Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
shandorfml2
member
Re: Loss checkin
I've been debating calling my grief counselor. Its been a really rough week with a lot of highs and lows. The announcements of babies and baby shower invites aren't helping. I'm hoping to get some crafting in this week to help sort out the crazy.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day?
DH bought me a rose, and we had dinner at a friends house. We don't usually do much for it.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
I signed up and will be attending a 4-day grief retreat Feb 20-23 for people who have experienced loss. I will give a full report back, as they have them at various places across the US.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Seeing friends. The past 3 weeks I have not seen anyone except my DH and family. Today two of my book club friends are stopping by and on Wednesday I'm going over to a friend's house for dinner.
QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day?
I cooked DH his favorite meal and we watched Charlie Brown's Valentine shows and then the Olympics.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Our follow-up with the MFM who delivered me is in 11 days. I'm anxious to hear what she has to say as far as what their plan would be to prevent this (IC) from happening again. I already have my plan (TAC), so I just want to know if that would be their plan as well.
TTC since 10/2010
IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
No new steps this week. I skipped my yoga class and cancelled on my grief counselor. Now I realize that missing those things contributed to the difficult week that I've had.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I'm going to start my 10K training this week, go to yoga and see a few friends. My goal is to NOT cancel on any of the plans I have set for next week, even if it feels difficult at the time.
QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day?
I had plans to make an amazing dinner for my husband. I've been planning it all week but I had a really tough day and just couldn't bring myself to cook so we ordered in and watched movies. It was nice, even though I didn't feel great.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
I had a difficult week. I went back to work (from home) and am seeing more friends. Sometimes it's nice to be more active and other times I just feel overwhelming sadness and want to crawl back into bed. I have moments where it feels so wrong to be doing "normal" things like meeting a friend for lunch or going for a walk when our son isn't here. I had lunch with a friend who kept mentioning getting back to normal- things like "are you back into a routine yet?" "It seems like you guys are doing well now, are you back to normal?" I don't know why it bothered me so much. I just feel like I don't know what normal is anymore and resent being asked that right now. Another thing on my mind is how appreciative I am for this board right now. It helps to interact with people who understand.
I actually found a blog about a boy who has almost the same thing my son had. I actually stopped crying while reading- reading about the hell this boy and his family go thru daily, I am absolutely positive we made the right choice for him. I commend them.for their passion to help their son however all they are doing is palliative as he will probably not live a long or healthy or normal life.
I had grief counseling. Joined some more online forums, read a lot of blogs and stories, saw my family doc and got some meds to help with anxiety.
Today I put away the memory package from the hospital- it's still in sight from my bed- but not sitting on my counter.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Lose weight- honestly with this stress it will be easy.... but just focusing on nutrient dense foods. Hopefully start some light exercise soon. I really need to box, punch, kick.... but that will have to wait until I'm healed.
Sign up for a beginner crochet class.
QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day?
Nope. We never celebrate. We do so much for eachother throughout the year- I don't care.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Just wondering how I am going to cope.
https://sparkoflife.org/about/
TTC since 10/2010
IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I'm waiting for the weather to break to get outside and start running but until then I've decided to work on diet and home exercise. I've alreayd signed up for My Fitness Pal and have been good this last week. A coworker is bringing me some of her favorite home workouts so I'll plan to start that soon too!
QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day? Not really, I played Scrabble with my MIL because DH had to work. He's a policeman and is on midnights so I dont see him too much
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I have a pre-conception consult with a new MFM on Wednesday. I'm really curious/nervous as to what he'll say or suggest.
NTNP 2009-2012 TTC since 2012:
Jack has handpicked his sibling up there
My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog
Nothing really.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
To keep losing weight and getting healthier. So far, I am down 10 lbs and feeling much better about myself, which was the goal.
QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day?
MH made dinner last night and got me flowers and a pretty bracelet. It was nice.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
I'm feeling like I want to be pregnant again. After reading the PGAL and TTCAL check-ins, I am missing all of that more and more. I know we aren't ready yet, and our doctor has recommended we wait until August, but I'm starting to wish we didn't have to wait that long. I feel like a lot of the ladies on here who lost their LOs right around the same time as us are now trying agin, and I feel left out. Add to that one of my best friends IRL told me this week that they are trying again, and I just feel ready to be focused on something happy again, rather than consumed with grief.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I'm going to find a 5K to run in towards the end of March or beginning of April. And training towards doing a short triathlon this summer. It is something I've always wanted to do, but have never had the time or motivation to get moving and actually train and do it. I'm proud of my progress so far since the beginning of January. Jan- 10 second plank Now- 1 minute plank!, Jan- Walk 1 mile Now- Run 2 miles!
QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day? Not really, but we don't usually do much.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? My husband and I talked a lot this week about when to start ttc again. He told me that he feels like he's ready now, however that he thinks it would be good to wait a couple more months so I can get stronger and closer to my pre-pregnancy weight first. Talk about pressure! :-) (He had good intentions really, saying that he knows it will help take some stress off the pregnancy if I feel better about myself, which is true. But still!) I'm torn also. This week I've been thinking a lot and feeling like I'm very close to being ready to start trying. However, I had a C-Section in at the end of October and was told to wait at least 6mo, which would be the end of April. But then a big part of me wants to try and have the possibility of a VBAC, which means waiting until at least August. But that seems so far away! As much as I want it, I just don't know if I'm willing to wait that long to start. Maybe it will happen anyway... But it just seems like forever to wait.
Hi ladies... ((hugs)) for everyone
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?Trying to take it day by day and be gentle with myself
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Get through Ana's birthday. Ugh.
QOTW: Did you do anything nice for Valentines Day?Went out to eat at a BBQ place and the food was really good
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Can't believe it's almost been a year.
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**