BFing twins with a toddler at home?!?

whitehousem · February 2014

Hi ladies, I'm just having one if those days where I'm feeling overwhelmed and wondering how the hell I'm going to make this all work. I had trouble BFing DD and ended up mostly pumping (she was not getting enough milk/losing weight, had latch issues bc we had to supplement with bottles, I had mastitis twice, my nipples never healed- even when I was just pumping).

So, I was hoping baby #2 would be different, but now I feel like it's going to be crazy hard trying to BF two babies. DD will be about 23 months when they arrive. She is constantly climbing all over me and wants my attention. How do I make it work with a toddler at home?

Any advice? I swore I wouldn't be as hard on myself this time if it didn't work, but I already feel those feelings of failure creeping back in. I think a lot of it has to do with other people thinking that I won't be able to successfully BF twins (ILs and even DH has doubts). Sorry to ramble... Thanks for your advice/support!

ntdane · February 2014

I'm right there with you. My MIL has also already told me there's no way I can BF twins. Very supportive, right?

The babies are coming next week (I'm in slight panic mode over here) and thankfully I will have family to help with DS (2.5 yo) for a little while. After that, I'm hoping to be able to nurse and possibly read to him on the couch or to use some nursing times as an opportunity to watch one of his shows together. It's going to be hard because he is such a mama's boy but in the end there's only so much you can do. Maybe some of the btdt moms can give us more ideas of things that worked for them. Then, you just do the best you can and know that as long as your babies are fed, you are not failing. At least that's what I keep trying to convince myself of

.

whitehousem · February 2014

Yeah my ILs exact words were, "well, at least you won't be breastfeeding." Ummmm, why would you assume that? DH said I won't be doing it for long, he gives it two months tops. Thanks everyone!

ntdane · February 2014

Seriously, it's not like it's never been done before! Tell your DH that support is at least half the battle - no timelines! This is one reason why my mom will be staying with us first, even though MIL doesn't work and lives closer. The IL's weren't supportive of BF DS either because they see it as withholding the kids from their dad and others. Thankfully DH doesn't see it this way!

TheDairyQueenx3 · February 2014

I BF my twins exclusively and have a toddler. I have yet to have any issues balancing the two. While I nurse them I usually play games like operation, uno moo, hi ho cherryo, etc. or we color pictures, watch a cartoon on netflix, or I pull out his "nursing basket" they are special toys he only plays with while I nurse. It's been issue free so far and we are 12 1/2 weeks in. I had zero support as well I'm the first in my family to BF the only known relative to nurse is my maternal great grandma on my grandfathers side. That includes both mine and DHs family. They hated me nursing my son and really don't support me nursing the twins. I basically told everyone to shove it. My kids my choice is how I see it. Nursing two is not easy but after the first 6 weeks it's smooth sailing. It took 5 weeks for my supply to fully come in but that hard work is paying off! All you can do is try if it doesn't work don't stress. All that matters is they are fed and happy

but tune out anyone that talks down about it because it's hard enough as is.

marcobonny · February 2014

I'm BFing my twin that is home and pumping for my twin that's still in the NICU and I have a 2 y/o. It's very rough somedays especially if I'm the only one home. Disney Junior helps a lot with my DS. Still attempting to get some kind of system down eventually.

carrotcake06 · February 2014

I EBF with a 3.5yo (I BFed him for 20mo). I'm lucky in that my family is incredibly supportive - my mom is extremely pro-BFing and MH knows how important nursing is to me. Nursing two is definitely hard and we did have to supplement for 10 days while they were in the NICU until my supply caught up with them, but I love nursing.

My big one is older and he has free reign these days but often while I nurse, he'll sit with me.

whitehousem · February 2014

mellissalynay90 said:
I BF my twins exclusively and have a toddler. I have yet to have any issues balancing the two. While I nurse them I usually play games like operation, uno moo, hi ho cherryo, etc. or we color pictures, watch a cartoon on netflix, or I pull out his "nursing basket" they are special toys he only plays with while I nurse. It's been issue free so far and we are 12 1/2 weeks in. I had zero support as well I'm the first in my family to BF the only known relative to nurse is my maternal great grandma on my grandfathers side. That includes both mine and DHs family. They hated me nursing my son and really don't support me nursing the twins. I basically told everyone to shove it. My kids my choice is how I see it. Nursing two is not easy but after the first 6 weeks it's smooth sailing. It took 5 weeks for my supply to fully come in but that hard work is paying off! All you can do is try if it doesn't work don't stress. All that matters is they are fed and happy but tune out anyone that talks down about it because it's hard enough as is.

How old is your toddler? Maybe DD will settle down a bit in a few months (she's only 20mo right now). She just won't sit still for long. She will only focus on a tv show for like 5 min. If I'm sitting on the couch she is climbing all over me. It wasn't really an issue until recently when I stopped watching a little boy I watched for the past year... Now I'm her only playmate.

So, you can do those things with your toddler while two babies are latched on? Do you use a twin nursing pillow? Where do you sit to nurse? Since I never got the hang of it with DD it's hard for me to imagine having two latched on and having a free hand. I love the idea of a special nursing basket of toys!

I feel like a painted DH as very unsuportive. He saw how hard it was on me emotionally last time and how I ended up in the ER with mastitis and was a slave to the pump for months and months. I know he will support me, but I also know he has doubts about it working, which is hard to hear. No one in either of our families has ever breastfed, so no one seems to understand why I would even try again after what happened last time. Anyway...

I know it's possible and can only give it my best try I guess.

TheDairyQueenx3 · February 2014

He is 3. At first I would give him frozen pineapple and strawberries (his favorite treat) when I would nurse so he wasn't jealous and had something to occupy him then eventually it just became routine to him he hardly notices anymore. During the day I nurse in my lazy boy recliner with no pillow at all. I literally just latch the boys on and both my hands are free to do what ever. I just sort of pull my legs up to support their head and then. In the big sqishy rocker in their nursery I have a boppy and in the morning and at night I have the MBF I use in bed. Second time nursing is way easier since I knew what to expect and had a feel for what I was doing. I most the time do football holds and sometimes I lay the bigger one on first then the smaller one uses him like a pillow. Those two positions work best for us. The breast feeding board here is wonderful for help. I lurk a lot there and the info they have provided has given me so much knowledge! I have a picture of me nursing them hands & pillow free playing uno moo with my son but I didn't know how appropriate that would be, lol. It did come over night we practiced at it a lot and when they were cluster feeding is when we really fell into the flow. Baby B has a horrible latch even still so he needs assistance but trial an error is really all that it is. I also have a ton of touch and feel books and other books next to my chair and those I will read to him as I nurse. They are hands on so they keep him interested long enough where he isn't using me like a jungle gym.

LeoLauren · February 2014

I plan on trying to BF but if it takes too much time away from my DS then I will switch to formula. I think knowing that he needs me and how time consuming bf'ing is (and what a miserable time ii had last time - low supply, bloody nips, etc) will take off some pressure I hope...he will be 15 months when the twins come which I think may be too little to occupy himself for that long.

Nikkdam · February 2014

I made it clear to my dh and mom that I really wanted to give bf a good go after giving up with my ds at 4 months. My twins are now 5 months and I am ebf due to their support and my commitment. It's tough at he beginning as there was a lot of cluster feeding but it gets better and so much easier than preparing loads of bottles. People constantly say 'but do you have enough milk for two' and yes your body will produce enough! Or another is 'shame you're feedin again' not quite cuz I love it. My ds is good and let's me feed. He understands they are hungry but I have lots of support from my mom and dh. Good luck!

TobieRose · February 2014

It is definitely possible! DS1 was 19 months when the twins were born. I'm not going to lie, it was a tough adjustment all around--I cried a LOT of tears because of how painful the transition was for him. Have as much help for the first month or two as possible--grandparents, friends, etc can keep your LO occupied while you are adjusting to BFing two and the babies are still getting the hang of nursing. Cuddle lots with your toddler when you can, and eventually she will get used to the idea of you needing to feed her siblings sometimes. You will also get better at BFing and won't have to concentrate on it so much--for example, I often sit on the floor nursing a baby while reading DS1 a story.

It might be helpful to have some special toys that you bring out for your toddler only when it's time to nurse the babies. For example my mom got DS those crayola markers that only draw on the right paper, and I would set him up with those on his mat when both babies got hungry so he could contentedly scribble away while they nursed.

Also we hired a postpartum doula and I think it made a WORLD of difference during the initial adjustment. She helped me figure out tandem nursing, read books to my toddler while I nursed, took care of the babies while I rocked my toddler for his nap, etc.

whitehousem · February 2014

Thank you, ladies. It's great to hear encouragement and success stories. Last night on the phone my mom (who did not breast feed) randomly told me that she thinks I will be successfully able to BF the twins, so that was nice to hear. She's planning to come stay with us for a while when they arrive, so hopefully that will help with DD (although my mom has several health issues so I worry about how long and how much she will really be able to help).

bumpuser924057 · February 2014

My son was barely two when the twins arrived, and I have managed to nurse them this entire time (they are almost eight months now and still going strong!). I could only nurse one at a time for about the first five months because I needed one hand to support their head and another to hold the boob where it needed to be - I honestly can't imagine hands-free, pillow-free nursing with little babies, especially not tandem nursing!

My son watched a lot of TV (still does) and did a lot of puzzles, and he basically taught himself to read in self-defense, lol. I'm only half kidding. He is a pretty strong independent reader at not yet three years old and I don't know that he would have been that way if I wasn't so busy with the babies. He spent a lot of time with Grandma and I put him in preschool two days a week for all of our sake.

It is totally possible to BF your babies, mama. Confidence is a huge part of the equation. Your DD may be out of the spotlight for a bit, but she is young and won't remember, and everyone will adjust. At eight months in, my kiddos nurse just 5-6 times a day, often tandem, and not for very long. I can read books and play games and build block towers and all that stuff with DS again. It goes by in a flash.

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