Night Wakefulness Frustration

URMySunshine77 · February 2014

Hi all,

DS wakes up three to four times a night, and I nurse him back to sleep. He has always been amazing at falling back asleep. Around 4, I nurse him back to sleep in my bed and we wake up around 7:30. He won't allow DH to soothe him back to sleep at night.

For three nights this week, DS has woken up and stayed awake for an hour or two. This has been very frustrating for me, as sleep deprivation causes me to be irrationally angry with him. I have never wanted to sleep train, but I feel like he is pushing me toward it.

I am writing to see if any of you have any tips or experience with wakefulness at night. Perhaps it will just go away in a couple of days, but it has caused me to question my attachment leanings. DS is 12.5 months. Thank you.

Momarazzi007 · February 2014

We had a bout of this (dd is 2 1/2 bed sharing still). We always kept lights off (after fearing this was about to become a habit) and after a few nights with not getting up or lights coming on she learned that there was no night time party. I think we got off easy, but maybe start from there? Hopefully he gets message. Oh, and we would emphasize lights off night night before bed so she would know lights off meant room dark and sleep time. Them when she tried to get up we'd lay her back down between us and say again, lights off, night night. Give her a kiss and repeat if she tried to crawl around. It was a few nights, but it worked for us
Edit to add- this was about one year old too!

cyprissa · February 2014

I had to night wean and do some sleep training at that age with DS1 because he wasn't sleeping well in our bed anymore. I broke the nursing to sleep association using the Pantley pull-off then did a version of Kim West's sleep lady shuffle that worked for us. I was comfortable with it because I could tell he was waking up out of habit and being in our bed wasn't working for anyone anymore. Edited to add...even after "training" he would wake up once a night most nights and I would lay in bed with him to soothe him until about 18 months when he started sleeping through but before he was waking 3-5 times in our bed. You have to do what feels comfortable for you....

URMySunshine77 · February 2014

Momarazzi007 said:

We had a bout of this (dd is 2 1/2 bed sharing still). We always kept lights off (after fearing this was about to become a habit) and after a few nights with not getting up or lights coming on she learned that there was no night time party. I think we got off easy, but maybe start from there? Hopefully he gets message. Oh, and we would emphasize lights off night night before bed so she would know lights off meant room dark and sleep time. Them when she tried to get up we'd lay her back down between us and say again, lights off, night night. Give her a kiss and repeat if she tried to crawl around. It was a few nights, but it worked for us Edit to add- this was about one year old too!

@Momarazzi007: thanks for sharing. I remember now that DS had another two or three days of wakefulness when he officially started rolling/crawling. I do keep him in the dark and don't engage with him. I even tried to sleep on the floor of his room but he just started laughing. What a goof.

Hopefully it is only a couple days with this regression! I just keep reminding myself that it won't last forever.

URMySunshine77 · February 2014

cyprissa said:

I had to night wean and do some sleep training at that age with DS1 because he wasn't sleeping well in our bed anymore. I broke the nursing to sleep association using the Pantley pull-off then did a version of Kim West's sleep lady shuffle that worked for us. I was comfortable with it because I could tell he was waking up out of habit and being in our bed wasn't working for anyone anymore. Edited to add...even after "training" he would wake up once a night most nights and I would lay in bed with him to soothe him until about 18 months when he started sleeping through but before he was waking 3-5 times in our bed. You have to do what feels comfortable for you....

Thanks, @Cyprissa! I checked out both the Pantley and West books from the library. The Pantley book seems to be closest to what DS needs, but I would have to read more and create a game plan. Maybe these alert wakings will die down.

One question if you don't mind. Once you weren't nursing anymore, how did you console him with teething or illness? I am really scared of not having breastfeeding in my toolbox anymore! Thank you so much.

Momarazzi007 · February 2014

Those big milestones keep them awake lol! When dd started crawling she sleep crawled towards the foot of the bed- I grabbed her so quick but she started laughing in her sleep and woke up and thought I was playing with her lol!!! Good times come out of these times too

cyprissa · February 2014

I actually nursed until 2 but I broke the nursing to sleep association so nursing just relaxed him but he didn't need it to sleep. I developed a good bedtime routine (PJ's, overnight dipe, brush teeth, stories, nurse, snuggle and rub back if needed) and he started just flipping on his tummy and going to sleep. If he woke up in the middle of the night, I would lay down with him and rub his back. I nursed first thing in the morning and also before nap on the weekends. Once his molars were in, we had a huge teething break....he got his 2 year molars just a couple months ago and those were beyond the comfort of nursing....Ibuprofen was the only thing to help.

URMySunshine77 said:

cyprissa said:

I had to night wean and do some sleep training at that age with DS1 because he wasn't sleeping well in our bed anymore. I broke the nursing to sleep association using the Pantley pull-off then did a version of Kim West's sleep lady shuffle that worked for us. I was comfortable with it because I could tell he was waking up out of habit and being in our bed wasn't working for anyone anymore. Edited to add...even after "training" he would wake up once a night most nights and I would lay in bed with him to soothe him until about 18 months when he started sleeping through but before he was waking 3-5 times in our bed. You have to do what feels comfortable for you....

Thanks, @Cyprissa! I checked out both the Pantley and West books from the library. The Pantley book seems to be closest to what DS needs, but I would have to read more and create a game plan. Maybe these alert wakings will die down.

One question if you don't mind. Once you weren't nursing anymore, how did you console him with teething or illness? I am really scared of not having breastfeeding in my toolbox anymore! Thank you so much.

pixieprincss · February 2014

Is baby walking yet? Both of my boys did this right before milestones: crawling, walking, verbal skills explosions, etc. After the developmental leap, they went back to normal levels of nursing (in our case, every 2-3 hours).

In terms of night-weaning or partial night-weaning, it doesn't mean you can never use nursing in your "toolbox". During the initial period, following the guidelines you've set is key, but beyond that--you're the boss, not the rule. If nursing your baby makes a certain night bearable, great! You can talk to you baby and explain why you are making an exception. They understand so much more than they can communicate back!

Conster12 · February 2014

Our babies are just about the same age! Ohmygosh, DS went through that middle of the night wakeup/giggling/wouldn't settle back down phase a couple of weeks ago. It lasted 3-4 nights and then sleep went back to normal. SO it's totally normal, hang in there and load up on coffee for the time being. I went to bed an hour or two earlier than normal until the phase passed because I get super impatient with broken/little sleep as well. Although the sweet middle of the night giggles are adorable, they're so frustrating when all you want is sleep!

cyprissa · February 2014

Oh and just to chime in again...I know plenty of kids that went back to sleeping fine after bouts of wakefulness but at 13 months mine didn't. I waited a week and a half and things started getting worse not better so I also second waiting a bit to see what's going on with your LO.

URMySunshine77 · February 2014

Thank you, everyone! He is still waking up for about an hour around 3:30 or 4. Changing his diaper does help a bit, but I may have to start trying alternative methods. Now that I know this is a habit, I have been going to sleep earlier and trying to be zen about the experience of getting him back down despite my frustration. Just noticed that two new teeth are breaking through on top. :-P

I really appreciate your shared experiences!

TiffanyBerry · February 2014

Mine did this... for a month or so? Maybe a little longer. She eventually stopped. Don't expect it to change in three or four days!

URMySunshine77 · February 2014

TiffanyBerry said:

Mine did this... for a month or so? Maybe a little longer. She eventually stopped. Don't expect it to change in three or four days!

@TiffanyBerry:

Thanks for sharing your experience. DS is still partying at 3:30 after a week.

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