STM baby shower

Bellsmom09 · February 2014

If you are a STM is someone throwing you a baby shower? Is it proper? What if you are having another baby same gender as first?

MollySm · February 2014

I'm having a second little girl, and I'm not having a second shower. No one has offered, and even if they did I wouldn't take them up on it. If someone was insistent, I'd probably be okay with a no presents sip - n- see.

I am throwing a shower for my SIL who is having her 3rd. But her first two are from her first husband, are boys (new one is a girl), and are 8 and 11. They have no baby stuff, and his friends and family want to celebrate too!

BrunoBabies · February 2014

My mother and SIL are insisting on throwing me a sprinkle even though I declined several times. I personally think its tacky, but if they insist then let it be. Sometimes families just want to celebrate. Btw I'm having a girl this time and DS is 3.

JNerd · February 2014

I've had a few offers but am not really comfortable with anything other than a sip-n-see after baby is born. We don't really need anything and I try to minimize how much baby stuff we have anyways.
However, I have been told that my ILs might have something for me the day after my SIL's bridal shower since everyone will be together anyways. I'm not very comfortable with it, but was told they wanted to do something and I should 'shut up and let them'.

Bellsmom09 · February 2014

I think it is tacky. I have a family friend that is insistent on throwing a party but I'd rather not. I have politely declined several times..... ^#(^

LindsayDesigner · February 2014

I'm not expecting one even though I'm having a boy and we have girl stuff. We're adults and we are planning on foot our own bills.

If someone wants to throw one I don't know if I would say no. I'm kind of "meh" about it.

nunzchucks · February 2014

amoot890 said:
Considering I hardly want one as a FTM.. no. And I wouldn't attend one if invited for a second go-'round unless it has been several years and and this child would be a first for the couple. If you're married to someone new now and it would be his first kid and I was a relative on the husband's side, then I would be OK with that kind of situation.

This exactly. I feel like one of the perks of STM-ness is no shower and registering BS!

ashquack · February 2014

We threw a surprise sprinkle for my girlfriend which was really fun and not tacky bc she didn't know about it- no registry just fun gifts we wanted her to have. If someone wants to celebrate your baby let them I say:)

pcourtade · February 2014

Before we found out the gender, someone from DH's family said something about a shower if the baby is a girl. She is but I'm going to decline. The ironic thing is, we need new everything since the place we stored DS's baby stuff got over run with mice. Our families already threw us a shower, I'm not going to have them buy us the same things 3 years later.

Shineoncrazy · February 2014

It also depends on your friend's traditions. One friend group quietly celebrates the second child as well, but with a very small party (gifts are usually diapers and a cute outfit or two) at a restaurant or someone's house. I like it because it acknowledges the excitement without the expectation of a gift.

Other than specific friend group protocol, I would stick to the guidelines everyone mentioned above to avoid the side eye.

MNOpea · February 2014

I had a friend ask to throw me one. I told her I was uncomfortable with it since DS will barely have turned 2 when this one arrives, and this one is a boy as well. She seemed disappointed and asked if we could still do some kind of "celebratory party " but I declined that as well. I like others think there should be a significant age gap and a sex difference before even considering a second shower

Lindsleigh77 · February 2014

My aunts are throwing one for me, I am having a girl this time and my son will be almost 5. I don't think it's a big deal as long as you don't throw it for yourself. I've told my aunts I prefer something casual for after baby girl arrives so everyone can meet her as well

Gigi8212 · February 2014

I think it's tacky, and the sex of the baby should not determine whether or not it is appropriate to have a shower for subsequent children.

tbmadeamistake · February 2014

I was just talking about this with my friends from my last BMB, as a few of us are expecting again. Our firsts will be 2 years old when these new ones arrive. One us is having a small shower next month thrown by her mother with about 10 people. Baby two's sex had nothing to do with the decision. I think that the grandma is throwing it, it's small, so whatever. No one has offered me one so as far as I know I'm not having one, which is also fine by me. I'll probably do a post-baptism bbq like I did with C anyway.

I think having an all-out, invite everyone you know, rent a hall/restaurant/whatever, giant registry is tacky and bad. I think a small get-together to celebrate the second baby because someone offers and it's close friends/family is fine.

JNerd · February 2014

That is one thing I have noticed - people seem to be hurt/offended when we say we don't really want a second shower. That reaction was completely unexpected but apparently it was interpreted as 'we don't want your gifts nor do we want YOU to celebrate OUR baby.'

rainbowdashh · February 2014

My mom is getting a cake and we're going to do lunch with my sisters, cousin, and grandma.

I'm pretty sure it's just an excuse to eat cake.

I wouldn't want a second shower, I think they're weird. I was uncomfortable enough the first time around. A lot of women I know have huge second showers and I just don't understand.

MrsP419 · February 2014

I did not have a second shower when I had a DS after DD, though my mom and BFF did mention it once or twice. If someone had offered a sprinkle with close friends, I would not have declined, but I certainly did not expect one, and did not hesitate to buy everything we still needed (which was not much because I got a lot of neutral gear for DD).

This time, several people have said things about a shower, and though some may disagree, I really do think twins can be one of those "exceptions." In MANY ways it feels like being a FTM again. However, again, I am not expecting one, and nothing has been offered. I am choosing to keep a registry for myself (hello, completion code!) and if people ask for it, I share it.

I have seen very tacky second showers done (normally ones that are as big of a deal as a first one with 50 people and lots of games and stuff), but I am not of the mindset that ALL second showers are tacky, especially if they are very intimate and understated. It really depends on your circle of friends. My church friends commonly throw second showers, especially for twins are far-spaced kids.

kcartwright12 · February 2014

I'm not expecting anyone to throw me another shower. This will be our second son, but they are five years apart and we pretty much sold all our baby stuff. (We thought we were done) If family offered, I would accept to be nice and celebrate the newest family member but would want it to be low key. Unlike what my first one was.

bebemac · February 2014

I'm just a FTM, but I don't want one. H and I are pushing 40 and have been married 10+ years, so I kind of feel like it would be ridiculous. Both my mom and best friend have inquired and I have declined.

That said, I can definitely see myself not wanting one as a STM. (This is our first and last, though, so it will never be an issue!)

EmbracingChange · February 2014

My best friend is throwing one for me. This is my third child, my others are 6 & 4. I have a different set of friends than I did for my first shower and its important to her. She's super excited and someday when she has her 4th baby, I will throw her a shower. I didn't have one with DS, but I believe in celebrating each baby. I did not have a single thing left from DS. I seriously gave away the last of his blankets two months before I got pregnant. I wasn't "supposed to be able to have more"... I accidentally proved that doctor wrong.

Mrs_D_in_KY · February 2014

I think second showers are tacky, for the most part. They do not seem as tacky if there is a very large age gap (6+ years) between Children and this is the first for the new mom and/or dad.

For instance I know a couple where she had two children that were 12 and 8 when she had a shower for her third, but her husbands first child. The husbands family threw the shower to celebrate his first baby and they also had no baby stuff. Not as tacky.

Tacky is another couple that had a girl that is just now about 18 months old, and wife is due any day now with a boy. They had a full on shower for family and friends. Their justification was that it's a boy, so they need boy stuff.

My mom has asked me multiple times if I want a shower, especially if we were having a girl since we have no girl clothes. We are having another boy and I have declined her multiple times STILL. It just seems way tacky to me. My boys will be 4 years apart and we still have all of the baby stuff from DS #1.

lauren063092 · February 2014

My church throws showers for everyone, everytime they are pregnant. It's unavoidable and I'm used to it. This will be my second and I know people who have had 5. It's just something they like to do so I don't mind, but I wouldn't expect one in any other situation.

emandjp · February 2014

I've had a couple people ask but I've politely declined. I really feel its tacky to have a second shower unless it's a second marriage and is the first baby for the new husband.

hollygb22 · February 2014

Absolutely not. I think second showers and the new trend of "Sprinkles" is SO tacky. My mom was bugging me to register the other day and I nearly died. She claimed it was just so the family would know what we need. We have a 15 month old...we don't need much and anything we do, we will buy ourselves since our friends and families were so generous at our first and only shower for dd#1

We will celebrate this baby without a shower..probably more of a gtg after the baby is born so people canmeet her

flerlgirl · February 2014

A friend of mine is "surprising" me with one. I found out by accident.

ddd2 · February 2014

I am.. im sure it will be smaller but my family insists. I see it as another excuse to throw a party. And since i have been excluded from nights out for the most part, it will be fun to know i have at least one to attend where i wont feel like the freak in the room

bebemac · February 2014

flerlgirl said:
A friend of mine is "surprising" me with one. I found out by accident.

Oops! Are you excited or do you dread it?

allrightmeow · February 2014

My sister wants to throw me one in Miami with some close family and friends. She is super excited to be an aunt again. My moms group does something small and casual for all pregnant members and its always fun and everyone loves it so its become a tradition.

We don't need anything big and since I have so many friends, because of different moms groups Im in who had recently had babies, Im going to be on the receiving end of tons of hand me downs. Which is great when you are team green.

Mia081081 · February 2014

My mom wanted to throw one, but I declined. I really don't want to make people come to a shower, and I do not need/want any presents whatsoever. We were team green last time as well, and I have PLENTY of unisex outfits. If this one is a girl, I will not be needing to buy anything but diapers.

I told my mom we should go on a spa day with pedicures instead and she was all over that. We'll have a bbq after the baby's baptism in August or September.

Sareynoo · February 2014

I would never have a shower as a STM. Maybe a BBQ once LO is here that we host ourselves. I can understand if the kids have different dads and it's the father's first child or if they are 10+ years apart MAYBE.. But I would never.....

flerlgirl · February 2014

bebemac said:

A friend of mine is "surprising" me with one. I found out by accident.
Oops! Are you excited or do you dread it?

A little of both. I had one for DS while he was in the NICU, so it was kind of a "yay for your baby... hope he lives!" party, lol. So I am excited for a somewhat normal shower. But this particular friend is very over-the-top and I know it will be a big thing, which isn't my cup of tea but she's so sweet that I can't tell her I know!

SecondTimeinMSU · February 2014

I am not a huge fan of the sprinkle or second shower but I think DH's work might have one. He didn't start there until DS was just a year old so it is totally different people than my first shower and they are all quite a bit older than DH so I think they are excited about the idea of looking at cute baby stuff. I don't plan on registering and would expect it all to be low key, maybe a new little toy or cute onesie. Plus I've never met anyone at DH's work due to the strict security I can't visit him there and they don't have company hosted parties since it is a state agency so spending money on that kinda stuff is frowned up. So I am excited for an excuse to finally meet the people he talks about more than it being about the shower. I would feel weird about having one with anyone else unless my work wants to have a no gifts potluck because any excuse for a food-fest is a good one.

mtrhomegirl · February 2014

i am a STM but i also just got remarried and this is my husbands first so his mom is throwing me a shower...i feel kind of strange since this isn't my first but she is so excited that i can't say no

LegalLadyBug · February 2014

If someone had offered I probably wouldn't have declined, just because we are having two this time. However at this point we have already purchased pretty much everything we need. I'm guessing MIL will throw some sort of sip and see once they are here but I definitely never expected a shower this go round, even if they were boys. I am registered like everywhere for the freebies, coupons, and completion discount.

justme04 · February 2014

In the area I grew up it wasn't considered proper to have a second shower unless your children were years apart (like a minimum of 4). I did not have a shower or sprinkle for my second. I was offered a sprinkle for this LO since it is a girl but there will only be a 3 year age difference between this one and my last but everyone knows that because we were living in apartments I didn't keep a lot of baby gear. I'm reluctant to accept the sprinkle but I might just to celebrate the baby.

otter1103 · February 2014

Can I throw this one out- my friends and family are throwing me one. This is Baby 3 for me (1 for hubs) BUT my youngest will be 14 next month. I'd love to do shower since I no longer have any baby items but am conflicted about it. We have already purchased the big so it's the smaller stuff left (extra crib sheets, blankets, towels, toys...
Is that enough of a window to not seem tacky?

hollygb22 · February 2014

I'm no expert..but I think if it's a scenario where it's your husband's first child...I would (in my mind) not side eye it like I would if someone with a 3 yr old is having another shower. However, I would feel a little weird and maybe ask the hosts not to make it this huge bash and maybe tend to have it a little smaller and subtle.

I think work showers are different too..we usually get cake and pitch in for a gift regardless of what # kiddo it is.

I still think sprinkles are a little weird. I'd rather have a dinner out with friends or something along those lines vs. having them bring gifts etc

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STM baby shower

Re: STM baby shower

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