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Done with Know it All's, Need to vent

NADA-HNADA-H member
in 2nd Trimester
I'm just done with everyone telling me what to do and not do and what to expect and not expect during pregnancy, child birth, and after the baby comes most of which being based on her say and no scientific reasoning what so ever. But being lectured about all that by women and girls who have no kids and were never pregnant now that is just too much at this point.

girls who are in their teens telling me to sit down at my cousins' 2 weddings the last couple of weeks, I'm like what the fuck?! the baby is absolutely fine. girls asking me if my clothes were too tight and would squish the baby because I wore pantyhose or a fitted dress?!

and the cherry on top was this queen of know it all's yesterday, my cousin's new 19-20 years old wife, she is a typical miss know it all, they got engaged around the time I got engaged and they got married 2 weeks ago and ever since I met her she would always tell me and everybody about everything and how it should be done including sex prior to her wedding when she was still a virgin. She sits there yesterday at this family formal gathering at my other cousin's fiance's house and openly tells me about what I should and shouldn't do while pregnant and what I will feel during pregnancy and post pregnancy, and what will happen during the birth of my baby and what I should do, she asked if I'm opting for an Epi and I said I don't know I will try to manage pain and see what happen and she said; no no..you will take it...I'm like; I will try not to and decide during if I will take it...she goes like...you will end up taking it..and I'm thinking WHAT THE F***! 

oh and my favorite comment was: you have to pick up the baby every time she cries otherwise she will swallow too much air and get gary and then she will seriously cry really bad. and new borns wake up every half an hour to nurse.....seriously she actually said that.

there were no other seats, it's the first time we go to my cuz's fiance's house and I was stuck being next to her and she kept going on and on and on about things based on crap, she has no experience, and no logic and would say things like they were definite facts when they defined logic and science because she knows because her sister had two babies?!

I tried saying "yes I know I read all about it".." I read about it".."I know..I KNOW" "oh and how many kids you have?" and "you talk like you have 3 kids" you would think this would stop her but it didn't! and my aunt and cousin were right next to me so I had to remain super nice while saying all that but honestly I was about to punch her in the face! she was too much. How do you handle people like this


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God Bless You my Little One
Farida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014
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Farida, at 8 weeks
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Re: Done with Know it All's, Need to vent

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    iqwedding3iqwedding3 member
    That sucks.  I've been lucky enough to not receive annoying unsolicited advice, maybe I'm just lucky that I'm not showing much.
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    NADA-HNADA-H member
    I'm not even showing! that's the thing, but all these people know that I'm pregnant being in my family. I'm 18 weeks pregnant and still fit into my fitted pants, well if I squeeze myself in at this point or zip up and wear a bella band.

    but jeez it's unbelievable how people can preach about things they have never experienced first hand
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    God Bless You my Little One
    Farida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014
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    Farida, at 8 weeks
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    NADA-HNADA-H member
    @savannah_girl no permission to bitch slap them? :(
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    God Bless You my Little One
    Farida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014
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    Farida, at 8 weeks
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    NADA-HNADA-H member
    ooooh puke on their shoes! I didn't think of that…only if I can puke on demand
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    God Bless You my Little One
    Farida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014
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    Farida, at 8 weeks
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    Jentech84Jentech84 member
    People like that suck hardcore.

    We're you seated for dinner? If it were a more casual seating I would've gotten up and walked away, even just to stand and lean against a wall. If not an option then turn kt the other person beside you and strike up a non-baby related conversation.

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    momthatliftsmomthatlifts member
    Luckily I haven't had to deal with that because I don't go out much. But I do deal with my mom constantly telling me how painful birth is and loves to give DETAIL about her whole experience.

    It's a BOY










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    NADA-HNADA-H member
    oh thank God, I was starting to think I was over reacting but honestly it's just too much. I'm the one who is pregnant, I'm the one having feelings/emotions/pains/growing a baby. The one who read endlessly on pregnancy/child birth/babies and children and raising them, the one who happens to be the eldest grandchild of 21 grandchildren on one side of my family where I've actually bathed newborns and cared for them growing up, etc, etc, etc, yet she knows best because her sister had two babies and of course all pregnancies, child births, and babies are all alike so of course what she knows applies to everyone even if it defied logic and science.

    Gaaaah can never talk to her about anything ever because I seriously can't stop my jaw from dropping at what she says.
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    God Bless You my Little One
    Farida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014
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    Farida, at 8 weeks
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    Myanswer trueMyanswer true member
    I joke that the kid inside me must be a boy, because being pregnant has made me grow a pair, but honestly, when people try to pull that crap on me, I just tell them that this is my child, my body, and my business, and they can keep their negative-Nancy attitudes out of my face. I appreciate well-meaning advice, but when people get all pushy, I tell them where to get off.
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    tnd1218tnd1218 member
    I'm tired of all the oh wait till..

    This isn't my first rodeo! This is my third pregnancy I'm pretty sure I know what is in store. At first I would just nod and smile when my coworker said it at EVERY shift change. Now I just walk away can't take it.

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    TiffaniMayTiffaniMay member
    edited February 2014
    I would have just said, "Well it's a strong suggestion of mine that YOU do not plan on becoming pregnant ever if you believe in the crap coming out of your mouth." I seriously can't stand people like that. 
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    NADA-HNADA-H member
    Lol TiffaniMay love it
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    God Bless You my Little One
    Farida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014
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    Farida, at 8 weeks
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    chevronsevenchevronseven member
    edited February 2014
    Wow that is excessive.  I got mildly annoyed with a couple of older women at work who jumped on me for not wearing a hat in the cold because I won't like being sick while I'm pregnant and I have to think about more than just myself now.  Uhhh thanks for implying that up until now I've just been a selfish bitch!  AND you don't catch cold from cold temperatures, you catch it from germs INSIDE.  One of these same women also told me not to bother finding out the sex because babies have both sexes until they're born.  Um.. WTAF??? Oh, and the best part is they were on their smoke break.  I wish I had said something like "I'm more worried about secondhand smoke affecting my baby than the 30 seconds I spend walking from the car to the building without a hat on."

    It sucks that you were in a situation where you couldn't just walk away.  You'll just have to be really straightforward  "I appreciate your concern but I am getting all the pregnancy and parenting advice I need from my doctor and the reading material (s)he gave me, as well as the extensive experience I have with my younger siblings and cousins.  I'd prefer to talk about something else now."
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    NADA-HNADA-H member
    oh my God @livelaughlove88 !

    the comment about the sex just left me with wide open eyes and a dropped jaw. WTF?! you'd think older women had some sort of experience and know...well..something?!

    sex is determined at birth, I love that! so if you are having a girl, the placenta will also come out with a pair of testties and a penis that the baby shed off to be a girl at birth oh wow...just wow
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    God Bless You my Little One
    Farida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014
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    Farida, at 8 weeks
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    skyview222skyview222 member
    I hear ya. 

    There is a lady at work that told me I should not stretch my arms above my head because the baby's umbilical cord will go around its neck.  Every once in awhile she "catches" me which is irritating.  I finally told her "my prenatal yoga must really put my baby at risk then; I wonder why all my docs recommend it." 

    Constant advice coupled with "how are you feeling?"  gets irritating even when well-intentioned and scientifically accurate, but the uneducated type makes me batty. 

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    Due June 29, 2014

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    SpinelliSmithSpinelliSmith member

    This made me laugh because I TOTALLY understand you.

    I am straight up honest and get in people's faces when they talk like this.  I say "You're stressing me out big time and I can't have my blood pressure getting too high."  It's a flat out lie- my blood pressure is fine.  Or I'll say "I think you're giving me hypertension and if I go into preterm labor- I'm blaming you."  Totally a cop out and I don't give a shit if they believe it or not.  I'm genuinely pissed when people info dump on you- like you never picked up a book and live under a rock while you grow life inside you.  Or I'll even go into my teacher mode and ask them like a little kid "Are you helping, or are you hurting?"  My in laws always pull this BS on me and I have cited hypertension more than once or twice.  I'm also pregnant with twins but still... it's a real risk with single pregnancies too!

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    NADA-HNADA-H member
    Haha might pull that one on her next time she's around
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    God Bless You my Little One
    Farida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014
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    Farida, at 8 weeks
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    mysticlmysticl member
    I don't know how it was presented but the girls telling you to sit down may have been genuine concern.  Some people freak out around pregnant women and think they are really fragile.  

    As for the waking up every half hour to nurse.  My son did that the 2nd night home from the hospital. I take that back, he didn't wake up every half hour because he wouldn't fall asleep, but he did nurse every half hour.   I thought I was going to lose my freaking mind.  Fortunately for my sanity it only lasted one night.  During the 6 week growth spurt there was a day where he nursed every hour.  So she's not completely coming out of left field.  It sounds like she may have heard one person's experience and has interpreted it as that's how it is for everyone.  

    I had someone who never gave birth (and never will) ask me if I was going to take the "easy way out".  When I asked what she meant she said c-section.  I told her that a c-section is not considered to be easier than a vaginal birth and she was down right shocked. I did end up having a c-section but it sure wasn't elective.  

    Just smile, nod, and bean dip.
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    SpinelliSmithSpinelliSmith member

    I can understand too about people treating you like you're disabled.  I get annoyed when people are like "sit down!" and all I can do is stand.  My torso is pretty short- hell, I'm pretty short- so sometimes it just feels better to stand and walk around.  I would just say- "The babies need to move and so do I!"  It also helps if you get into a super awkward but totally comfortable position in front of everyone- imagine me totally bent over the counter because it's the only way to get my back to relax.  That tends to quiet a few voices.

    If it makes you feel better I have a SIL who won't let me make my own decisions.  There's a BILLION dollar baby industry out there just for products geared towards mom.  Guess what- they're not all perfect.  She got into a straight up argument with me about the Moby versus the K'Tan baby carrier.  I wanted to go with the K'Tan- she likes the Moby.  Apparently, me asking several total unsuspecting people in stores with the carriers and asking their opinions (I totally did this and I'm not the least bit ashamed- I wanted their honest feedback) wasn't enough research.  Apparently, me borrowing BOTH products and testing them with dolls wasn't enough (I realize I sound more and more crazy with each keystroke).  Because she liked the Moby, that's the only product on the market that I should look at. 

    So I registered for 2 K'Tans. 

     

     

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    NADA-HNADA-H member
    mysticl said:
    I don't know how it was presented but the girls telling you to sit down may have been genuine concern.  Some people freak out around pregnant women and think they are really fragile.  

    As for the waking up every half hour to nurse.  My son did that the 2nd night home from the hospital. I take that back, he didn't wake up every half hour because he wouldn't fall asleep, but he did nurse every half hour.   I thought I was going to lose my freaking mind.  Fortunately for my sanity it only lasted one night.  During the 6 week growth spurt there was a day where he nursed every hour.  So she's not completely coming out of left field.  It sounds like she may have heard one person's experience and has interpreted it as that's how it is for everyone.  

    I had someone who never gave birth (and never will) ask me if I was going to take the "easy way out".  When I asked what she meant she said c-section.  I told her that a c-section is not considered to be easier than a vaginal birth and she was down right shocked. I did end up having a c-section but it sure wasn't elective.  

    Just smile, nod, and bean dip.
    the girls telling me to sit down were not in any way concerned, they were 15-20 years old and they kept saying "you need to sit down your harming the baby" and "isn't the dress too tight, your squishing the baby" cause I was dancing and had a fitted dress on that was very comfy actually just happened to be form hugging…I eventually said I know what am doing and the baby is fine and I said it with a really annoyed look on my face.

    everyone becomes an expert when you go through something big and the worst thing about it is they all become experts about pregnancy and having babies when they never went through it which makes me think WTF?

    as to the cousin saying babies wake up every half an hour. I understand that if a baby didn't have enough to nurse they'd wake up soon-ish to nurse or would need to nurse soon but she made it seem like it's the entire period of time that they are new born that they nurse every half an hour. She also kept going on and on making it seem like you can't really do anything but be a slave to your baby's cries rather than working on scheduling nursing, working on scheduling sleep time etc..it's hard I know that it's very hard and takes time for it to happens but it isn't impossible and it just bugged me at that point after she went on for like 20 minutes of non stop lecturing when she had no idea
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    God Bless You my Little One
    Farida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014
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    Farida, at 8 weeks
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    NADA-HNADA-H member
    SpinelliSmith

    hahahaaa you don't sound crazy I'd do the same, run and ask someone where they got something from and if they like it.

    yeah, that SIL seems like she is my cousin's wife's twin
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    God Bless You my Little One
    Farida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014
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    Farida, at 8 weeks
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    SpinelliSmithSpinelliSmith member

    I was talking about the info dumping with my husband and how everyone loves to tell you what to expect because yes, ALL babies are exactly the same.  And my husband said it perfectly: If it was really like that (the info dumping bitches' version of screaming baby every half hour), then people wouldn't be having babies.  It can't all be like that. 

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    SpinelliSmithSpinelliSmith member
    I seriously had a side by side comparison with note taking from this one woman in WalMart.  I actually wished I got her name because she was so helpful and kind and she was genuinely interested in helping.  I feel like if someone wanted my honest opinion about a product, I'd be just as nice and try to be as helpful. 
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    khaalid00khaalid00 member
    edited February 2014
    I only had one annoying prediction on what the sex of the baby will be from a coworker. Saying that I must be having a girl because I look tired and girls suck the beauty out of pregnant women. I was like SURE! Sarcastically and ignored her. This was on the week that I didn't wear makeup but felt rested than I ever been.
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    NADA-HNADA-H member
    SpinelliSmith "  If it was really like that (the info dumping bitches' version of screaming baby every half hour), then people wouldn't be having babies.  It can't all be like that. " EXACTLY!

    and yeah if someone would ask me about a product am using I'd let them know what I think. I think that's the "right" thing to do when someone is genuinely asking you for your opinion to help them decide on something.

    lol I used to stop people and ask them where they got their shoes from cause they'r nice 
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    God Bless You my Little One
    Farida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014
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    Farida, at 8 weeks
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