Poll: Facebook etiquette for when baby's here

Wil08 · February 2014

My SIL had an unplanned c-section today, which was about 3 weeks before her estimated due date. Everything went fine and baby and momma are doing great.

Her MIL and other SIL announced the arrival on FB before she was even out of surgery. Including a photo of her and the baby when they were united for the first time. To be clear, baby had been delivered, but mom was still in surgery.

So my question to you: What do you believe is social media etiquette around baby's arrival?

lookame3639 · February 2014

My immediate family isn't on Facebook and i believe as long as we let his family know we don't want them to announce our babies arrival then they respect our wishes.

As for the situation you described. I need some time to fully process what just happened to me (i was in shock when DS was born) and to have it announced to quickly would really make me feel uncomfortable if not angry/upset. Give me time to bond with baby and recover before plastering it all over facebook. At least let me get out of the operating room!

Wil08 · February 2014

I can't speak directly for my SIL, but seeing how private she was about the majority of her pregnancy on Facebook, I can't imagine she'll be happy when she finds out.

I also felt it was a very private moment that was shared publicly verses just your standard photo of the baby or mom and baby post delivery.

NSAbby · February 2014

I wanted to SS and mention that I dont have Facebook. When the baby is born, it will be on our terms as to when and how he/she is announced and shown to the world.

ShadowsRainFalls · February 2014

I think it's up to the mother to discuss her wants/needs with family before hand.

jarethinafrock · February 2014

Personally, I don't mind if my family wants to post something before me. I am guess I will be too exhausted/enraptured with baby to want to post anything in a timely manner.

tamarar5 · February 2014

This is exactly why the only person in the delivery room with me is my Dh.

. My mother would be that person who takes away the surprise. And that really bothers me.

BeachM · February 2014

I personally think it's rude when anyone other than the parents announce on FB. The easy solution to anxiety over this is just to disable the wall comments feature until you've announced. That also stops some of the "OMG why haven't you had the baby yet?" comments if you do it before your due date.

Rach604 · February 2014

In the situation you described I could see the scenario where maybe your SIL asked them to post it for her? If I were incapacitated I might grant permission to someone else to post for me. I probably will enlist my mom's help in sending out a group email/text to family.

MollyHooper · February 2014

I go to to a small hospital with really poor internet access. So I guess I don't really mind if people post for me. If I really want to be the first to tell someone I'll just call them or have H call. .

Wil08 · February 2014

It's really interesting to hear everyone's perspectives. When I saw this on FB yesterday I was a bit shocked. As a FTM I wanted to get a read on my feelings from the oh so honest Bump community.

Rach604 I can about 98% confirm that my SIL didn't request this. There was also a bit of drama because my SIL asked that only parents and us know that she was having blood pressure problems until there was a confirmed action plan for delivery. Her MIL told her SIL (her daughter) who was house sitting for my MIL and FIL. Who then proceeded to call my husband's grandmother and started a ton of drama because my FIL didn't tell her first. Only because he was following his daughters wishes. It was short term drama, but definitely caused unnecessary waves on our side.

Rach604 · February 2014

Wil08 said:

It's really interesting to hear everyone's perspectives. When I saw this on FB yesterday I was a bit shocked. As a FTM I wanted to get a read on my feelings from the oh so honest Bump community.

Rach604 I can about 98% confirm that my SIL didn't request this. There was also a bit of drama because my SIL asked that only parents and us know that she was having blood pressure problems until there was a confirmed action plan for delivery. Her MIL told her SIL (her daughter) who was house sitting for my MIL and FIL. Who then proceeded to call my husband's grandmother and started a ton of drama because my FIL didn't tell her first. Only because he was following his daughters wishes. It was short term drama, but definitely caused unnecessary waves on our side.

Definitely a different scenario then. I would be pissed! And as some other people have said, that's why it's only going to be DH and I at the hospital.

abirdd9 · February 2014

I would have been PISSED!

Scaura · February 2014

No one will be in the surgical suite with me other than my husband so no one will be able to announce other than us.

However, sometimes things just come out. My pregnancy announcement was absolutely nothing like I planned and totally awkward. While my husband, kids and best friends knew, no one else in my family knew. The day after my mother died, my dad and I were talking about my kids and he said with my previous health issues (now resolved) he was glad I didn't have a third....ummmm, dad, well we are having a third. So in a time of misery for everyone, there was a shiny spot. Dad told my sister at breakfast the next morning and that was totally awkward because my sister has struggled...well suffered greatly with multiple losses for over 10 years, At the wake, he told everyone that came that I was expecting. It kind of made me happy in a way and as strange as it is, kind of felt like it was his news to share since he was in such a dark, sad place.

People get excited and happy and while sometimes inappropriate, why get upset and someone's overwhelming joy? I tend to be way more tolerant than maybe I should but things like that just don't upset me.

ASecretChord · February 2014

An announcement wouldn't bother me personally, but I can respect that other parents want to be the ones to make the announcement. But pictures of me and the baby without my consent? Big fat no!!!

Wil08 · February 2014

chickinNH said:

I would be pissed if I were your SIL. Not so much about the announcement but def about the picture and the fact she wasn't even out of surgery yet! I see that as extremely selfish. I'm sure the MIL and SIL were excited but, come on.

I think it was the photo that really caught me off guard. Announcing you're an aunt or grandma seems more ok.

Either way, I'm hoping to setup boundaries with my family, though based on history I don't think it will be a huge problem. The posters in this scenario are not my in laws and mine aren't very active on FB.

+RBL+ · February 2014

After DS was born my sister put it on FB. She asked before she did. I would probably be annoyed if she did it without my knowledge.

Weezy56 · February 2014

I would be pissed. I think it's just common sense that if you are not the new mother/father you at least ask before posting anything.

rockyrollgirl · February 2014

MrsDeo said:

I think it should be up to the new parents, but if they don't mind having family members post about first, I see no issue with it. I can't imagine rushing to post about my baby's birth online right away, but I know that people will be interested to know that it's happened. I understand that some people want to make it their announcement and that some family members don't respect boundaries, both of which make it more complicated.

For us, unless MH wants to be the one to post it first (and he'll probably be posting stuff right away no matter what), I'm fine with letting our families take that responsibility. I'd kind of like some say-so as far as pictures, though, especially pictures of me.

This. I did not post anything about it on Facebook, because after the section I was just not interested. H and family did. I really just did not care. At. All.

So it is up to the new parents and what their preferences are regarding that.

lckcdc3 · February 2014

I would be so PISSED if my family did this.

AngelKT · February 2014

It would really irritate me to be honest. I barely post anything on my facebook account and only joined to find old friends I had lost touch with and now to keep in touch with them through messaging. So, I wouldn't post any sort of announcement on my facebook (other than adding a picture) and would find it really irritating to have any member of my family go on facebook, of all times while I'm STILL in surgery, and announce it to the whole world!

Erin0303 · February 2014

I have super strong feelings about this as my brother in law posted our first pic of our first daughter back when I just started to FB. It wasn't even a flattering picture and all our info was on there, so not how I wanted my friends to find out. Leave it up to the parents!!!

Raclla · February 2014

I would freak out on someone. The fam knows this though. SIL asked before posting a pic of DD and her son.

The only pics of DD on FB are one I've posted, the one SIL asked to post, and four or five that a photographer has on her site from newborn pics. I don't want the kids to hate me when they're older and they're all over FB. On the other hand, they probably will think I didn't love them at all because they're not on FB. Whatever.

I know people who post potty training pics where their kid peed on the floor. So classy.

FrodaBaggins · February 2014

The situation you describe would have pissed me off sooooo badly. After my brother and sister in law announced their first and second pregnancies to the immediate family, my mom made a big deal of saying "NO FACEBOOK!" to me on the phone and the second time she did it, I bit her head off! I have NEVER announced ANYTHING on FB that wasn't my news to share, so I had no idea why she felt she needed to say that to me. My SIL is notoriously private, never logs into FB and never posts any pictures of her pregnancies, nevermind her son who is now almost a year and a half old. My husband and I are on FB a lot more - we announced on IG to a much smaller audience and still haven't said anything on FB.

gris37 · February 2014

I don't mind other people posting their congrats and breaking the news to FB. Especially since last time I didn't even log on for a good couple of days after, so it was nice seeing our friends' posts, BUT we made sure to tell everyone NO PICTURES! The baby photo announcement was ours to share. Besides, I didn't want any naked pictures of my baby.

Jolaine83 · February 2014

I would be extremely upset, especially following an unplanned, early birth like that. I doubt the first thing on her mind was to remind the new grandparents and other family members of common politeness on facebook. It's the parents call about when, how and by who the birth gets announced. If they ask someone else to do it, than fine, but it should never be done while the mother is still in surgery and before the family has bonded with the baby. Seriously, what is the rush?

I've made it very clear with my parents and ILs that we will post the announcement shortly after birth, so they don't have to wait too long, but that it will be us who does it. We've had only vaginal births so far, so we've been able to do it within a few hours of birth without issue. If I had a c/s, I'd probably ask DH to post it for us after we all got to bond for a little while. My MIL also has waiting issues, but I've made it clear how I feel and she respects that.

bootsandgames · February 2014

I'd be pissed off if I were her.

We don't plan on telling anyone we are going to the hospital except my two best friends, and they will only know because they are going to be my "doulas" and help me stay on my unmedicated labor plan. (They both had unmedicated/natural births.)

After the baby is born and we have had our bonding time, then we will call parents/family. Probably won't post pictures until after we are home.

Artebellezzavita · February 2014

I've seen photo's of woman or baby right after birth on FB, and I think it's the kind of photo's that look like they should be private. I have already told DH that I don't want ANY hospital shots. I want myself or DH to be the first to announce when baba is born. Im still abit upset over the fact that when updating on facebook some people would comment back either directly/indirectly referencing the PG when I haven't myself announced it. I just deleted those comments and replied to them privately. DH isn't bothered, he didnt understand why I wanted to wait to announce. And now that we're technically in the safe zone, he's even more confused as to why Im not shouting it to the world. Its very frustrating for me. In fact, over the course of my PG I've decided Im a very private person indeed as I have not and have decided not to announce on FB. Most of our family know by now but I dont think it should be the business of anybody else on FB until baby gets here. This bundle of joy is my privelage to share, not anyone else's!

Lawgrl04 · February 2014

We had a little announcement snafu with my daughter, albeit a low tech version. When I was pregnant, my MIL asked what name we would use. I told her we were NOT sure, but we were thinking of "Violet." Fast forward several weeks. Our daughter is born and she starts telling everyone that "Violet" is here. It even made it into my SIL's church newsletter (she is a pastor). Guess they should have checked with us, because in the last weeks before her birth, we settled on the name "Roya." Seriously, my MIL should have waited for us to announce, or at least checked in with us before spreading the news! I was annoyed but didn't hang on to it because I think she ended up looking kind of foolish.

MandMLeona · February 2014

Am I the only one that worries about the baby's birth date and full name being out there on facebook? I don't like giving out that kind of personal information about me...let alone my child that isn't old enough to try to defend their identity. I only joined facebook so I could monitor what my ILs were posting. I didn't want them posting my children's pictures and details for the world to harvest.

FloridaLady · February 2014

Mil announced DS's arrival while my feet were still in the stirrups and DH and I were pissed. He told her to take it down immediately and she refused. She was just thanking god for the delivery of her grandson and blah blah blah. That started the end of her relationship with us because it all went downhill from there with her perceived entitlement to our son.
Just like your poll wording said, announcing the arrival of a child, and especially posting the first picture (!!!) is a celebration expressly reserved for the parents who have just delivered. It's *their* life event and no one else's and therefore they should be the first ones to share it.
Eta: we had discussed FB boundaries with mil previously. She just refused to respect them.

GatorGirl1013 · February 2014

I'd be pissed if someone puts ANYTHING on Fb before I do. I have deleted one comment from someone in a thread that mentioned it and private messaged her to tell her why (I have not put it on Fb yet).

Poll: Facebook etiquette for when baby's here

Poll: Facebook etiquette for when baby's here 307 votes

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