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Relocating with toddler

btj357btj357 member
edited February 2014 in Single Parents
I'm currently finishing my nursing degree in PA. I have a good job potentially lined up in Denver, CO, I'm looking into living in littleton where they have a very good school district with a lot of potential for DD to grow and have more activities than where we are now, (a small town with not much potential to get anywhere). I would like to move into the business aspect of health care, the job available will allow me to do this, where we live there are not many hospitals and much to do in general.  DD is curently 2.5 yrs and her father sees her only on sundays. We've been apart since July in 2013. (Edited) She doesn't do overnights with him and has never lived at the same residence as him. She's always lived with me)

I'm in a serious relationship that we are planning on marrying once he graduates with his MBA and he will be joining us in Denver. He's more of a father figure and is more present in her life than her own father. Her father has a complicated work schedule and doesn't have/make time during the week so we've agreed on a day a weekend for him to have her. He gives child support every now and again but it's not stable. What can I do to be making this move more possible or easier? 
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Re: Relocating with toddler

  • Gamera3000Gamera3000 member
    How's your relationship with BD? Do you think he's going to fight you over the move?

    Overall it sounds like you're planning things out really smart.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    It all depends on your relationship with your bd and your custody order.
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  • btj357btj357 member
    We have a good relationship and I told him that I'm planning on moving with her and he isn't happy but he knows that Denver will be better for her. I do have a feeling his mother will try to get him to fight it. We currently don't have anything through the courts, we've been able to settle holidays and everything else on our own. I just don't know the likeliness of a judge allowing a mother to take her child half way across the country, I may also just be pessimistic.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Since you dont have a co itll probably play out in court
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  • Gamera3000Gamera3000 member
    I have NO actual knowledge about this since my own LO is still in my guts. But isn't it only a big deal in court if the BD puts up a stink? Would you be willing to have a guest room so if BDs family wanted to visit they could? I doubt they would but it might seem like a nice gesture.

    That being said I couldn't bear to have my own BDs family in my house, but maybe you have a better situation.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Yes its a big deal, bd can stop her from moving more then 50 miles away, he can get ut set she has to get his and the courts permission to move.
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  • HollykathleenrHollykathleenr member
    This is a very big deal and if you do not do everything exactly right you can actually lose custody of your child.

    The first thing you need to do is talk to a lawyer and find out your state's laws regarding moving. It is different from state to state. Then you need to do everything the law states so if it does go to court you can show you did it.

    For example in my state I can not move more then 100 miles from my address or move out of state without getting permission from BD or the court.

    The steps to go about it are either BD writes a letter and signs and has it notorized stating he is aware of the move and he is ok with the child moving there. Then you have to take it to the courthouse and have it filed with your CO along with any adjustments made to the visitation plan because of the move. (You said you don't have a CO no matter what if you can get a letter from him notorized saying it's ok I would because otherwise in the future he can try to claim "you moved to keep him away from his child" and it becomes he said she said)

    The other option in my state is to get the court to ok the move. What you have to do is 60 days before the move you have to send a letter to BD by certified mail/return response or whatever it's called where you get the form saying he signed for it (and it has to be him that signs for it no one else can) then once BD signs for the letter he has 30 days to file a motion with the court stating his reasons for not wanting the child to move. If he does not do this within the 30 days then you take a copy of the letter and the form from the post office saying he signed for it file it with the court and you are then able to move.

    If BD does file within 30 days you then have to go to a hearing. At the hearing the judge will look at everything. They will look at what you propose to do about the child's visitation with BD, how the child will get to BD and home and who will pay for traveling expenses (be prepared usually that expense falls on the parent that is moving) and rather the move is in the best interest for the child. Then after hearing everything the judge will determine rather it's in the child's best interest to move that far away or if the child's best interest is to stay where they are.

    I would for sure go talk to a lawyer before you move. If you move and then he decides to fight it he can have the state force you to return the child to the original state until it is settled, and that will not go in your favor.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Hollykathleenr said:

    This is a very big deal and if you do not do everything exactly right you can actually lose custody of your child.

    The first thing you need to do is talk to a lawyer and find out your state's laws regarding moving. It is different from state to state. Then you need to do everything the law states so if it does go to court you can show you did it.

    For example in my state I can not move more then 100 miles from my address or move out of state without getting permission from BD or the court.

    The steps to go about it are either BD writes a letter and signs and has it notorized stating he is aware of the move and he is ok with the child moving there. Then you have to take it to the courthouse and have it filed with your CO along with any adjustments made to the visitation plan because of the move. (You said you don't have a CO no matter what if you can get a letter from him notorized saying it's ok I would because otherwise in the future he can try to claim "you moved to keep him away from his child" and it becomes he said she said)

    The other option in my state is to get the court to ok the move. What you have to do is 60 days before the move you have to send a letter to BD by certified mail/return response or whatever it's called where you get the form saying he signed for it (and it has to be him that signs for it no one else can) then once BD signs for the letter he has 30 days to file a motion with the court stating his reasons for not wanting the child to move. If he does not do this within the 30 days then you take a copy of the letter and the form from the post office saying he signed for it file it with the court and you are then able to move.

    If BD does file within 30 days you then have to go to a hearing. At the hearing the judge will look at everything. They will look at what you propose to do about the child's visitation with BD, how the child will get to BD and home and who will pay for traveling expenses (be prepared usually that expense falls on the parent that is moving) and rather the move is in the best interest for the child. Then after hearing everything the judge will determine rather it's in the child's best interest to move that far away or if the child's best interest is to stay where they are.

    I would for sure go talk to a lawyer before you move. If you move and then he decides to fight it he can have the state force you to return the child to the original state until it is settled, and that will not go in your favor.

    All of this. And btw it takes six months plus ti eatablish residency
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  • Gamera3000Gamera3000 member
    Man...dude yeah talk to a lawyer early!
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  • tig594tig594 member
    Ugh.  Doesn't it suck that the state has to be involved in how you raise your child?  I mean, I know some parents really need that involvement but still.

    I'd talk to a lawyer just to CYA.  Without a court placed CO you *should* be ok...but I'd have him sign something just in case.  
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