weight rant

livkight · February 2014

At my check up today, as always, I had to step on the scale first thing, before anyone said "hi, nice to see you" or "you're looking good!" or anything personal. I hadn't gained anything by my check up last time, a month ago, but today I was up 10 pounds. I'm 17 weeks, 5 days along, and I've been looking at my weight about once a week at home. So 10 pounds was not a surprise and I was not disappointed or upset whatsoever. I think 10 pounds is a great number for being almost 20 weeks, even if I started out a little higher than (stupid) BMI suggests I "should" be.

The nurse/MW that I saw today made a comment that my weight was "a couple weeks ahead" of where I should be. I never thought I'd be bothered by that kind of comment, because I figured my weight would deviate from the Almighty Pregnancy Weight Graphs at some point down the road. But it REALLY got to me.

Let me just say-- I have a history of anorexia (in high school and college)-- and I know many other women struggle with or have struggled with serious weight and body image issues. Just stepping on a scale triggers anxiety and feelings of shame. So a doctor or nurse casually remarking that we're "too fat" for how far along we are is actually pretty destructive. My nurse didn't even consult my previous weight charts to see that I'd gained weight only in the past month and a half or so-- obviously I'm not steadily gaining that much every week. Telling me to "cut back" and "exercise more" (even though I'm freaking exhausted just from just life in general) is not helpful or realistic.

I just wish there was more big-picture understanding of women's bodies/nutritional needs/weight issues. Hugs and love to anyone who's been berated about gaining "too much" or "not enough." I just hate those terms applied to women and their bodies and their babies.

Rant over.

ETA: thank you thank you for the love and affirmation (definitely needed that). Mostly I just wanted to address what I've seen a lot of women mentioning here about being questioned or challenged on how their bodies are handling pregnancy. (So you can keep on telling me how good I look *wink wink* but hopefully I'm not coming across as an AW... yet, haha.)

1982Babies · February 2014

jessa8907 said:

Umm... You look pretty fucking fantastic to me.

Yeah, ditto.

Your body is just playing catchup. Don't let a nosy nurse ruin your day.

drunkenhandstand · February 2014

You are absolutely right! Do not let that hussy ruin your day! The practice I saw for my first born was full of fat shammers - the nurses and the OB. Constantly telling me every appointment how I was going to "ruin my body." I gained 50lbs with him. Everyone is different! I'm a naturally thin person but I just gain a lot of weight while pregnant. I felt so awful that first pregnancy because of them (not to mention he was a man so it really irked me!). I was so critical of myself and I hate them for doing that to me. Luckily, I found a new OB with my second child (still my OB now) and they are wonderful! I've never once had a snide remark or a comment about how I gained too much at that appointment. And believe me, I've had plenty of "10lbs in one month." They smile and tell me I look fabulous. I've learned to just accept the weight gain. It's what my body needs to grow a baby. Some women may only need to gain 20 lbs and be just fine - good for them. But I hate how doctors feel the need to hold everyone accountable to some "norm" for weight gain.

Anyway, just wanted to say you look great and keep your head up! It won't be 10lbs every time! And even if you have another month like that, it's OK! You'll have all the time in the world to lose it.

(hugs!)

hupp0013 · February 2014

I'm sorry the nurse made you feel bad. I think you look great!

abunai523 · February 2014

You look fantastic! Was this nurse high? Just curious...

Also, I know where your coming from with issues regarding weight. I have always had really bad body dismorphia, and I'm pretty hard on myself when it comes to weight and body image, it's a constant battle. Even when i was young (4-5) i would try to tie the waists of my dresses extra tight. I've been lucky in that I've been so amazed with what my body is doing with pregnancy and for my baby that I have actually been better than usual about it lately, but if somebody at the doctor decided to express concern about what I am gaining I can guarantee it would devastate me. I am terrified of that every time I go in.

You're beautiful, and your body is going to do what you need it to do, so just try to trust it. Also, try reading the book "Does this pregnancy make me look fat?" I have been reading it and found it helpful when those anxieties do flare up. Good luck, and eff that nurse!

littlemissmarla · February 2014

i feel ya girl, i am always watching what i eat, dieting, at the gym, used to weigh myself multiple x a week.. then i went through 5 months of fertility treatments + emotional rollercoaster and allowed myself to gain 20lbs.. i was now starting this pregnancy already ahead of the game.. i didn't want to gain much and at my last doctors appointment i gained 9lbs.. it was horrible.. my husband showed up late and my doctor basically gave him the green light to be my personal moderator of what went down my trap.. OK SO I ATE A FEW TOO MANY CARBS but why are we made to feel like crap when we have so many other things going on in our bodies! my doc said that its not "unhealthy" to gain the weight but the risk of c-section doubles when you gain 40+lbs... i was not planning on gaining that much and have been monitoring my carb intake, plus adding more veggies and fruit.. it sucks because all i want to do is eat ice cream every night but DH is like my home version of Jillian Michaels.. grrr... i also spent a good amount of time in my youth dancing around with ED's and i know the right way to do things now, and i know once the baby is gone i will get back to my usual routine.. i'm trying not to let other people's perceptions of how much i should gain or weigh during my pregnancy to effect me. Our bodies are doing amazing things, and especially if your someone who is always monitoring your food intake for most of your life (like me) we deserve a min to relax and enjoy these 9 months! you look absolutely fantastic and have an adorable bump, please don't let these nurses/doctors make you think or feel otherwise!

SaranJonathan · February 2014

Sorry you got this comment. I have gained 13 already. My OB said my weight gain was wonderful and keep eating so I feel good. I gained 40ish with my DD No big deal to me. It's better to eat than puke from nausea in my opinion.

futuremrsgorski · February 2014

You look amazing! The next time you get weighed and get an eye roll or talk about whatever the number just look the doc square in the eye and say "ok". Then, here's the really important part, ignore it! My first pregnancy put me over 200 when I delivered and I lost over 40 pounds no problem just by nursing. Enjoy pregnancy! Baby likes it when you eat!

shanaynerz · February 2014

I just wanted to say you look GREAT! I can't believe they're upset you've gained that much. That's pretty average I think. I'm overweight and pregnant with twins (about as far along as you) and, by my scale at home, I've gained about 15 lbs. Some people also have rally bad bedside manner; it can be just as much about how you say something as much as what is being said. I'm glad you shared your story for the reasons you mentioned. Some doctors focus too much on weight when there's so many other things going on.

alygoo615 · February 2014

I'm sorry you had an insensitive conversation. I had been down a few lbs at my 14 week and I've gained 7 lbs since then and I'm scared to see what I will have gained by my dr. Appt. I'm starving all the time and finally eating again. Sad that we have to dread gaining when it's a necessity right now.

lowerygirl · February 2014

I think you look great!! Sorry you had a rude nurse today!

aimeepigott · February 2014

With my first pregnancy, one of the 3 midwives I saw always picked on me about my weight. I did over indulge in cravings,however, I was active and I did lose it all within my DS being 5 mos old ( I gained 63 lbs with my first). This pregnancy I have been more cautious about how I eat, I am still active and I run/play with DS all day long. I am 17 wks and I have gained 11 lbs. don't sweat it! I discussed my concerns with one of the nicer MW and she said sometimes no matter what you do your body gains whatever it's going to gain! So just keep that in mind!

earichar23 · February 2014

I'm sorry you had to deal with the craptastic nurse but I'm glad you posted about this. I think it's a real issue in our society to fit some norm and yes, I know that I'll have to lose it all when I'm done but it's not the end of the world to have to lose 20 pounds if it means the mama is healthy and happy. I'm up 19 pounds at 20 weeks and I dread stepping on the OB scale every month but as long as the OB follows up "looks like you've gained a few pounds" with "every body looks healthy" I'll get over it.

mrscurlygurl · February 2014

It's one of my BIGGEST pet peeves when health professionals shoot off their mouths about weight issues without knowing any background on the woman. I think the statistics eating disorders are likely vastly under known because so many struggle with them silently. Why would you want to take the risk with a pregnant woman, who is growing another human being, and possibly trigger something within them? I go to a practice where you typically only see the midwives. There is one male midwife who, in my first pregnancy, started talking about weight gain/not eating too many carbs, etc. at one of my early appointments before I'd even gained much if any weight. I think he was trying to warn me in part because of my height, 4'10. Still...he shouldn't have talked like that so flippantly without knowing anything about me. I ended up with gestational diabetes and birthed a 5 lb, 14 oz baby...

As PPs said, you look great...as the gif says...Fuck 'em!

jamboree jess · February 2014

I think you look awesome! I wouldn't worry about it at all.

I've had a lot of issues with my weight in the past as well, and I've been beating myself up about the amount of weight I've gained so quickly (about 12 lbs)

Surprisingly, my doctor hasn't yelled at me at all. Even this last month where I somehow managed to gain 6lbs, she told me it wasn't a big deal and I probably just hit the "growth spurt" that apparently happens mid-pregnancy. I'm glad she's being so cool about it, because I was just about crying when she told me how much weight I'd gained.

acciovino · February 2014

I mentioned in the Monday Bitchfest thread about my last appt. Today I got to see my regular OB and told her that her colleague told me I need to only gain 15 lbs. She said that I am the 3rd person to mention this to her and one of the girls the other doctor told this to, went home and cried. She said her colleague is young and very by the book, but she needs some life training and possibly needs to pop a few kids out to feel some kind of empathy. She said too much pressure is put on pregnant women and we should not be stressing ourselves out about weight gain when we're SUPPOSED to gain weight right now. Everyone is different. My OB said she gained 70 lbs with each of her pregnancies and she's lost all the weight quickly afterwards. I gained 30 lbs with DD and while I am more cognizant of what I'm eating and how much I'm moving, I feel like I am probably going to gain almost that much this time as well. I've gained 8 lbs so far and I'm almost 20 weeks, but my OB said I'm about to go through a growth spurt and not to freak out about the weight gain.

Don't let them make you feel bad. I know it's easier said than done, but trust me, you look great and as long as you are taking care of yourself, your body is going to do what it's going to do. No need to stress too much about it. I promise you, the weight will probably fall off quickly for you.

cakebatter27 · February 2014

You . look . so . fetch.

Honestly, you look great. Everyone will gain differently. I am about 30 lbs overweight (I should weigh 140ish) and I'm shocked I haven't gained yet. I'm just waiting for this to turn into a bump. I just look porky.

alohababy14 · February 2014

I definitely understand where you're coming from. I also struggled with an eating disorder when I was in high school, so weight gain has always been hard for me. I've been avoiding the scale but finally got on it today (14 lbs at 21 weeks). I just keep reminding myself that weight is temporary and it's all for the health of LO. You look fantastic, and I'm sorry the nurse made you feel badly about yourself!

TigerLily12345 · February 2014

I'm so sorry.

I was up 11 pounds at my 20 week appointment and no one said a peep.

When I asked, they said that was "perfectly on track" and they were totally pleased.

ashcross · February 2014

jessa8907 said:

Umm... You look pretty fucking fantastic to me.

Completely agree with her. I gained some weight before I even got pregnant from moving across country and stress. I'm 18 weeks and have gained about 10-12 pounds. I'm still tired all the time and haven't been the best at exercising in general. I feel like I look like a cow now and I have never been big in my life. I just try to let it roll off my shoulders. I know it's not easy but I wouldn't pay attention to the nurses. If the doctor thought your weight was a problem or you were gaining weight too rapidly, they would tell you.

Also I've gained the same amount or a little more as you and my doctor says I'm right on schedule with weight gain.

But again in all honesty, you look amazing.

Nichole8787 · February 2014

I think you look great! People really don't think about what they say before they say it. If you feel good and you are healthy then I wouldn't give it another thought. I am getting it every single freaking day from my mother that I haven't gained enough weight. She even said "Well if you have an idiot for a child we'll all know why". I know how much I'm eating and I know I am healthy so I just smiled and changed the subject. Don't let the bullshit get to you. You know what's best for you and your baby!

ginger313 · February 2014

I have a past with disordered eating as well, and when I gained over 75 lbs with DD I was miserable about it. One Dr in particular made me feel like crap about my rate of weight loss 6 weeks post delivery, and from that moment on when I schedule appointments I state that I do not want to see that Dr because I do not like her. I went on to lose all of the weight I gained, and even fit into the wedding dress I bought 2 weeks before finding out we were expecting a year later. Tell those rude nurses and doctors to suck a nut and don't look back. You look beautiful and amazing, by the way. Eff them!

runrinserepeat · February 2014

Sole dissenter here, but I don't think she was being rude. I think she was trying to give you the medical advice that you're paying her for. There are recommendations on how much weight we're supposed to gain for a reason. I can tell you that it was no walk in the park last time when I gained 55 lbs. I felt really unhealthy, and I was generally miserable trying to deal with all that extra weight. And though I did go on to lose it all and then some, it wasn't an easy task.

I'm gaining more this time around than I should, too (I'm up about 15 at about 20 weeks, I think the recs for me would be 5-10 at this point), but when my doctor mentions it I try to take it to heart because she's not being rude. She's looking out for my best interests, and that's why I like her and I keep going back.

But you do look great.

dobbyisfree · February 2014

Thanks for posting this lately ive felt like everyone here is all like i cant gain weight im under weight ive gained 3 lbs.... and i feel gross. I am 17.5 weeks and ive gained almost 10 lbs. My ob said to only gain 10-15 lbs for my weight so of course im almost there and feel disgusting. I dont feel gross about my actual body but thinking of her yelling at me makes me so upset. I was terrified to go to my apt yesterday bc i thought Id get screamed at for gaining 3 lbs this month. And it was such a relief that she said she was okay with 3 lbs. It sucks that we have to feel guilty about eating when were hungry. I almost wish id have worse morning sickness and couldnt eat more often, which is disgusting to say. Ugh. So stressful. But it cheers me to know im not the only one so sorry this happened to you but thanks for sharing. Makes me feel a little bit better. (Also ditto to everyone else you look fantastic)

livkight · February 2014

@kleMcK-- I hear what you're saying and understand the wellness aspect... But I do honestly wonder if ANY woman is just going through pregnancy la-ti-da not thinking about how much they're gaining and staying aware of their body's changes. Obviously you, even though you were gaining more than recommended, were aware and not necessarily trying to gain at that rate. It's good to be aware and to stay on top of your health. I just didn't see a reason to bring anything up in my situation and many other situations that women have mentioned here because I was about 2 pounds off from "where I should be"-- so that's where my frustration came from. If I'm not a major medical harm to my baby, then I don't know that weight should be so focused on in check ups.

@amlonica-- hey we're pretty much twins weight-gain-wise! I have "fat days" too and everything just feels heavier these days, even though my overall weight is only about 8-10 pounds heavier than pre pregnancy. You are not alone. I didn't gain much in the first couple months, but I think I'm just catching up now. Your body will go through similar ups and downs. I think stress is probably more potentially harmful to growth and development of a child (and you) than a couple of extra pounds during these nine months. (I have to preach this to myself, too!!) I'm so glad this was a comfort in a way. Solidarity

Want a personalized experience?

weight rant

Re: weight rant

Choose Another Board

Search Boards