I'm terrified of labor and delivery!

amberlowe08 · February 2014

First pregnancy and so far everything has been fine and normal. Yet I have such anxiety over the the labor and delivery. I know it's going to hurt and I'm not really stressing about that part. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking forward to it either. I just get so scared and nervous that something could or will go wrong.

I hate feeling like this. Is this normal or what?

CamrynnsMommy · February 2014

Totally normal for everyone, not just FTMs.

RachelCA29 · February 2014

I felt the same way! I was super nervous about the experience, the pain, drugs, etc. I signed myself and husband up for a birthing class and I feel like even though we haven't even attended the class yet (it's 4 sessions in March) I already feel more at ease about it. Knowledge is power and just knowing I will be preparing myself and getting my questions answered has really helped ease my mind.

stephierd81 · February 2014

I'm terrified as well. No advice for you but I totally relate.

Hallil · February 2014

As PP said, typically knowledge is power. I started reading, and reading, and researching, and reading more about what to expect, what I can do, what I can't do, what DH can do and everything I could. I completely understand that I can't control how things go no matter how much I know about it, but I will remain calm knowing that whatever comes my way I understand it.

DD's birth was absolutely picture perfect. If I could pick exactly how things could go THAT WAS IT!! You'd think that would ease my fears this time but absolutely not, in fact, it makes me more nervous that I can't possibly have two perfect births. Nervous is to be expected, but don't just sit by and let it fester, educate yourself so that at least you understand what is happening-good, bad, or otherwise.

DD's birth was great but it certainly wasn't easy or pain free and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't also nervous this time around!!

Jillzy86 · February 2014

As a FTM I am right there with you. I signed up for birthing classes and they start at the end of the month . I think they will help ease my mind a little. Have you looked into any classes near you ?

ABColeslaw · February 2014

I'm not really looking forward to it and I've been there before. At the end of my preg with Asher I swore up and down i was so ready to have him. I got to l and d and had a panic attack. lol.

kat8805 · February 2014

I know the feeling. Which is why I knew an elective CS was for me. I was pissed though when I labored anyways, and now I'm annoyed because I know its going to happen again, despite being a RCS.

Always hope for the best but prepare for the worst. The worry and anxiety are not productive or helpful emotions, skip them.

knash87 · February 2014

Totally normal. It makes me nervous as a STM because it is sort of an unknown... Everything went smoothly with my fist, but each time can be different. If we knew exactly what to expect, we probably wouldn't be nervous!

amberlowe08 · February 2014

Awe thanks guys. It does make me feel a little better to hear I'm not alone. I have signed us up for birthing classes. They start the first week of March. Ugh.. I just can't wait to get it over with and have my little guy safely in my arms.

PrincessJess19 · February 2014

At the same time, when the time comes, you're so ready that the fear starts to dissipate. It helped to tell myself that millions do it every day. Women are so damn mighty it's ridiculous! You'll do great!!

Cupcakes89 · February 2014

Kimbus22 said:

Totally normal. They had to give me Xanax multiple times to get me through it with my son I'm actually more freaked out this time now that I know what I'm in for. But the end result is so worth it!

I used to have to take xanax almost every other day pre-preggo for my anxiety problems.. I assume they will be giving me some too.

I know its normal to be scared and worried, my doctor tells me its okay to feel that way. Deep breaths and learning (and in my case studying hard) on whats going to happen calms me down a bit.

awc1986 · February 2014

The way I see it: why waste energy worrying about something you really have little to no control over? You can make the most detailed birth plan you want, but that bebe is coming out whichever way it wants to. Yep, it's gonna hurt and it's gonna be scary, but I believe all the women who've told me that you forget it all once you're holding your baby. Absolutely everyone has said it. Nobody I've spoken to regrets it and some women do it 10 times or more!

getitdone · February 2014

You are not alone - I too am terrified! I am trying to read up on what to really expect and I have been learning relaxation methods to help keep me calm when the time comes - not sure if it is going to help but I am going to try

Krisd6 · February 2014

Totally normal. Does the hospital you are going to have the baby at have any delivery classes? My husband and I just took one and it was great. It definitely alleviated my fears.
I try to keep everything in perspective. Look how many people have kids let alone 2-3. They get through it!

amroke · February 2014

Kimbus22 said:

awc1986 said:

The way I see it: why waste energy worrying about something you really have little to no control over? You can make the most detailed birth plan you want, but that bebe is coming out whichever way it wants to. Yep, it's gonna hurt and it's gonna be scary, but I believe all the women who've told me that you forget it all once you're holding your baby. Absolutely everyone has said it. Nobody I've spoken to regrets it and some women do it 10 times or more!

Ehhhhh.....I haven't forgotten anything. That's why I'm more scared this time

But you gain some perspective and realize it's worth the hassle in the long run.

Yeah, I definitely did not forget the pain! But I at least know now that I can get through it.

ksyknelvr73 · February 2014

I think it's normal that you are worried/anxious/nervous about it. That was the part I was most worried about when I was pregnant with DS. I just tried to gather as much info as I could to prepare myself, sometimes that made me panic a little more but mostly I appreciated feeling informed. Everyone's experience is different, too...so it's hard to rely on personal stories. My mindset going in was just that I wanted the nurses and doctors to do whatever was necessary to get my baby out healthy.

ABColeslaw · February 2014

awc1986 said:

The way I see it: why waste energy worrying about something you really have little to no control over? You can make the most detailed birth plan you want, but that bebe is coming out whichever way it wants to. Yep, it's gonna hurt and it's gonna be scary, but I believe all the women who've told me that you forget it all once you're holding your baby. Absolutely everyone has said it. Nobody I've spoken to regrets it and some women do it 10 times or more!

No you don't. I remember almost all of it.

Katemr1146 · February 2014

I think I'm more nervous for the idea that we're not going to know/decide whether or not I'm having a c-section until a few days or even minutes ahead of time. I know that tons of women have emergency c-sections when they were expecting to have vaginal births, but the "up in the air-ness" (?) of it all irritates me. I'd rather just know one way or the other so I can mentally prepare for it.

awc1986 · February 2014

You ladies who are telling us that you remember all the pain are doing nothing to help us FTMs. Sometimes a white lie is necessary.

Storrmys · February 2014

I have forgotten the pain but I also have had a LOT more time to forget.
But I'm nervous about doing it again too.

ABColeslaw · February 2014

awc1986 said:

You ladies who are telling us that you remember all the pain are doing nothing to help us FTMs. Sometimes a white lie is necessary.

I will not lie, but I will say this. It hurts like hell, like I can't descibe, BUT you should feel good knowing that evening remembering that, I signed up for it again. You can do it and that is the one thing that makes me feel better this go around. I used to think 'there is no way I could do that" you can and you will.

lauralou3x3 · February 2014

I feel the same way

ksyknelvr73 · February 2014

awc1986 said:

You ladies who are telling us that you remember all the pain are doing nothing to help us FTMs. Sometimes a white lie is necessary.

I totally remember the pain and I would have given birth again immediately after, pain and all. There was just nothing like it in the whole world and it was scary, painful, and seriously amazing all at once. And for me personally, once he was out, I had immediate pain relief.

awc1986 · February 2014

Please lie and tell me it's super fun and the baby just slips out like its coming out of a water slide. I want to pretend like its no biggie until its actually coming out. I refuse to watch birthing videos because I don't need to see that. Knowledge may be power but ignorance is bliss.

spinsoffresonance · February 2014

DD was a scheduled csection. THis one is a scheduled csection. I've never been in labor. Yet, I'm still terrified of delivery. What if something goes wrong, what if we do it too early and LO wasn't ready, am I gonna feel super crappy from the anesthesia again, what if I end up with a hysterectomy (I'm actually having one this time around anyways), etc. I think it's normal to be scared. I just try not to worry about it. I trust my Ob and hospital completely and know that I will be in good hands. And remember odds are everything will be okay.

amberlowe08 · February 2014

Thanks everyone! I feel better. Everytime I freak I need to come back to this post and read everyone's replies.

yvanehtnioj · February 2014

FTM here so my advice is not as valuable but reading a couple of birthing books geared around med-free birth (Ina May Gaskin, the Sears' book) has helped me a lot. The authors have the utmost confidence that almost every woman can do it without much intervention. That confidence trickles down to me. I also like how they explain each part of the process, because pain is normally our body's signal that something is wrong (like "Take your hand off of that burning stove NOW!"). But in labor, the pain means something quite different. I dunno, seeing it that way and knowing how things like contractions work & why they do what they do has helped me feel less scared.

chillypenguin · February 2014

Honestly my labor and delivery were really not bad, especially my labor. Delivery was a little rough, but at that point I knew I was so close to meeting my baby girl, it was easy to stay focused. This time, I am really almost excited for L & D, I'm hoping it will be even easier as a STM, and I just remember the incredible joy that makes it all worth it!

Storrmys · February 2014

awc1986 said:
Please lie and tell me it's super fun and the baby just slips out like its coming out of a water slide. I want to pretend like its no biggie until its actually coming out. I refuse to watch birthing videos because I don't need to see that. Knowledge may be power but ignorance is bliss.

*to lighten the mood*

I have read that fisting loosens things up down there so the baby slides out like in a water slide ... I think there might have been a thread somewhere on the bump... And if you read it on the bump it must be true ... Right ??!!

sisterjanet · February 2014

I agree with @kitchencolors that you should consider labor might not be terribly painful. I'm not saying "oh, it won't hurt, don't be such a baby." I'm just saying try to go in with an open mind, and pay attention to how you actually feel instead of saying to yourself "oh no, labor=unbearable pain!" Sometimes it seriously doesn't. It's on the long list of things about childbirth that you can't know ahead of time.

Facing the reality that most of pregnancy and childbirth is out of your direct control made me so scared. For me, knowledge helps me calm down when I'm freaking out about things that are unknown and uncontrollable, so the first time around I read everything I could. Think about what helps you calm down and feel better about uncertainty and do as much of that as you can. Good luck.

JAM85 · February 2014

I have hired a doula and we are taking birthing classes starting in March so I feel more at ease. I also am aiming for a pain med free birth and I may or may not have to have an induction but I have researched everything and feel like I am reasonably prepared and will have the support I need and DH will have the support he needs to support me. I have accepted that it will be excruciatingly painful unlike anything I have experienced before so it's not really "scary" per se- just kind of expected at this point so I don't dwell on it. I also have utter faith my body was designed to do this and when it comes down to it she has to come out at some point- one contraction at a time!

sthomas1222 · February 2014

kitchencolors said:

ABColeslaw said:

awc1986 said:

The way I see it: why waste energy worrying about something you really have little to no control over? You can make the most detailed birth plan you want, but that bebe is coming out whichever way it wants to. Yep, it's gonna hurt and it's gonna be scary, but I believe all the women who've told me that you forget it all once you're holding your baby. Absolutely everyone has said it. Nobody I've spoken to regrets it and some women do it 10 times or more!

No you don't. I remember almost all of it.

Me too. I remember it all. I disagree with the scary.

It's not a horrible scary painful experience that you have/want to forget immediately for everyone.

I say this because I think that expectations DO shape an experience and I think it absolutey will be more painful and scary if you are expecting it to be as such. Not saying you shouldn't have tools for dealing with potential pain, just that dwelling on the misery that might not even be true of your experience seems unproductive.

Dealing with your fears is important, but dwelling on and assuming that it will be a bad experience is the part I'd advise against.

I truly believe it's all in your mindset & how you prepare. I spent my entire pregnancy preparing for a natural birth & dealing with contractions without meds. So when the time came I wasn't scared. No matter what happens the baby is going to come out even if it's not how I would like it to happen. My SIL was a schedule CS & it never occurred to her she'd have to experience labor. She went into labor at 36.5w. She had 10-15 minute apart contractions that were barely registering on the monitors & screaming bloody murder. I had 5 minute apart contractions at home sitting on my birth ball watching Diners Drive-Ins & Dives & all that changed was my breathing. I want to give birth so many more times than I want children. Is this experience universal? No. But I believe you make of your experience what you will, self-fulfilling prophecy & all that. Fear increases pain, that is true. Read, read lots. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, Birth Without Fear blog, any & all birth stories that you can get your hands on. It'll help show you the variations in normal, how different women experience labor so so so very differently.

bridetobe9132013 · February 2014

I am most nervous for the pushing. I am scared Im going to have to push for hours which seems so terrifying for me.

sisterjanet · February 2014

@bridetobe9132013 Time feels different in labor. I pushed for about four hours, but it didn't feel that long at all. For most of the labor, time felt sort of like it didn't exist at all. It's hard to describe. Time feeling like it doesn't exist is the closest I can come. Before I had Benjamin I was scared and kind of flabbergasted about how long people say it takes, but it's not like hours and hours of a bad movie, or hours and hours of horrible exercise, at least it wasn't for me. It was a long and intense focus on Right Now and mostly ignoring everything outside of the moment.

amroke · February 2014

sisterjanet said:
@bridetobe9132013 Time feels different in labor. I pushed for about four hours, but it didn't feel that long at all. For most of the labor, time felt sort of like it didn't exist at all. It's hard to describe. Time feeling like it doesn't exist is the closest I can come. Before I had Benjamin I was scared and kind of flabbergasted about how long people say it takes, but it's not like hours and hours of a bad movie, or hours and hours of horrible exercise, at least it wasn't for me. It was a long and intense focus on Right Now and mostly ignoring everything outside of the moment.

I totally agree. I only had to push for 40 minutes but it felt like only a couple of minutes. After I was about 8 cm dilated I think I pretty much lost track of time, but it did seem to be going quickly because every time I asked my husband if it had been 15 minutes so we could push the self-administer button on the epidural, it had been at least that long. (BTW, the nurse and anesthesiologist didn't bother to tell me about that button until I finally complained that I didn't think the epidural was working.).

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