MIL Takeover

TashnBabii · February 2014

So today I noticed that I either work too much or I am just not around enough... I typically work M-F from 8:30-3. I'm out of the house for 10 hours total. I say typically bc my job is really only p/t with occasionally working 5 days/ week. Today I had off from work. When I went to pick up my son from his bouncy chair to allow him to watch me cook in the kitchen, my MIL said, "Oh this isn't his usual schedule. Right about now, he has a bottle & naps for 2-3 hours. I think I literally had a lightbulb on top of my head because I thought about how much my MIL spends with him & it's kind of sad. I should know my son's schedule & I think maybe working 4-5 days is too much. My MIL is taking over my role as a mother & it upsets me. It's not her fault at all. I love her because she's done so much for my LO. Just wanted to share!

roo1oo · February 2014

Your LO knows who mommy is. Don't worry, your still his favorite.

PB102012 · February 2014

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just because that's your LO's schedule with your MIL, doesnt mean it's the schedule with you. My sitter puts LO down for a nap a lot later than I do when I home with her. She has to drop her older son off at school each morning so my LO sleeping from 7-10 like she does with me, wouldn't work. Although she spends a lot of time with our sitter, she still is excited to see me when I pick her up, and knows exactly who I am.

ASmallWonder · February 2014

Your thoughts on all this are misguided, truthfully. It's not sad how much time your MIL spends with him - it's great! She loves him and he loves her. She isn't replacing you and you're actually working a great schedule! It's ok to feel torn about your choices or your circumstances but many, many children are cared for by family, friends and providers while a parent works.

Let me ask you a question - do you think it's sad your son spends so much time with your MIL and not his father? I honestly bet it's never occurred to you. Mothers tend to feel like they're "supposed" to be the primary caregiver and no thought to the fact that most fathers work and very many fathers and children have an amazing bond.

If you think your MIL isn't the right caregiver for you, that's a separate issue but please don't worry you're being replaced. Caregivers never replace loving, engaged parents.

TashnBabii · February 2014

@elmoali, I didn't think of it like that. That's a really good point! Thanks! And thanks ladies for your input!

JMU_Bride09 · February 2014

Are you able to be a stay at home mom? Is that something that you'd even want to do? If yes, then maybe sit down and see if that would work for you and your husband. If you'd rather stay working or need to keep working, then at least you know that you have a wondeful, loving family member who can watch over your baby.

mommabmb · February 2014

Try to be thankful your LO will have such a great bind with his grandma! That's special!

Do what's best for you and your family, but I honestly believe I am a better mom because I work!

Annie_the_nanny · February 2014

It's really nice to 'see' other moms working as well. I'll be going back in a couple of weeks and I'm literally surrounded by people who are giving me grief about going back to work. Anyhow, I think it's great that your LO has such a good relationship with his grandma. If grandma was overbearing and trying to mess with your parenting that's a different story but by the sounds of it she seems like a great care giver.

hmlynch84 · February 2014

I work 5 days a week, I leave the house at 6:30am and get home at around 5pm. DH drops off and picks up LO everyday. LO spends all day at MILs/FILs house. But I know that they are not replacing us as mommy and daddy. I am so thankful that they have offered to watch him for us so we don't have to pay for daycare. I am also very excited that LO gets to grow up with a close relationship with his grandparents; something I never had.

Unknown · February 2014

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wildbutterfli2001 · February 2014

I would say that MIL (bless her heart for helping) should back off just a little bit with telling you what babies schedule is... It may not be intentional but it is overstepping her boundaries, my mom does this to me all the time even though I am mostly home with my LO all day she will tell me "oh he doesn't like when you..." or "...this is what he wants, that is why he's crying..." I will politely tell my mom thank you for your opinion but I've got this... Don't beat yourself up and hang in there.

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