How long does it take to not have everything set you off?

doknow · February 2014

I found out last night from the 7.5 week ultrasound that my fetus stopped growing a week ago, and I am going to have a D&C tomorrow afternoon. I know I was hardly pregnant, but I am just so sad, and have turned into a crying machine. And in general, I'm really not much of a crier. For those of you who lost a pregnancy early on, how long did it take you to not cry several times a day (or several times an hour...)? We are visiting my sister in law and her this weekend, and she is pregnant with #4. For what it's worth, this was my first pregnancy, and I'm 36. I really want to be happy for her and her family, and intellectually I know it's not a competition, but I'm worried that I'll barely be able to keep it together. Any tips on that front?

gabbagal · February 2014

Everyone is so different, so it's hard to say how long it will take. I think the key is to not to ask when will things stop setting you off but when will things set you off less. My natural m/c was 6 weeks ago this Friday (I was supposed to be 6.5, but baby was barely 5) and I can say I'm better than I was after the first couple of weeks, but there are still things that pop up every once in awhile that set me off, but they're less frequent. I think at a minimum it takes until the physical symptoms go away and your hormones return to "normal". But again, everyone is different.

I wish I had some good advice for your visit with your SIL this weekend, I'm sure it will be hard, but maybe just tell her in advance (or have your husband talk to her) so she knows if you want to talk about it or not and what would be most supportive for you. Often people get hurt when loved ones don't know how to act or what to say, so maybe prepping her in advance with your needs/sensitivity will make it easier? I'm so sorry you are going through this and I hope your procedure goes well and that the weekend isn't a total bust

doknow · February 2014

Thanks, that's a good way to reframe it. My SIL didn't even know about the pregnancy, so I'd rather not talk about it with her, but if she had known I could see talking with her in advance.

flgrl521 · February 2014

I just had my third m/c and it took me about a month to start feeling human again. I think hormones are a huge factor that contribute to the weepy/furious/anxious feelings. My sister is pregnant with her third child and our due dates were a month apart. To allow myself to truly heal I had to get some distance from her since it was a constant reminder. Like you, I feel bad I can't be happier for her or others that are pregnant.. but at the same time we are fighting such a hard battle and you just have to be easy on yourself. So sorry you are going through this.

BackstreetPixie · February 2014

I just passed 2 months. I feel a lot better now but still have my moments, but not every day now. I even feel like I may be able to visit my friend who had a baby 2 weeks before my m/c. But everyone is different. So sorry for your loss.

doknow · February 2014

Thank you, @flgrl521 and @meganwelch. I think part of it for me was that I was extremely anxious about the D&C. (I even started crying as I was walked into the OR.) I had never been to the hospital as a patient before and never had general anesthesia before. But it turned out to be surprisingly ok. It turns out we ended up not being able to visit SIL's family since our flight was cancelled because of the weather, so now at least I don't have to worry about that.

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