.  Basically, I couldn't urinate and my bladder filled with over a liter of fluid. It was so incredibly painful, I was screaming in the bed.  The nurses couldn't re-catheterize wo a doctors order and the doctor was nowhere to be found for several hours.  It was really awful.  Also, I had floating gas pains in my shoulder that felt like someone was stabbing me every time I took a breath.  Both of these things were as painful than the 2 hours of labor contractions I had before the epi. After that things improved but I was surprised how long it took me to get back on my feet again.  I was pretty useless for about 2 - 3 weeks after and was still not up to 100% until about 6 or 7 weeks.

     

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  • Wishing35Wishing35 member
    edited February 2014
    I was scheduled for a C section at 38 weeks and going in for my regular OB appointment.They took my blood pressure and I could tell something was wrong because the nurse did it like 3 times in a row. The Dr. checked it a few times and told me and DH it was very high and we needed to go right to the hospital. After all my grumbling about how I couldn't wait to have them because of how uncomfortable I was , I started freaking out because now I wasn't ready! I was 37w3 days so not worried about NICU but I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that we where having these babies now.
           When I got to the hospital they put me in a room with all the monitors and the DR and anasthesioloigist were arguing over when to start my c section because I had eaten a granola bar like an hour prior , had I known I was going to be made to wait just for that I would have eaten something way better! Finally they took me in and I have to admit I was super scared, the nurses where wonderfull in the OR, they held my hand and calmed me down while I waited for DH to come in. DH was great once they had both babies out he was running back and forth between both checking them out and bringing them to me to see them. They wound up going to the nursury for warming and I didn't see them for a few hours. Keira was brought to me first and I got to hold her and feed her for a few hours before Katie was brought in. Unfortunatly my blood pressure was still not under control, the magnesium was making me very loopy, extremely hot like my body was on fire and everything was blurry. I felt horrible and was counting the hours until I could be off of it. They tried several medications to lower my BP but it was still high like 190's over high 90's I think? Hard to remember it was all a blur at this point.Because of this they debated back and forth over letting me leave the hospital. Finally I talked to my Dr and begged her to let me go home, by this point every time they came at me with a cuff I was getting such anxiety and panic. For some reason the cuffs kept bursting off my arm throughout my whole hospital stay so they would have to try 3-4 times every time to get a reading. They let me go home as long as I promised to be seen by a my Dr the very next day. The Dr. added Procardia to the Labatalol I was taking and slowly my BP's came down, I was weened off the Labatolol after about 4 weeks. I continued the Procardia until 12 weeks and then finally my BP's where normal enough to stop the meds all together. I used to always have readings of about 105/70 , now mine are like 115/80 or so, so not completely back to the way I was but at least its a normal reading. I also developed a rash that started in the hospital and spread over almost my entire body once I got home. I believe it was PUPPS but I never had it confirmed, it was extremely itchy and drove me nuts for about 2 months before it resolved. Looking back it was not a fun birth experience but having 2 healthy babies of course it was totally worth it!
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  • My Monochorionic Diamniotic Twin Birth Story:

     At 35 weeks my water broke, though just a trickle, not a huge gush or anything.  I wasn't positive that it had broke, but it just felt like it was too much to just be a normal discharge so I decided to go into my MFM's office to have it checked out.  I went in, and sure enough, my water had broken!

    This is where a whole other dramatic back-story comes into play, but to make the long story short (ask if you are interested and I can fill in the details), I had found out just days prior that I would not be able to be delivered by my MFM at the hospital I had been planning to deliver at for my entire pregnancy.  This is because we found out via ultrasound and MRI that one of my twins would need a rare surgery to be performed upon delivery.  She was born with a condition called intestinal atresia, and her intestine was not connected to her stomach.  This means that she could not ingest any food by mouth and it would be much safer for her to be delivered at a hospital where they could perform the surgery, rather than her have to be transferred after the fact.  So, I had to deliver at Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center in NYC.  I had never been to the hospital or met any of the doctors there before the day I delivered.

    My 2 year old daughter was luckily already staying with my in laws, so I called my husband and we went home to pack bags and drive to the city.  I was feeling mild contractions at this point, nothing I couldn't handle.  It took us a while to find parking, and then I had to walk up a few hills to make my way to the hospital (only in NYC do these things happen!)  My MFM had called ahead and set everything up for me, so they admitted me easily.  The only issue was that I never had the Strep B test, so they did make me get the IV antibiotics, which I was a little disappointed about, but its really not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things.

    They told me they would give me pitocin to move things along since my water had already broke.  They did offer me a c-section, which they explained they offered to all twin mothers. Both of my girls were head down, so I decided I would try for a vaginal delivery and they seemed confident in their ability to delivery them vaginally (I was extremely impressed with the care there).  They did require that I deliver in the OR, just in case they did need to do an emergency c section at any time during the delivery.  I was laboring on the pitocin for a few hours before things started to get very uncomfortable, and I quickly opted for an epidural.  The doctors actually recommended that all twin moms get it, and after going to 8 cm without an epi during my previous labor, I was all on board for the epi!

    About 10 hours after starting pitocin, I was completely dilated.  They wanted me to do a few "practice pushes" in the room before bringing me in the OR.  Well, I started to do a practice push and they saw baby A's head crowning, so they quickly brought me into the OR.  There were probably over 10 people in the OR, including a few OBs, residents, nurses, pediatricians, etc.  It took less than 5 minutes for me to push Baby A out, and they took her away quickly after a few photos (she is the one who needed surgery).  About 15 minutes later, Baby B was born.  The delivery was easier than my older daughter, which was shocking to me!  I chock it up to the fact that your first labor/delivery will probably be the hardest, and also because my older daughter was about 2 lbs bigger.  The twins were about 5 and a half pounds each, and except for the congenital issue with Baby A, very healthy.  Baby B came home with me 2 days later.  Baby A had her surgery and was in the NICU for a month while she recovered.  Feel free to ask me any questions and good luck on your delivery!
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    Josie and Lexie were born on January 4, 2014 at 37w2d
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  • Mine is a short one as well. 

    Went on house rest at 33 weeks due to increased swelling and blood pressure starting to rise. Never diagnosed wih pre-e though thankfully. I stopped work at 35 weeks and chilled out at home for the final two weeks prior to birth. 

    Had a planned cesarean at 37 weeks due baby a being breech and baby b being transverse still. I was really fine with that as my biggest fear was delivery one vaginally and then the other via section. 

    Baby girl was born first with no issues at 5 pounds. Baby boy was 6 pounds 13 ounces and did have some fluid in his lungs still that wasn't pushed out so he went to the NICU for a few hours just for monitoring. My dr insisted I stay at the hospital for the max time allowed so had the babies Monday and went home on Friday. 

    My recovery was awesome. I never had to take any drugs other than the super motrin and that was for only 2 weeks. I was sore but nothing major and felt pretty normal again by 4 weeks post surgery. 
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  • I had mild Pre-E which was becoming more complicated, so my drs scheduled me early for my CS. On the big day there was a huge flood in my town which added to the excitement of getting to the hospital! I was very nervous in pre-op (advice: don't be intimidated to say you need to go to the bathroom! "Holding it" can add to the post op constipation!) as I sat there waiting for the drs and nurses to fight the flooded roadways and get to the hospital too. When they took me in the OR my nerves went into overdrive, but I was determined not to take any drugs that would alter my feeling "present" at their birth. So no "relaxing" drugs. I focused on the wall or ceiling tiles and visualized the color of the ocean in Guam where we had taken a vacation the previous year while the anesthesiologist worked on my back. Once DH came in I totally had my game face on and wanted him to help distract me from my fear by talking to me about other vacations as they opened me up. DH was a little bewildered by my tactic, but he played along - though he was very distracted! After what felt like only a minute we heard a cry! JOY! Joy like I'd never felt before! I made DH keep reminiscing with me though... Poor guy! I needed that to stay centered. They called out Baby A's weight as 6 lb 5 oz and our eyes popped! They were expected to be 5 lbs each. One minute later, another cry! Waves of joy washed over us and the tears were flowing from both of us. 4 lbs 11 oz! The pediatrician and neonatologist later confirmed that we had TTTS even though we had been monitored weekly by a MFM - it was missed. After a quick assessment the nurse brought A to me for a look and then gave her to Daddy to hold. Another nurse assessed B and then did the same. The nurse and DH took turns holding the babies while they closed me.
    I don't want to write a book here... So that's the part I know you were interested in! Best of luck to you!
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  • After 4 months of bed rest, a successful TTTS surgery, weekly dr visits that reported my tough little twinsies were officially measuring small, & towards the end bi-weekly non-stress tests, the light was at the end of the tunnel--we were at 34 weeks, & had a planned c-section in three weeks, we were gonna make it!!! Mothers Day came & I was really restless, couldn't get comfortable (go figure!) I should've been asking my husband to help me get things, but after 4 months of bossing him around I hated having to bug him for trivial stuff. I got up to get a cupcake & suddenly felt...a shift, subtle, in my belly...and a trickle? I froze. I was so not ready, but my water had broken!!! I was a basketcase, but my husband held us together. Having that bag packed by the door was awesome, even though we'd felt silly packing it so early. Ladies, let me recommend packing a heavy pair of sweatpants to go to the hospital in. This is totally gross (I'm so sorry!), but after that trickle came a flood! Even after I thought we were done w/ water-breakage, there was no pad out there that could've helped me but we were in the car by the time I learned that & if we hadn't packed my husbands sweatpants to walk in in, I don't know what I'd have done. That and a bra to attach your pump equipment to, even if you don't plan to pump. An old sports bra w/ holes cut in it. Anything.

    Anyhow, as we arrived at the hospital my contractions started. We had known for months we would be having a c-section but had already signed up for the birthing classes & had practiced all the birthing breathing, etc since we'd paid for it--best decision ever b/c it was a busy night & it was 3 hours of increasing labor pain before they could get me meds. B/c of the classes, both my husband & I knew what to do, how to talk to each other, & my husband knew exactly how to help me & felt very much a part of our birthing experience. Finally I was taken in for surgery & in about 15 minutes my kids were born. They held each one up for about 1 second before handing them through a window--hearing their strong little cries was about the most wonderful painful magical moments of my life, knowing they were strong & alive after all those months of crisis after crisis. It was truly awesome.

    Having to wait by myself in recovery til the meds wore off sucked, getting texts w/ pictures of the girls from my husband & texting back was incredibly frustrating, but that frustration helped me be strong & power through the nausea that followed--I insisted they wheel me down to see my kids even as I was barfing on the way. That same determination carried me through the rest of my c-section recovery, making it seem a lot lower key that it was by focusing all my energy on being w/ my girls. They were in the NICU for a week. It was confusing having two babies to bond with at once & still is from time to time--esp in the beginning, every time I picked one up, it was time I wasn't spending w/ the other and that was real hard. All in all, that 1st week as a parent was the most intense, magical, extraordinary time of our lives & sure, there were things I wish had been different, but we all made it through, and that's what's really important...
  • I have MoMo girls, so was put on hospital bed rest at 28 weeks, with the goal of 32 weeks. I was monitored every 6 hours for one hour and the girls did fantastic that whole time. My MFM decided to try to get some extra time and shoot for 34 weeks since they were doing so well. At 32 w4 days, I had a d-cell but not one they worried about since it was isolated...long story short, after the 3rd d-cell, he came in and we decided to schedule an early morning C-section. I was to be continuously monitored until the C-section the next morning. Well, a few hours later, I had another d-cell, and when the nurses called him, he said we are delivering now. So what was supposed to be a very planned delivery, ended up with everyone rushing to the hospital :) The C-Section was fantastic. I had no issues because of it and healed quickly. That was really the last think I was worried about. I was so relieved and happy to have them here and healthy. They were 4'9" and 4'7" and didn't need much else but time in the NICU to eat and grow. No one can believe I went through 4.5 weeks of hospital bed rest and the constant fear of a monoamniotic pregnancy, but I would do it all again in a heartbeat. They are such miracles!

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  • My birth story is pretty uneventful! I Had a really easy pregnancy with no bedrest and no complications! I had to have a csection due to baby b being transverse. I Made it to my scheduled csection at 38wks 1 day with no labor contractions or water breaking! Had two perfect baby boys weighing 6lbs 2oz and 6lbs 3oz woth no nicu time and we spent 3 days in the hospital (more for my recovery). Here's a more detailed story of my csection process and recovery!

    https://moffattmommyoftwins.blogspot.com/2014/02/twins-birth-story.html?m=1

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  • Uneventful here.  Really easy pregnancy.  Worked until 37.5 weeks.  Scheduled csection at 38 weeks.  Walked into the OR myself and o9an hour later I had my twins! 
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  • Anyone know of a facebook group for twin moms? Would love more info on birth stories and info on docs local to me but haven't had any luck finding good info. My goal is to have a vaginal birth and I feel many docs are more pro c-section from the get go with twins.
  • I have two twin birth stories!! First set born at 35w0d by induction due to cholestasis. It was a four hour induction, vaginal delivery without an epidural or any pain reliever. I pushed for about ten minutes total and baby a weighed 4-3 and baby b weighed 5-10. Both babies were head down. I was on modified bed rest starting at 33weeks for a funneling cervix. Both babies spent four nights in the nicu without any problems other than size and gestation. Second set were born at 35w6d. I was induced again for cholestasis plus mild pre-e. I was group b strep pos. both babies were head down, although baby b had been breech up until 32 weeks. The induction took eight hours and was vaginal without an epidural. The induction this time was super super painful. I pushed for less than ten minutes total. Both babies were placed on my chest for an hour and I delivered baby b with a still on my chest. Baby a was 5-8 and b was 4-8. They went home wth me 48 hours later.
    Two sets of fraternal twins, 23 mos. apart First set born 12/27/12 at 35w0d via IVF Second set born 11/18/14 at 35w6d via FET
  • edited December 2014
    Our b/g twins were born at 34wk2d.  I had preeclampsia and had been going to Dr. appts 3-4 times each week for over a month for monitoring of my blood pressure and urine protein levels, and NSTs for the babies.  I went in for a regular monitoring appointment and was told to head straight to the hospital, since my blood pressure was through the roof (it had been steadily rising for weeks) - this was on my husband's birthday, and I was determined that the babies wouldn't have to share a birthday with anyone other than each other!  So after we got to the hospital and the babies' NST checked out fine, I was put on magnesium and something to help lower my blood pressure (which worked, thankfully).  The babies were born by C-section the next morning (I had anticipated a C-section for months, since neither baby was ever head down...).  The C-section itself was a piece of cake - I got a spinal and didn't feel a thing.  Baby A (our daughter) was born first, and I got a peek at her as the doctor walked her across the room to her "station".  I cried when I heard her first cry - I hadn't realized that I had been holding my breath, waiting for that sound!  Baby B (our son) was born one minute later.  I didn't realize it at the time, but he wasn't breathing when he was born, so he went immediately to his "station" and was resuscitated.  My husband was able to take some pictures of both babies before they were wheeled to the NICU, and he came with me to get settled in my recovery room.  Then I sent him to go take more pics and videos of the babies (and to call our parents, etc.).  The nurse wheeled me through the NICU for another quick peek at the babies a few hours later after I was released from recovery -- I barely remember that visit, since I was still so drugged up and could barely stay awake.  I had some complications from the magnesium, so I wasn't allowed to visit the NICU again until the next afternoon.  That 36 hours was the longest of my life!  I spent most of it looking at the pics and videos my husband had taken over and over and over....Our son (5 lbs 6 oz) spent 15 days in the NICU and our daughter (3 lbs 11 oz) spent 17 days.  I was in the hospital 5 nights total (the night before their birth, and another 4 nights after), so I was just a short wheelchair ride away from them for several days!

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  • So, here's an abbreviated version of my birth story...

    -December 16, 2014 at 2:00 PM... Went in for a routine MFM appt to begin weekly NSTs and get their biweekly growth scan.
    -Nurse noticed my swelling and I mentioned the huge 8 lbs weight gained I'd experienced in only one week.
    -she checked my BP and it was high all 3 times so she had me pee in a cup. My protein levels came back at 3+ so my MFM personally delivered me down to L&D.
    -I was admitted for monitoring, blood work and a 24 urine collection for the night and given my first round of steroid shots. I was give my insulin doses at higher amounts because the steroids were sending my sugars through the roof with my GD issues.
    -while being monitored I was consistently having contractions every 5 minutes with no cervical change, weird. I received my second dose of steroids 12 hours later.
    -The on call doctor comes by my room on night #2, 4 hours after picking up my urine collection for processing with my protein results and said I was spilling over 11,000 grams of protein in my urine. That with my ever increasing BP had me in a severe preeclampsia stage and he said "We need to have some babies by sunrise."
    -I was put on an Iv medication for an infusion of some sort to help with the girls' nervous system development.
    -I was assessed all throughout the night and prepped for c section at 5 Am the morning of December 18th.
    -At 5:33 our beautiful Kyler Verse came out at 3lbs15oz roaring at the world and I cried as my husband mesmerized over her beauty. 2 minutes later at 5:35, our sweet Kinley Vaughan came out at 3lbs11oz not as loud, and eerily at first without a sound. But then we heard the sweetest squeal we could've ever heard.
    -They have been on room air since birth and are now 2 weeks old and as of last night they were moved from the NICU to the step down nursery. Kyler has a little more weight to gain to meet the weight requirement and they are both working on nippling and being able to take all feedings by bottle. We're hoping to have them home in 2 more weeks or so.

    *Mono/di twin girls born at 31+6.

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  • Short Story:

    On Tuesday, October 28, after my water broke at 5:30 pm, I delivered Levi Drake 7 lb 7oz and 19 inches at 8:44 pm and Evan Walter 6 lb 13 oz and 18 inches at 8:52 pm without an epidural, because there was no time.

    Long Story:

    I had been having contractions for weeks, but they were mostly irregular. On Tuesday, October 28, at 38 weeks 1 day, I was continuing to have irregular contractions. Around 5:30 pm, I felt a pop. I was debating if it was my water or something else. I started to think it was something else, because I felt no wetness. After a couple of minutes, I started to feel a trickle. I quickly ran to the bathroom and then I knew for sure it was my water. I yelled at DH, who was on the phone with a friend. My clothes were all wet, so I sent him to get me a change of clothes. He then started running up and down the hallway. He called his sister and his mom, who were at the store, and told them “this is not a drill, Kim’s water broke.”

    We started to get everything packed that wasn’t already packed or needed to be repacked. DD had been napping and woke up during the chaos, so I got her diaper changed and dressed. I called my parents to let them know that my water had broken. I was not rushing, because my contractions seemed to be about the same as they had been for the last several weeks, just a little stronger. DH was driving like crazy to the hospital. He was afraid he would have to deliver on the highway.

    We got to the hospital around 6:30 pm and checked in. Around 7:15 they finally took me back to a room. I think we arrived during a shift change. While in the waiting room my contractions started getting a lot stronger and closer together. They were about 2 minutes apart and my water was continuing to leak.

    Once I got into the room they were struggling to get both babies and the contractions on the monitors. They also had someone come in to do a quick u/s to see if Baby B was still transverse. The doctor was having some trouble, so she called in someone else. At the same time DH's mom and sister showed up to get DD, so DH went into the waiting room with them. Around this time they checked me and I was at 7 cm. Because I was so far along, they immediately called the anesthesiologist and his assistant came in to ask me questions.

    While DH was in the waiting room, my contractions started getting closer and closer together and a lot stronger. Ben finally came back into the room and my contractions were horrible. I was squeezing his hand for dear life. I told him that I was at 7 cm. He was in shock. They started attempting to put my IV in, but were having trouble. I started feeling the urge to push, so the doctor checked me and it suddenly became chaos. The doctor started telling everyone to call different people because I was ACH(?). I asked if that meant I was complete and they said yes. Meanwhile they are still trying to get my IV in. They switched to my other arm, so I could no longer hold DH’s hand.

    After they got the IV in, they took me into the OR since they like to deliver twins in the OR. The whole time I am yelling I need to push and they keep saying you just have to hold on you are doing so good. They gave DH his clothes on the way to the OR. Once I got to the OR they had me move to the table and scoot to the end of the table. They told me to hold on a little longer. The anesthesiologist assistant was on the phone with the anesthesiologist and asked me if I still wanted the epidural. I said I wasn’t sure now, since they said it could take 20 minutes for it to go into effect and he agreed, but he stayed in case of emergency.

    They finally said I could start pushing, but my doctor hadn’t arrived yet. After a minute or two he finally arrived. After a few pushes Levi Drake arrived at 8:44 pm. It hurt so bad, I didn’t want to push out baby B. DH went and took some pictures with his cell phone since the camera got left in the van. Meanwhile the doctor broke baby B’s water. The doctor then said I could start pushing whenever I was ready. After a couple minutes I started pushing. I wasn’t in a hurry to feel the ring of fire again. After just a few pushes Evan Walter joined us at 8:52 pm. Ben then went and cut the cord. After Ben cut the cord, they had me deliver the placentas. I think they had fused together, because I delivered them both at once. Levi measured 7 lb 7 oz, 19 inches long and Evan measured 6 lb 13 oz, 18 inches long.

    We ended up staying at the hospital a few extra days because of issues with Jaundice. Levi didn't pass the first time so he had to be under lights. The next day Levi had made some improvements so they took him off the lights, but Evan was now having issues, so he had to go under the lights. We had to wait till evening after they retested Levi to make sure he did okay off of the lights before we could go home. That night, Halloween, we finally got permission to go home, but we had to take them to the doctor the next morning for a retest. Evan ended up passing, but Levi didn't so we had to take him back to the hospital for a recheck the next day, but when we got there they didn't have the orders, so we had to wait to see the doctor on Monday. He had gone up some more so they had him rechecked on Wednesday. It was better, so no more checks, but his weight had gone down so it will be rechecked on Friday.
    Lilypie - Personal picture    Lilypie First Birthday tickers


    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers  Lilypie - Personal picture    
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