Finding Time with Baby

Pixelkitty · February 2014

Hi all,

I'm new to these boards so sorry if I missed a thread like this. I go back to work in a few weeks and I have a lot of anxiety about it. Particularly I feel like I'll barely get to see my new baby because of work (I'm a first time mom). I normally don't get home from work until 6 or 7pm and I have a long commute. I already asked about working from home and it wasn't approved. Those of you that work outside the home, do you feel like you get enough time with your little ones or how did you find a balance? I love my career and I get excellent benefits we really depend on so I'm terribly conflicted.

NicoleWI · February 2014

My kids have always gone to bed late. Too late, probably, but it is what has worked out for us so far. My little babies seemed to usually nurse right when I got home, play for a bit, nurse again...and then when they were really little wouldn't really do "down" all the way for the night until midnight-ish. Later that became 8ish and that worked out okay.

It can be a hard transition to go back to work. It was for me, although it's not hard for everyone, but it truly gets better.

MommaP12 · February 2014

Don't put any pressure on yourself. Just go to work and come home and be with your baby. Who cares if the house is a mess or you eat cereal for dinner? No one!

Also, I remember feeling like you because they go to bed so early, but eventually, bedtime will shift later and later every month until it maxes at about 8pm so you'll still get a good amount of time with baby. And the good news is, babies have no sense of time - they don't know if you spent 4 hours or 40 minutes with them so just focus on quality over quantity and don't worry about the house, the laundry, dinner. You'll get into a rhythm soon. Good luck!

welly01 · February 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

I really try not to count the quantity of hours, but focus on the quality. And on the things working allows us to do, we wouldn't otherwise have the budget for. (Like I'm taking DD to Disney on Ice this Saturday, and then we're going to SF Sun/Mon)
And I bedshare(d) with both kids which helped immensely as well

This. DS sleeps with us after his first wakeup (around 9-10 pm) and I LOVE having him with us in bed. Even DH enjoys it. We get some adult time after he goes to bed at 7 and then we both get to snuggle him when he comes to bed with us later. I never feel like I "never" see him because I see him all night long

Also, I had a really long commute as well when I went back to work. It sucks and hopefully DH can fill in when you are late. But my solution was to eventually get a job closer to home. I know that's not an option for everyone, though.

jlaOK · February 2014

Remember that it is really hard in the beginning. There were times when both my kids first went to daycare that they would go to bed for the night as soon as we got home. Don't let those times get you down. Remember that it will get easier as they get older and that it's not a bad thing if your only "quality" time is on the weekends. New babies have such a small window of alert time. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't always there for it.

jesuisfatiguee · February 2014

I do miss DS often during the day, but a few things help. First, I bedshare, which means even if I only get an hour or two of non-driving time with DS, I still get snuggles all night. This is the main thing that helps. I also wear DS when we go places like the grocery store, so we get some added closeness that way. It can be tough at first, but you will adjust before too long. And when your LO gets older, you can sing and talk with him/her so you'll feel like you're connected even during the commute.

PP is right - change your expectations for what needs to get done during the week. And for things you must do in the evenings when you get home, you can wear LO while you do them.

Unknown · February 2014

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MommyAtty · February 2014

At first, no. It seemed like the minute I got home, we were doing bath and bed. But now, even though DD is an early sleeper, I feel fine about how much time we have. We spend time in the morning, getting dressed and eating breakfast. Then I get home around 6:00, we do dinner, play, sing songs and read books, start bath around 7:00, snuggle, and she's asleep in her crib by 7:30 to 8:00. Just because you're doing something else too doesn't mean you aren't spending quality time with your baby. Our favorite time is getting dressed. DD plays in my closet, "puts on makeup" with a powder brush we bought her, dances while I sing to her. It's my favorite time of day. And weekends are all family time, even if we are grocery shopping or clothes shopping, because we are together as a family.

vvvvvfee · February 2014

NicoleWI said:

My kids have always gone to bed late. Too late, probably, but it is what has worked out for us so far. My little babies seemed to usually nurse right when I got home, play for a bit, nurse again...and then when they were really little wouldn't really do "down" all the way for the night until midnight-ish. Later that became 8ish and that worked out okay.

It can be a hard transition to go back to work. It was for me, although it's not hard for everyone, but it truly gets better.

this is what happened for us-- don't discount that your LO may sort of adjust their hours in order to spend more time with you. DS always went to be quite late when he was younger- he would take an extra nap really late in the afternoon. then he would be up until maybe 10 PM. now he goes to sleep a little bit earlier, like 9 PM. i have the same situation as OP (commuting and getting home at 6:30-7 PM). so yeah, i mean, ideal for me would be to work part-time, not full-time, but i did/do feel like i always got some quality time with DS at the end of the day. as others said, you may have to let other things go a LOT, like housework, in order to be able to spend more quality time as a family on weekends.

NavyMom77 · February 2014

I'm relatively new to the juggling act, but I definitely agree with the PP - make the most of the time you do have together. And I also try to remind myself of all the good things our lifestyle is adding to DD's world. She LOVES DC and we've seen a huge developmental shift as she sees other babies do things and wants to keep up. Overall our lifestyle is a good mix for us and DD, which is the best we can hope for.

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