Grieving A Loss While Baby Is Still Here

kittymeowbark · February 2014

Yesterday I had my 5 month anatomy scan and my husband and I were so excited. The nurse was doing the exam and was not really telling us anything, she did tell us we are having a little girl. Needless to say my husband and I were overjoyed we couldn't stop smiling. That changed quickly once the doctor came in and told us that our baby has a lot of fluid in her brain and will be brain dead. I don't recall what else the doctor was saying. I was crying hysterically at that point, and have been every since. The baby is perfect physically and is moving around, but her brain is not functional. The outcome is not positive and we will need to terminate the pregnancy. I go in on Monday for an examination and further steps. It is just so painful to grieve the loss of a child that is still alive and that I feel moving inside of me. That I find is the hardest part for me. I breakdown and cry throughout the day. I have an amazing support team and I am thankful for that. I guess we need to take it one moment at a time.

bunnybun4 · February 2014

I am so sorry that you are going through this...I was in a very similar situation as you several months ago and know exactly what you are feeling. Please pm me if you have any questions or need to vent. (does your daughter have hydrocephalous?)

as for now, please be gentle with yourself and use the board as much as you need...we are all here for you. ((HUGS))

VyD81 · February 2014

I'm so so sorry, hugs.

kz's_girlygirl · February 2014

I am so so sorry that you are going through this, and that you were blindsided like that. Please know that we are here to support you and be a sounding board for you. Lots of thoughts for comfort and peace coming your way

stefuge · February 2014

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please know that we are here whenever you need us.

Noethola · February 2014

***siggy warning***

I am so very sorry.

jess123456 · February 2014

I am so sorry. We went through a very similar experience in late 2012 when our daughter was given a terminal diagnosis. It's heartbreaking and something no parent should ever have to face. Please feel free to private message me anytime. Please know that this board is a very supportive and understanding place and you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Bgirma · February 2014

I am so so sorry. Sending prayers to you and your husband.

rlyttle · February 2014

Siggy Warning********

I'm sooooo sorry for your loss. One of my good friend's went through this last year. It was really hard. She is now pregnant again with a healthy baby. Praying for you!! Xoxo

jonahsma · February 2014

I am so sorry you are going through this. praying for you...

shandorfml2 · February 2014

So sorry you are going through this. Lean on us when you need to..or ask questions, lots of ladies have been faced with this. (((hugs)))

Maybe Joleisa · February 2014

I am so sorry. Prayers for peace and strength for you and your DH . ((hugs))

MCH77 · February 2014

I'm so sorry. ((Hugs))

Xath · February 2014

***siggy warning***

I'm so very sorry you are going through this. Please lean on us for any support you need.

Mrodriguez898 · February 2014

Oh my gosh I am so sorry for what you are going through! Please feel free to talk to us as we truly know what you are going through (though we all wish we did not have to go through these things).
Prayers to you and your family

Auki13 · February 2014

(((HUGS))) I am so sorry you are going through this. We also got a terminal diagnosis at the anatomy scan (our daughter had anencephaly) and while I carried her to 34w3d I had to go through the process of grieving and knowing I will say goodbye while battling the feelings of wanting to protect the little sweetheart that was busy kicking away inside of me. If you want to talk, please feel free to PM me as well, and the only thing I can recommend is that you get as many memorial pieces as possible of your little one (pictures, hand and footprints, a locket of hair, a blanket the baby with touch...). We are here for you and hope you can find some comfort in our community.

kflynn81 · February 2014

I'm so sorry you've been faced with this difficult decision. Our son was dx with a brain malformation at that 19 week scan and we contemplated termination as well, though we were forced into delivering a week later after they realized I had severe preeclampsia. Its such a difficult thing to be faced with, hopefully you find this board helpful.

veetveet · February 2014

I am going thru the same thing- except our son has multiple heart defects beyond repair. I am 27 weeks pregnant and terminating on Tuesday. We are devastated.

I don't know how much help I will be- but if you want to chat please feel free to reach out.

I am so sorry for your baby and family. I have found this group to be very helpful. Xo

cdale86 · February 2014

I'm so sorry for this terrible news and your loss. I will be praying for your family and your sweet baby girl. I was told at 23 weeks that my son would most likely not survive. I was told (incorrectly) he would die within a few days and every kick/movement elicited sobs. It is extremely difficult to grieve a loss while still carrying your baby, but I hope that you can also use these moments to enjoy her and tell her how much you love her. You are and will always be her mommy!

ikrystal · February 2014

I am so sorry. I haven't been through this exact situation, but I have recently gone through the loss of my twin boys. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.

kittymeowbark · February 2014

Thank you all so much for the kind words and support. It sucks so much that we all have gone through something so tragic as saying goodbye to our child. My husband and I saw a specialist and found out the baby has holoprosencephaly. Most cases baby is stillborn. The baby would be mentally and physically deformed so we decided to terminate the pregnancy. This was one of the hardest decision I have ever made. We officially lost the baby on Monday and today I had surgery to remove her. My husband, our family, and myself have started the process of healing and moving forward. I have reached the acceptance stage of my grief and look at this situation as a learning experience. I learned how much I can love someone before ever meeting them, I learned how amazing and strong my husband is, and I learned who I can count on in the face of hardship. I am slowly recovering and trying to take it one day at a time. One day my husband and I will have the family we have always dreamed of.

Thank you all once again. Your words have helped so much.

SchoolPsychSteph · February 2014

I've been thinking of you this week. I'm so sorry we are here together. I know June is going to be rough for me. I'm with you on taking one day, one minute at a time. ((Hugs))

veetveet · February 2014

So sorry for your loss- I am in the same boat. Lost my little boy yesterday.

So empty.

kittymeowbark · February 2014

Thank you all for the thoughts and kind words and I am sorry you are all here and have gone through this as well. It is very hard to deal with.

kittymeowbark · February 2014

SchoolPsychSteph
Thank you for thinking of me. It has been pretty tough and I know it will be even harder in June for me as well. I am not looking forward to the summer this year, but I do hope that feeling changes in time.

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Grieving A Loss While Baby Is Still Here

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