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Nwmr advice on what to do for neighbor with death in family

groovygrlgroovygrl member
edited February 2014 in Working Moms
Long story short a neighbor, mother of two teenagers who was ill for a number of years, passed away and I am trying to think of ideas of things we can do for them outside of food (I am signed up on the meal rotation) and cleaning service type things wouldn't really be appropriate. While we know the family casually, they were very private about her and her illness and we never met her. I have lost a parent but I was an adult and I feel like the situation is different, plus I really don't remember much about things people did outside of food...I always try to do things for other friends a couple weeks after services because usually the activity calms down and the reality sets in and people might need something nice/supportive then... Thanks for any ideas.
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Re: Nwmr advice on what to do for neighbor with death in family

  • fitmom82fitmom82 member
    what about inviting them over for a meal?  if you're not that close it may to awkward, but I could see where it would help alot more than just having food sent too them
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    Signing up for the meal rotation is great.  It would be nice to shovel their driveway if it snows.

     You might wait a few weeks or a month, then see how they are doing.  This is usually when the initial outpouring of support tends to taper off.   Check in on them and just talk to them.  You might see that they are doing fine.  Or you might notice that they could do with a few more meals, or even gift cards to restaurants that deliver to your neighborhood.   

    You are a really nice neighbor.
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  • SunAndRainSunAndRain member

    Personally I wouldn't over think this.  There is a reason meal rotations are common...food is comforting in addition to taking away the labor of cooking.

    I find that in death people try so hard to do SOMETHING to help the family but sometimes there is nothing we can do. 

    Honestly, I love the idea of inviting them to dinner but only if you can keep the meal lighthearted and the conversation flowing.  Otherwise it'll add awkward to an already difficult situation.

    Since they are teenagers, could you ask if they can help with odd jobs around your house or babysitting?  Maybe they have free time that can be filled with something productive and earn a little cash.  that way you can build a relationship with the family naturally.  Obviously I'd give it a few months before approaching them in this case.

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  • groovygrlgroovygrl member
    edited February 2014
    The meal would be awkward since we have never done anything like that with them before... I actually thought of hte movie tickets too... an excuse to do something else, something fun, esp for the kids. If I gave a bunch, the boy coudl take his girlfriend, etc. I actually tried yesterday to pull all their garbage containers (There were a lot of recycling b/c htey had visitors during the week) up to the house from the street but there is so much snow there was nowhere to put them so I couldn't even do that... :(. I also thought of the snow clearing (it snowed today), we have a service & they typically do their own so I thought maybe MH could ask the service to do theirs & charge us for it, if they get here in time.  Then part of me thinks that the dad in particular might actually want to do some of those things as a distraction or sense of normalcy.He is very physically active and in the winter that is probably harder for him.
    Thanks for the ideas...!
    It is such a strange situation since we never met her or really talked about the situation with them, it was always sort of assumed that we knew she was ill but we actually thought she had a differnet illness than it turned out she had. And we didn't even know she had passed until I came home from work and there were tons of cars on the street and I had a bad feeling and googled their name and found her obituary :(. That sucked b/c I would absolutely have gone to the service/visitation.

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