Advice wanted: Preschool - When to start?

DiveFrog · February 2014

I know a lot of people on this board use daycare centers, and this question may not be as applicable to that situation. However, I'm hoping to get some insight from parents that use nanny's, family or in-home daycares about when a structured preschool type program should be started.

Currently, DD is 21months old and my parents watch her full time. With the start of the new year I signed her up for both a parent and tot dance class and Kindermusik class. My parents take her to both of these classes once a week, and to the local library toddler story time. The feedback I am getting from my parents is that she is enjoying the classes and starting to learn about following directions, listening, sitting in a circle, language skills etc. The plan for now is to continue these kind of classes through the summer.

With the start of the school year this fall DD will be roughly 27months. The majority of true preschool programs will not except children unless they turn 3 before Dec.1st, which of course she will not. There are a few Montessori programs that except kids at 18-20months. I am debating about whether to enroll her in one of these programs (would be 2-5 mornings a week for 2-3hrs), or whether to just continue with the individual classes for another year and send her to a preschool program the fall after she turns 3.

Obviously, one of the pros of waiting is a huge cost savings. The cost of the individual music, dance, art, gymnastic and swimming type classes are only around $100-200/month and a toddler part time Montessori program in our area will be anywhere from $700-900/month. The individual classes also afford a little more weekly scheduling flexibility, and will mean a lot less driving (pick-up or drop-off) for my parents. However, I can also see positives in a structured program and one where it wouldn't be with a parent or caregiver she already knows. Also, I am about 90% that we will use a Montessori preschool regardless of when we start so maybe sooner would be better?

On one hand I feel like she would be ready and I "should" have her in a formal program this fall, or she is going to fall behind. And then on the other hand I wonder if that reaction is too helicopter/pushing her to grow too fast. There must be a reason most preschool classes don't start before 3....right?

Thoughts? Pros/Cons to keeping her with my parents full-time for another year that I may have overlooked? What would you do and why?

aglenn · February 2014

Most preschools start at 3 because they want kids to be potty trained, in my experience. I am not sure it makes sense to worry about her falling behind. She is still a toddler! If you think she would enjoy a more structured program, go for it; but just do it because she would like it and is ready for it.

jf198400 · February 2014

I definitely think she would enjoy it at that age, but personally I could never justify that cost! That's practically paying for FT DC! If I had that choice to make I would wait another year. She will not fall behind, and it sounds like the individual classes are a good compromise. You could also post this on the SAHM board to get more feedback.

mae0111 · February 2014

I think you would be absolutely fine to wait a year! She's getting good socialization from the classes, etc.

Is she shy at all? We enrolled DD1 in preschool at 2y10m (youngest was 2y9m) because while she was excellent with adults, she was extremely shy around other kids. Then we realized what while she was getting all kinds of socialization through music, Library story hour, swimming, etc., and making friends that way, she was never without a 1:1 caregiver - our nanny, me, DH, grandparent. So I could have waited a year, but I felt like it was the right time to start her. Another kid, meh, I might have waited.

DiveFrog · February 2014

mae0111 said:

I think you would be absolutely fine to wait a year! She's getting good socialization from the classes, etc.

Is she shy at all? We enrolled DD1 in preschool at 2y10m (youngest was 2y9m) because while she was excellent with adults, she was extremely shy around other kids. Then we realized what while she was getting all kinds of socialization through music, Library story hour, swimming, etc., and making friends that way, she was never without a 1:1 caregiver - our nanny, me, DH, grandparent. So I could have waited a year, but I felt like it was the right time to start her. Another kid, meh, I might have waited.

This is my primary concern. She is not shy at all, even with kids. But, she also is always with her grandparents, DH & I, or her Aunts and Uncles. I think maybe I should try and find a middle ground like a Mother's day out program (I didn't even know these existed:), or even a daycare that offers drop-in care and use that once a week so that she gets accustomed to being in situations without any of us primary care givers.

Part of my indecision and stress on the subject definitely stems from DH's family who is pressuring a formal program. MIL keeps pressing me for where and when she is going to start preschool. But, both her kids and both of SIL's kids are all late B-days that started kindergarten at 4, so her reference is all off with DD.

teach1008 · February 2014

I would save the money for 1 more year and do some of the programs you mentioned, as long as your parents are fine with it. We started DS in preschool at age 2 (there are several programs where I am that do this, while others are 2yrs 9 mos). She'll still have 2 years of preschool right? I think that's plenty. It was more cost effective for us to stop using a nanny and start preschool, that's why we started when we did.

cecilyandgautam · February 2014

There are a lot of part time preschools that start at 2.5 in my area and are only 2-3 half days per week; still plenty of time for dance and music classes or activity-free days so your parents don't have to drive everyday. The co-ops are 3k or less per year; non-coops are about 4-5K a year which is cheaper than Montessori.

We're switching over to preschool in the fall. My daughter's learning a lot at her in-home environment but she seems to be thirsting for more, asking us to teach her letters, and I just think she'd really enjoy having a more structured learning environment. When to do it I think depends on the kid, sounds like yours would enjoy some preschool in the fall.

jc&cat · February 2014

I recall being in your shoes in the should we/shouldn't we find something for DS when he was around that age. DH was home with him and doing the little gym, library story time, etc but something else would have been nice. We discovered the children's morning out program (also called mom's morning out) through a local church where I only thought they had preschool. We started him just under 3 years old for 2 mornings/week and he really enjoyed it. He is finishing up preschool at the same location this year and DD has started the children's morning out program. I find that its nice socialization and honestly, a nice break FROM us. I wouldn't worry about "getting behind" bc there is really nothing to worry about there. It's just a nice break from the norm and maybe getting some practice being around other kids and recognizing someone outside of your family as an authority figure. This was a good one for us since its really on DH and I with no family helping out locally. Hope this helps!

CarrieB. · February 2014

We are starting preschool at 3. My DH stays home with the kids during the day and our pedetrician strongly recommended that she get in a preschool program for socialization by 3. I think if you are doing all those other classes that would be fine too.

I cannot imagine spending $700-$900 a month on preschool, so I would probably skip it in favor of the other classes you are already doing.

ebp913 · February 2014

I'll just share our plan. Our kids are home with a nanny fulltime. We are going to put DD in a 3 day a week PDO program (she misses the cut off for preschool this year) starting this fall. We want her to get more socialization opportunities and we also want our nanny to get a little break from having all 3 kids. This seems like the best way to accomplish both. Our PDO programs are around $150 a month which seems more than reasonable. I don't think I could swing the expense of the programs you are talking about though.

SoMoNY · February 2014

We started Montessori at 18m, 3 half-days a week. Was no where near $700 a month.

Now he's in a program run by former K-2 teachers, it costs $400 a month for 4 half days.

I'm impressed by his language development and some of the crafts they do. Totally worth the $$ imho.

emberlee3 · February 2014

DD is 20 months and currently in full time daycare. She loves it, but for next year, I have to take her out and get a nanny. It works better for our family as a whole. I will look for part time preschool when she is 3.

thedash · February 2014

DS has been taken care of by a babysitter in her home but with no other kids since 5 months old. She doesn't drive and speaks limited English so she never took him to classes but did some playdates in the neighborhood. I started him in P/T preschool at exactly 2.5. It's two times per week for three hours each. It has been amazing for him and his social development. I'm glad we didn't wait any longer. He tells me all the time now about his friends at school and all the fun things they do together. His preschool teacher told me that between 2 and 3 most kids transition from parallel play to interactive play with peers so it's a perfect time to start something like preschool. It also gives him the chance to form some independence and have a little bit of freedom from the normal 1:1 caregiver ratio.

That being said, we pay just over $300 per month for it and I would not pay two times that or more.

DiveFrog · February 2014

Thanks for all the feedback. The cost is certainly the major consideration. Is it worth the added expense for a "3rd" year of preschool.

I believe the cost is so high primarily since the programs are not ONLY part-time, but can be full-time class/care with the Montessori programs. Because of this, they don't offer much of a discount if you choose for your child to only participate part-time.

I am going to continue my research for different kinds of programs I may have overlooked.

MommaP12 · February 2014

I would wait.

As others have mentioned - it's usually started at 3 so they are potty trained and those costs for just a few hours a day are a lot!

My DS was watched by my MIL until he was almost 3.5 years old (and I had DD). At that time, we put him a daycare/preschool PT on M/W/F. It's worked out great and the time was great for him. My MIL took him to a mom and me class 1/week starting at 2 and then M/W/F preschool at 3.5 was perfect. I think you should just keep doing what you're doing until she's about 3.

sugarbear0524 · February 2014

You could look into a "children's day out" program a few days a week. They are much less expensive than daycare and would give your LO a social and educational outlet. The one my son attended was form 9:15-2:15, 2-3 days/week.They are often run by churches. I think that by age 2, kids really benefit from being in a setting where they can learn and interact with other kids.

MommyAtty · February 2014

Thank so much for this discussion. I have an 18 mo old who does story time now. Today she started kindermusik and we are about to start Little Gym. We've been struggling with this issue. I think we are going with Mother's Day Out starting this summer just before she turns 2 because she has never not been with us or her grandparents. It's 2 mornings per week. When she's 3, the private school where we plan to send her starts preschool, and we plan to start her then.

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