My Journey So Far

cmhawkins1709 · February 2014

ALERT...LOSSES MENTIONED.

Thought I would post this here to tell my story real quick...just miscarried this weekend and was feeling like I needed someone to talk to. My story does not show up in my signature like it's supposed to, so here's my journey thus far:

ME: 23

DH: 24

Married October 17, 2009

Stopped Birth Control November 2009, Began TTC

M/C January 2011, unknown gestational age, likely chemical pregnancy.

2 Unsuccessful Rounds of Clomid in late 2011 (suspected PCOS)

Referred to Fertility Specialist February 2012

DX with PCOS & Endometriosis April 2012

Successful lysis of adhesions & fallopian tube/uterine check April 2012

First Successful Round of Clomid May 2012

Conceived May of 2012

BFP on June 2nd, 2012.

DD: 1 year old on January 30, 2013

Stopped Birth Control September of 2013

First Period Since Stopping Birth Control on December 16th, 2013

TTC #2 since December 21st, 2013

Progesterone Test 01/06/2014 Negative for Ovulation

Started round of Provera January 21st, 2014.

Surprise BFP February 6th, 2014, without having used Clomid

Spotting began February 15th, 2014.

M/C February 16th, 2014 at approximately 6w3d. Chemical Pregnancy, baby never developed.

I'm feeling very down. My one year old DD now has two siblings in Heaven, one older, one younger, that she'll never meet, and I'm feeling like we'll never get pregnant (and stay that way) without fertility treatments that we pursued with DD. Husband is understandably upset, but he grieves differently than I do. I don't know if it's ever really "real" for him until he sees the heartbeat on screen. Back in 2011, with our first loss, he was more angry than upset. Didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to think about it. This time, he's visibly disturbed. I'm sure that has to do with the fact that we already have a daughter and he couldn't imagine the thought of not having had her. He still doesn't want to talk about it much, just holds me when I cry and tells me we'll be okay. And he's right, we will be okay, and I'll be okay, eventually.

I'm concerned that both times I've m/c, they've been chemical pregnancies (the first was never even confirmed via betas, so some doctors won't count that as part of my HX) and I'm beginning to wonder if this is a Progesterone issue due to my PCOS. With DD, I was on a full round of Provera before I conceived, so it's possible that it boosted my Progesterone enough to carry well. I don't believe it's a lining thickness issue, because if it were, my being on the Clomid before I conceived DD likely would've ended the pregnancy as Clomid can thin the uterine lining. I'm just so confused and hurt and it's difficult to get any answers when really, there's nothing to test. I went back to the OB today. They ran betas to make sure my levels are still dropping and a CBC to determine whether I need a d&c. I never had to have one with my first m/c so the idea has me apprehensive. I may ask about getting clotting factors checked, and immunoglobulins. I have heard that both of these can cause RSM. I fear they won't do anything until I have three m/c in a row, but there's obviously something going on here. DD was the only successful pregnancy I've had and she was conceived on a medication regimen.

I am also going to ask about the use of Metformin or Femara. I have heard a lot of women have success with these. Can anyone lend some advice? I'm sad to see that so many of us are in the same boat when it comes to m/c but it's good to have someone to vent/talk to about all of it.

pettycrocker · February 2014

Hi,

Were you looking for advice relating to the C/P or the PCOS? I'm sorry I don't have any info on these things. I've done a bunch of Clomid cycles, but none of them worked for me. This board focuses a lot on IUI and IVF cycles, so I'm not sure you will get a lot of info on here. Have you tried the TTTC board?

Good luck!

lcloffredo · February 2014

I tried clomid and it didn't work at all. Tried femera and it worked but possible chemical pregnancy before my period was due. Don't know for sure but trying femera again with progesterone supository after ovulation this time. When you were diagnosed with PCOS were your insulin levels/blood sugars off?

GraceyandTroy · February 2014

Hello, welcome and I'm really sorry for your loss. I wanted to chime in regarding PCOS. I was dx almost two years ago now and have learned a lot about it and a lot about treating/managing it. PCOS, as you probably know, is caused by insulin resistance. The cells that use insulin to digest sugars from the blood don't respond to it, so the pancreas continues to produce it. This floods your ovaries with respond to the insulin which in turn, get all out of whack. It's a hormone imbalance issue and can be addressed by you immediately with lifestyle changes as well as with medication and even holistically.

If you're not responding to insulin, the best thing to do is keep your blood sugar levels even. This means eating low and complex carbs and increasing your physical activity. Going on metformin will also help since metformin is an insulin sensitizer (it makes a lot of women sick, though, so be prepared if you go on it!). Other treatments that I have used that helped me conceive my son include drinking herbal infusions and acupuncture.

When I was ttc before I had my son, my RE told me that we should focus on getting the PCOS under control and then I would likely become and stay pg w/o any medical intervention. That was really hard to hear because by that point, I had already been ttc for almost two years. But, he explained that while they could use meds to override my cycle and make be become pg, I would still have the underlying issues which would put me at risk during pregnancy.

I think there are plenty of PCOS cases where major medical intervention is the best option, but even in those cases, there should be attention given to the root cause. Getting your hormones balanced can make all the difference. When you go back to your OB, you might ask for a referral to an acupuncturist. It's something that a lot of insurances cover now!

Good luck. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. But having PCOS does not mean you can't have another baby. Keep your hope, don't let the sorrow of loss swallow you.

Beren+Luthien · February 2014

Welcome and sorry to hear about your losses. I asked for extra testing after my m/c and they did it. I hope you are able to do the same for peace of mind.

cmhawkins1709 · February 2014

@lcloffredo: Insulin/blood sugar levels were the only PCOS indicator I didn't have, but my OB still recommended the use of Metformin. Maybe they suspect that they're not always in normal range? @GraceyandTroy: I'm planning on trying to put together a low carb diet to try and have been for awhile. What type of herbal infusions do you drink, and where do you get the ingredients for them? That is something I've never heard of and might like to try! Out of curiosity, looked up acupuncture on my insurance coverage. It is unfortunately not covered as it is considered alternative therapy. I am so comfortable with the idea of Clomid because it worked for us the first time...but the risks scare me...I have a history of ovarian torsion, and along with the increased risk of that again, it can thin my uterine lining which could cause subsequent loss. @Beren+Luthien: Good...maybe they'll listen to my requests then. I'd like to do as much at my regular OB as possible before going to an RE. I know they can't do a lot, but it's always better to rule the smaller things out first.

GraceyandTroy · February 2014

cmhawkins1709 said:

@GraceyandTroy: I'm planning on trying to put together a low carb diet to try and have been for awhile. What type of herbal infusions do you drink, and where do you get the ingredients for them? That is something I've never heard of and might like to try! Out of curiosity, looked up acupuncture on my insurance coverage. It is unfortunately not covered as it is considered alternative therapy.

I buy the tea leaves on amazon and make the infusions by adding about an ounce of the dry leaves to a large mason jar, then add boiling water. I seal it and let it sit over night on the counter. In the morning, I strain out all the leaves, then sip on the tea all day. You can look for Susan Weed on youtube and there a bunch of videos about how to make infusions. She's a real hippy looking midwife, lol, so don't get scared off! I drink red raspberry leaf, nettles, oat straw and I have recently added back red clover. I used to try to drink two or three a day, but it's too much for me to get it all in, so I'm down to rotating through and drinking one per day. They don't all taste that great, so it's hard for me to drink a lot, lol. But anything for a baby, right!

Regarding acupunture, my insurance didn't cover it either, but I was willing to pay out of pocket. I hadn't ovulated on over a year without meds, and then I ovulated for the fist time within two weeks of my first visit. Then I proceeded every cycle until I conceived my son. I was still o'ing late for a while, but when I added in the infusions, I started o'ing earlier and earlier.

I had used clomid twice, but both times it made my lining too thin. So, we were thinking using femara combined with iui, but I wasn't emotionally ready. When I was ready to move forward, literally was planning to call the Dr that Monday, I got a BFP on Friday. I'm really hopeful that things will work similarly for #2. I'm so ready to get pregnant again, but I'm still BF'ing, so I just keep relying on the herbal stuff. I won't do clomid again since it was waste last time, and femora isn't safe while BF'ing. But I know that infusions can work, so I am clinging to that for now.

AprilDrew04 · February 2014

Just be cautious on TTTC, as they can be a bit harsh if you mention you already have a child. At least they were when I first came to The Bump. It may be better now.

cmhawkins1709 · February 2014

@GraceyandTroy: is there any type of natural sweetener I could add to an infusion for better taste? Like honey? @AprilDrew04: this and the miscarriage/pregnancy loss board are the only ones who HAVEN'T been harsh...don't feel like I really fit in anywhere precisely... :-/

GraceyandTroy · February 2014

You can add in tea bag of a flavored tea that you like. A friend of mine used to do that. I sometimes add Crystal Light to make it taste better, but I try not to do it all the time because I know the artificial sweeteners are a no no. But honey or agave are both good options.

barackollama · February 2014

Welcome! I don't have experience with PCOS but wish you luck!

CeCe8579 · February 2014

Do you have a normal LP? Have you ever had your progesterone levels checked? I take progesterone because mine is low and I also have a history of weak ovulation/implantation due to cycsts/blockage/endo and thick lining. I've only had a successful pregnancy on Clomid and even then I lost my DD's twin right before my 2nd trimester. The Clomid was effective in getting my lining where it needed to be and causing ovulation to be stronger and the progesterone helped with implantation. I'm not sure I helped with your question but I tried.

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