After the baby, going back to work...

laurenj614 · February 2014

Hello Ladies!

I'm looking for some help…My husband and I will have our first child in August. I am very lucky and will get a total of 6 months maternity leave with my company, but I do not wish to return back to that company after my leave. The main reason is the commute, it is an hour each way. Also, I don't feel I make enough to be making that commute and having our baby in daycare for 10 hrs+ a day. This company I'm with has great benefits, retirement plans and vacation, so my husband has just recently expressed his concern with me not returning to this company. He does qualify for medical benefits with his company, but they are not as good as our current coverage from my company.

So, what would you do? I'm really upset about this and it is hard for me to express to my hubby how much this time apart would really upset me. Please, any advice would be much appreciated!

Thank you and I hope you are all feeling great!

chevronseven · February 2014

I'm glad you asked this! I don't have an answer but I'm curious to see what people say because I was wondering along the same lines. I teach preschool and would prefer to be at an elementary school, so I am applying at other schools. The baby is due in July and obviously school starts in August. I'm ok with having less maternity leave if I were to get a new job (I wouldn't ask them to get a sub for me for the first few weeks of the school year when it's a brand new job for me as it is), but I don't know when I should put in my notice to my current employer. I'm counting chickens before they hatch since it's not even interview time yet, but my worry is that if I tell them ahead of time that I'm not returning after my leave, then I would have a lapse in health insurance during a very crucial time.

I just realized I may have misunderstood. Are you wanting to find a new employer or become a SAHM? If you can afford to stay at home I think that is always the best thing for both you and the baby. If not, I think finding a new employer with a shorter commute and higher pay would be understandable.

Weezy56 · February 2014

This is only a decision you and your husband can make together. I'm in the same boat as you, only my commute is 45 mins each way, and I'm going back to work. Why does your husband want you to go back to work? Do you enjoy your job? Can you truly live on just your husband's salary? Are you willing to give up any company matches you have a for a 401 K (if you have them)? How much is daycare per month and what type of centers are in your price range?

These are just a few things to think about when making your decision. I make 1/2 the income, and although we could manage on his income only, we would not have any money for vacations, extra curricular activities for LO when the time comes, no date nights, could not save for college, etc. Those extra things are important to us. Also, I find my job very fulfilling and the benefits are awesome. I have a family friend I have known for 15 years saving a spot for us at her day care and my mom will have the baby the last 2.5 hours of the day. So for us, it was a no brainer for me to go back to work. But every family is different.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

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Weezy56 · February 2014

livelaughlove88 said:

I'm glad you asked this! I don't have an answer but I'm curious to see what people say because I was wondering along the same lines. I teach preschool and would prefer to be at an elementary school, so I am applying at other schools. The baby is due in July and obviously school starts in August. I'm ok with having less maternity leave if I were to get a new job (I wouldn't ask them to get a sub for me for the first few weeks of the school year when it's a brand new job for me as it is), but I don't know when I should put in my notice to my current employer. I'm counting chickens before they hatch since it's not even interview time yet, but my worry is that if I tell them ahead of time that I'm not returning after my leave, then I would have a lapse in health insurance during a very crucial time. I just realized I may have misunderstood. Are you wanting to find a new employer or become a SAHM? If you can afford to stay at home I think that is always the best thing for both you and the baby. If not, I think finding a new employer with a shorter commute and higher pay would be understandable.

@livelaughlove88 Maybe for your family it would be the best thing, but staying home is not the best thing for every family, even if they can afford it.

dogperson11 · February 2014

Would it be possible to cut your hours back a bit? Maybe work the minimum hours/week to receive benefits, that way you only work 4 days or you work shorter days.

cMichelle0423 · February 2014

Like PP said, this is something only you and your husband can answer. We don't know about your situation so therefore, we really can't give you any realistic advice. We don't know what kind of coverage your h's insurance is like, we have no idea how much yall make a month, or how much you spend on bills and day to day stuff. There's a lot that factors into making a decision like this. The only advice I can really give, is to sit down and talk to your husband. Go through all your financial stuff, see what your spending would be like with and without you going to work.

On a side note, if your main concern is about being away from baby during the day, as understandable as that is, you'll get over it. It'll be hard at first, but eventually it just becomes routine. I'm a SAHM and as much as i love it, I sometimes miss working. But for our family's situation, it's best for me to stay at home with the babies. (Plus DH and I don't trust day cares or other people to watch our kids lol)

greekniki · February 2014

The compromise should be simple. If your husband wants you to keep the job for benefits, then you should probably do that. You shouldn't underestimate the importance of great benefits especially with the new baby. However, you should relocate so that you are closer to work. You are the one who will need to be able to get to and from work quickly to care for the baby. We live a mile from the hospital I work and my husband commutes the distance. We wouldn't have it any other way.

damnmermaid · February 2014

Husband and I work at the same hotel and It's only about 10 minutes away from our home using a car. I'm not happy at this job anymore. It's mainly because of my boss. I love what I do here, but my boss is nasty. She's a family friend and It's as If she isn't actually my boss. She acts more of a teenage girl than the older woman she is supposed to be. She talks too much trash and runs her mouth about everyone in my family and at work. Her bother in law also works with us and of course she favors him and grants his every wish when It comes to the schedule. She's damn plastic from head to toe. What she doesn't know is that no one really likes her. It's sad and now being pregnant I'm just so depressed and I really don't like coming to work. I still go into work, but not with the same smile and energy as before. Something recently had happened that just tipped me over the edge.

I talked to my MIL about this and she too agrees that I should stop working for a while. Especially since I was put on bed rest 2 weeks ago and now am not allowed to walk too much. She also says that when I decide to go back to work that I should look for another one or be moved to a different department. She says that we'll survive because I am not paying for anything at all but cellphone, telephone, cable, and internet bills. She's all for me being a SAHM for a while.

My husband on the other hand is against it. He's paying for quite a few things. He says we will survive but we won't have any extra money to spend on ourselves or for our baby. And he knows that I will just get bored at home and go crazy. I just want to rest. I'm depressed and exhausted.

Not to compare or anything, but it is just happens to be the same situation: My husband had his ex-wife before become a SAHM. They had two girls together. He worked double jobs. She was only paying her hospital bill. On top of that they had other bills to pay. I don't understand what is the difference now. Him and I are paying less now than they ever did. Since they are divorced, he is paying CS which is $175 a month that they take out direct from his pay check and then his loan that he had with her which is $200 a month. I pay $200 a month for our cellphones, cable, internet, and home phone. That leaves us enough money to spend on ourselves. Well, I guess I'm the main money maker.....Well, he still has two jobs. He's being very insensitive about it. I'm freaking exhausted. I'm too depressed to bring anything up with him. The past few days have been so quiet. We don't fool around as much as before anymore. I keep to myself and I just sleep. I don't want to start a fight or anything so I just let it be.

Anywho, Which pregnant lady likes going to work and have to be fake and deal with her ugly attitude of a boss? Seriously.

For now I'm trying to hold everything in and sticking it out. Trying to find ways to keep me sane and happy, but that's not working out just yet. Shoot me.

dragonfly711 · February 2014

Tough call. I am an assistant teacher so do not get teacher pay even though it is almost like co teaching. I commute an hour away. I am done w school June 6 and due June 19 have to go back to work end of Aug beginning of Sept.

My benefits are through hubby way better than mine. I am hoping to get a teaching job closer but not sure if that is going to happen.

I have no choice but to go back even though I would love something close to home. If I cant find anything hubby is going to be going to evening shift so we dont have to have much for daycare.

Stinks big time especially since I dont get paid much!!

lexusolsen · February 2014

SAH is a decision you need to make together. It sounds like your h already has experience with it and it wasn't a positive experience. It's not fair for him to work two jobs and put all the money making responsibility on him if he doesn't want that much pressure.

It sounds like your best bet is to find daycare close to work and start looking for a new job when you return. If you are in bed rest now and will have six months leave, it sounds like you have a while to figure it out.

Honestly, it sounds like you dislike your job not like you want to SAH. They are two very different things.

BeesKnees181 · February 2014

I have the only / some of the best benefits in the US, and I definitely plan to return to work after I have my girls. I also make more money, and neither one of us feels comfortable with me not returning to work. Finances and practicality aside, I would love to stay at home with my girls until they start school. However, I know myself and I know how much I love and believe in the work that I do. (I don't want to end up like Sylvia Plath for denying myself the life outside the home that I have built for myself.) I will have roughly 12 weeks of maternity leave, but may taper back to work part time during week 10 and 11 of my leave (depending on how I feel). I am able to bring the babies to work with me for the first year, as well. So, that makes my return to work that much easier knowing I can have them with me. I have also discussed with my husband and boss how to deal with work travel. I am sure as they start moving around more I will have to make adjustments, so that I can be effective at work. Also, I travel a lot in the summer months for work, so we are planning on having my husband come with and bring the babies on work trips. This way I can see them every afternoon back at the hotel. So far that is my plan, nd I am sure things will change along the way. I am lucky to have an amazing partner, a supportive supervisor, a private office, and great colleagues that will be very helpful when I have my twin girls at work.

ebp913 · February 2014

Every time this comes up I just think, what if this situation was flipped and your husband was like, you need to work 2 jobs or handle all the stress of being the only income producer because I need to stay home with our kids. You'd be like get the hell out of here, I want time with our child and you need to not be so selfish. You may not want to work but you NEED to do what's best for your family. Not for YOU, for your whole FAMILY. Sorry this is blunt but it's time to put on your big girl pants and do what you need to do. Maybe in the future you can reevaluate. Nothing is permanent but it sounds like what your family needs is for you to work. 6 months off is more than almost anyone in the US gets so be happy with it and then find a great daycare you love. Your baby will live and so will you.

ready-or-not · February 2014

MrsMuq said:

You might also be (most likely will be, actually) on the hook for any medical benefits and their premiums paid during that time period. You might also need to pay back vacation/sick time you used if it wasn't already accrued.

Ditto this!! Excellent point, coming from 10+ years of HR experience you will want to check into this before you make any rash decisions. I also ditto finding a daycare close to your office that encourges you to pop in & see baby whenever you'd like. This makes those 10 hour days much more bareable. I've done the working mom & the SAHM gig, & am back in the working mom with one on the way gig. Its tough in the beginning, but give yourself about 3 weeks of crazy, & you will find yourself in a new routine with baby that is working. You could move closer to your office, or if that is not an option, consider the hour commute one on one time with your baby.

laurenj614 · February 2014

Wow! Thank you so much for all of the wonderful and different feedback. We are going to have a long serious sit down and figure things out. Most likely, we will find a daycare close to my job and then I will return for several months. If it becomes too much, I will look for work closer to home.

I love these forums, it really is a great place to bounce ideas!!

laurakaz13 · February 2014

Weezy56 said:

livelaughlove88 said:

I'm glad you asked this! I don't have an answer but I'm curious to see what people say because I was wondering along the same lines. I teach preschool and would prefer to be at an elementary school, so I am applying at other schools. The baby is due in July and obviously school starts in August. I'm ok with having less maternity leave if I were to get a new job (I wouldn't ask them to get a sub for me for the first few weeks of the school year when it's a brand new job for me as it is), but I don't know when I should put in my notice to my current employer. I'm counting chickens before they hatch since it's not even interview time yet, but my worry is that if I tell them ahead of time that I'm not returning after my leave, then I would have a lapse in health insurance during a very crucial time. I just realized I may have misunderstood. Are you wanting to find a new employer or become a SAHM? If you can afford to stay at home I think that is always the best thing for both you and the baby. If not, I think finding a new employer with a shorter commute and higher pay would be understandable.
@livelaughlove88 Maybe for your family it would be the best thing, but staying home is not the best thing for every family, even if they can afford it.

Ditto. Eye roll. We can easily afford it and it would NOT be the best thing for our family. OP, do what is best for you and your family. I would look for a shorter commute if you want to keep working. If you simply can't afford it, then do not try to stay home.

allardr · February 2014

Does your company have any flexible schedules available like PT or a work from home day (to at least cut the commute)?

I must say i see your side of the commute, maybe switch jobs to something more local...but I guess that still leaves you without the great benefits.

Honestly I think no one can answer this but you and DH need to have a conversation about both of your feelings. Maybe do more detailed research about DH's coverage and if that would suffice. Maybe spending/saving changes you can make to help boost his plans if you don't stick with yours.

chevronseven · February 2014

My bad, didn't mean to offend anyone. In my humble personal opinion, it seems like a baby is generally better off with it's mother, but I can't speak for families I have never met. Everyone can and should do what they believe is best for them.

Nekotaru · February 2014

This was a very painful and arduous decision-making process for us. My current job I initially took to get off unemployment (layoff are rampant in my industry of videogame development) was at least to have health insurance while I was pregnant, until I could get on my husbands (which is far better!). I also commute an hour each way. I took a 50% paycut and a demotion, I am very unhappy here. I literally make LESS than the unemployment from my last job. I am so blessed we even have the option for me to choose. But I looked at it every which way, which I think is also sound advice aside from doing what is best for your family's situation.

If I stay, I will literally spend EVERY dime of my check on daycare AND never see my baby. Not a win, IMHO. If this was my last job where I made double, I would go back to work because I could contribute significantly extra income to the household. We also cannot afford to sell our home/move closer. I also do not have telecommute/WFH options at this job. I get 2 weeks maternity, 4 week Short Term Dis., and do NOT qualify for FMLA. So after constantly running the numbers, hubby and I agreed it is not worth it for me to go back, be miserable, and make $0 extra income. I do want to work again, but not here.

Anywho, but we came to this decision after MONTHS of debate AND me actively seeking higher paying jobs in the meantime, it was really hard for me to let go, I really am a creative passionate person, but this job wouldn't be worth it for me OR my family. So, that is what it boiled down to for us

AmericanInOz · February 2014

Do they do flexi working?

I work 3 days in the office, 8:30-4:30. It's about a half and hour drive, so dd spends 9 hours in daycare (8-5)

the other day I work at home, and I have a day off

on my work at home day I work 8-5, to make up for the hours I'm losing on the office days

it works well for us, dd loves daycare and honestly even after 9 hours there I find it hard to get her to leave cause she is having so much fun

Sareynoo · February 2014

Is moving closer to your work an option?

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