BTDT Mamas, lets talk about functioning with 2/3 kids right after we come home

ABColeslaw · February 2014

Because I've been really tired lately, like really tired. It almost reminds me of how I felt after Asher was born and was completely sleep deprived. I can't even bring myself to clean the kitchen or make dinner. No exaggeration. I'm starting to think forward to how to prep so life won't be completely crazy when I bring a newb home and have Asher...who is difficult on his own. I'm worried. I know I can do this, but I want to ease the way a bit.

I've reached out to my mom and to my MIL to see how they can help. Not so much help me or with the baby, but help with Asher...make sure he still has his routine and feels special. I think he'll adjust better if he is getting attention and care from people who aren't so sleep deprived and miserable.

Sleep deprivation makes me miserable. If I'm honest I don't love the new born stage because of it. My H isn't getting much time off from work. Just the days we are in the hospital and then he has to go back after that first weekend. It is a total bummer, but that is the way it is.

I'm thinking even though food grosses me out still, I need to be proactive and think about setting up a freezer stash of meals that can easily be thrown in a pan to bake or a crock pot and forgotten about. I didn't do this with Asher, but I can't see how we're going to eat otherwise. I feel like the second Phill gets home, I'm going to need his help, not in the kitchen.

What other things can I be doing now to prep? I'm trying to save aside some money to hire our baby sitter for a few hours as needed on rough days to play with Asher. I might also try to save some money to hire a cleaning lady once or twice. But other than that, I'm feeling like I'm going to drown for the first few weeks.

Kris2011RN · February 2014

No clue, I keep asking myself the same thing. I might make some freezer meals and hire a cleaning lady. Otherwise the house is just going to be messy until we get into a routine.

ns1 · February 2014

Freezer meals were great for my first one. Other than that I have nothing! Just let the house be a mess and be with your kids.

Also, I think the most helpful part of being a STM for me is knowing that these early years are full of stages that will pass. The baby will actually sleep at some point...I don't think I really saw that light with DD.

pistolpackinmomma · February 2014

The first week or two (probably two this time) I will have someone here between my mom, DH and MIL. Not sure how much time DH will get off. I'm going to try to get some freezer meals done up and hope for the best. The good thing is that we moved closer to my family so I can call my grandmas if I really need to take a nap but I doubt I do.

chillypenguin · February 2014

Your first paragraph pretty much sums up how I am feeling. It's hit me like a ton of bricks the past week, I am completely exhausted. I don't think DH really gets it. Luckily I have a desk job and I work from home, but I have a toddler to chase the rest of the time. I am feeling so unprepared, but I have no energy to even start the nursery.

I am worried about the first few weeks as well. My DH can't take much time off work, but luckily my parents live close, so I know my mom will help out a lot. I am just trying to not freak out thinking about it, and hope everything comes together ok and DD adjusts well. So no real advice, but just know you are not alone!

shaunamw · February 2014

I'm going to stock up on meals in the fridge but I was also planning on doing a large Costco trip and stock up on the essentials (toilet paper, toothpaste, shampoo etc) I remember grocery shopping wore me out last time. I'm also planning on making one of those busy boxes that were mentioned to help keep DS entertained while I'm occupied.

I recently got two bedtime books about bringing home sister to incorporate into our routine. I did this before he started school and I think it helped get him used to the idea.

Local junior colleges are a great place to find a sitter that might be able to help you out now and then.

Lastly, I totally agree with you sleep deprivation is tough, try to remember there's an end in site and don't be afraid to ask for help, which looks like you already have. But I was to proud or stupid last time and I'm going to try really hard to remember this time when your exhausted ask for help.

MissLadyTay · February 2014

I'll have help the first four weeks between my mom, my dad, MIL, and MH. Each of them is going to stay with me for a week. I'm going to wait to stock the freezer until my dad is here - he's really good at chili and soups. After that, I'm stressed. Hoping to avoid a C section and therefore have a much better recovery than last time. I just don't know how I'll physically handle my toddler and an infant if I have a bad recovery again. Like, what do I do if my toddler does something dangerous and needs to be picked up? Stuff like that really stresses me. We are going to keep sending him to preschool at least two days a week. If I have a hard recovery we may send him more often. We'll see. I'm worried!

cnbean · February 2014

I know how you feel! I've been so exhausted lately and DS is going through a challenging phase right now. I can't even imagine trying to manage a newborn plus everything else. I also hated the newborn stage, and I'm seriously dreading it again.

I love the idea of freezer meals but I can't figure out how to make it happen with our budget and my extreme fatigue. Luckily DH gets to take a pretty nice chunk of time off so I will have help for the first few weeks. I'm pretty much prepping myself for a lot of mess and eating out, and just hoping that once we get a routine down it will get easier.

bumpuser10194737 · February 2014

I will have some help for a few days while my MIL is in town, and church will bring by meals for about two weeks, but then DH has to go out of town for five days before the baby is a month old. I am planning on freezer meals, stocking up on groceries so we don't have to go out, and frankly, buying some new movies for the boys to watch when I am exhausted. I really dislike the idea of much screen time, but might be desperate! I also do not handle sleep deprivation well at all either. My grandmother has offered to come by some as well, but she is only able to do so much.

I have a good friend with a daughter my oldest son's age and will probably ask them to come by a couple of times so the kids can play. She won't mind if the house is a mess and will make me sleep if I need it.

Love the idea of setting aside some money for someone to clean. I think I may do that as well.

JoelleOK · February 2014

I'm right there with you being stressed about how to handle things with a toddler and newborn. Oh and moving a month after my due date. Possibly having to move out of this house and not be able to move into the other house that is 600 miles from here for a month. Who doesn't want to have a month long road trip with 2 little kids and lochia??!

My MIL/FIL will be with us for about a week. With DS it was two weeks, but they need to save some time off for when SIL has a baby in Aug. My saint of an aunt will be with us the week of the move. We live in a poor flyover area so professional movers don't exist and PODS doesn't come to our area either. I'm totally freaking out.

tjkdlhb · February 2014

I had my Glucose Test yesterday... so I kept DD home until it was time for me to go. Usually DH gets her ready for daycare in the mornings.

I was exhausted by 10 o'clock and had planned to be at the hospital much earlier than that. She was running around in circles, and finally I just sat on the floor and waited for her to come close enough to me in order for me to catch her and get her changed/dressed.

I can't imagine what it's going to be like home with a 2 year old and a newborn....

IBackBevo · February 2014

I have no idea what I am going to do. I am scared to death. 2u2. Ugh. I'm honestly considering having a nanny come even though it will be a hit financially with me having no income coming in and having to pay a nanny.

We will probably live off of take out and frozen, pre-prepared meals those first couple of months.

Miles2Go · February 2014

I don't know. Is just curling up and crying an option?

Seriously though. If I can get my act together, freezer meals seem like a great plan. I'm going to be heavily reliant on help from my mom and FIL. FIL loves to hang out with Norah so I'll be counting on him to take her to her baby classes and keep her generally entertained. They like to go for really long walks, too, so that will be helpful.

Ladiebug30 · February 2014

I mirror so many of the concerns listed. I am really scared about this. My mom was here during the day time with my first because DH had to go back to work. She has a new job so I'm not sure if she will be around this time. MIL would gladly come over but would be no help. She has serious physical limitations and would only make me batty with her endless parade of stupid. I guess for right now I will continue to keep my head in the sand.

Shell+Bell · February 2014

I like @miles2go option, curling up and crying. I honestly have not put a lot of thought into it, ignorance is bliss and all that. I'm afraid of what bringing a third baby home will be like. With #2 it wasn't that hard becuase DS#1 was not super attached to me. He's a daddy's boy. Whereas DS#2 is all over me 24/7. I'm not sure how he is going to take it.

I'm not too worried about the housework, that just comes with the territory. Both the boys go down at 8pm, so that will give us time to straighten up/dishes before we go to bed.

As for food, I will definitely be stocking up. With my last pg I found out the day before that I was going in for a csection. So I rushed home in a panic and made 21 meals in 4 hours. I was exhausted. I don't want that to happen again, so I plan on making freezer meals earlier this time. Also, all those meals I made were really gasy and not so great for a BF baby. Cabbage Rolls? That poor child. So I registered for Once a Month Meals which has been awesome so far. Lots of different types of freezer meals rather then your typical lasagnas, chilis, etc.

I'm lucky this time in that DH does plan to take paternity leave. Being in Canada it is paid, but at a very reduced rate from his regular pay. So we can't afford for him to take too much time off. He'll stay home for at least 6 weeks, but if I'm doing okay, and recovering well, he'll go back to work earlier.

But really, trying not to think too much about it. That's been helping me the most.

ksyknelvr73 · February 2014

Well, I got really lucky in that DH is a teacher and my due date is the end of May when he is getting out of school for the summer. So I will have him home with me for the most part, but he coaches summer baseball so he will be gone for practices and games. We are going to keep DS in daycare for 2 days a week and then IL's have volunteered to take DS one day every other week overnight for us as well. My parents live super close and my mom has already said she'll come over whenever we need it.

In addition, we currently have a cleaning service come out every 2 weeks and we are going to continue that while I am on maternity leave, so that should take a load off.

I also plan to do some freezer meals this time as well.

spinsoffresonance · February 2014

I have no idea how we will manage. Freezer meals are a good idea. I didn't prep any before DD was born and I could not find the time to make us food. Every time people came over to see the baby we asked them to bring us takeout.
One thing I haven't seen mentioned is using an online grocery delivery service, if you have it available in your area. We do this now (we use peapod) and it's great. Although I still go to the store to get produce and meat, but in theory I could order it online too.

Kageer · February 2014

I am slightly terrified of this....we will have help from my parents and inlaws but I will have two rambunctious boys to deal with in addition to a newborn. I am not as worried about laundry and meals as I am about meeting everyone's needs at once-snacks, meals, boo boos, breaking up fights , Between my three and five year old, fixing broken Lego creations all while holding a possibly fussy, sleeping or eating newborn. I should work on a clone of me starting now...in seriousness, I am thino

Kageer · February 2014

Thinking of hiring a sitter to come help at first to be an extra pair of hands so I can rest, feed baby and still pay attention to my other two. I don't remember feeling like going from one to two was that tough but I am a little scared of three.

Allibob · February 2014

I'm so scared about how I'm going to handle those first few months. I think I'm in denial, because I haven't done a damn thing to get ready. I have no local family, & DH only has a few days off. My mom will come stay with us for the first month or so to help me out. I had a rough CS recovery last time, so I'm hoping this one is easier. I'll be relying heavily on my babysitter for help with DD once my mom leaves, & I hope she doesn't feel neglected by me. My plan is to keep our same schedule (I work 2.5 days/week) even though I won't be working. That shouldn't be a hard transition hopefully.

I can't start on freezer meals yet because I have a tiny freezer now. DH hinted he might get me a chest freezer for Valentine's. Rawr!

No seriously, that makes me horny.

daisyemerson · February 2014

FTM but I'm gonna chime in and elaborate on my plans for freezer meals. I think they are going to be a big load off of our shoulders, but also make sure to think past just dinner meals. What about breakfast and lunch and snacks? For STMs, what is your plan for when DS/DD 1 is hungry for a snack? Even desserts (because I always have a sweet tooth)
I'm planning on making a bunch of dinners but also am going to probably buy a big case of those Otis spunkmeyer muffins for breakfasts/snacks...or make my own if I have the energy to later on, and I'm gonna suck it up and buy the overpriced premade veggie trays and fruit trays instead of cutting up my own like I usually do since we will have to get it after LO arrives. And then for lunch I'll probably snack off of the leftover freezer dinners and have a few easier options on hand like deli meat, maybe some frozen pizzas or taquitos... Not necessarily the healthiest options but dinners will be pretty good and the fresh fruit/veggies will help balance things out.
I've thought food out very thoroughly because I know myself well enough to know that if I don't, we'll end up eating out every night and I can't imagine how that is going to fit into our budget!

I think if you really plan out food in advance, along with a possibly a cleaning service here and there, plus the help with Asher from your mom and mil, and maybe even the sitter like you mentioned, you'll be just fine. At that point, you'll only have to worry about the needs of your kids and some laundry and everything else around the house is handled. So what if things are messy, and of course you'll still be exhausted all the time...you have a newborn!

christieep · February 2014

I can't even fathom how I am going to handle this. DH won't get a lot of time off, the nature of his job has him working 70 hour weeks some weeks April through August. Some weeks it is like I am a single mom. If the "help" we received when DS was born is any indication, I won't be getting much support from family so I'll be doing this on my own. I'm tired just thinking about it.

sisterjanet · February 2014

Thank you so much for posting this thread. I'm scared too. Mostly I've been hanging on to the notion that the really hard newborn-ness only lasted about two months with Benjamin (he still got up to eat a couple times a night, but I felt like it wasn't a terrible joke to attempt to sleep in my bed instead of just resigning myself to dozing in chairs). I'm also trying to come up with the politest way to ask my mom to come stay with us for a week or at least a few days when my husband goes back to work, and wondering if that's a good idea or if we'd get on each other's nerves.

When I try to explain to my husband about how sometimes thinking about a toddler and a new baby fills me with fear, he thinks I'm being silly and that everything will be fine. His memory is better than mine so maybe I'm just remembering the hard parts, but I don't think so.

With Benjamin, we had a lasagna made except for baking, and a double batch of tuna casserole baked and portioned and frozen, and this awesome Mexican stew that wasn't as deliberate as the other food but we just happened to make it and have a bunch left over when Benjamin was born. If we hadn't had that food ready to go I'm not sure what we would've eaten for the first week, and that's just with one kid.

lbaker420 · February 2014

I'm most worried about getting two kids fed, dressed, and ready, lunchbox in-hand, to walk out the door by 7:30...with a newborn! That's what keeps me up at night.

Allibob · February 2014

@daisyemerson I make waffles, pancakes & muffins to freeze for breakfast. I under cook them just a hair so they're not too dry when I toast them. I also make a berry sauce that I freeze in silicone trays so I can warm up individual portions to top pancakes or waffles. I also buy frozen shredded potatoes so I can make quick eggs & hash browns.

For snacks, I keep lots of nuts on hand and buy a few kinds of Kind or Lara bars. DD will eat waffles for a snack too.

daisyemerson · February 2014

@Allibob those are great ideas! I might have to borrow a few of those

His(1&only)wife · February 2014

This time is going to be so different than last time which worries me. With DS1 DH worked from home so he was here with me. This time he will be taking the first week off work and then he'll take days off periodically if I'm to tired or if we have appointments. My smom is going to come the 2nd week and my mom will be here the 3rd. MIL lives about 5 minutes away so hopefully she can stop by if I need her to after that to just start dinner or clean something. DS1 gets done with school two weeks before my due date so he will be home the entire time. He doesn't have any camps/lessons until the end of June so I'm a little scared of having to entertain him and take care of baby.

I might try to do some freezer meals ahead of time to make sure we have food to eat. I agree with you @ABColeslaw that when DH gets home I'll need help with Quinn who is not low maintenance!

iadanza · February 2014

Last time both my parents and my husband's parents took turns coming over for the first two weeks to make us dinner and do dishes/ help out because I was too sick to move and my husband was taking care of me and Montgomery. This time I'm thinking I might want something similar regarding help with dinner/ cleaning/ playing with Montgomery - though hopefully I won't be sick.

Regarding freezer meals, we made like 50 breakfast burritos to freeze which was really nice for the mornings - we loosely went of this recipe but used bigger tortillas and portions so it would keep us full longer. I think the hardest thing for me to do was eat in the middle of the day so every morning when my husband was making his lunch I would have him also make me a sandwich since I could easily hold it and eat with one hand - sometimes he would make it the night before if we thought the morning would be too crazy. I'll also be stocking up on nuts and snacks from Trader Joe's.

I'm assuming Asher will at least in part be home with you? We are leaving Montgomery in daycare for my sanity, but for meals during the day it would probably be good to make large portions of things he would like on the weekends so you can just pull it out ready made. As far as entertainment is concerned, you could stock up on some stuff at the dollar store that he may be able to use/play with that may keep him entertained. Montgomery is only 16 months but I plan on getting pipe cleaners and letting him stick them in colanders, getting assorted feathers and other things for sensory play. Also, it will be pretty close to summer so we will probably spend a lot of time outside and he can explore on his own. Are there activities that Asher likes doing that can 'help' you? I know my co-worker whose son has aspergers said he REALLY likes doing tasks like yard work, so digging holes to plant plants, pulling weeds, during the winter when it snows here he likes to shovel the snow.

Lastly, a word to the wise about freezer crockpot meals... we did some stews and other freezer meals ahead of time that had raw carrots and potatoes in them and when they were cooked they had a weird texture from the freezing them raw thing... So I would recommend at the very least blanching veggies that you plan to freeze.

PS... I feel you on being tired and overwhelmed at the thought of two. You totally aren't alone.

iadanza · February 2014

^^^holy novel batman.... yesh, I guess I'm slightly verbose...

ShannonSky · February 2014

Going from 1 to 2 wasn't bad for us. I had a csection and my MIL stayed for about 5 days to help, and DH was home for about a week. I also had meals from my MOMS club for about a month MWF. We ate out a lot, and I don't think I cleaned anything for like 6 weeks. I'm definitely nervous going 2 to 4, but we are living with my parents and Dh is working from home, so I'll have tons of help.

ho11yday · February 2014

DH is a stay-at-home dad so we'll have two hands available to help with DS and LO. We've already talked about alternating our sleep schedule so that one of us can get 8 hours of sleep (or as close to it as possible). I'm more worried about DH, since he is an ass when he doesn't get enough sleep.

Otherwise, I'll also prepare some freezer meals or have frozen meals from the grocery on hand. I have two weeks of vacation that I have to use about two weeks before my due date; I'll do any sort of last minute preparing during that time.

My mother has also offered to come down and help for a week; however, I'm thinking of utilizing her if I have to have surgery (something else) later during my leave. I'm sure both SIL2 and MIL will be willing to take DS off our hands so we can sleep/shower/breath but with SIL3's baby due only a month after LO, I'm not too sure how involved they'll be.

chknma · February 2014

DH is self employed so it will be nice that he can flex his schedule a little. but that also means that not working =no $$$. although I'm sure both of our mothers would be willing to come help, I have no interest in having extra people staying with us in our small house.

I think the hardest part will be the adjustment for DD. She is a mommy's girl right now and is going through a carry me phase (at 34 lbs...ouch). I plan to take DD to daycare most days and I think it will be good for all of us. She gets to keep a more regular routine and I get to sleep during the day :-) I also plan to work on some freezer/easy meal prep and will not feel guilty about dust bunnies.

I'm also so grateful that the weather will be warming up around here. hopefully LO likes to be in the carrier and we can take DD outside a lot to burn her wild energy!

bumpuser9353653 · February 2014

I'm stressing thinking about it too. DD1 will be less than a month from turning 2, so we also have to think about a bday party not long after #2 gets here. I wish the sentiment of "let the house get messy" would fly around here, but DH is OCD about clutter (we can't even cook together b/c I don't clean as I go) so having stuff pile up or be scattered about when he gets home would just bring on more stress.

We're lucky that we have both sets of parents close by and MIL watches DD every day, so we may send her over there a few days a week to keep up her routine and also get a break. DH won't be able to take a lot of time off, maybe a week, so going to be relying on MIL to help where she can. My parents both work full time still, so they will really only be able to help on weekends.

Freezer meals sound like a good idea, but they do worry me a bit. We've tried making batches of soup in the past, but they never taste as good thawed out and we get tired of them quickly. And snacks is a big thing too - for both DD1 and myself. And while DD is getting better about independent play, she is definitely still pretty needy, so I'm worried about jealousy and tantrums.

I wish I could convince DH to have a cleaning service come by once every 2 weeks - just to give everything a good scrubbing that we can't get around to

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