how do u connect with your unborn baby — The Bump
2nd Trimester

how do u connect with your unborn baby

I am doing all that I can to have a healthy pregnancy - eating well, exercising, resting, etc but I feel like I am not an active part of my baby's days.  Sometimes I feel a little detached and it makes me feel sad and guilty.  What do you do on a daily basis to interact with your baby in your belly?  Any ideas? 

Re: how do u connect with your unborn baby

  • khaalid00khaalid00
    Third Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Photogenic
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    edited February 2014
    Sorry that you feel a little detached. It helps me to talk to the baby out loud in private or with my husband to feel more connected. Supposedly the baby can can hear muffled sounds outside the womb and hears your voice directly first. Try talking to your baby a little and gradually you will feel more comfortable doing it. In the morning when I wake I say "wake up baby, its time to get ready for school!" it sounds weird but it gets me excited and more awake...plus I work at a school, so its cute to me and makes me happy/motivated.
    HunterchicaKnbh[Deleted User]KellyBelly5569
  • thank you!  I have to continue to talk to the baby so that I get more comfortable as you say...I feel silly doing it but it is just a matter of practice...

    thanks!
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  • khaalid00khaalid00
    Third Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Photogenic
    member
    edited February 2014
    Yeah it does feel a bit silly at first than you start to realize, the baby does recognize your voice and you are carrying a living being 24/ 7. It's real and communicating is healthy. I wouldn't talk out loud in public than you will get strange looks, HA!
  • It is actual pretty normal to feel that way, it's nothing to feel guilty about. A lot of people have a hard time visualizing what is going on in their bellies. Some people feel more connected by talking to the baby, finding out the sex, putting together the nursery and so on. That's what made me feel connected with my son. WIth my daughter I never really felt the connection until she was born and that is normal too.

    [Deleted User]
  • Yes planning a nursery decor and setting up a baby registry will help you feel more connected. Also, privately share with your DH/ BF about how you feel and experiencing, and together feel the baby kick when you relax at home. Talking to a close friend/mother who has children can relate to you and feelings. All this can help you be in good spirits. You may be surprise how many women don't feel connected yet and happens later.
  • I rub and talk to my belly all day.  Don't feel silly doing it, your baby can hear you.  My DD also loves to talk to and touch her baby sister or brother. This is my 2nd baby but I still read up on the changes that are taking place within me each week.  
  • I felt really connected when I was pregnant with DD and really disconnected with this baby. I felt guilty about it, but after talking to people and my doctor, it really isn't that uncommon. Some people take a little while to connect to the baby even after birth. 

    DD1: IUGR, low AFI delivered at 36 weeks

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    DD2: IUGR, low AFI delivered at 37 weeks
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  • edited February 2014
    This is my 2nd pregnancy. I didn't feel connected to my ds until he started kicking me in my 3rd tri. Also I felt an ultimate connection when I saw him in 3d/4d. It was like meeting him for the 1st time. He was laughing when he heard my voice. And i got amazing ultrasound pics of it. I don't feel a connection with this LO just yet but I know it will happen. gl!
    KellyBelly5569
  • With DS, it got a lot easier for me to feel connected with him when I started to be able to feel him move. He got the hiccups a LOT in my third trimester, and actually being able to feel what was going on with his body (rather than just reading that "baby's fingernails are growing" on a weekly update email) made me feel closer to him. Once I knew he could hear me, I made a point of singing a lot more. I sing a lot anyway (in the car, in the shower, etc,) but knowing that he could hear me was fun. :) We didn't find out that he was a boy until he was born, so we just referred to him by a neutral nickname we had come up with for the baby. 

    Still, it wasn't until they put him in my arms that it totally felt like he was real. And that's completely fine. There's no need to feel guilty about feeling detached. It's kind of a weird thing, because all of this awesome stuff is going on inside of your body at an amazing rate, but all you can feel is nausea, exhaustion and bloating...
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    Gsurlea104
  • I like to poke around until I feel his body through my belly and then I poke him until he wakes up. It's probably annoying to him but I love it!

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    H e n r y  May 21, 2014

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    rainydayluckKellyBelly5569mfsunshine222
  • don't worry,, once it's here, you'll forget you ever even had a second to not think about him or her! I don't do anything to connect but pray & be grateful it's happening.
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  • For now, since I'm not feeling movement yet, I connect by talking to baby and tell it what I'm doing periodically throughout the day. I have a doppler, so I spend a few minutes every few days listening to the heartbeat and movement. Bedtime is a great time to spend a little while 'together'. I like to put a hand on my heart and a hand on my belly and do some deep breathing while visualizing my breath delivering baby the oxygen it needs.
    alli & erik 12.12.10
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    bfp3: 3/24/13 ... loss 6w2d    bfp4: 12/7/13 ... DS born 8/6/14
    TTC #3 6/2017 ... hoping #3 doesn't have to be a rainbow
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  • I had similar feelings, and my mom suggested that I sit in my rocking chair and start singing to the baby.  It can hear you and might form memories of your lullabies already.  I find myself doing this at work too, while I'm working (and by myself), I sing along to the radio or whatever I'm listening to.  It makes me happy to feel like i'm singing to my child :)
  • I'm having issues connecting as well. I feel so guilty when people say "You're pregnant! That's SO exciting" and I can't reply with the same amount of enthusiasm. I don't want anyone to think I'm not happy or that I am going to be a bad Mom, and It's not that I'm not excited, but I am having a hard time believing this is actually happening. I haven't felt any movement yet so I am hoping that my A/S on Saturday will help make this a reality for me.


    mfsunshine222
  • Yeah it does feel a bit silly at first than you start to realize, the baby does recognize your voice and you are carrying a living being 24/ 7. It's real and communicating is healthy. I wouldn't talk out loud in public than you will get strange looks, HA!


    --------------------

    If you want to talk in public, you could put in your ear buds and pretend to talk into them?  haha!  Just make sure your phone's on silent or vibrate or the jig's up!
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  • ChrisB said:
    I'm having issues connecting as well. I feel so guilty when people say "You're pregnant! That's SO exciting" and I can't reply with the same amount of enthusiasm. I don't want anyone to think I'm not happy or that I am going to be a bad Mom, and It's not that I'm not excited, but I am having a hard time believing this is actually happening. I haven't felt any movement yet so I am hoping that my A/S on Saturday will help make this a reality for me.
    I'm not feeling the baby move, either!!  My sister (who's been through two pregnancies) keeps saying, "Oh my god!  You can't feel her move yet?  Not even like little flutters?"  She makes me feel SO bad about it....

    And DH, bless him, sometimes puts his head on my belly to listen or hug me or whatever, and he keeps saying, "It just sounds like you have gas."  Ugh.
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    ChrisB
  • For us it was so much more real when she started kicking and squirming constantly. But I could feel her long before DH so I started talking to her. Then I finally started singing to her in the shower every morning. Once DH could feel her, he bought her a nursery book and read a story to her and kisses my belly a lot and puts his ear to it (she kicked him in the face once during that which cracked me up!). Now I play her a lot of music or try to put low-volume stuff on when I'm at work and let the headphones wrap around my belly. She responds to a lot of things we do, which is cool sometimes. I think they just need stimulation, whether it's voice, music, light movement, or anything ^_^
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  • clgregson said:
    I'm not feeling the baby move, either!!  My sister (who's been through two pregnancies) keeps saying, "Oh my god!  You can't feel her move yet?  Not even like little flutters?"  She makes me feel SO bad about it....

    And DH, bless him, sometimes puts his head on my belly to listen or hug me or whatever, and he keeps saying, "It just sounds like you have gas."  Ugh.
    My DH is out of state for the majority of my pregnancy, so he's constantly asking if I've felt any movements. I feel these weird gurgling things, but I'm never sure if that's the baby, or something I ate. I feel horrible telling him that I can't feel his son move, even though I've seen him waving his arms like crazy on the ultrasound. Apparently, it's normal not to feel movements until well into your first pregnancy. I just keep reminding myself that he's in there, he's healthy, and he's going to be making his presence well known soon.
    [Deleted User]
  • I don't.

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  • that's so cute!
  • khaalid00 said:
    Sorry that you feel a little detached. It helps me to talk to the baby out loud in private or with my husband to feel more connected. Supposedly the baby can can hear muffled sounds outside the womb and hears your voice directly first. Try talking to your baby a little and gradually you will feel more comfortable doing it. In the morning when I wake I say "wake up baby, its time to get ready for school!" it sounds weird but it gets me excited and more awake...plus I work at a school, so its cute to me and makes me happy/motivated.
    That's so cute!
  • I'm glad that its not just me!!! I honestly never saw myself as a mom, and definitely not the first daughter to give my parents a grandchild. This being my first pregnancy, it has been kind of hard for me to even grasp the idea of being pregnant, let alone be happy and engaged with the baby through it so far. All of the things you ladies are saying are all very great points, though, and I think I just might have to start putting them into practice. Thank you all for being so uplifting :)
  • I never felt "attached" to my baby until she was born, to be honest. 
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    marathonmommy82
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