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May 2014 Moms
Normanmc
member
babies before marriage?
Normanmc
member
(This is long, SERIOUSLY I'm sorry. I swear a lot- so I'm sorry and I probably misspelled a bunch of shit. So again I'm sorry. Lol thanks for reading IF you read this)
I'm 24 my future hubby is 25. I'm an all american white "catholic" girl my fiancé is from american but he's 100% Arabic. God I can't even begin to tell you the shit his family has put me through because were not married yet. We've been together for 4 years, lived together for 2. And when we came out and said we were pregnant pretty much all his 2nd cousins, cousins and family members whatever ( so many I can't keep up) stopped talking to him and wouldn't say congrats and basically talked shit about him and I my intire pregnancy so far. Mind you these are the same people who marry THIER cousins (GROSSS) and have been divorced. I don't understand how his family can preach so much about how what we did was wrong and but they cheat on their wives and get divorces or whatever.
The other thing is I'm a young white american girl and I feel like a lot of his distant family they all marry Arabs. And I'm not gonna lie when we first started dating it was this instant attaction to one another because were both so different looking from one another. But regardless of looks we feel in love right away and I can tell his family was a bit bothered by that. No one was ever "mean" to me but he's mother would make comments like "of course I would have liked him to marry an arab girl but you're so amazing and I couldn't ask for better" nice but still...
My fiancé is NOTHING like that part of his family, his mother and father brought him up as an american and they have been very supportive but he's mother always ALWAYS tells me every time someone has something to say about us and I'm just so over it. Iv told her over and over I don't wanna hear it enough.
One thing I remember about when we told his grandmother she asked me if it was a mistake. I wanted to punch that old lady in the face. Nothing has ever pissed me off so bad, he's whole family tried to give us their two cents. Which I just wanted to shove up thier ass. I read a message on my fiancés phone from his uncle saying he wanted to "discuss the future mistake MIGHT BE making" that's when my fiancé and I lost it. Literally put him in his place. I won't get into that now.
My family is catholic but were not die hard bible huggers but we still have morals. They of course would have liked us to be married but they know we are a happy cpl and were VERY supportive when we told them.
Iv been wanting to write about this for along time but I didn't know how to put it into words and I'm sure it's kinda confusing. I'm sorry thanks for reading this long rant.
I just feel like it's a new age, we're not some teenage losers having a baby. We both have good jobs a nice place to live and most of all we made this baby with love. We really just wanna say FU*K YOU to all of them. But whatever we have our marriage license and were getting married next week.
Thanks for listening and I would like to hear what you have to say.
I'm 24 my future hubby is 25. I'm an all american white "catholic" girl my fiancé is from american but he's 100% Arabic. God I can't even begin to tell you the shit his family has put me through because were not married yet. We've been together for 4 years, lived together for 2. And when we came out and said we were pregnant pretty much all his 2nd cousins, cousins and family members whatever ( so many I can't keep up) stopped talking to him and wouldn't say congrats and basically talked shit about him and I my intire pregnancy so far. Mind you these are the same people who marry THIER cousins (GROSSS) and have been divorced. I don't understand how his family can preach so much about how what we did was wrong and but they cheat on their wives and get divorces or whatever.
The other thing is I'm a young white american girl and I feel like a lot of his distant family they all marry Arabs. And I'm not gonna lie when we first started dating it was this instant attaction to one another because were both so different looking from one another. But regardless of looks we feel in love right away and I can tell his family was a bit bothered by that. No one was ever "mean" to me but he's mother would make comments like "of course I would have liked him to marry an arab girl but you're so amazing and I couldn't ask for better" nice but still...
My fiancé is NOTHING like that part of his family, his mother and father brought him up as an american and they have been very supportive but he's mother always ALWAYS tells me every time someone has something to say about us and I'm just so over it. Iv told her over and over I don't wanna hear it enough.
One thing I remember about when we told his grandmother she asked me if it was a mistake. I wanted to punch that old lady in the face. Nothing has ever pissed me off so bad, he's whole family tried to give us their two cents. Which I just wanted to shove up thier ass. I read a message on my fiancés phone from his uncle saying he wanted to "discuss the future mistake MIGHT BE making" that's when my fiancé and I lost it. Literally put him in his place. I won't get into that now.
My family is catholic but were not die hard bible huggers but we still have morals. They of course would have liked us to be married but they know we are a happy cpl and were VERY supportive when we told them.
Iv been wanting to write about this for along time but I didn't know how to put it into words and I'm sure it's kinda confusing. I'm sorry thanks for reading this long rant.
I just feel like it's a new age, we're not some teenage losers having a baby. We both have good jobs a nice place to live and most of all we made this baby with love. We really just wanna say FU*K YOU to all of them. But whatever we have our marriage license and were getting married next week.
Thanks for listening and I would like to hear what you have to say.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: babies before marriage?
We are happy and your right- they should be worrying about themselfs first. How you and your husband saved and saved for your dream wedding is what we wanted to do and that's still the plan kinda. We're going to the court house first to make everything official. As bad as this sounds it's pretty much to shut everyone up. We planned on getting married before I was even pregnant so we're not doing it just because we got pregnant. I feel like because were doing this when the day comes were we do have a big wedding it's not going to be as special. I mean really tho either way we really really love each other and I would marry him anywhere anytime but I wish everyone would butt out! But personally I would have like to have ONE big wedding and wait.
Exactly! I don't see how a peice of paper is going to effect our child's life. Really I don't. We're not going to love him any less if we weren't going to be married.
This is exactly what my mom keeps telling me. "Get used to it" lol
You are deffiently right about things being easier when married, but I just don't understand them. Shutting us out cus were not married. It didn't hurt me as much as I could tell it hurt my fiancé. Which hurt me and pissed me off that they would treat him like that.
Wow! That's super harsh his grand parents were exactly like that to my future mother in law. She told me stories almost the same as yours. She came from a poor family she doesn't deserve nice things she was too fat to skinny, didn't dress nice enough. The list goes on.
Thankfully they haven't been like that to me, I think they know that if came down to it, he wouldn't leave me. I'm the first girl he's ever brought home ever. He's so different from them, thank god or we probably wouldn't be together.
Thank you for your advice!
You're right it's totally a cultural thing. It's so hard wrapping my head around that. But they have to be the MOST judgmental culture ever. What's that saying about the pot calling the kettle black. He's uncle is on his 3rd marriage whome he's cheated on EVERY wife and continues to but we don't talk about it.
It's just crazy. Hopefully once we're married they will give the whole pregnant before marriage thing a rest.
Fingers crossed!
09/23/11 - Married DH
04/01/13 - BFP at 4wks
05/30/13 - MMC - BO @ 12wks 5d
08/29/13 - BFP @ 4wks 4d
09/17/13 - 7wks 2d - Normal HB Detected! Baby measuring perfect for dates and positioning!
10/23/13 - 12wks 3d - Perfect NT scan! HB 167 & baby wriggling, waving & yawning!
12/17/13 - 20wks 2 d - We're having a beautiful baby girl! Go Team Pink!
05/03/14 - Bobbie Gloria was born at 39+6 weighing 6lb 14oz!
I agree! Having a baby before you are married really isn't that big of a deal anymore. I have been married for 2years this coming June and if we had a baby before my wedding I would be in the exact same situation as I am now. That marriage license does not make you anymore dedicated to each other or any better of a parent.
Good luck dealing with them, but it won't get any better after you get married, I'm sure:(
I just want to say that "teenage losers" may be a tad harsh. One of my close friends got pregnant our senior year in high school and let me tell you, she is a better mom than a lot of 30 year old "married women..." just wanted to throw that out there...
Anyway..
I get what you are saying and IMO it's totally not a big deal its 2014 not 1950. I have several friends who are not married and have children with their S/O's. I've learned throughout this pregnancy that people will judge whatever they can JUST because your pregnant. Everyone has an opinion, thought, idea, that they think is best. Let it roll right off your back because at the end of the day your focus will be on your new family, not on what other people think.
I would just ignore them and not them ruin your happiness.
My fiance and I got engaged two months after knowing we were pregnant. We knew we wanted to be married for a long time before then, but it didn't happen until then. Our engagaement has nothing to do with me being pregnant, rather everything to do with us being in love and knowing that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. And this was the timeline that we were dealt.
We do not plan to have the wedding before the babies are born, because we are focusing now on preparing for our twin girls. I know we will get married, and I could care less what other people think about our situation. As an aside, we were both raised Catholic, but no longer practice/go to chruch. HIs sister has hassled him about this once. My mother even told his mother that the reason we were not getting married until Summer 2015 (which is our tentative date) was because I don't want people to think that the babies are the only reason we are getting married. Funny thing is...that is not the truth; I never said that, nor do I feel or think that. People will talk, and make up their own stories based on their own life situation. I could care less what others think. I am proud of the family we are making. I call my fiance my husband, because he already is in my mind. And that is all that really matters to me.
What I meant by were not some teenage losers is this isn't the 16 and pregnant show.
And the judgmental thing- I understand that but I'm not the type of person to let someone call me out when they're sitting there with twice as many flaws or things that wouldn't be exceptable of I did them.
With my fiancé and I- we are the best team and best of friends/ lovers we're perfect for each other and we get other. We've always wanted to get married but it's expensive to have the wedding of your dreams when your young so we were going to put it off till next year. Til we could save save save. Which is still the plan but now were going to the court house next week so when the LO comes we all have the same last name. Plus it's like we're already married anyways. The only thing that's gonna change is my last name so I don't see what the big deal is.
The reason I told you all hea Arabic is because he has SO MUCH family and the family that is being the MOST judgmental haven't even met me yet. They don't come to thanksgiving or Christmas or family parties so I don't know how they can be so judgmental to him and I when they don't know us together. Which probably doesn't matter. But what I hate is that HIs immediate family cares so much about what they think. It's stupid. My fiancé could give two shits lol honestly. He hates them now for how they've been to us.
But I'm just so sick of the comments:
The most recent one was "we shouldn't be having a baby shower cus were not married"
His mother came with my mom and I to register and I told them to register for battery's she goes "are you sure, the Arabs are gonna think your cheap" I said yeah... I don't give a fu*k scan the fing batteries. Like seriously! Who thinks that much into shit.
We're getting married next week and that's that. I really don't care what they think of us. We're happy in love and we're bringing this beautiful baby into a world of happy people who will love him no matter what. End of story.