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October 2012 Moms
CP0979
member
Feeling conquered
CP0979
member
My dh and I have been having a rough spot for a while now. I can't remember the last time I felt we were just happy in our marriage. Last night was another argument. I went to bed around 10pm. Baby woke up 11:30. I tried changing her and rocking her but she wanted a bottle so I went downstairs and saw dh was still awake. I asked him if he wanted to give her the bottle, he said i don't want to but I will if u want me to. Wtf. I always wake up and take care of baby in the middle of the night if she wakes up so it is very rare that I ask for help. He wasn't even sleeping yet. Then he has the nerve to come up to bed while I'm still feeding dd. Serious nerve if u ask me. I feel like he is not at all engaged in this family. Tonight he was supposed to meet a friend and I asked him to wait until after dd had a bath bc she needed Tylenol and it wouldn't be as easy to do it alone, and he gets annoyed. Dd doesn't even really like to be held by him which is so sad for me to say and horrible but it's true. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he's a terrible person and never does anything for us, I just don't feel connected anymore. I also feel like he brings out the worst in me and it should be the opposite. I just feel like a single parent and I'm not so it really sucks. It makes me so sad to think that I'm apprehensive about having a second baby bc I feel like it would push us over the edge. I want to be happy and excited about growing our family, but instead I'm scared about it (not pregnant btw). Sorry for the rant and long par. I just needed to get it out. Thanks for listening.
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Re: Feeling conquered
Aww, I'm sorry...I hear the difficulty this is, and I hope you know that you're not alone in this. Many marriages go through similar rough spots, but it definitely doesn't mean that there's not hope for a happier, more fulfilling relationship with each other!
As I read your post, I thought of this article series that might be helpful. Also, you could call the organization that published them, Focus on the Family. They have a free counseling line, and I'm sure have worked with people through similar issues and would have some great advice for you. Their number is 1-800-232-6459, and they're open Monday through Friday from 6 AM to 8 PM (mountain time).
Hugs to you, friend! Know that this season isn't forever.
I don't think you are alone in this! Lots of other people feel this way to varying degrees. I hope you can figure out a way to get your husband to help!
One thing that struck me about your post is about having a second child. If you don't think your DH is going to be any more help and a second child might put additional strain on your marriage maybe think about whether your family of three would be happier that way. My husband doesn't want a second right now and is as helpful as he can be but works a lot. I'm not really willing to take on taking care of another baby by myself and also don't want to push my husband into something he doesn't want. It is something we're thinking about. (Well, mostly me.
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