Loss checkin

shandorfml2 · February 2014

Welcome to the checkin! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

neptunebljc · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I've been debating calling my grief counselor. Its been a really rough week with a lot of highs and lows. The announcements of babies and baby shower invites aren't helping. I'm hoping to get some crafting in this week to help sort out the crazy.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

My goal at the moment is to get some sort of plan in terms of my career. I really love my new job, but realistically, I'm not going anywhere with it.

QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day?
DH bought me a rose, and we had dinner at a friends house. We don't usually do much for it.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

I test on tuesday..... this week is very stressful. Especially since we found out through my lovely friend, that two mutual friends will be announcing their pregnancies. (She likes to keep me in the loop, so that way I am not caught off guard)

Maybe Joleisa · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I signed up and will be attending a 4-day grief retreat Feb 20-23 for people who have experienced loss. I will give a full report back, as they have them at various places across the US.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Seeing friends. The past 3 weeks I have not seen anyone except my DH and family. Today two of my book club friends are stopping by and on Wednesday I'm going over to a friend's house for dinner.

QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day?

I cooked DH his favorite meal and we watched Charlie Brown's Valentine shows and then the Olympics.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Our follow-up with the MFM who delivered me is in 11 days. I'm anxious to hear what she has to say as far as what their plan would be to prevent this (IC) from happening again. I already have my plan (TAC), so I just want to know if that would be their plan as well.

Bgirma · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
No new steps this week. I skipped my yoga class and cancelled on my grief counselor. Now I realize that missing those things contributed to the difficult week that I've had.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I'm going to start my 10K training this week, go to yoga and see a few friends. My goal is to NOT cancel on any of the plans I have set for next week, even if it feels difficult at the time.

QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day?
I had plans to make an amazing dinner for my husband. I've been planning it all week but I had a really tough day and just couldn't bring myself to cook so we ordered in and watched movies. It was nice, even though I didn't feel great.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
I had a difficult week. I went back to work (from home) and am seeing more friends. Sometimes it's nice to be more active and other times I just feel overwhelming sadness and want to crawl back into bed. I have moments where it feels so wrong to be doing "normal" things like meeting a friend for lunch or going for a walk when our son isn't here. I had lunch with a friend who kept mentioning getting back to normal- things like "are you back into a routine yet?" "It seems like you guys are doing well now, are you back to normal?" I don't know why it bothered me so much. I just feel like I don't know what normal is anymore and resent being asked that right now. Another thing on my mind is how appreciative I am for this board right now. It helps to interact with people who understand.

Bgirma · February 2014

@Maybe Joleisa- good luck at the grief retreat next week. I hope it's a good experience for you and I'm looking forward to hearing about it.

veetveet · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I actually found a blog about a boy who has almost the same thing my son had. I actually stopped crying while reading- reading about the hell this boy and his family go thru daily, I am absolutely positive we made the right choice for him. I commend them.for their passion to help their son however all they are doing is palliative as he will probably not live a long or healthy or normal life.

I had grief counseling. Joined some more online forums, read a lot of blogs and stories, saw my family doc and got some meds to help with anxiety.

Today I put away the memory package from the hospital- it's still in sight from my bed- but not sitting on my counter.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Lose weight- honestly with this stress it will be easy.... but just focusing on nutrient dense foods. Hopefully start some light exercise soon. I really need to box, punch, kick.... but that will have to wait until I'm healed.

Sign up for a beginner crochet class.

QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day?
Nope. We never celebrate. We do so much for eachother throughout the year- I don't care.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Just wondering how I am going to cope.

Maybe Joleisa · February 2014

@Bgirma I'm really hoping it is a good experience, as well. Unfortunately with such short notice DH is away on work travel, so my sister is going to join me for it. (It just so happens to be in our area and I didn't want to miss out.) Here is the info in case anyone wants to check it out. I learned about it through reaching out to my church, but it isn't a church retreat--it is spiritual.

https://sparkoflife.org/about/

kflynn81 · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I've tried to get out of the house more to keep busy. Today was "Me Day" and I went to the spa for a mani/pedi then went shopping for some new clothes. Now I have things to wear to work besides maternity clothes....that will really help my mind settle to be in normal clothes again.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I'm waiting for the weather to break to get outside and start running but until then I've decided to work on diet and home exercise. I've alreayd signed up for My Fitness Pal and have been good this last week. A coworker is bringing me some of her favorite home workouts so I'll plan to start that soon too!

QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day? Not really, I played Scrabble with my MIL because DH had to work. He's a policeman and is on midnights so I dont see him too much

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I have a pre-conception consult with a new MFM on Wednesday. I'm really curious/nervous as to what he'll say or suggest.

stefuge · February 2014

@bgirma - I'm sorry for the comments your friend is making. There is nothing "normal" about losing a child and I don't suppose I will ever be "normal" again. I imagine I will be happy again, someday, but never the same as before, and it is insensitive for them to expect you to just "get over it" and be "normal". ((Hugs))

stefuge · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Nothing really.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
To keep losing weight and getting healthier. So far, I am down 10 lbs and feeling much better about myself, which was the goal.

QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day?
MH made dinner last night and got me flowers and a pretty bracelet. It was nice.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
I'm feeling like I want to be pregnant again. After reading the PGAL and TTCAL check-ins, I am missing all of that more and more. I know we aren't ready yet, and our doctor has recommended we wait until August, but I'm starting to wish we didn't have to wait that long. I feel like a lot of the ladies on here who lost their LOs right around the same time as us are now trying agin, and I feel left out. Add to that one of my best friends IRL told me this week that they are trying again, and I just feel ready to be focused on something happy again, rather than consumed with grief.

GymSpaz26 · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I saw a counselor for the second time this week. I think it is going to be really good and helpful for the next few months, just to have someone to talk through things with and work through some of my anxiety and fears.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I'm going to find a 5K to run in towards the end of March or beginning of April. And training towards doing a short triathlon this summer. It is something I've always wanted to do, but have never had the time or motivation to get moving and actually train and do it. I'm proud of my progress so far since the beginning of January. Jan- 10 second plank Now- 1 minute plank!, Jan- Walk 1 mile Now- Run 2 miles!

QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day? Not really, but we don't usually do much.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? My husband and I talked a lot this week about when to start ttc again. He told me that he feels like he's ready now, however that he thinks it would be good to wait a couple more months so I can get stronger and closer to my pre-pregnancy weight first. Talk about pressure! :-) (He had good intentions really, saying that he knows it will help take some stress off the pregnancy if I feel better about myself, which is true. But still!) I'm torn also. This week I've been thinking a lot and feeling like I'm very close to being ready to start trying. However, I had a C-Section in at the end of October and was told to wait at least 6mo, which would be the end of April. But then a big part of me wants to try and have the possibility of a VBAC, which means waiting until at least August. But that seems so far away! As much as I want it, I just don't know if I'm willing to wait that long to start. Maybe it will happen anyway... But it just seems like forever to wait.

stefuge · February 2014

@GymSpaz26 - I also had a c-section (my second) and our doctor has recommended we wait a year before trying. 6 months was the minimum but a year is "safer". She said we want to try and eliminate as many risks as possible for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. This is obviously your and your doctors decision I just wanted to share our experience. We are 6 months next week and it is hard to wait another 6 months, but I also feel like 6 months isn't a huge deal in the grand scheme. It's a big decision and hard to wait! ((Hugs))

shandorfml2 · February 2014

Hi ladies... ((hugs)) for everyone

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?Trying to take it day by day and be gentle with myself

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Get through Ana's birthday. Ugh.

QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day?Went out to eat at a BBQ place and the food was really good

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Can't believe it's almost been a year.

shandorfml2 · February 2014

stefuge said:

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Nothing really.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
To keep losing weight and getting healthier. So far, I am down 10 lbs and feeling much better about myself, which was the goal.

QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day?
MH made dinner last night and got me flowers and a pretty bracelet. It was nice.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
I'm feeling like I want to be pregnant again. After reading the PGAL and TTCAL check-ins, I am missing all of that more and more. I know we aren't ready yet, and our doctor has recommended we wait until August, but I'm starting to wish we didn't have to wait that long. I feel like a lot of the ladies on here who lost their LOs right around the same time as us are now trying agin, and I feel left out. Add to that one of my best friends IRL told me this week that they are trying again, and I just feel ready to be focused on something happy again, rather than consumed with grief.

Totally get this. There have been a few people IRL and on the bump who lost babies around when i lost Ana and are now pregnant. I want to be pregnant, and we've been trying most of the year since we lost Ana. So frustrating.

GymSpaz26 · February 2014

Thank you @stefuge for your thoughts and encouragement to follow my "logic" brain. Sometimes the "emotions" brain just wants to take over and not pay attention to the logic. It is hard to think about waiting, but deep down I know it is best. It is just so hard to have such a heart and need to mother someone, but have no one to mother.

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